52 Corny Dad Jokes That Are Actually (Pretty) Funny

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When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punch line becomes apparent. (Har har!). You’ve cringed, laughed and even been known to repeat them on occasion. The good news is that kids get a real kick out of them. Scroll down to read the best (and the worst) dad jokes ever.

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1. I entered a pun contest. I submitted 10 of my best puns to see if any would be a win.

However, no pun in ten did...

2. Dad to kid: Where are French fries from? 

Kid: France?

Dad to kid: Greece! 

3. Charlie Chaplin and Marcel Marceau just threw microphones into the sea. Guess it’s true that great mimes sink a mic.

4. Have you heard how popular the local cemetery is?

People are just dying to get in. 

5. Kid: I’ll call you later! 

Dad: Just call me Dad! 

6. When does a joke become a Dad joke?

When the punch line becomes apparent. 

7. Why do skeletons stay so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin. 

8. This pencil has two erasers. It’s totally pointless. 

photo: iStock

9. Why doesn’t a photon need a suitcase?

Because it’s traveling light. 

10. Dad to kid (in a serious voice): A word of advice, kid. Never trust atoms. They make up everything. 

11. Dad to kids at dinner: I would tell you my pizza joke but it’s just too cheesy. 

12. Dad: I never thought I’d be the type to have a beard. But then it just grew on me. 

13. Dad tells kids: Here’s a cautionary tale. Don’t sing in the shower! 

Kids: What?? Why not?

Dad: If you get soap in your mouth, it will turn into a soap opera. 

Kids: GROAN!!!!! 

14. What do you call a man who tells dad jokes but isn’t a dad?

A faux pa. 

15. What’s the secret to a good elevator pitch?

It has to work on many levels. 

16. Dad: This book about how Newton discovered gravity is so good! I just can’t put it down. 

17. Kid: Dad, it hurts when I move my arm like this.

Dad: Then don’t move your arm like that. 

18. What does a house always wear to a party?


19. Time to take this cookie to the hospital! It’s feeling crummy!

20. Dad: Another word of caution. Never tell secrets near a cornfield. They’re all ears.

21. Dad: I told my kids to embrace their mistakes, then they hugged me. 

22. Evaporated milk is confusing. There's so much liquid in it. 

23. How does a musician win a fight?

They call for Bach up.

24. Kid: Dad, did you get a haircut?

Dad: No, I got them all cut. 

25. Dad: Did you hear the butter rumor? Well, I'm not going to spread it. 

26. Kid: Why are you talking to yourself, Dad?? 

Dad: I needed an expert's advice. 

27. Dad: I am giving away all my batteries...free of charge! 

28. Q: How do you know carrots are good for your eyesight?

A: Have you ever seen a bunny wearing glasses? 

29. Dad, can you put my shoes on?

"Nope. They are too small for my feet."

photo: iStock

30. What do you call someone with no nose and no body?

Nobody knows. 

31. Did you hear about the dad who chugged 8 sodas?

He burped 7-Up. 

32. Kid to Dad: Why are there balloons in the bathroom?

Dad: I wanted to throw you a birthday potty. 

33. Want to hear a long joke?


34. What do you call a fish with four eyes?


35. What do you call a 12-inch nose?

A foot. 

36. Doctor, doctor, I'm terrified of squirrels! 

[Doctor] You must be nuts. 

—Jerry C., faithful reader 

37. Why did the bicycle keep falling over?

It was two tired. 

38. Hey kids, I got you Fortnite. But it will only last two weeks. 

39. What do you get when you coddle a cow? 

Spoiled milk. 

40. How many apples are growing on that tree?

All of them. 

photo: iStock

41. I can't find the U-Cut tree farm. I'm completely stumped. 

42. Is the refrigerator running? Better go catch it! 

(yeah, that one hurt us, too...)

43. Did you ever notice ants don't get sick?

They're full of anty-bodies. 

44. I used to hate the hokey pokey but I really turned myself around. 

45. My kid just asked me "Can I have this, apple?" 

Guess he doesn’t know my name is Dad. 

46. What do the royals put on their pancakes?

Sir Up. 

47. What kind of drink is bittersweet?


48. How do you make a Kleenex dance? 

Put a little boogie in it! 

49.“You have a hole in your sock, Jack.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Sure you do.  That’s how you got your foot in it.”

50. "Wow! Chase, you sure got tall. I hope you don’t grow another foot.” 

“Why not Grand Dad?” 

“Because if you do, Mommy will need to buy you a third sneaker.”

51. "Grand Dad, you look pretty sharp.  Where did you get your haircut?”

“On my head, Shane.”

52. “Kara, on average,  how far can a dog run into the woods?”

"Gee, Grand Dad, I don’t know.”

“Half way. After that, the dog is running out of the woods.”

—Grand Dad jokes 49-52 submitted by our hilarious reader Dave

Send your best #dadjokes to kate.loweth@tinybeans.com

—Kate Loweth & Amber Guetebier

featured photo: Luis Quintero via Pexels 



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