Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: May 31, 2019

Get ready for some summer tweets!

By Karly Wood May 30, 2019

About half the country is already out of school and ready to embrace summer––how did that happen!? While you’re gearing up for a season of sun and fun, keep scrolling to see this week’s roundup of parent tweets. They’re guaranteed to give you a laugh!

1. Just sayin’.

I want my toddler to be independent but I also want this banana peeled before I die.
— Daddy’s Digest (@daddysdigest) May 27, 2019

2. Sounds about right.

My kids are all playing the Game of Life.

I hear screaming, so they must be at the part where they’ve had kids.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 26, 2019

3. 🙄

Me: please be careful. You are dripping your yogurt.

Toddler: don’t worry Mommy you’ll wipe it up
— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) May 27, 2019

4. Oh, it will be.

I'm beginning to think my kids are just using me for food. Like, 18 years will go by and it will have been all about the snacks.
— Annie the Nanny (@AnnietheNanny1) May 28, 2019

5. Besties!

I just heard someone say “So you excited for summer?” and this mom said “No. No parent is ever excited for summer” and I knew I’d made a new mom friend.
— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) May 29, 2019

6. Couldn’t be more true.

A lot of being a parent is listening to your kids ask you what's for dinner all day and then watching them not eat it.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) May 29, 2019

7. They go all out!

My 3yo can either be found streaking butt-naked in front of a giant crowd of strangers, or shyly hiding behind my back and trying to crawl back inside my womb. There is no in-between.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) May 29, 2019

8. Here.You.Are.

They warn you about bringing wild animals into your home, yet here I am two sons and a husband later.
— Melanie Gibson (@ImMelanieGibson) May 29, 2019

9. Nope!

If your toddler has never had a meltdown at the dentist because the dentist’s chair doesn't look exactly like the dentist’s chair from Peppa Pig are you even a parent?
— hahahaheater ❄️🌨️☃️ (@dishs_up) May 29, 2019

10. FRIGHTENING.

PSA: Watching your kids hold someone else’s new baby is the WORST kind of birth control.

You’ve been warned.
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) May 29, 2019

11. So excited for summer!

Checked my 7th grader out early on the last day of school so she could get a head start on being bored.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 29, 2019

12. The jury’s still out.

I’m not sure which is a gentler way to wake me up; my 2yo or walking barefoot through a pile of glass shards.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) May 29, 2019

13. At least she’s consistent

I just got yelled at by my 2yo for not sitting close enough to her while she poops.

So at least she's not a hypocrite.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) May 29, 2019

14. GENIUS

I really wish I had taken a bartender class in college because I feel like it would have better prepared me for mixing medicine and vitamins into my toddlers juice.
— Mom.Whine.Repeat (@MomWhineRepeat) May 30, 2019