Pulling an all-nighter takes on a whole new meaning when you become a parent. Although those late nights calming a crying baby are nothing like those all-night college parties, studies have shown that sleep deprivation causes cognitive impairments similar to alcohol consumption. In other words, being a sleep deprived new mom is a little like walking around drunk all the time. As further proof of the unfortunate side effects of sleep loss check out these hilarious confessions from a few exhausted moms.
1. No pants day
“I walked out to my car and strapped my son into his car seat before I realized that I didn’t have pants on.”
—amberlayne via Buzzfeed
2. Moms need potty training too
“I got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and was surprised to find I felt warm and wet. Turns out I was so tired that I was peeing on the couch instead of in the toilet. I had literally pulled down my pants, sat down on the couch, and started peeing as if I were on the toilet. I just added that to the list of bodily fluids I had to clean up that night.”
—steviemimbela via Buzzfeed
3. Why haven’t they invented this button yet?
“I kept trying to open the front door of my house by pressing the unlock button of my car key.”
—lindaasaf via Buzzfeed
4. You know, that short dude who lives in our house
“I was so tired I forgot our son’s name. I gestured to the monitor and asked my husband, ‘How’s what’s-his-face doing?’”
—Megan O’Laughlin Nordheim, Facebook via Buzzfeed
5. When the alarm clock doesn’t work, try this
“I grabbed my husband’s crotch — HARD — as he was rolling over because I thought he was the baby about to roll out of bed.”
—amandamerrillr via Buzzfeed
6. So glad doorbells don’t really sound like this
“When my baby woke up in the middle of the night crying I answered the door thinking it was someone ringing the doorbell.”
—brennat40d8d5684 via Buzzfeed
7. Maybe he was playing peek-a-boo
“During my first month as a new mom I texted my husband (who was in bed next to me) to ask him where he was.”
—lorrainem4d66e44a via Buzzfeed
8. When you’re just doggone tired
“I filled a sippy with milk and handed it to the dog. When he didn’t take it I got annoyed and said, ‘Well? Here you go!’ It took me a full five seconds to realize he wasn’t the 2-year-old.
—j4482fba1e via Buzzfeed
9. Nursing on auto-pilot
“One night I realized my whole family was in the room with me but no one was holding the baby. Panicked, I yelled, ‘Where’s the baby?!’ My husband looked straight at me and said, ‘Um, honey, you’re nursing her.'”
—jodiecoxs via Buzzfeed
10. Feeling unsupported
“I left the house with my nursing bra on both sides flopped down.”
—tarahnatashaf via Buzzfeed
11. Moms gone wild
“I was breastfeeding my oldest in my living room wearing only a bra and sweats. There was a knock at the door so I got up to answer it with my breast still hanging out of my bra. The UPS guy was shocked and kept looking away. I didn’t even realize what I’d done until hours later.”
—elizabethkerperienk via Buzzfeed
12. Driving under the influence of parenthood
“After a long night I had to run to the drug store. I sat at a red light for what seemed like forever — I even swore at a car that honked at me — until I realized it wasn’t a red light. It was a stop sign”
—Kay Calhoun, Facebook vis Buzzfeed
13. Pumped and dumped
“After pumping milk at 3 a.m. I walked into the kitchen and dumped it all down the drain. I screamed the second I realized what I did. I’d gone into zombie-cleaning mode without thinking.”
—Kelly Lynch, Facebook via Buzzfeed
14. Diaper duty don’t
“In the middle of the night I tried to change my daughter, but ended up putting a clean diaper on over the dirty one.”
—keshetchayaz via Buzzfeed
15. Alert the fashion police
“I had to go a whole day at work like this…”
—oodlesofnoodles via Buzzfeed
16. Decaf anyone?
“I made coffee without any coffee grinds. It wasn’t until the second sip that I realized I was just drinking hot water.”
—aaronburrsir via Buzzfeed
17. Show me the money
“One night, after weeks and weeks of no sleep, I genuinely believed the baby was crying because my husband had taken money from him. My husband guided me back to bed and we had great fun laughing about it the next day.”
—katej4df533daa via Buzzfeed
18. I’ll have the spaghetti with a side of mom guilt
“My oldest wasn’t even two when I had my second child. That first week was a blur. One night I got up to feed the baby and heard snoring as I walked past the kitchen. Turns out I’d forgotten to take the older one out of her high chair and she’d fallen asleep, using her spaghetti as a pillow.”
—lindaleeu via Buzzfeed
19. Mommy mix-up
“I was finally putting myself to bed so I wiped off my makeup and took off my earrings. I was so sleep deprived, though, that I put the dirty makeup wipe in my jewelry box and threw away my earrings.”
—Lyndsey Turner, Facebook via Buzzfeed
20. Big girl panties
“I once tried to put on a pull-up instead of underwear after showering. Then I cried when I couldn’t get it on.”
—oliviad20 via Buzzfeed
21. So that’s how you stop the snoring
“I walked right up to my husband and put our son’s pacifier into his mouth.”
—oliviad446b8ead8 via Buzzfeed
22. Suds and duds
“I’d been up two days after coming home from the hospital and realized that I hadn’t eaten, so I made frozen waffles — and poured dish soap on them instead of syrup.”
—Lizzie Brantley, Facebook via Buzzfeed
23. Babies, puppies, what’s the difference?
“I kept calling the pediatrician a veterinarian.”
—Stephanie Williamson, Facebook via Buzzfeed
24. Customer service with a hug
“I tried to hug the guy who came to set up our internet as he was leaving. I was so tired and used to hugging visitors when they left. He looked at me like I was nuts.”
—annies402a69e5b via Buzzfeed
25. Shopping fail
“I finished a full grocery shopping trip, then fastened the baby into her car seat and drove away — leaving all of the groceries in the cart in the parking lot.”
—wilheminaintx via Buzzfeed
Have you ever done anything you regret under the influence of sleep loss? Share your own confessions in the comments.
