In the last few years, many kids understood that things (namely, gifts) would be different. The holidays were out of whack due to complications from the coronavirus. So our kids gamely girded themselves and looked forward to 2022. They assumed what we all did, which was that the world would be back to normal by then.
As we near the end of 2022, however, that hasn’t happened. Unemployment remains a concern for many of us, as does getting together comfortably and confidently with loved ones. So does getting the perfect toys for our children this holiday season.
As caregivers, we know in our hearts that giving children patience, hope, and resilience is more important than giving them things. At the same time, we feel guilty if we can’t fulfill their wish lists. Instead of piling stress on ourselves during an already stressful time, we can take a few steps toward having a safe, wonderful, memorable holiday with our kiddos—even if our bank accounts aren’t as booming as their imaginations or their desired gifts aren’t on the shelves.
Here are four ways to ease holiday anxiety and set expectations for children this year:
1. Talk to kids about the gift of giving. Kids can be very empathetic. Even if the family is in a financially stable position, we don’t always need to shelter little ones from others’ realities. For instance, I tell my grandkids about the single mom I knew who wanted her six kids to have something, anything on Christmas morning. She sent out a digital plea for used clothes and toys—and her requests were answered by neighbors. We talk about how happy and thankful she was and why it was so important that others helped out.
Being able to speak openly about other people’s experiences can help shift children’s feelings from “What can I get?” to “What can I do?” When my boys were young, I would encourage them to clear their shelves of unwanted items before Santa came. Together, we would take the toys and their gently used clothing to a donation drop-off that supported kids with special needs. My sons learned early that others had much less, and that living a balanced life had serious rewards. They also felt better when they didn’t get everything they wanted during the holidays.
2. Encourage children to weigh their holiday wish list items. After our kids write their holiday wish lists, we can look them over and use them as springboards to help our children consider wants versus needs. It’s helpful to have them add a “w” next to “wants” and an “n” next to “needs.” Then, we can explain that presents that are needed might be more important this year. For example, your child might ask for a tablet for school and recreation. Although the tablet is likely pricier than other smaller “wants” on the list, you might deem it an important gift because it’s necessary for education.
Even though kids might not like to make these kinds of tough choices, they usually understand why they’re necessary. And it gives us parents the opportunity to teach our children a valuable tool, which is making wiser purchasing decisions later in life. After all, adults who can’t delineate between wants and needs often find themselves in difficult financial straits. This practice can set kids on the right path.
3. Embrace the old-fashioned gift exchange. Those of us who came from large families are all too familiar with gift exchanges. Sometimes called “Secret Santa” or “Secret Elf,” gift exchanges give people the opportunity to focus on finding just one person a gift (rather than getting presents for everyone in a family or friend group). Typically, there is a dollar limit on items, and everything is kept secret until the gifts are exchanged.
If finances are tight or we just want to shake things up, my family creates “promise” gifts that cost nothing, but are still meaningful. This could be a chore exchange between siblings or coupons to babysit or run errands. Other types of (mostly) cost-free presents include handmade items such as baked goods or artwork. Exchanging gifts such as these allows kids—who often don’t have the means to go out and buy gifts—to be more involved in the holidays.
4. Perform random acts of kindness as a family. The holiday season is the perfect time to find ways to commit random acts of kindness every day. My family has stocked up our car with bottles of water, holiday candies, warm mittens, and small and inexpensive toys to hand out to people who are homeless or a parent with a cranky tot. It’s amazing how excited kids get about helping a neighbor take in groceries or giving a crying toddler a stuffed animal to cheer them up. Remember: Kind gestures don’t have to be as grand as paying someone’s restaurant bill (although that’s terrific if we can afford it!) to illustrate the true meaning of the season.
Finding unique ways to celebrate the holidays might be a necessity this year with the ongoing pandemic. But once kids see how meaningful and fun it can be, it might become a tradition. Not only will these new practices ease the anxiety we have about buying gifts this year, but they will also show our children what’s important—the joys of being together, giving gifts that have lasting meaning and creating new memories.
