Candy Corny: 50 Halloween Jokes for Kids

1. Why didn’t the skeleton go to school?

His heart wasn’t in it.

2. What monster plays tricks on Halloween?

Prank-enstein!

3. What kind of music do mummies love?

Wrap music.

4. How do ghosts wash their hair?

With shamboo. 

5. What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school?

Spelling.

6. What is a monster’s favorite dessert?

I scream!

(Thanks, Kaylen!)

7. What fruit do scarecrows love the most?

Straw-berries.

8. What does a witch use to do her hair?

Scarespray!

9. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?

He is mist.

10. What room does a ghost not need?

A living room.

11. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?

A pumpkin patch.

12. When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

If you are a mouse.

13. What do you call two witches living together?

Broommates.

14. What happens when a vampire goes in the snow?

Frost bite!

15. What’s big, scary and has three wheels?

A monster riding a tricycle!

16. Why don’t vampires have more friends?

Because they are a pain in the neck.

17. What position does a ghost play in hockey?

Ghoulie.

18. What do you call a witch who goes to the beach?

A sand-witch.

19. What do you give a vampire when he’s sick?

Coffin-drops.

20. What kinds of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-jeans.

21. Why did the zombie skip school?

He felt rotten.

22. What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A blood orange.

—Rianna G., age 10

23. What did the little boy say when she had to choose between a tricycle and candy?

Trike or Treat!

24. What instrument does a skeleton play?

The trombone.

25. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?

Dayscare centers!

26. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?

Because he had no “body” to dance with. 

27. What candy do you eat on the playground? 

Recess pieces.

28. What kind of dog does Dracula have?

A blood hound. 

29. What is a ghost’s nose full of?

Boooooogers! 

30. What do birds say on Halloween?

Trick or Tweet! 

31. Are black cats bad luck?

Only if you’re a mouse. 

32. Have you heard how popular the local cemetery is?

People are just dying to get in.

33. Why do skeletons stay so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

34.Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

38. What time is it when the clock strikes 13?

Time to get a new clock. 

39. Where do vampires keep their money?

The blood bank. 

40. What is a zombie’s favorite thing to eat?

Brain food. 

41. What kind of tests do vampires give their students?

Blood tests. 

42. Why does Frankenstein’s Monster always finish his dinner first?

Because he bolts it down. 

43. What does a pumpkin like to read?

Pulp fiction. 

44. What happens when you stay up all night on Halloween?

Something dawns on you. 

45. Why was there thunder and lightning inside the laboratory?

Because Dr. Frankenstein and Igor were brain”storming.” 

46. How does a vampire start a letter?

Tomb it may concern…

47. Why are ghosts bad liars?

Because you can see right through them.

48. What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit?

Boo-berries.

—Elijah, age 11

49. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

Frost bite!

50. How can you tell a vampire has a cold?

She starts coffin.