American Horror Story: My Life With a Toddler

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Photo: Barrie Bismark

Oh, Halloween! Scary movies, haunted houses, and ghosts, ghouls, and goblins are in full force. In the spirit of Halloween, I have been thinking about how my life with my toddler is much like a scene from a horror movie. As the mother of a feisty, red-headed three-year-old, I live some of the same horrifying scenarios every day as you would find in terrifying horror movies. We are stars of our very own American Horror Story.

Blood-Curdling Screams – A key component to all great horror movies are the blood-curdling scream scenes. At our house, they can be heard at all hours of the night…not because someone is getting chopped into little pieces, but because the toddler wants candy for dinner, the sprinkler got her wet, the cracker broke, or the dog is looking at her. I wonder what the neighbor’s think? 

Mysterious Quiet – Just like in any horror movie, when it mysteriously gets a little too quiet, it is a sure sign that something scary is about to happen. Same thing happens at our house. When it is quiet someone is cutting their own hair, drawing all over themselves with permanent marker, or about to burn the house down. Simply terrifying.

Demon-Possessed Behavior– Having a toddler is much like living with a crazed demon. When they are mad they throw themselves to the ground, scream, thrash and flail their limbs, hit, bite, and contort their bodies into seemingly impossible positions. Oh, and don’t forget the surprise projectile vomiting. It is a scene straight from the Exorcist…only in the Target parking lot.

Eerie Toys – Creepy talking dolls, music that turns on all by itself at night, trains with creepy little faces…These things are everywhere. I think they are coming for us. Eeeeek!

Middle of the Night Awakenings – You know those creepy scenes in scary movies where people are startled awake only to find a ghost kid with a knife starring at them? Yeah…well it is kind of like that with my toddler (minus the knife…thank goodness). It is common for me to wake up with a frightening little red-head staring over me while I sleep. She just stares…doesn’t say anything. Scares the S*!t out of me!  Just like people love scary movies even though they are terrifying, we do love our (sometimes rotten) little toddlers. They make us scream, cry, and panic, but we adore them anyway! They are our funny, adorable little monsters. 

Happy Halloween! 

I’m Barrie. I’m sarcastic, vocal, & strong willed. I've married for 11 years and have 3 kids. Being a mom is the hardest things I've ever done, but so rewarding. I'm amazed at the chaos, laughs, & exhaustion of mom life. I'm on  Scary Mommy, Babble, ParentCo, Sammiches & Psych Meds,& ModernMom.

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