37 Animal Jokes That Will Quack You Up

1. What do you call an ant who fights crime? 
A vigilanty! 

—Joe L., age 10 

2. What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?
That hit the spot!

3. What do you call a duck that gets all A’s?
A wise quacker.

4. Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.

5. What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis!

6. Where would you find an elephant?
The same place you lost her!

7. What animal is always at a baseball game?
A bat.

8. How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut!

9. What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts!

10.What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm.

11. Why don’t elephants chew gum?
They do, just not in public.

12. What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon

13. What did the banana say to the dog?
Nothing. Bananas can’t talk.

14. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.

15. How do you make an octopus laugh?
With ten-tickles!

16. What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.

17. Why couldn't the pony sing a lullaby?
She was a little horse.

18. Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.

19. Where do fish keep their money?
In the River-Bank!

—Jaxon G., 7 y.o.

20. What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator!

—Milo H-R, age 8

21. Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
They have two left feet.

22. What did the wolf say when it stubbed its toe?
Owwwww-ch! (by Henrik, age 5)

23. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?
Swimming trunks. 

24. What happened when the skunk was on trial?
The judge declared, "Odor in the court, odor in the court!" 

25. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer! 

26. What do you call a fish without an eye? 
A fsh. 

27. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A walkie talkie. 

28. What does an evil hen lay?
Deviled eggs. 

29. What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier?
Cowboom!

30. What kind of haircuts do bees get?
Buzzzzzcuts. 

31. What do you get if you cross a pie and a snake? 
A pie-thon. 

32. Why can't you play hockey with pigs?
They always hog the puck.

33. Why do porcupines always win the game?
They have the most points.

34. Where do elephants pack their clothes?
In their trunks! 

35. What part of the fish weighs the most? 
The scales. 

36. What’s an owl's favorite subject?
Owlgebra.

37. What’s an owl's second favorite subject?
Hoostery.

—Jokes 36 and 37 submitted by Baylee, age 9