Comedian Michelle Wolf’s hilarious comparison might just be a little too accurate

When you first become a mom, there’s a lot of advice flying at you from all directions. And a lot of that advice, while well-meaning, isn’t actually very good. The message that moms can “have it all,” especially in the U.S., is generally kind of garbage. (Even for those not in the U.S., there are plenty of challenges to go around.) Stand-up comic Michelle Wolf is here to shine a light on that ridiculous idea.

“I don’t wanna have a baby or a family. I want a career. That’s what I want,” she begins in the hilarious clip. “And I know there’s a lot of people out there that are like, ‘But Michelle, you don’t have to choose. You can have it all! Women can have it all!'”

She continues, “Yeah, stop saying that. You act like ‘all’ is good. ‘All’ does not mean good. You’ve never left an all-you-can-eat buffet and thought, ‘I feel really good about myself. I sure am glad I went back for spare ribs.'” All is not good. And even if we do try to have it all, even if a woman out there definitely wants it all, we’ve put up too many obstacles in your way to make it possible.”

This is where Wolf’s bit starts to get particularly real. She starts ticking off all the systemic challenges new moms face, and, well, it’s all true, and it’s all pretty disheartening.

“It’s like, ‘Oh, congratulations, you’re having a baby? Great! Couple things: we’re going to need you to get that car accident of a body back to work as soon as possible because this is America and we don’t think you need time to recover. Also, you should breastfeed—it’s what’s best for the baby. But don’t do it in public, you pig—do it in the old janitor’s closet underneath the bridge with the rest of the breastfeeding trolls. And don’t ask to take time off from work when your kids are sick! We’ll think you’re not dedicated. Also, why are you such a bad mom? By the way, your salary is just enough to cover the cost of childcare. And we know you’re exhausted and don’t really know who you are anymore and you’re trying to balance your old life and your new life, but quick! Go have sex with your husband—he’s about to leave! He doesn’t understand what you’re going through! Quick! Go now! And sweetie, smile!”

It hurts because it’s all so true.

Ugh. So new moms, feel free to disregard any notes from outside parties—because doing your best is just fine. And while you’re at it, vote for politicians who support policies that will provide much-needed support and funding for families and children.

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