A mom asked an advice columnist what to do after Grandma sent an itemized invoice charging for her granddaughter’s weekend visit
Kids are expensive—there’s no way around that. But that begs the question: when they travel to visit relatives, who’s responsible for the bill? One mom reached out to an advice columnist with that exact question after her daughter’s weekend visit with Grandma resulted in a $475.50 invoice—but as you might have guessed, there’s more to the story.
The distressed mom wrote to the Washington Post‘s advice columnist, Dear Amy, with this story.
“Dear Amy: I sent a check for $300 to my mother to cover my daughter’s expenses during her visit. Upon my daughter’s return, my mother sent me an invoice for $475.50 for additional expenses, including the cost of gas to and from the airport to transport her (45 minutes away), train tickets to go to the city to a museum and the cost of the museum admission. It was an itemized bill.”
The mom added some context: “This is hurtful, as this past winter my mother came to live with us for four months and we paid for everything, including a nice vacation to an island over Christmas. (Neither of my siblings has a relationship with my mother because she is petty and doesn’t respect boundaries — like a $300 budget).”
She wrote that she wasn’t sure how to address Grandma’s stingy behavior, even adding, “We even write her a check for groceries when she hosts Thanksgiving dinner.”
“Now I feel she has taken advantage of my generosity, and I don’t trust her to spend time with my daughter because it is just too costly for me (financially and emotionally),” the mom said at the end of her letter.
Those are some relatable feelings. And considering Grandma had a free $300 to spend on her granddaughter’s visit, they’re all valid.
There are a few questions to address here. First, are parents on the hook for expenses when their kids visit extended family? That’s an issue that could vary by family—everyone’s financial situation is different. But this story has an extra sticky layer: Mom happily sent Grandma $300, which should have been more than enough for a fun-filled weekend. But Grandma didn’t stick to that budget—in fact, she more than doubled it and just expected her daughter to fork over the extra cash.
Amy’s advice to the letter writer was (sigh) that she was going to have to take things up directly with her mom.
“Is your mother financially insecure? Is she worried about maintaining her own lifestyle in retirement? These are legitimate concerns,” she wrote. “But is there a legitimate reason she couldn’t stay within the reasonable $300 budget, spending over twice that amount? Is this itemized bill her passive-aggressive way of telling you that she doesn’t actually want to host your daughter for such a long visit?”
Amy continued with some more good advice: use this situation to think about the future and set some boundaries so Grandma can’t do something like this again.
“After you communicate your questions and concerns to your mother, you will have to make the tough decision about future visits,” she wrote. “Because your mother seems to communicate through monetizing relationships, you’ll simply have to decide whether this relationship between grandmother and granddaughter is one you can afford to foster.”
