Going through a divorce is tough on everyone. Sometimes it’s for the best, but during the process, it can be a very confusing and emotionally turbulent time. If you’re divorced or are getting a divorce, as a parent, there are even more factors to consider.
Divorce can be especially hard for children. There are many questions they have and much they don’t understand. Depending on the age of your child, it may be tough to explain to them why you’re getting a divorce and what that means for them.
Helping Your Children Cope
With everything going on, many parents don’t realize the toll divorce takes on their child. Often, children are left confused and grieving during this period. They may seem fine, but you will really want to consider how to help them best get through this.
Children do not process emotions the same way adults do. You’ll need to work on helping them understand the situation in a way that is appropriate for their age. This could even mean going to counseling. Having a counselor mediate will help them learn to cope and process their emotions in a healthy way.
You don’t want your child to internalize their emotions, because that does not help them prepare for adulthood. You need to equip them with positive tools that they can carry into their life and any future relationships.
Taking Care of Yourself
If you’re getting a divorce your personal hygiene may be thrown to the wayside. This is not healthy. In order to be fully present for your children, you need to make sure that you are taking care of yourself.
When you don’t invest in your health or emotional well-being you start to feel overwhelmed. Then you find yourself taking out your frustration on your children, which is exactly what you want to avoid.
It’s important that you are able to be there for your kids during this time. They are struggling too and are looking to you for guidance. If you’re not taking care of yourself, you won’t be able to handle this responsibility. Take some time for yourself and de-stress.
Dating Again
After some time passes and wounds heal, you may want to try dating again. But, it’s important to make sure you’re still thinking about your children. Something to avoid when dating is bringing every date home to meet your kids.
Keeping your dating life separate from your home life is wise until the relationship gets serious. Even after you are in a more serious relationship, you will want to make sure that the person you’re dating is ready to step up as a co-parent to your children.
If the person you’re dating doesn’t treat your kids well, you will want that person out of your life. You don’t want to make your children feel like you’ve chosen your new partner over them. That will almost certainly put a strain on the relationship between you and your kids.
What Happens Next
Kids aren’t totally oblivious and to an extent, they’ll understand what is going on. You want to find a balance between keeping them informed while not over-sharing or demonizing your ex-partner.
Your children aren’t meant to be your therapist, so don’t share private details about the divorce. Find ways to express what is going on in a way that is appropriate for them. Help them to understand that this is not their fault and that you and your ex will still always love them.
