Mom Says It’s Time for Women to Stop Expecting a ‘Village’ to Help Them

This mom is warning other women: The “village” everyone tells you to expect when you have kids isn’t about to magically appear

When you see people raising children in the movies, so often, they really do have a village around them: family, close friends, a community of people ready to step up and help support and love their kids as they grow. In real life, though, that’s not always (or even usually) how it works. And one mom is taking to TikTok to spread the message that women need to prepare themselves for the fact that when they become moms, the village they see in pop culture isn’t going to magically appear.

Caylee Cresta, a content creator and mom, made the viral video where she claimed we need to “stop telling mothers that it takes a village when they don’t have a village.”

@cayleecresta

Maybe it does take a village.. but most of us don’t have one #women #mom #momsoftiktok #singlemoms #reality #momlife

♬ original sound – Caylee Cresta

In her video, Cresta points out that the reality for many women is that their husbands aren’t good or equal partners, their families live far away (or worse, are toxic or uninterested in being involved), and adult friendships are rare—and we’re all too tired and burned out to care for ourselves, let alone step up for our friends.

“That means no one is coming to help us, and it’s nothing like we imagine it would be,” she says. “We watch movies where women make friendships and develop a sense of sisterhood when it comes to raising kids, but the truth is that most of us will never know that to be anything more than fiction.”

She continues, “So we rely on childcare from strangers we have to pay instead of friends and family that we trust—and most of us can’t afford that childcare, so it just becomes something else we have to stress and lose sleep over. No one’s going to walk into your house and tell you to take a nap while they watch the baby, and they’re not going to clean your countertops while you sleep. There’s no sense of community in most areas.”

At the end of her video, Cresta adds, “There’s no welcome wagon. No one’s going to make you meals on the week you deliver your baby. The people who say, ‘Call me if you need me,’ don’t mean it, and we’re too afraid to burden the people who actually do. Stop telling us about a village, because a village isn’t coming. We’re doing it on our own, and it’s hard.”

She has a point. While some moms are lucky enough to have a village—family, friends, or community—it’s never guaranteed, for any mom. But if you didn’t have one before, you can go into motherhood prepared and purposefully start looking and asking for help.

The hopeful message is that villages exist. They’re out there. You just need to find them.