The school year is kicking into gear, and for parents of new preschoolers, there are things you might have to deal with besides school lunches and a surplus of new art projects coming home. Little kids heading to the classroom for the first time have little to no experience in the “drop-off” department, which can lead to tears when it’s time for their caregiver to head back to the car. We get it! Leaving their comfort zone is hard for little kids, especially when it involves a new—albeit friendly—adult figure.
If you’ve got a kiddo who is already having trouble with the parent/teacher hand-off, or if you’re prepping yourself for morning tears at preschool, parent expert Dr. Chelsey Hauge-Zavaleta has a few tips for how to get your child (and yourself) from sobs to smiles.
@drchelsey_parenting ♬ original sound – Dr. Chelsey Hauge-Zavaleta
Here’s how she helped her preschooler who cried at drop-off:
1. She would arrive early.
Preschoolers (and little kids in general) need plenty of transition time, possibly even more than we often realize. By getting to school early, Hauge-Zavaleta was able to give her daughter plenty of time to gear up for entering the classroom. “She and I would sit on the bench and watch all the other kids. It was COVID time, so the parents couldn’t actually go in, so we would watch. ‘There goes one, that one up, he’s next.’ We were always the last child because for her, watching the other children go in from the safety of my lap was super supportive.”
2. Her daughter had a transitional object.
Giving children something to focus on besides their fear or uncertainty allows them to ease into a situation, plus it’s a bonding opportunity. “Every single day, she would bring something to her teacher. This could be a flower from our garden, a tomato she picked, or even a rock. It was a random assortment of things, but her teacher would always receive it warmly. It gave her a way to interact with the teacher in a positive way,” says Hauge-Zavaleta.
3. She would prime her daughter on the drive to preschool.
This might seem counterintuitive, but it’s recognizing your child’s anxiety and allowing them to have those feelings. Dr. Chelsea explains: “I would say, ‘Okay, is today going to be a little cry day or a big cry day?’ and very frequently she would say, ‘A big cry day.’” Hauge-Zavaleta would respond by telling her daughter that one day it would be a little cry day. She was communicating to her daughter that it’s okay to have a big cry and okay to have a little cry.
4. They were uber-consistent.
If you find the right preschool, and the right teacher, this can be easy. Try all the steps she mentions above every time you head to school, but also communicate with your educator about the drop-off situation, and discuss other tools or support systems to make it easier for your preschooler.
This is great advice for dealing with preschoolers who cry at drop-off, and parents and teachers left great suggestions in the comments.
A preschool teacher noted that she would support the kiddos to take stress off the parent. “There were lots of ‘let’s wave from the window’ and ‘One more big hug for mom, now it’s my turn!’”
One parent shared a brilliant tactic: “Mine would say goodbye to her emotional support doll the same way I said goodbye to her. ‘Mom always comes back.’”
Another says “We asked her, ‘What can help you as we go in?’ She would want us to see and meet her friends or visit her cubby or show us something special when we got there.”
If you’re prepping your kiddo for preschool, or if they’ve already started, rest assured that your worries about drop-off your kiddo’s tears won’t last forever. One day, they probably won’t want to leave when you come to pick them up, and that’s a whole different sort of tug on your heart.
