Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: Jan. 11, 2019

9yo: What can I have for lunch?
Me: What do you want?
9yo: What are my options?
Me: You literally eat 5 things.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) January 6, 2019

Did you know you can't turn down the volume on kids? No volume control. Not one book stated this. I feel like a fool. A fool with a headache.

— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) January 7, 2019

Ever think about when you could just leave your house? Like grab your keys and purse and walk out?

Now it’s get dressed, get toddler dressed, find shoes and toddlers shoes, pack backpack, snack, find keys, purse, put toddlers shoes on again..

— Your Mom (@modernmomese) January 7, 2019

I may not be a perfect parent, but I did write a stupid joke on a banana that I packed in my kid’s lunchbox…
so, close enough.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) January 8, 2019

I’ve been in 30 minute negotiations to get my 5 year old to lick a new kind of noodle and this is definitely how I envisioned the joy of parenthood

— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) January 5, 2019

It's 7:30 AM and my four year old is suggesting we go to In-N-Out rather than school.

— dadpression (@Dadpression) January 9, 2019

I knew my wife and I were meant to be together when we saw a woman walking with her newborn baby and we both went, "Ugh."

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 9, 2019

90% of my parenting is thinking about when I can lie down again.

— Bryony – Perfectly Imperfect (@BryonyAshaw) January 9, 2019