As Christmas approaches, this dad has a message for other men about how to avoid putting the entire burden of the holiday on their female partners

Many of us have treasured memories of holidays filled with tons of magic—and for that, most of us have a mom to thank. Putting together a Christmas celebration that’s filled with joy and love and nostalgia is no easy feat. And all too often, the brunt of that work falls on moms and female partners in heterosexual relationships. That’s why Michael Vaughn, a TikToker who makes videos about mental load and equity in partnerships, has an important video for dads and male partners this holiday season.

“If you’re a man in a relationship with a woman and you both exchange gifts at the holidays, I just want to share one thing with you,” Vaughn starts his video.


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♬ original sound – World Shaker

He goes on to explain how he saw a young woman share a similar sentiment on TikTok after a previous Christmas, years ago.

“Shortly after Christmas here, usually what happens is a bunch of videos are posted by women who were very much overlooked, forgotten, and not taken into account at Christmas—women who had spent a tremendous amount of time investing in the holiday magic for their partner and their family,” Vaughn continues. “Women who made sure that stockings were filled for everyone else, but who did not get one unless they filled it up themselves, women who received gifts that were very impersonal and out of touch or might have been tied directly to things in the home, like a vacuum cleaner.”

He says the young woman from the video was explaining how her dad didn’t have any idea what to get her mom for Christmas. He then shares the comment the mother made, which has stuck with him for years: “You don’t have to spend a dime. I just want to know that you spent a thought for me—and not at the last minute.”

Vaughn ends his video with a message to the dads and male partners who are watching: “If you have offloaded all of the work that goes into generating holiday magic to your partner—if you don’t know what your kids are getting for Christmas—if you haven’t gotten anything or planned anything for your partner or kids yet, you have over a month to get it right.”

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