Take a look at what’s marketed to dads for Father’s Day vs. moms for Mother’s Day
We’ve heard more about the “invisible load” moms shoulder in the past few years than ever before. Society as a whole seems to finally be realizing that the never-ending laundry list of things to do is wearing moms down to a point that feels unrecoverable. We’ve identified the problem, but still, no one can come up with a solution.
I’ve been in the world of parenting media for over a decade. Filtering through the yearly public relations requests that start to trickle in ahead of Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, a handful of my editor friends and I noticed something this year we’ve somehow been missing: mothers never get to be free of the demands that being a “mom” brings. And it’s not just about the running list of tasks we need to complete daily to keep a household running; it’s that we aren’t offered the opportunity to separate our identity as “mom” from the rest of our being. Ever.
Mom is mom. Dad is a human with interests, a career, and passions—and he also happens to be a dad. And never is this more clear than we look at what’s marketed to dads for Father’s Day versus what’s marketed to moms.
How many pieces of custom necklaces and bracelets bearing your kids’ names do you own? If the answer is zero, you’ve somehow escaped the Mother’s Day marketing machine. Could we even be mothers if we weren’t constantly reminded of our kids’ names, splattered all over everything we own? I love my children, but every piece of precious metal that adorns my body does not need to be engraved. I’m tired, but I’m not that tired—I will remember their names, even if those names aren’t hanging from my neck, on little sterling silver teardrops.
Enter Dad, who gets a cool leather wristband. Or a watch. Guess what? Moms would also enjoy a piece of rugged jewelry that says, “I might be going to a Metallica concert tonight.” And we might also like to check the time occasionally on something that doesn’t have a picture of our kids on it. We would!
But it’s not just jewelry that makes the message we send dads when we celebrate them clear: dads somehow miss all the shaming surrounding alcohol consumption. Every PR pitch undoubtedly includes a celebration of dad’s ability to throw one back. Here’s a flask for your next drunken hike with your buddies! How about an artisanal cocktail book? Or some self-cooling pint glasses? Try to think of the last time moms were told to celebrate their drinking. You can’t. Because we’re not allowed to drink without being called out for being a “wine mom” cliché. God forbid we make suspect decisions surrounding a vice now and then. Why is drinking looked at so differently between moms and dads? (Especially since men are more likely to have issues with alcohol?)
And it’s not just the gifts themselves, but the intention behind them; moms are constantly being gifted things that are “technically” for them but are really for their kids or household. Would mom really want a photo printer if she wasn’t expected to be the one to fill all the frames in the house? “I haven’t gotten a single Father’s Day pitch that has anything to do with the kids,” one editor lamented in our group chat. “Meanwhile, that’s all we get on Mother’s Day.” When’s the last time someone thought to give dad a diaper bag for Father’s Day, or a birth month flower grow kit, or a wooden birthday board? We can’t stop reminding moms that they’re moms, even on a day that’s supposed to celebrate them and, honestly, give them a break.
Although dads statistically spend less time at home and statistically get more time to themselves than moms ever do, editors are constantly fielding Father’s Day pitches about adventure trips for dads, “because they need to get away.” From what? “Yeah, I haven’t left the house in a week, but let’s give Dad a white-water rafting experience,” read another message from an editor in the chat.
Could we just be jaded because we see so many pitches around each holiday, so we’re bound to catch on to patterns? Maybe. But these holidays are a great time to sort of turn the stereotypes on their heads. Consider buying Dad a gift that totally celebrates all things “dad” about him: let him wear a birth flower necklace for once. And when Mother’s Day comes around, consider all the things that weigh on mom all year round. Maybe moms don’t want to be reminded that there are children who always need something or cookies to bake eventually (thanks for the Kitchen-Aid mixer). Of all the gifts that moms talk about, there’s one that always gets a resounding ovation: a hotel room. Alone.
And it’s not because we don’t love our kids or want to celebrate (likely) the best thing that’s ever happened to us. It’s just that we’d like some of that sweet, sweet fatherly independence that seems to be making them so much happier.
