Even if you’re warned before baby arrives that you’ll “never sleep again,” the exhaustion during the newborn stage is so jarring. Naturally, sleep becomes a new parent’s ultimate white whale (sorry, Baby Beluga). In a perfect world, we’d all have newborn care specialists—you may know them as “night nurses”—to look after our infants from dusk ‘til dawn, but since that’s not often possible, we thought we’d gather some of their expert advice for you. It’s important to remember that everything in babydom is a phase and that this too shall pass, but in the meantime, there are things you can do to set your little one up for sleep success, from using verbal cues to following a solid daytime routine. Whether your baby is struggling to get to bed or has trouble staying asleep, there’s plenty of wisdom to be found here.
1. Start with a proper daytime routine.
When you’re focused on sleep, you might forget that your daytime habits also greatly impact everyone’s ability to snooze. “Having a daytime routine, proper nutrition, and adequate activity are all key to helping your baby sleep well at night,” says newborn care specialist Marisa Rodriguez. Any shifts during the day, like a late meal or a lack of stimulation, can all have a negative impact later on.
This means balancing stimulation with rest throughout the day. “Contrary to popular belief, an overly tired baby does not sleep better at night,” adds Alyssa Veneklase, a newborn care specialist and sleep consultant with Gold Coast Doulas. “To make sure they get the best sleep at night, it’s necessary to make sure they get ample sleep during the day in the form of several naps. Depending on the baby’s age, they may need one, two, or three naps per day.”
2. Get familiar with sleep and wake windows.
Another important factor is knowing roughly when your baby naturally wants to be asleep or awake. “Familiarizing yourself with infant sleep and wake windows will help you look for those sleepiness signs more successfully,” says Sarah Short, newborn care specialist and postpartum doula with Gold Coast Doulas.
Veneklase agrees, sharing that clients sometimes think they should keep their baby up later, despite reporting that they noticed their baby getting fussy around 6 p.m. “This is because by 6, their baby was actually getting tired and was ready for bed. Watching for those cues means that the baby is ready to eat, start a bedtime routine, and go to bed for the night, not just a nap,” she says.
Looking out for your baby’s physical sleep cues (like slower feeding, a faraway stare, or losing interest in toys) will give you a better idea of when to get them ready for bed, reducing any sleep issues.
3. Use verbal cues to prep your baby for sleep.
One way to gently let your baby know bedtime is coming is by simply telling them. “If used consistently and at the appropriate time, (verbal cues) can be very effective,” Rodriguez says. “For example, a verbal cue that I use consistently is ‘Happy Nigh-Nigh,’ or ‘It’s time for Nigh-Nigh.’ It lets them know what’s happening and that it’s time for sleep in a gentle and encouraging way.” For babies who are deaf or hard of hearing, consider visual cues or ones that involve other senses.
Related: 6 Baby Sleep Problems & How to Solve Them
4. Set up a proper and consistent bedtime routine.
“Have a consistent bedtime routine. Babies thrive on routine,” Rodriguez says. “It lets them know what to expect and is comforting.” Indeed, studies show that bedtime routines are great for babies and children. Rodriguez recommends starting with a nice, relaxing bath. “Doesn’t have to be a sudsy lather each time, but a warm soak can also do the trick and is a nice distraction during the witching hour,” she says.
Veneklase also includes a full feed as part of her routine. Afterward, she suggests dimming the lights, turning on a sound machine, changing their diaper and/or clothing if needed, and then enjoying some bonding time. “You can sing, read a book, or just cuddle in a rocking chair. As soon as you see your baby start to get drowsy, set them in the crib on their back,” says Veneklase. The best part? “If you start this routine from very early on, your baby is much more likely to be able to fall asleep independently,” she adds.
5. Experiment with a night light.
While studies show that darkness is associated with better sleep overall, every baby is different. Maria Pasquarelli, a newborn care specialist and postpartum doula in Los Angeles, says she sometimes encounters a baby that needs just a wee bit of light. “If it’s completely dark, then it’s harder for [some babies to sleep], but if they can just have a tiny bit of light, it’s easier,” says Pasquarelli. “Red light is good because it’s not as disruptive to our sleep cycles.”
6. Play a little game of shut-eye.
When putting your baby down for bed, Pasquarelli recommends slowly shifting your eye contact away or even closing your eyes to communicate to your child that it’s no longer time for play and connection, but rather for rest. “They have those mirror neurons that are very active when they’re little. So usually if you make a face, they’ll make a face back at you. Or you close your eyes and usually they’ll close their eyes.” she says. Sometimes leaning into this by closing your eyes can help push your babe over the edge to sleep.
Pasquarelli also recommends minimizing eye contact during late-night checks. “It sounds kind of weird and cruel, but it’s not,” she says. “You’re not ignoring them, you’re tending to their needs. You’re just not having those deeper bonding moments that you can have during the day.” Pasquarelli says eye contact is really stimulating for them, so it can wake them up even more. “So if you have to change their diaper or do a feeding, try to minimize eye contact,” she says.
7. And finally, have developmentally appropriate expectations.
Yes, that mom at playgroup keeps boasting about her baby sleeping through the night while you’re struggling through your infant’s third sleep regression. But that doesn’t mean you have reason to despair. “Remember, all babies are different,” Short says. “Oftentimes babies will not sleep through the night until they have doubled their birth weight.”
While a lack of shut-eye may make you impatient (we’ve been there!), odds are your baby will start sleeping better and for longer stretches soon enough. Try some of the tips we shared, and if you’re still having trouble, you can always reach out to your child’s pediatrician for more advice on what might work for your baby.
