In a viral TikTok video, a Spanish mom living in the U.S. compares motherhood in the two countries, and it’s fascinating
Cultural differences affect everything about our lives—and that includes how we raise and parent kids, and how we treat moms and dads. In a viral TikTok video, a Spanish mom who immigrated to the U.S. 10 years ago is sharing the differences she sees between parenting in America and parenting in Spain, and it’s sparked some big conversations.
Ana Gildersleeve is a mom of two who now lives in Kansas with her family. In her video, she reflected on how different an experience moms have in Spain.
“Get ready with me while I talk about how being a parent in the U.S. is way more boring and isolating than in Spain. Someone told me, ‘I thought I was depressed but I was just in the wrong country,'” she starts, then goes on to list all the things about Spanish parenting that she wishes more of the world would adopt.
@_anagildersleeve My thoughts on parenthood/motherhood in the U.S🇺🇸 vs Spain🇪🇸 #cultureshock #livingabroad #livingabroadwithkids #motherhoodjourney #mothethood #momsoftiktok #momlife #momtok #spain #usa #fypシ #learnontiktok
♬ original sound – Ana Gildersleeve
“First of all, most Americans don’t do anything fun during the week after work,” she explains. “Especially if you are a parent. Monday through Friday, most Americans do not socialize with other people. They go straight home after work or, if you’re a parent, after your kid’s activities. In general, Americans save social events for the weekends. They spend a lot of time in the house. In Spain, we’re out all the time—Monday through Friday, Saturday and Sunday. When the kids are done with school, you go to the closest playground to the school and socialize with other parents.”
Going to the playground is also a totally different experience, she explains. Spanish parks aren’t made just for kids—they often have cafes and bars attached so socializing parents can chat over an espresso or a glass of wine while their kids play. Honestly, why hasn’t that caught on yet?
Some of the other differences Gildersleeve points out are that American kids schedule playdates weeks or even months in advance, while Spanish kids tend to be more impromptu about playing together. And while many Spanish parents live close to their families and friends, who help them out with their kids, American parents tend to be more isolated.
“I feel like most Americans don’t have a village at all. Moving around the country is pretty normal here, but in Spain, most people live close to their families,” she says. (And she means close—like walking distance!)
@_anagildersleeve Replying to @alelouro My thoughts on the role of grandparents in the USA vs Spain! #cultureshock #culturaldifference #usa #spain #grandparents #grandparentslove #motherinlaw #motherinlawproblems #learnontiktok #culturetiktok #culturetalk #fypシ
♬ original sound – Ana Gildersleeve
Another thing Gildersleeve calls out is how U.S. parents will leave an activity or gathering early—even if they’re having a good time—because of their kids’ bedtime. Spanish parents, she said, will keep the good time going—and their kids will fall asleep in a stroller. Americans, she explains, make their whole schedule about their kids, while Spanish parents expect their kids to adjust and adapt to different situations as they grow.
“I feel like in the U.S., when women become moms, they stop having fun,” she says, and oof, it kind of feels true.
The comments are full of parents—from both the U.S. and Spain—who agree.
“Couldn’t agree more,” one person wrote. “I lived in Spain for a year and I loved that we did things during the week. I hate living for the weekend.”
But there were plenty of people pointing out the reasons why parenting is so different in the U.S.: we don’t have walkable cities, meaning we have long commutes to and from work and to any places where we could see friends or socialize. Plus, we work long, intense hours and are often simply too tired for fun on weekdays.
It seems like we could learn some things from Spain. First priority: getting bars and coffee shops added to all the parks.
