What to Say to Someone Who Experienced a Miscarriage

Mere days ago, celebrity couple, John Legend and Chrissy Teigen announced the miscarriage of their son, Jack. Their openness about their loss has invited others to begin a conversation about this all too common matter more publicly. One in five early pregnancies ends in miscarriage and approximately 15% of American women age 18-44 go through a period of infertility during which they may have one or more miscarriages. Additionally, October is national pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. 

What to say (and do) to/for someone after experiencing a miscarriage: 

• I am so sorry

• I love you (or I care for you)

• I am not sure what to say, but I am here for you 

• I don’t know what it’s like for you, but I am here to listen 

• I am praying for you (or what specifically can I pray for you?)

• I am sending you a huge hug 

• Can I bring you dinner tonight?

• Send them flowers, mail them a card, or send them a “thinking of you today” text 

• It is so good to see you. How are you? 

•When and if you are ready to talk, I would love to bring you coffee or a bottle of wine 

• Send them a free, hand-knitted pocket prayer square/remembrance gift from Baby Blessings Ministry (complimentary; go to www.yourangelwings.net for more information)

What NOT to say: 

• Everything happens for a reason

• At least you already have a child (Or be grateful for what you have)

• Just relax and quit worrying 

• You can always try again

• You must be so upset 

• It wasn’t meant to be (or it’s not the right time)

• At least you weren’t further along 

• I don’t know how much more of this roller coaster I can take 

• Have you been tested for…a, b, c?

• Maybe you should consider adoption 

• God doesn’t give us more than we can handle

After a few months have passed, you could consider saying these things to your loved one or friend who experienced a miscarriage:

• Have HOPE
• Don’t give up
• I am praying for you