It’s not uncommon to hear parents, especially those with young kids, lamenting about the seemingly endless hours they spend in the car. Statistics support these feelings. The U.S. Department of Transportation reports that Americans spend an astounding 84 billion hours driving each year and make an average of 2.24 trips a day. According to AAA, 25-49-year-olds, the demographic that includes parents of young children, drive even more. In fact, 51% of parents spend an upward of five hours a week driving their kids around. This translates into American families spending up to 6% of their waking hours in the car. That’s a lot of time spent doing something that is often unenjoyable.

Are there ways that families can make these endless hours slightly more useful and dare we say, enjoyable? Perhaps.

What about adding mindfulness to the car ride? It’s a common assumption that mindfulness is a sacred activity reserved for quiet moments and peaceful studios. While in some instances this is true, it doesn’t always have to be, especially when kids are involved.

Mindfulness and breathing exercises can be adapted for car rides. Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment, without judgment. What better environment to pay attention than in a moving car where there are literally hundreds of colors, sounds, smells, and objects competing for attention? Here are a few ideas for mindful moments in the car:

1. Find One Sound. At a stoplight, open the window and turn off the music. Ask your child to listen very carefully and find one sound to focus on. Can they hear one bird chirp or one person talking? See how long they can listen to that one sound.

2. Finger Roller Coaster. Have your child hold one hand out, with fingers wide open. With the other hand, pick one finger to be the roller coaster. Pretending that the outline of the hand is the roller coaster track, the roller coaster finger is traced up and down the fingers, going back and forth.

3. Blowing Balloon Hands. Kids hold their hands out in front of their bodies, and touch the fingertips of the opposite hand together, making a sphere. As they breathe in, all the fingertips come together in the middle, like an inflating balloon. Slowly blowing out, they open their hands up again and keep fingers pressed together like they are blowing up a balloon.

4. Listening to a Siren. If an emergency vehicle goes by, ask the child to listen to the sound of the siren. Ask them to listen as carefully as they can and say the moment that they can no longer hear the noise. This can become a game to see who can hear the sound the longest.

5. Find the Buzzing Bee. Kids place one hand on their chests and one hand on their bellies. They take a deep breath in, close their mouths and slowly breathe out of the nose, making a humming sound, like the buzz of a bee. As they hum, they try to see if they can feel the vibration in their hands on their chests and/or the hands on their stomachs. If they can’t feel both, encourage them to try again, taking a deeper breath and breathing out slower the next time.

6. Traffic Light Affirmations. Traffic Light Affirmations is a game that requires the ability to recognize and identify the three colors of a traffic light. To begin, the people in the car are each assigned one of the three colors of a traffic light.  If there are more than three people, two can share a color. The members of the car look carefully at each traffic light. When they spot a color, they state the color out loud and say something kind about the person to whom the color is assigned. This could be something they are thankful for or something they love about the person, etc. If the light changes color, the other person gets the affirmation. If more than one person is assigned a color, each person receives an affirmation when their color is spotted.

7. Breathing Out Smiles. This is a breathing exercise adapted from the work of Thich Nhat Hahn, a Vietnamese Buddhist Monk, and peace activist. The child closes their eyes, and the adult recites “While I take a slow breath in, I relax my body, While I take a slow breath out, I smile.” If the child is able, ask them to repeat the saying or say it together as everyone takes slow, deep breaths in and slow breaths out pausing in between breaths to smile. Many parents have reported that this practice can be very calming to them as well!

8. Smells. Kids close their eyes and try to identify what they can smell in that current moment. If it’s a dry day, this is more fun with the windows open. If kids are having a hard time identifying a unique smell, an idea can be suggested, and the game can change to finding the scent that was proposed, like a smelling scavenger hunt.

9. Guided Meditations. The car can be an excellent time to listen to and practice doing guided meditations. There are a variety of excellent guided meditations that are specially adapted for young kids.

10. Tingly Hands. Kids open their arms wide and clap their hands together as hard as they can. They clap three times in a row and then place their hands on their lap, palms up. Closing their eyes, they pay close attention to the sensation in their palms, seeing if they notice a tingling sensation. Feeling that sensation, they carefully pay attention to it and open their eyes only when the feeling is completely gone.

These ten activities can help bring mindfulness into your daily routine and kids think they are calming and fun. They love using their imaginations and doing an activity with you. If even one tool works, you have succeeded in incorporating mindfulness into your car ride. Congratulations!

 

Kristi Coppa is a mom of two, a former nurse, and the creator of Wondergrade, an app to help parents teach calm-down and emotional regulation skills at home. Through creating content kids love and empowering parents to teach it, Kristi intends to help create a kinder, more resilient, and compassionate next generation.

 

Ana Gambuto

I'm a professional photographer, mom and educator. I help busy parents of young kids take better photos with their iPhones!

It may sound daunting to take your own family group photo, but with a bit of grit, a little gear and these three tips – you can totally do this! If you truly are feeling BLAH about appearing on camera, you can still take a beautiful close-up of your kids to use on the card! (If you’ve recently had a baby, take a gorgeous picture of their face and send out a double-purpose birth announcement/holiday card all-in-one!)

1. Trap the crew – Back your group up against a wall or fence outside, to eliminate little ones running away. Use a tripod to prep your phone, and engage the 10 second timer. Then, if your kids are young, distraction is key!

2. Be ridiculous – Sing songs, tickle the kids and make faces to get the real smile you’re looking for out of these sour faces. Offer ice cream for dinner! Use the Unicorn popper (be sure they’ve never seen it before!) to wow them and focus their attention on this taking-photos thing – now they know it’s going to be interesting!

3. Fire off at least fifty (that’s right, 50 photos) to get the right picture! You can take 50 pictures in less than five minutes. The more you take, the more likely you are to get a winner!

BONUS TIP – If it’s your partner that won’t smile, blurt out a hilarious joke or secret when the time is right, to get their smile to bloom! Ask the kids to look at your partner not at the camera, to disarm them and clear away any initial anxiety. Then yell, “”now look at the phone!”” and secure that real smile, plus eye contact!


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Chunky Knit Blanket Chenille Throw

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Teen activists may hold an answer to school shootings.

I say “may” and “an answer” because each shooting is different. There’s no one reason for them.

There is a common denominator. It’s not a mental illness, or divorce, or bullying, or the Internet, or video games, or no prayer in schools or toxic masculinity—though each of those may be a contributing factor in some school shootings.

The common denominator is that school shootings are, well, shootings. Before we address the contributing factors, we must address that.

To do that, we must talk. Negotiate. Problem-solve. Not rant, spout slogans or pass around memes. Not blame mythical “crisis actors.” None of that will help. Let’s discuss what proposed solutions are feasible, practical, and actually helpful.

This time the kids are taking the lead and speaking up. Mandatory suspension means their walkouts may fail, at least if they walkout until Congress does something, as was suggested.

But other students are speaking out in other ways–talking to the media, visiting elected officials and attending sessions of legislative bodies. Encouraging voter registration among their peers.

And you know, these efforts may fail as well. It’s difficult to get your message across when you’re trying to get the attention of people who live and die by ballots, not bullets.

Here’s the thing, though. With the Parkland school shooting, we may have reached a “tipping point” in our society. Even if legislation doesn’t work, as so many say it won’t, there is a force that can catch the nation’s attention: grassroots activism.

I won’t praise the efforts of the 1960s when under-30s protested and helped stop a war, though I surely could. What I want to talk about is an attitudinal change. Societal change. It can happen and it has happened.

Think about the things that used to be commonplace and succumbed to pressure from groups and individuals.

Smoking is a prime example. Despite push-back from tobacco lobbies and cigarette manufacturers, smoking has tapered off in public and in private. Restaurants started with smoke-free seating areas and now in some states are completely smoke-free. Public buildings and many private ones are too. Smoking around young children is particularly looked down on.

Why? People spoke up, including teens (see truth.org). And society reacted. Look at old movies and how many characters in them smoked. Then look at modern movies and notice how few do. It’s almost like someone realized that these characters are representations of our changing society and perhaps role models for kids, even if only subliminally.

And look at drunk driving. MADD (Mothers Against Drunk Driving) changed society’s view of drunk drivers and prompted legislative change; for example, getting states to lower the limits for what is considered “impaired,” holding drinking establishments responsible for taking the keys from patrons too wasted to drive, and requiring harsher punishments for repeat offenders.

Non-legislative solutions are having an effect as well–the “Designated Driver” idea and PSAs that say “Friends Don’t Let Friends Drive Drunk.” There are smaller, local efforts too, such as providing free cabs on the holidays associated with over-indulgence.

What happened in both examples was that society reached a tipping point. After so many deaths and so much ill health, individuals and groups decided that the prevailing practice had to change. And change it did.

There are reasons to believe that the Parkland shootings may be that tipping point for change. For the idea that school shootings are not just an everyday reality–or shouldn’t be.

Businesses are cutting ties with the NRA, for one. These are protests that will get attention because they are backed up by dollars.

Sure, many teens (and adults and businesses and lawmakers) will ignore the issue. Even teens succumb to the “it can’t happen here” mentality. But others are saying that it can and does happen anywhere. In elementary schools, where the students are too young to mount effective protests. In colleges, where students should.

And in the surrounding society, people are saying, “Enough already with the thoughts and prayers.” Even sincere ones have changed nothing, and insincere ones substitute for actual change.

Likely the change that is coming will be incremental and slow. And after the tipping point is reached and the mass of everyday Americans demand real answers to school shootings, maybe we can turn to the related factors like acceptance of bullying and the broken mental health care system. Grassroots efforts and public education are key.

But first, let’s listen to the kids. They have the most to lose.

Hi! I'm a freelance writer and editor who writes about education, books, cats and other pets, bipolar disorder, and anything else that interests me. I live in Ohio with my husband and a varying number of cats.

Pets have always been a part of the family, now more and more are being brought along on trips. Now that families are spending more time at home between distance learning and working from home, Vrbo has seen a strong interest in fall trips overall. Families are looking into road trips close to home so they can easily jump in the car and bring their favorite furry friend along with them. 

Vrbo data reveals a more than 50 percent increase in families traveling with pets this fall, compared with last year.

“The increase in people looking for pet-friendly getaways is yet another pandemic-driven change in travel,” said Melanie Fish, Vrbo travel expert. “Many families are making the best of the flexibility to work remotely and attend school virtually. They’re booking Vrbo stays later in the year, staying for longer periods of time and driving instead of flying. These new circumstances make it easier to bring pets along for a fall family break.”

Vrbo offers some tips for families looking to travel with their pets: 

 

  • Use search filters and pay attention to amenities: When looking for a place to stay, make sure to use Vrbo’s “pets allowed” search filter to find pet-friendly properties. Pay close attention to property details, photos and amenities to understand what’s available at the vacation homes you’re considering, such as whether they have a fenced-in yard or are close to pet-friendly hiking trails.

 

  • Check for fees and house rules: Some homeowners may charge a pet fee or have extra house rules for bringing furry guests, so before booking, make sure to understand if these may apply to your stay. If anything isn’t clear or you have any questions, message the homeowner to get more information.

 

  • Prep for “just in case” scenarios: Make sure your pet is wearing ID tags and is microchipped and registered with updated, accurate contact information. Before you head out, research local veterinarians and emergency services in your destination, just in case you need them while away. Don’t forget to keep your pet’s latest vaccine records handy, too.

 

  • Pack for your pet: Bring a carrier or harness for the car ride, and plenty of treats, food and water for snack breaks. Make sure to also pack some of their favorite things from home, like a bed or a few toys, to help them feel comfortable when you arrive at the vacation home.

Families looking for more destination inspiration can use Vrbo’s pet-friendly destinations site at www.vrbo.com/travel/pet-friendly.

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo: Jay Wennington on Unsplash

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There’s little doubt the 2020-21 school year is going to present unique and unprecedented challenges for children of all ages.  Educational issues will likely dominate the headlines, but the mental and social well being of our kids is equally as vital. 

One important consideration with early elementary students is that a lot of their feelings of angst, anxiety, and stress just feel “bad” to them and they don’t yet have the experience or vocabulary to know exactly what they’re feeling and whether that’s okay. According to the experts, one of the best things parents can do is to help children articulate and define what they’re feeling (e.g. “you’re feeling lonely because you miss your friends”) and then explaining and modeling that students are justified in feeling so. Kids will feel a range of emotions for a variety of reasons, but defining them and talking about them is a helpful way to mitigate the stress that comes from “why am I feeling this way?”

With middle and high schoolers, the era of social distancing comes at the inopportune time when their world is supposed to be expanding. Parents should acknowledge that these students are absolutely justified in feeling shortchanged of milestone experiences like homecoming dances, basketball tryouts, and trips to the movies. They’re supposed to be feeling independence and asserting themselves as individuals and this era restricts a lot of that; they’re right to be frustrated, and an important parenting strategy is to exercise specific empathy—be present while listening to their angst and repeat back to them some of their specific concerns (e.g. “I’d be upset if I were missing an entire cross-country season, too”) so that they feel heard, understood, and justified.

For students of all ages, the era of continued distance learning is likely to come with both boredom and a lack of personalized attention in school. A school without social interactions and extracurricular activities is boring—a series of online lessons strips away the fun of goofing around during “passing time” between classes and the passion that kids have for music practice, field trips, and sporting events. So parents should look for ways to add some sizzle and socialization to the learning experience. For example, find subjects (e.g. space and dinosaurs) that kids love, and small-group meetings that dive deep into those subjects where kids get to really nurture their innate curiosity. 

Personal attention is in shorter supply during distance learning too—those moments of downtime when a teacher can have a quick conversation before class or shoot a student a look that expresses “I’m proud of you” or “don’t even think about it” just don’t come up virtually. That’s when parents, or a tutor or mentor, really need to take an active role in talking to students about their schoolwork.

Kids need to sense pride when they’ve accomplished something or have an outlet to ask questions (or have someone intervene) when a concept just isn’t clicking. Unlike a school day when the time between classes and activities can facilitate so many small conversations and interactions, in an online class that click of an “exit class” button takes those interactions away, so parents will need to proactively seek personal attention.

Regardless of whether your local schools are open, using a hybrid model, or starting completely remote, make sure that you’re considering more than just the academics. After all, we can all remember back when personal interactions and social growth were just as important as the actual work. 

Brian Galvin is the Chief Academic Officer for Varsity Tutors. A lifelong educator with a Master's in Education, Brian's been teaching and developing online classes since 2009. He most recently helped design Virtual School Day, a free remote learning program that includes live, online classes to help students during coronavirus school cancellations.    

The world around us may be chaotic, but your baby’s nursery is calm. Dr. Harvey Karp and his team at Happiest Baby have created SNOObear to soothe your little one and help transition them into their crib.

SNOObear

SNOObear is a super-huggable teddy has a sound machine in its tummy that plays the same magical sounds babies love in the SNOO, the award-winning, responsive baby bed created by Dr. Karp.  

The SNOObear features six soothing sounds, rumbly train, soft shush, loud shush and the three classic SNOO sounds with three volume leavels. The SNOObear plays the sounds for 30 to 60 minutes. The SNOObear “pays attention”for three hours after the sound stops, responding to any new cries with another round of soothing sounds.

Make your little ones laugh by utilizing the finger holes on the bear’s back. Move the bears arms for pupperty fun.

Bring SNOObear along on all your adventures. The built-in strap makes it easy to dangle from your stroller or car seat for on-the-go shushing comfort.

The SNOObear is available on www.happiestbaby.com for $59.95.

NOTE: Never leave SNOObear in bed with infants under 1 year old. Never attach SNOObear (to the crib, etc) within reach, if your child is less than 1 year old.

—Jennifer Swartvagher

All photos courtesy of Happiest Baby

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The first three months of life are often referred to as the fourth trimester when your little one is still adjusting to life outside of the womb. During this adjustment, baby is depending on you to lead in building healthy habits – including healthy sleep habits.

 At first you may be overwhelmed with your little one’s irregular sleep patterns. While it will be a gradual shift to sleeping more consistently at night, it will happen. So, how can you help support your little one through this transition during the first few months of life? 

Educate yourself on newborn and infant sleep patterns. You can expect your baby to sleep between 16-18 hours per day for the first month and 11-15 hours per day the following two months. Your little one’s longest stretch of sleep will probably be between 2-4 hours at first, increasing as time goes on. Remember, even though having a familiar routine is important, try to be flexible instead of adhering to a strict schedule these first few months. 

Learn about feeding patterns. Did you know that feeding on demand – whether by breast or bottle – promotes healthy sleep? You can expect your little one to feed 8-12 times per day. As we mentioned above, be flexible with your little one’s feeding needs. Babies tend to cluster feed – again, whether by breast or bottle – around the 2nd day, 2nd week and 2nd month of life. 

Pay attention to sleep cues. Some cues may seem obvious – yawning, rubbing their eyes, heavy eyelids or interacting less than usual – but when you yourself are sleep deprived, it can feel impossible to tell what your baby wants. Your baby may exhibit one or more of these sleep cues, or may have other indicators of their own. Just pay attention and as time goes on you will learn what they are. 

Consider how surroundings affect sleep. At night, lay your little one down in a dark, quiet room to sleep. During the day, leave lights on and make noises as usual. This will help your little one gravitate toward sleeping at night when the atmosphere is more calm and serene. Also take into consideration how warm or cool the room is since your baby cannot yet regulate their own temperature. Colors, smells and other sensations can also affect their sleep. 

Help your little one self-soothe. Your newborn will not be able to self-soothe at first, but swaddling and patting them can help them feel calm and safe as they grow. As you near the third month, begin limiting talking and interacting during sleep times. You may want to begin introducing a pacifier or lovey that will provide comfort as well. 

Introduce a routine. Even though your newborn will have their days and nights mixed up at first, just give them time and it will slowly get better. The sooner that you can introduce a routine, the easier it will be for your little one to catch on. Maybe you read a book to your little one before bath time and lotion. Maybe you have a familiar song you sing or a toy that plays music to cue that it’s bedtime. There is no right or wrong, just create a routine that works for you. 

Hindi Zeidman is a former infant mental health clinician and the founder of Ollie Swaddle—The Smarter Swaddle that’s made better, feels better, and helps your baby sleep longer and better. The award-winning Ollie also help baby self-calm, reduces colic/fussiness, and prevents overheating through its special patented moisture wicking fabric.

While the world has been social distancing, family units have been getting a healthy dose of together time. Siblings especially have spent an extended amount of time together without friends or activities. Some days have probably been amazing. Others may look more like a WWE match. Hours upon hours of sharing and interacting can begin to wear any friendship thin.

Either way, it is normal for siblings to fight. Siblings rarely share similar personalities despite being raised in the same family. Differing ideas, preferences, goals, wants, needs, temperaments, and personality traits are going to create friction. Maybe even cause a few little fists to fly. Rest assured, there are things you can do to help your kids get along better, and also to change any behaviors that might trigger a tussle.

When your kids start to royal rumble, try these 6 strategies:

1. Let them work it out. The first thing to do if your kids are arguing is to wait and see if they can work it out themselves. Depending on the age of your children, sometimes they can come to a conclusion on their own. Do this only if the argument is verbal, never if it’s physical. If kids start physically fighting, stop it immediately and help them to calm their bodies.

2. Separate and calm. If you have a little one who immediately lashes out physically by pushing, hitting, or kicking, offer them something else to make contact with when they are mad. It’s never okay to hit, but you can punch a pillow, rip up a newspaper, or kick a bean bag chair. Then take some deep breaths and calm down.

3. Let them tell their story. Giving kids a chance to tell their side in an argument can be empowering. Even though to us it’s ridiculous to fight over the same stinking orange LEGO when a zillion other Legos are sitting right there, it’s a big deal to them. Feeling heard is essential. Often when my kids get a chance to tell their story, they can even catch a glimpse of how their actions added to the problem.

4. Verbalize feelings. Kids often react to emotions quickly and don’t always know what they are feeling. Saying the feelings out loud for them helps to ground them at the moment, and help identify what is going on internally. “Jimmy, it sounds like you are really mad that Lucy took that LEGO when you wanted to use it.” And “Lucy, you are feeling jealous of his LEGO house, and now your feelings are hurt because he said yours is dumb.” So often, when my kids hear me spelling it all out with their feelings, instead of telling them what to do, they feel validated and can move on. Sometimes they even apologize to each other without being prompted.

5. Pay attention to the need, not the negative behavior. When kids repeat the same frustrating behaviors that cause fights and friction, it is likely because they are trying to meet a need. For example, if a child is picking on their younger sibling to bug them, they are probably bored, jealous, or feel hurt by that child and want to pay them back. When we see negative behavior, we instantly want to give a consequence to make it stop. But when we do that, the child’s need fails to be met. The conflict will likely return. It is much better to ignore the behavior and pay attention to the need. When kids are fighting, say something like, “I wonder if you’re doing that because you’re mad/sad/worried/hurt?” This identification gives the feelings attention, not the negative behavior. Offer positive ways for the child to get attention, such as asking the sibling to play, for a hug or time together.

6. Shake some love. I remember a video I saw a few years ago where a mom talked about her “love shaker.” It was a can she had put rice in and taped up. Anytime her kids seemed like they were having a hard time, she would shake it over their heads and say she was shaking love all over them. I thought it was the sweetest idea, and while I still haven’t made a can of my own, I do something similar when my kids are bickering. Without teasing them or minimizing their problem, I start hugging them and telling them how amazing they are. I gush about how special and kind and thoughtful and gorgeous and funny they are. Sometimes I even use a silly accent. They giggle and roll their eyes and forget what they were fighting about in the first place. Sometimes kids are feeling bad about themselves and don’t know what to do with those big feelings, so they take it out on siblings. Shaking love on them and reminding each kid how awesome they are helps them feel good, like they want to share the love too.

Arguments between siblings are incredible learning lessons for how to interact and argue in healthy, appropriate ways within various relationships throughout their entire lives. Siblings fight, but they can learn to work it out, makeup, and get their needs met. The important thing is to stay calm and help each child verbalize feelings without throwing a fit or a fist. Godspeed, my friend. 

 

 

 

 

 

Krissy Dieruf is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She lives in Minnesota with her husband and three children, loves to sing and dance around the house and has a soft spot for rebels and crazy hair.