Parents who have a “determined” child know what it’s like to try to get them to do anything. The yelling. The bargaining. The threats of punishment. The actual punishment. While strong-willed kids grow into strong-willed adults—and that’s ultimately a good thing—raising them is a test. But what if there was one simple hack that made it all a little easier?
In a viral TikTok video, certified parenting coach Rachael Rogers shares a simple way you can get your little ones to follow directions. And when she explains it, it actually makes perfect sense.
“Here’s the hack: Instead of making demands or commands for your strong-willed child, telling them what to do and having to yell at them, threaten them, or punish them in order to get them to do that thing, start asking them questions and getting them to critically think about the scenario for themselves,” she says.
@theconsideratemomma Will you try this one out? #parentingwithunderstanding #gentleparenting #respectfulparenting
♬ original sound – The Considerate Momma
Rogers continues by explaining that all kiddos have a basic need for some sense of control and power, since so much of the time they’re being told what to do. But with strong-willed children, this need is even greater, which is even more challenging if you also fall into the “determined” category. “If you are a strong-willed parent, it’s very likely that you find yourself power struggling with the strong-willed child more often than you’d like. So try this instead.”
She then gives an example. Say the house is a mess and you have to head out but first you want to get your strong-willed kid to clean up their toys. You could say something like, “We’re about to go to Grandma’s and I see a lot of toys on the floor. What do you think could happen with your toys if we leave them out with the dog? Yeah, the dog could chew them up. Are you OK with that? I’m not either, so what should we do about that? Yeah, picking them up is the best idea.”
According to Rachael, you can adapt the scenario as needed. We’re thinking of a kiddo who always fights you about putting on sunscreen; you could say something like, “You’re going to be in the sun a lot today but you don’t have your sunscreen on yet. What happened in Mexico when you didn’t wear your sunscreen? You got that bad sunburn, that’s right. And you couldn’t have fun for the rest of the day because it hurt. Yup, good idea, you should wear sunscreen now so that doesn’t happen again.”
The possibilities are endless! And you know what? It seems like it’ll actually work. BRB, we’re off to try this out on all kids, iron-willed or otherwise.
