Being a Mom Means: My Honest Confession

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Being a mom is a gift that is unimaginably precious. It is a love that never ends; it is a relationship that never dies. Nothing else can produce the true joy and satisfaction that motherhood allows. It is a journey that made us happy every day. Being a mom and enjoying the sweet tiny moments of motherhood is a dream of every woman.

Of course, it is a life altering experience. It shows us wide spectrum of emotions in a single day. It is true that,

“When you are a mother you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice. One for herself and one for her child”- Sophia Loren

For me, it has been an amazing journey so far. I am fortunate enough that I had gotten this golden opportunity twice in my life. Being a mom of two cute dolls I feel my selves the luckiest person in the world. I had a beautiful life that always filled with some ordinary, some extraordinary, some crazy and some mad moments. I love to celebrate the divine spirit of motherhood every day. Of course, we all love the warmth of being a mom and we all love to enjoy this hilarious journey. But the glimpse of real life is the messier and more complicated than the assumption.

 Being a mom, every morning I love to wake up my dolls. I love to see their little faces and feet every morning.  Their giggles and laughter filled my house with a great positive energy instantly. I absolutely enjoy their hugs and kisses. I love to cook healthy breakfast for them, and then get them ready for the school; Morning Prayer and weaving a goodbye….I love each and every moment. I want to teach them all good things that I had learnt from my mother. I tried my hardest to teach them about love, compassion and honesty. I want to make them a strong and confident individual. They are the beat of my heart and the energy of my soul. Yes! It is true that every morning I fall in love with them all over again and again.

 But, being a mom, there are days, when I am tired of the monotony. Sometimes there are days when I just do not feel like doing anything. I just do not want to get from the bed. Indeed, I want to sleep for hours uninterruptedly until my body wake up by themselves. During these days I felt that waking up my dolls is the most daunting task in the world. Because I know they would not listen to me easily. It will take 20-30 minute to just make them wake up. Their morning tantrums driving me crazy.  And then again the same sequence of routine tasks (breakfast, get them ready…) make me feel made. I felt a sense of stagnation and boredom in life.

Oh! You may think I am a pessimist and a low-spirited person. But it is not true. I still love a feeling of being a mom each day. Seeing my kids happy is the one of the best feeling in the world for me. When my little dolls get bored, I love to gather all craft supplies and create beautiful crafts with them. I adore the each moment when we read a book together, go for a walk, snuggle with them in bed. These sweet tiny moments filled my heart with an undefined pleasure immensely.  I want to preserve these great moments for future as precious memories. Because I know that, very soon they will be grown up, get married and will have their own lives. And I realized the grim realities of the empty nest. I know, one day they wouldn’t need me anymore.  I will be alone and will miss the every single moment of their childhood. So I do not want to miss these delightful moments and love to celebrate the spirit of motherhood every day. I just love the feeling of being a mom.

But some days, I am over exhausted as a being a mom.  I get up and just go through the mommy motions even really finding any joy and creativity.  I feel irritated when they do not listen to me. I shout at them when they do not finish their food properly. I get angry when I finished a clean-up and they messed up again within few minutes. I feel made when I heard “we are getting bored” sentence 100 times in a day.  And then I just want to run away from these never ending tasks and pressurizing  responsibilities. I just want only me and my time.

But very soon I realized that realized that motherhood is a precious gift of god.  It is one of the most treasured blessings in my life. I suddenly had a realization that yes! Motherhood is hardest….but is greatest too. It is the glorious life force. And there are so many women who want to be a mom but they cannot. And I get to fall in love with my job all over again. And enjoy the amazing feeling of being a mom.

 Of course, as a mom, it feels great when my daughters won awards and appreciation in school. I experience a great sense of joy in volunteering in all school activities. It seems that their all crafts and projects are mine and I want to make them best with my all efforts. I love to cook ten different dishes in a single day when they show food tantrums. I watch all kids show and rhyme videos with absolute pleasure. I like to shop for them and want to buy most elegant clothing for them. I want to make them “prettiest princess” in the world.

But it is true that sometimes, I feel very depressed that I had left my career only for my family. Sometimes, I miss my individuality. I missed my job. Sometimes, I want to shop only for me (that rarely happens). I want to cook only those dishes which I love (I did not remember the last moment when I had done that), I want to watch only my favorite shows and movies (usually, I did not get a chance to touch the remote)

Last but not the least I missed my mom so much, especially after being a mom. Now, I can realize that how much she loved me? How she has sacrificed her all desires only for us? I missed each moment of her love and care. And along with this, I missed my life as a daughter who always shows tantrums on smallest things but had an amazing mom who always loves me.

So yes! I feel fortunate to have a wonderful family. And I enjoy each moment of my life as a daughter, mother, sister, and a wife. I love to celebrate the spirit of motherhood every day. Definitely, it is an absolute pleasure and the most amazing feeling that is the most extreme measure of being alive. I really love everything about “being a mom”.  But it is also true that I also want to celebrate a life of an individual too. I want some quality time for my selves every day. I love to cultivate a purpose in my life that is uniquely my own. I want to be able to do things which I want to do. I get to contribute to the world by any mean. I always want to feel better about my selves with a positivity of “self-identity”.

You may think I am a “Selfish mom” but it was an honest confession of me. What is yours? Do you also get the powerful mix of emotions every day? Please with us.