Are You Going through the Motions or Living Your Life?

baby and mother
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baby and mother

photo: Guillaume de Germain via Unsplash

After many years of feeling drained as a partner and a mom, I decided to take my life back and stop going through the motions.

At some point, I lost a bit of myself along the way of raising my children.

I let go of my passions and only focused on what made my children happy. And the funny thing is, I didn’t even know it.

Years later, upon deep reflection, I realized and recognized the loss I was feeling.

I let go of me.

I stopped living for me and only woke up each day wondering how to make the lives of the people around me more fulfilled.

I let go of me.

I started to become a shell of a person simply going through the motions rather than living life each day. Even before the pandemic, I felt I was living day after day the same life over and over again.

I let go of me.

I didn’t wake up refreshed, ready to take on the day, rather I was tirelessly traipsing through the day with little to no emotion.

I let go of me.

I was trapped inside my own shell, knowing the walls to escape could be broken down, but no one could reach in and help me.

I had to emerge on my own.

And that, my friends, is exactly what I did.

I reached deep into my soul and pulled out the old wounds and dealt with them face to face.

I slowly started to find me.

I gently traveled to the parts that I had been missing, brushed myself off while being wrapped in a warm embrace, and invited myself back in again.

I slowly started to find me again.

I essentially stopped living life going through the motions.

I started living and I let go of the guilt.

I let go of the looming thoughts that burdened me. I stopped feeling selfish for the times I was making myself happy.

I slowly started to find me again.

I started living for my family as a whole.

Not just living for my husband. Not just going about my day for my children. But for me also. For the first time, I was living for all of us collectively.

I slowly started to find me again.

Life has not changed drastically, but how I look at my life has been altered.

Each day I am presented with decisions to make and I am living within the decisions, feeling each and every part of the day.

I am not going through the motions of filling a void in the hollow of the shell that once existed.

And oh, what a blessing it has been.

I found me!

This post originally appeared on Hang in there mama.

 

 

Ali Flynn Is excited to share with you the joys and hardships of motherhood with an open heart, laughter and some tears. Ali is a monthly guest contributor for Westchester County Mom  and has been seen on Filter Free Parents, Grown and Flown, Today Parents and Her View From Home.