Everyone knows the big kid years can be rough. Your hormones are all over the place, once-solid friendships are suddenly shaky, and in the middle of all it all, you’re trying to figure out exactly who you are. It’s not shocking that a lot of people say these years, especially middle school, are ones they’d go back and skip if they could.
But this formative time is important for a kid’s future sense of worth, and for parents, it’s a time when we can help our kids gain the self-esteem they’ll need as they grow older and move through life. Sure, we know about encouraging empathy, being a role model, and teaching self-respect, but what if there were other, easy-to-implement ideas to try out? Parenting expert Dr. Lucie Hemmen shared three simple things parents can do to improve their big kids’ self-esteem in a recent TikTok. Here’s what she had to say:
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♬ Chill in a good mood, calm and fun(1263486) – zukisuzuki
1. Give them your full attention whenever possible.
Big kids, especially tweens and teens, are notorious for blocking out and ignoring their parents. In the age of smartphones, this is even more prevalent and can be frustrating. But with all the things parents balance each day, plus the addition of our own smartphone usage, we tend to be equally, if not more, distracted than our kids. “When you can really give your teen your full attention, be a great listener and ask questions; this gives them a sense of value,” says Hemmen.
2. Use learning moments instead of teaching moments.
How many times have you felt less than because someone was lecturing you? Instead of being able to put something into practice and feel good about gaining a new skill, you’re stuck having to hear someone else talk about it. And that doesn’t feel good. Teenagers are the same way. Giving them the power, even if it’s a small task, gives them a sense of self-worth. Hemmen had a great example, “At a recent BBQ, a teen boy was given a role. The dad said, ‘You know what? The last time you grilled the hamburgers, you did a better job than I did.’ Then he turned over the tongs. “That small learning moment gave him a sense of place and value that made him feel great.”
3. Encourage your teen to take on projects and challenges.
When kids have responsibilities and are challenged to do something new or even a little scary, the sense of accomplishment when they complete a task or face their fears can be a huge boost for their self-esteem. It allows them to find value in themselves that might not have been present before. Hemmen mentions an experience she had with a teenager who was under-connected socially. She encouraged the girl to do a volunteer job, which the teen chose to do at an animal shelter. Since this girl did not feel valued among her peers but was highly valued as a volunteer at the shelter, that commitment and that role gave her a strong sense of self-worth.
Take a moment and practice one (or all) of these simple ways to improve self-esteem in your big kid and see what happens. We’re betting you’ll see a boost almost right away.
