ML Interest Tag: accustom

Preschoolers: Staying Connected While Staying Apart

By ALEXANDER FERNÁNDEZ

“Alexa, how do I go to a friend house and not germs?” My heart sank. My incredibly resilient, almost-four-year-old had had enough of sheltering in place. I had seen earlier signs of fatigue and didn’t realize it. A couple of weeks ago he had started inviting the entire cast of Paw Patrol over to the house to stay for dinner. Yes, he regularly engages in pretend play, but this was different. He made a big deal over opening the door to the house each time they “came over” and welcoming them in.

The COVID-19 pandemic has been hard on all of us, introverts and extroverts alike. As a people, we are accustomed to doing things when and how we want to do them. No more is this visible than at the preschool age where our children are developmentally just able enough to start grasping what’s going on, but not quite able to understand things on a meaningful level. For our particular preschooler, we broke things down into simple soundbites: there are bad germs in the air; we don’t want to get sick; everybody is staying home as much as they can, so we don’t mix with the bad germs. We can’t visit our friends and they can’t visit us. This worked for the first couple of weeks. The extroverted and socially dynamic child that he is, we found ourselves in a quandary. How do we keep him connected and safe at the same time? Through trial and error, we found some things that are working for us, as usual, your mileage may vary:

1. Arrange a Distance Picnic with Friends. Yes, you can picnic outside with your friends, it just takes a bit of creativity. Here’s where ingenuity is essential. Use your WI-FI connection to have virtual picnics across distances.  

If you don’t have WI-FI, or if your friends are right next door another option is picnicking “across the fence.” Yet another is meeting at a place that’s big enough to allow all of you to be close, but separate. With restrictions easing up, this is now much more doable, and safer. Just please, use your common sense. You cannot take care of your child if you are sick.

2. Teleconferencing Is Not Just for Adults. We’ve had much success setting up one-on-one playdates between our child and his friends via videoconference. Essential for us has been limiting the number of children on the “call.” We’ve found that when there are two or three kids their participation is more natural and they each take turns. The higher the number of kids, the more chaos ensues.   

3. Stay Connected in Different Ways. Have your child draw pictures for their friends and send them by mail. Do the same thing for family members that are not with them. Teach them about the value of sending notes, even if it’s a simple “Hi” that is crudely written, photographed, and texted across the ether.  When reading a story with your child, ask them questions like: “Does this remind you of . . .?” “Wouldn’t your friend like this story too? Keep their friends present by referencing them in your daily interactions.  

4. Get Outside and Distract—Take Long, Active Walks in Your Neighborhood. Going for a walk is a wonderful distraction that gets the blood pumping and provides healthy exercise for the whole family. However, I’m not advocating a simple, family walk. There are lots of different types of walks you can take to engage your child. Here are two examples:

  • A Sensory Hunt: Make a list of sensory activities that you can “discover” on your walk throughout the neighborhood. Is there a tree that can be climbed? Is there an airplane/helicopter that can be heard? Are there flowers that can be smelled? Are there rocks/grasses/bricks that can be touched? The possibilities for the list are endless. Have your child explain to you what sense is being used for each object. Not only does it get you outside of the house, but it also gets your mind, and the child’s mind engaged in critical thinking skills.  
  • An Activity Scavenger Hunt: This activity is a hit with our energetic four-year-old and we owe it to his dedicated PE teacher! Make a list of objects to find on the scavenger hunt: a red car, a blue bicycle, etc…Then, make a list of activities you have to do for each object that is found: 5 jumping jacks, 4 knee bends, 3 squats, 4 tumbles, etc.  When the object is found, you engage in the activity. You can also substitute Yoga poses for activities!

I have to be honest, after my son asked Alexa the question, I was hoping against hope that she would answer, taking us off the hook. Of course, she said, “I don’t know what you mean,” and we were left to our own devices. When his dark brown eyes looked towards me for a response, I said, “Honey, I want you to visit with your friends too. And, I promise that when we can do it and make sure everybody stays safe, we will.”  Placated for the moment, he said “Okay,” and rushed to the door to announce that the Paw Patrol would be coming for dinner.

 

 

ALEXANDER FERNÁNDEZ
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Father, children's book critic, writer, judge, director, actor and amature photographer—together with his husband of 25 years—raising an energetic four-year old! "Parent is not just a noun, it's a verb.  If you're ever in doubt as to what to do, substitute the word caregiver.  It will steer you in the right direction."  

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How I Keep My Child with Autism Safe from Wandering

By Annabelle Short

It has been four years now since my daughter was diagnosed with autism. Over those years, I have conquered so many issues including lack of sleep, hyperactivity, and anger among others.

About three years ago, she started wandering off the home compound. I would panic every time I missed her in the house for more than a few minutes. When I take her to an amusement park, I always have to keep a keen eye on her.

I started researching the issue and realized that wandering affects many children with ASD (Austism Spectrum Disorder). I have tried different things and some of them have worked wonderfully for my daughter.

Learn to Identify Triggers

Many triggers made my daughter wander off. If there were nothing of interest in the house or the amusement park, she would wander off until she found something that interested her. She would also walk away from a stressful situation, frightening places, or places with bright lights, loud noises and a lot of commotion.

I now observe her keenly to see when she is stressed or not interested, and ensure she is comfortable. This way, she doesn’t wander off.

Secure the Home

My daughter is seven years but I still have to keep her safe by locking the gate and ensuring there are no openings on our live fence. Even when I feel that she is happy and interested inside the house, I still keep the gate under lock and key. I have an alarm on doors in my house to notify me when my daughter moves in or out of the room.

Use Monitoring and Tracking Devices

I have to be vigilant at all times. My husband feels like I am too much. However, monitoring and tracking devices have helped me more than once locate my daughter in a crowd. My daughter, just like other children with ASD, is not able to communicate her name and address. I use a medical alert device called Mobilehelp and tracking devices to ensure I know where she is at all times.

Tracking devices are simple and she can wear them everywhere. I feel settled knowing whenever my daughter wanders off; I can always track her. I get updates on my phone wherever she goes.

Teach Communication and Behavior Strategies

Though it takes time, my daughter learns with repeated action. Over the years, I have created a routine for her to follow. She loves sameness, just like any other child with ASD, and that has helped me teach her how to calm herself when she feels stressed. There is a teddy bear that she carries everywhere. When she feels stressed, she always takes her teddy bear to play with it.

While she would respond to ‘no’ with tantrums, today she can calm herself when she is told ‘no’. It has not been easy teaching her that she cannot get everything she needs, especially when we are shopping in a store. Because I cannot teach her alone, I liaise with teachers, my husband, and family friends.

Make Sure She Sleeps Enough

Sleeping was an issue when my daughter was first diagnosed with autism. I had noticed patterns of sleeplessness and hyperactivity during the night and I resolved to find a solution for the sleep problem. I established a sleeping routine that involves her getting ready for bed an hour before bedtime. She engages in calming activities such as listening to a story I read her, light massage, or just cuddling her teddy bear. She is accustomed to that routine and she sleeps better.

By sleeping enough during the night, she is less hyperactive during the day and this helps keep her safe from wandering.

Her room is always ready for her—less noise, less light, fewer distractions, and a more comfortable bed with weighted blankets.

I vowed to understand my daughter. It is the best way to keep her safe. Instead of reacting to every situation with a lecture, I learned to anticipate specific behavior for specific situations. Today, I can tell, with near certainty, when she will wander off.

 

 

I'm Annabelle Short, a writer and seamstress of more than five years. I love making crafts with my two children, Leo (age 9) and Michelle (age 11). I split my time between London and Los Angeles and write for Wunderlabel. 

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Hate Your Teen’s Fashion Choices? Read This First

By Faizan Raza

Many of today’s parents find it difficult to keep up with the ever-changing fashion preferences of their teenage children. This is particularly true for outfits that you feel are too revealing or anything else that you are not comfortable with.The best way to deal with a teen’s fashion choices is to talk to him or her and set certain guidelines around your expectations. Having said that, it is also important to accept the fashion choices of a teenager and help them build a healthy and confident self-image.

Talk to Your Teen: 

  • Find a quiet and comfortable place to sit down with your teen and discuss her or his fashion choices. Make sure that your child is in a comfortable space throughout the discussion. To make this discussion casual and natural, you may bring up the issue when he or she is getting dressed for school or an occasion. 

  • Please make sure that your tone during this discussion is neither defensive nor accusatory. It should not appear that you are providing an ultimatum to the youngster about what he or she should and should not wear. Start the conversation casually so that your teen doesn’t feel cornered and defensive right away. 

  • The tone of the conversation should not create an impression that you are giving orders to your teen. Instead, simply advise them about what you think they should wear at this stage of their lives. 

  • Be well aware of the fact that your teen may not be open to your suggestions with regards to their fashion choices. In these circumstances, being too authoritative will only lead to more anger and arguments. Instead, have the mindset to compromise with the choices of your teen. In this way, you may still be able to put across some of your points. Moreover, this will make your teen feel respected. 

Set Guidelines: 

  • One of the best ways to do this is to start guiding the fashion choices of your teen from a very young age when he or she is just getting into the world of fashion. Help them get dressed and encourage them to wear certain types of clothing and other items so that they get accustomed to these st‌yles. 

  • Even if your teen doesn’t want to listen, clearly explain your idea about what you consider to be decent and inappropriate as fashion choices. However, make sure that your expectations are clear and consistent.

  • As a parent, you can always set an example for your teen to follow by always dressing in the most appropriate manner. Teach your child that it is possible to look attractive even without being too loud with fashion preferences. 

  • Another great way to set guidelines is to go shopping with your teen. Always provide your input, but try not to control what they buy or where they shop. However, when absolutely necessary, do not hesitate to put your foot down. 

Accept Their Choices: 

  • Accept the reality that your sense of st‌yle can be entirely different from that of your teen. Unless something is really wrong about a certain st‌yle, try to accept their clothing and fashion choices. 

  • Don’t be extremely strict and never force your teen to wear things that they are not comfortable with. After all, we don’t want our children to be stifled by our opinion and lose the ability to express themselves freely. 

  • In general, the fashion choices of the teens have a lot to do with their search for self-image and identity. As parents, we can always remind our teen that dressing in certain ways may be completely against the self-image they intend to build.  

In a nutshell, be it a prom dress or the latest fashion jewelry, it is unlikely that our preferences will be the same as today’s teens. It is true that we should guide them towards making the right choices, but care should be taken that we don’t hurt their self-esteem and sense of freedom.  

 

I love RedTri authors, publishing, and talking incessantly about them. My passion is partnering with authors to bring worthwhile content to publication. I started blog as a way to create a community of writers, both published and seeking publication.

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