Dear Son, I Love You

Dear Son,

I only just found out you were a boy last week.  I will admit, I was a little surprised.  I never imagined having a son.  Maybe it was because I’ve had so many wonderful little women in my adult life, and never really any little boys.  Sure, a few of my friends have amazing sons, but never anyone who lives nearby enough, or that I see often enough to where I feel like I was participating regularly in their son’s lives.  I grew up with brothers, but raising baby boys is a mystery to me. It’s an adventure I am looking forward to more and more every day.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the type of person you will be. Sure, there is all of the obvious stuff; will you have red hair and freckles like your dad, will you have grey eyes like your big sister, will you be super tall like my brothers… all of these things cross my mind when I imagine meeting you in a few months.

You have two big sisters who are both very excited to meet you.  Darian is 18 and will probably seem like another parent to you as the age difference between her and you is about the same as the age difference between she and I.  She really wanted you to be a boy, because she wants to call you “little bro” and wants to teach you about video games, and comics and all of the things that are typically considered “boy stuff” that she really enjoys.  I have a feeling that your relationship with her will be a lot like mine with her.  She and I grew up together, and we have a very Mother/sibling type dynamic between us. Of course, yours with her will be more sibling than mother. I just see how she is with Sylvia, and how she is like a little mother, always trying to give direction and keep her on track in a positive way that only a big sister can, I can only imagine she will be the same way with you.

Then there is, Sylvia.  She is much closer in age to you than Darian is.  She can’t wait to meet you. She asks me every week, “Is my little brother here yet?”
We told her on her 6th birthday about you.  She was over the moon!  She is super excited to be a big sister.  She talks to you in my belly every time she sees me.  She has already offered to help with everything and wants you to sleep in her room from the day we bring you home.
I have a feeling she will also try to mother you quite a bit, like you are her own living doll.  She will want to introduce you to Pokemon and play dress up with you.  I think you two will have a lot of fun together.

My little man surrounded by all of these little women. I’m hoping that having all of these females around you will help you become a sensitive man, who has a real compassion and understanding of the fairer sex as an adult.  I don’t worry too much about that though, because your Father is amazing, and sweet, and truly a compassionate person.  If you turn out anything like him, I will be so proud.

That is why I am giving you his name.  I’ve never met a man in my whole life who is kinder or more understanding, or has taught me more about what it is to really be in love or to be loved, than your father.  I could not think of any better tribute to him than to name you after him.  So, when you get older, and ask why we decided to make you a Junior, I will tell you, it is because you were made out of the most real kind of love and your name is a tribute to that feeling and that connection that he and I have.

I’m still kind of walking around in a daze because of you.  I’ve wanted you for so long, and really thought that due to turns I’ve taken on the road in this life, I’ve allowed too much time to pass to ever have you be a reality, but here you are.  I never expected I’d be having you, or that you were even a possibility.
I’ve seen you in the ultrasounds and now I feel you kicking up a storm every day, even as I write this, you are making your presence known.  You are this dream that is becoming a reality.
Since I met your dad a few years ago, this whole life with him has felt a lot like that.  I’ve never had so much happiness in my life as I have over this last few years.  And you are the cherry on top.

You have an extra special role in our family.  You are the son that gives our home balance, so your dad is no longer outnumbered by little women.  But more importantly, you are the brother and the son, the only person who is related to every single person in our house!  We are a family created and bonded in love already, but you will be the blood bond that ties each of us to one another forever.  You are the final puzzle piece that completes us and our home.  You are our little miracle.

I am less scared every day about the mystery of having a boy, but I am certain I will make mistakes as all parents do.  If there were just one thing I would want you to know from now until always, is that you are wanted and that you are special and that you are so very loved already.

Love,
Mom

Featured Image: Torsten Mangner via Flickr

Michelle Bates

Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Tales, recipes, and general observations from the unique perspective of a mother of two kids with an 18 year age gap, and step mother to an active middle schooler. In the world of parenting, pre and post the internet age, I've pretty much seen it all and don't mind sharing.