He wants to know if he’s the jerk for refusing to throw his child a party—for the third year in a row
Sometimes when you throw a birthday party for a child—especially a pretty young one—it’s more about the people in attendance: siblings, friends, and parents. We all know that young kids probably won’t remember things like birthday parties—but the memories aren’t just for them, they’re for the whole family! Someone tell this joyless dad that. He’s asking the internet if he’s the a*shole for refusing to throw a party for his three-year-old son—for the third year in a row.
The dad posted to Reddit’s “Am I the A*shole” forum to explain that his girlfriend has asked to throw a big birthday party for their son for three years running, and he’s always put his foot down because a party is “pointless” if the kiddo is too young to remember it.
AITA for not celebrating my 3yo son’s birthday?
byu/nobdfortoddlers inAmItheAsshole
“This year she told me about her plans and again I told her to just do something small, but this time she was frustrated and told me to let her do something bigger for our son for once,” the dad wrote. “I explained that it is ridiculous to have such big parties for toddlers, they will not remember anything.”
Among the dad’s arguments: Their son sleeps a lot, and will likely sleep through the party. Also, he says his parents threw him a big birthday party when he was young, and he doesn’t remember it, so. Ya know.
“She still doesn’t understand my point of view, it’s not like he won’t ever have a birthday party, we should just wait until he’s like 6 or 7, you know, when he can actually remember,” he wrote. “I tried talking to her mom to see if she could talk some sense into her, only to be verbally slammed by her, telling me I’m depriving my child of a childhood. My mom says I should just do what my girlfriend says because Dad’s word is not that important and I should know my place as a father.”
Yikes.
Luckily, most of the internet is on the mom’s side. They were quick to let this dad know that yes, he is being an a*shole in this situation.
“So you shouldn’t do anything fun with your kids until they’re old enough to remember? Why bring them to the park? Why read them books? Why watch movies with them? Why do anything fun at all until they can have a memory of it? Do you see how stupid that sounds? YTA,” one commenter wrote.
Another made the very valid point that he’s won this fight for two years already and it’s time to let his girlfriend make some decisions.
“YTA. You got your way for two years – if she likes planning events like these, you should not take it away from her,” they wrote. “Some day you might regret not having those cute pictures to share. For now, you kind of just sound like you are close-minded to what she wants to do for her child. And, going behind her back to talk to her mom (to try to get your way) is a real jerk move.”
While the dad gave in, he was super bitter about it.
“All of you say that birthday parties should be done anyway because the other people will remember. That’s what I say in the post. It’s an excuse for adults to have a party at the expense of the toddler who wont remember it. It’s a selfish reason,” he wrote in an update, adding that he would “let” his girlfriend throw the party. “I already told her to do whatever she wants. I’ll just stay out of it and just be present at the party. I hope she realized in the future how pointless it is to throw parties for toddlers.”
Sounds like he’ll really be the life of that party.
