My colleagues and I often chuckle when parents say things like, “I don’t care about naps! Just please get me a good night’s sleep.” As a sleep consultant and founder of Baby’s Best Sleep, I know that’s not true. Not only are naps a much-needed break during the most relentless years of parenthood (when else can you throw your feet up and drink a hot coffee?!), but they’re also super important for kiddos—they’re developmentally appropriate, help them regulate their moods and behavior, and allow them to make the most of their days. Above all, they’re deeply connected to how well a baby sleeps at night (the irony!). Many parents find themselves in tricky situations, unintentionally making decisions that perpetuate short or nonexistent baby naps. But it’s all fixable! Here’s what you need to know to make nap time a proper rest for everyone involved.
But first, a lesson: What is ‘sleep pressure’?
The key to a great nap is understanding the concept of ‘sleep pressure.’ I want you to imagine that all humans (including you and your baby!) have a metaphorical balloon in your head. The moment your or your child’s eyes are open, ‘sleepy air’ starts to fill the balloon, and air is released from the balloon the moment we sleep. When the balloon is taught and full, we need to sleep—or else the balloon will burst. A burst balloon is also known as ‘overtiredness.’ When we’re overtired, it’s tough for us to concentrate, regulate our mood, and fall asleep. Conversely, if we try to fall asleep on a floppy balloon that hasn’t filled with enough sleepy air, we just don’t have the pressure to do so, and in some cases, we get a second wind.
Related: Month-by-Month Sleep Tips for the First Wild Year
The secret to good naps is putting your baby to sleep when the balloon is taut and full, not bursting or floppy. Getting it just right takes lots of trial and error and some troubleshooting, but there are some key things you can do—and not do!—to improve your odds. Here are 6 common mistakes parents make with naps that you should avoid at all costs.
1. Letting Your Baby Sleep As Long As They Want
I get it: “Never wake a sleeping baby” is a very tempting piece of advice to follow, and you’ve heard it from everyone, from your mom friends and mother-in-law to the cashier at the grocery store. But if your kiddo sleeps for too long, it may lessen their internal sleep pressure too much. That ‘floppy balloon’ will almost always mean your child will protest more at the next sleep opportunity if they are not tired enough or, even worse, create early mornings, split nights, or night wakings. Naps lengths will vary based on age, but a good rule of thumb is that if it’s taking your tot longer than 20 minutes to fall asleep, they may have slept too long during the previous nap. For older children, if you are experiencing bedtime shenanigans, it may be time to drop naps altogether (don’t hate me!). On this note…
2. Skipping Naps
If I napped all day, it would definitely impact my sleep. But… I’m not a child. Your kid’s sleepy balloon inflates at a much faster rate than an adult’s, and avoiding naps all day means that your child will almost certainly go to bed with a burst balloon. Burst balloons result in lots of crying, protests, night wakings, and possibly early mornings. Assuming your kid is on an age-appropriate nap schedule (more on that below), don’t skip naps! It will not help your nights (the exception here is older children aged 3+ who may be ready to drop that nap altogether).
3. Wrong Schedule or Wake Window
If a baby is awake too long or not long enough, they may wake early from naps or protest the nap altogether. Try to observe your little one and watch for tired cues like eye rubbing, yawning, or a faraway stare. This will give you a sense of their “wake window,” meaning the amount of time they’re able to be awake before their balloon is inflated and they need their next nap. The timing of naps will vary from infant to infant, so watching them is key! Take note of your child’s natural sleep patterns and establish regular nap times that fit their biological rhythms.
4. Inconsistent Nap Environments
Ideally, and most of the time (not always—we get how parent life works), putting your kid down in a dark, cool room will yield long and luxurious naps. If you find yourself on the go frequently and struggling to put baby down in their room, it may be time to put yourself in nap boot camp for a week and attempt to create some consistency at home. Ideally, night sleep conditions should be consistent with those during the day. Creating a predictable nap environment is essential for teaching good sleep hygiene, which is the habits formed around sleep (for example, your kid’s daily and bedtime routines, sleep aids like pacifiers or loveys, and their sleep environment).
5. Not Addressing Sleep Behaviours and Associations
Sleep associations, like needing to be rocked or fed to sleep or only napping in a moving stroller, can make it hard for your kiddo to connect sleep cycles. A child’s average daytime sleep cycle ranges from 25-45 minutes. If your child consistently wakes after one cycle and cannot get back to sleep, you may need to evaluate how much behavioral assistance you provide. The goal over time is to nurture your tot’s ability to self-soothe, fall asleep on their own, and connect their cycles. Parents should work on gradually breaking these associations by implementing a consistent pre-nap routine, often a condensed version of the bedtime routine, and allowing their children to fall asleep independently by putting them down for naps tired but awake.
6. Following Online Guides Too Closely
This advice may be surprising given that I have an online presence and offer online sleep assistance. However, when I work with clients individually, I always tailor the advice to the child in front of me, not some arbitrary guide, schedule, or number. I recently worked with a client whose baby cried a lot and refused every single nap offered. Needless to say, mom was at her wit’s end. This well-meaning parent had been following an online chart telling her exactly when the baby should sleep.
Working together, the client and I discovered that the baby wasn’t demonstrating tired signs according to the online chart. Simply by observing and following their cues, it only took four days for this baby to go from rejecting all naps to having to be woken up from them! Online guides may be helpful, but if they are not working for your baby, they need a different schedule or wake window. Remember, these resources are just suggestions based on averages, not gospel. So get to know your baby above all.
So there you have it. A little dash of sleep science (sleep pressure) and getting to know your child’s unique patterns is the key to solving most sleep problems—and most of the mistakes parents make with naps and night sleep start here. If you keep these in mind and offer independent sleep opportunities, there’s no telling how long those naps will go. Just not too long, I hope (you can always wake that sleeping baby, I promise).
