While much of the country is just focused on staying warm––thanks, polar vortex!––Twitter is doing its thing, making us laugh. If you need something to take the chill off, grab your cup of hot cocoa, a blanket and get warm reading some of these hilarious tweets from our roundup this week.
1. 🤦🏻♀️
Me: "Who got pee on the floor?"
5y.o: "Wait- did you say the floor or the wall?"
Me: "Floor."
5: "Oh- not me, then."
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) January 24, 2019
2. It’s not just a day, it’s an event.
https://twitter.com/The_Salty_Mommy/status/1089533277088743427
3. Business as usual.
None of the rules have changed at my house, but here I am repeating them 17 times every damn day
— Salty Mermaid Entertainment (@saltymermaident) January 29, 2019
4. Just for 5 minutes!
I’m just a mom, kneeling in front of my kid, begging her to play alone so I can drink my coffee.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) January 29, 2019
5. ALL THE SNACKS.
All parents want is for our kids to go to bed so we can watch a show with bad words in it and eat the hidden snacks.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 30, 2019
6. Are you an amateur or a veteran?
The difference between an amateur parent & a veteran is knowing to ask, after your child says they’ve showered:
“With soap??”
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) January 30, 2019
7. It’s an acquired taste.
Since becoming a parent I’ve really acquired a taste for coffee that’s been reheated 5 times.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) January 30, 2019
8. Practically a documentary.
I wish all the parenting books I read when I was pregnant had mentioned that the scene from A Christmas Story where the mom can't eat bc she keeps getting asked for stuff is the truest piece of cinema ever filmed.
— Therapist Mom, Ph.D. (@adequateparent) January 30, 2019
9. Sleep: a visual representation.
Getting sleep as a parent:#parenting pic.twitter.com/aA8zwDLjbQ
— Dadding Around (@DaddingAround) January 31, 2019
10. You can call me “dad.”
https://twitter.com/jurisdoc741/status/1090761820414058496
––Karly Wood
Photo by Ryan McGuire via Gratisography; composite by Karly Wood for Red Tricycle
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