On Female Friendships: When Will I Find “The One?”

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I’ve spent most of my 30’s (I’m now in my LATE 30’s!) wondering when I would come across THE ONE.  

And by that, I mean the kind of girl friend that’s not just a Facebook friend or a texting friend, but one who may drop by your house just to hang out; the one who you can talk to on the phone at least 5 times a day even if it’s just a 2 second conversation. The Ilana to my Abby, or what Janeane Garafaolo is to Winona Ryder in Reality Bites. I’ve been looking for that partner-in-crime pairing that Rayanne Graff and Angela Chase have in My-So-Called-Life.  

The last time I felt I had that friendship was in my 20’s, pre-marriage and pre-motherhood. Then, over the years, friends moved. Some got married sooner than others, fragmenting the friendship pool more. Some had children sooner than others (including myself), throwing us into the world of Mommy and Me classes and playgroups.

To make things even more challenging, I shed my identity as a working mom at a corporate job, choosing to stay at home. Over the years my time away from work has meant less opportunities to connect with potential friends at a job. Female friends from my business school program have continued to pursue the full-time working mom path, and when I run into them at annual social gatherings, I find we have less to talk about. I can no longer relate to their gripes about managing people, corporate culture politics, or the constant Mon-Fri grind.

I feel caught in between two worlds – the world of corporate working mom and the “SAHM” world.

My child started Kindergarten at a new school this past year and I hoped to find “the one,” the elusive mom bff by getting involved with his school. Yet while I’ve managed to learn all the PTA parent names, exchange numbers with parents, and make conversation at countless birthday parties, I haven’t yet broken through the surface conversation of “What are your plans for the summer?” and “Do you have any trips coming up?” I’ve watched some moms pair off, seemingly inseparable, lingering at school in their matching workout clothes to gossip.

If I could post a profile on a dating site for a new girl friend, it would go something like this:

“Snarky, pop-culture loving mom of one seeks gal pal.  Must love wine, be educated, and bonus points if you’ve always hated the superficiality and political correctness of Mommy and Me groups. In fact, if you’ve ever wished you were not with your child  at a playdate and instead, drinking a cocktail while watching The Bachelorette, we should definitely meet.  We are potential soulmates if you like any of the following programming:  Broad City, Casual, Togetherness, Girls (Shoshanna is my favorite!), Catastrophe.  Willing to take it slow. Must be open to in-person, over the phone communication (not texting only). In short, I would be Abby and you would be Ilana.”

One of my favorite blogs shared an article on the secret to female friendship, which you can find here.  And, it looks like I’m not the only one who feels the way I do, because you can now find dating sites/apps to search for and meet potential mom friend matches!

If you can relate, how have you gone about making more meaningful connections with potential female friends?

A pop-culture junkie, lover of the outdoors, and coffee addict, Carolyn spent 15 years as a marketing strategist/researcher in corporate America before the birth of her (now 6 year old) son.  She is co-founder of Sultan Sky Tees (www.sultanskytees.com), an LA-based kids t-shirt brand.