There’s been talk recently about how couples shouldn’t split chores down the middle but instead share the burden of each task. So, you cook on certain nights, and your partner cooks on others; you both take turns buying the groceries and cleaning the bathrooms. But what if your partner is such an awful cook that eating what they whip up could be considered a serious health hazard? And what if you genuinely hate the bathtime routine or putting away (the 1,000th load of) laundry? Should you be forced to do it so things are “fair?” One mom doesn’t think so.
In a recent Instagram post, marriage and family therapist Emily De La Torre explains that splitting chores 50/50 isn’t ideal for all households, and that’s okay. She elaborates further by pointing out that she and her partner do not have the same roles—they each have strengths and weaknesses. For their family, things work better if she cooks and her husband cleans up after meals. “The kids do not need to see their parents doing every task tit for tat. What they *do* need is to see an equal commitment. And that comes in all shapes and sizes,” says De La Torre.
Plenty of viewers agreed with her breakdown of labor. One commented, “In my marriage, we take household jobs according to aptitude and enjoyment. I hate lugging the hamper downstairs, but I don’t mind folding our toddler’s clothes and putting them away. He can’t cook; I’m not the best dishwasher. Fair and equitable will look different in different relationships.” Another person had an arguably great reason why her partner doesn’t prepare meals, “The last time he made dinner, six years ago, he sent us to the hospital. He does NOT cook meals. However, he loads the dishwasher like a Scandinavian architect and teaches our daughter how to put everything away in its place. This works for our family.”
Everyone needs to contribute to running a home. If you take turns handling things equally and that works, great. But if you divide chores and duties depending on what you do well, and that works for you and yours, don’t let anyone tell you that you’re doing it wrong.
