ML Interest Tag: backward

Dear Moms, I Know Why You Are Exhausted

By Michelle Zunter

I know why you are exhausted. It’s because you are giving. It’s because you are cleaning. It’s because you are watching. It’s because you are working. You pour your coffee every morning, knowing you’ll probably never get to finish it without microwaving it five times.

Someone needs you, wants you or is talking to you. Always. You are inevitably pulled in several different directions as the sun slowly wakes from her slumber. Sometimes you get up early—in the darkness—just to take a hot shower or drink your coffee in peace. Sometimes you stay up way too late just so you can take a quiet breath.

I know why you are exhausted. It’s because you are worrying. It’s because you are questioning. It’s because you are confused. It’s because you are learning.

You struggle to get everyone to where they need to be on time. You often rush around like a maniac and then wonder what it’s all for.

You scold others for not doing as they were told. You sometimes cry in utter frustration because no one seems to be listening. You feel like you explain the same thing over and over—a thousand times over.

You keep trying to do what you think is the best thing. You step up to the plate, again and again, to give it another shot.

I know why you are exhausted. It’s because you are negotiating. It’s because you are planning. It’s because you are arguing. It’s because you are yelling.

You wake up every day telling yourself you’ll be calm. You tell yourself won’t lose your sh*t or yell and scream. You tell yourself you’ll meditate, do yoga or—find your “zen.” But you don’t. You get busy. You have to go somewhere, be somewhere, take someone somewhere. You get distracted. You get frustrated. You yell.

You sometimes compare yourself to other moms, thinking you’ve lost the race. You think you’ve lost the race of who’s the calmest, the most organized or the most energetic. But all the other moms are running their own race in their own minds. They have their own battles, worries and torrential fears of failure. The other moms are exhausted, too, even the ones who look flawless. Appearances can be utterly deceiving.

I know why you are exhausted. It’s because you are self-defeating. It’s because you’re having a bad week, day, hour or moment.

You are a mom. You are everything to everyone. You get tired. You get scared. You get frustrated. Being a mom is not for the faint-hearted.

Being exhausted does not mean you are failing at motherhood. It just means you need to rest. And it’s okay to rest.

You’re exhausted because you revolve your life around your family by planning, supporting, working, cleaning, driving, helping, hugging, kissing, mending and bending over backward to adapt to every change, every challenge and every choice.

You are a mom. A glorious, messy, smart, frazzled, wondrous, confused, determined mom. Nothing runs without you, and you can’t run on empty. So, it’s really okay to just rest.

This post originally appeared on The Pondering Nook.

Michelle Zunter is the creator of The Pondering Nook where she writes and shares about relationships, marriage, divorce, parenting, step-parenting, body-image and much more. Michelle is also a co-host at The Broad's Way Show podcast where similar topics are discussed. She is also an artist, mom, stepmom, wife, partner and friend.

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

The Many Beautiful Faces of Motherhood

By April Sutphen

People say there’s no love like a mother’s love. And I can attest to the fact that this is true. Whether or not we realize it, the love we have for our children can be seen in so many different ways. I truly believe that mothers are driven by an internal instinct to protect, provide, and nurture their young. Just like animals in the wild, don’t mess with this mama bear because she’ll do anything it takes to take care of her babies!

I’m blessed to have many strong women in my life. Ones I admire and others I may not understand, but am equally as fascinated by. Each brings their own strengths to motherhood and cares for their children in their own unique way. And from each of them, I’ve learned something meaningful.

The Corporate Mom

This is the mom that works a 9-5 job and commutes to work each day. Her children are in daycare and she sometimes gets home just in time for dinner, baths, and bed. But why does she do it? Because her job carries the medical benefits and pays the mortgage. She is a strong example of a successful, independent woman.

This is my girlfriend. She leaves her house each morning by 6 a.m., driving 45 minutes away to catch the train into Jersey City. She then walks 7 blocks to her office, along the Hudson River with a view of Lady Liberty. Her office is on the 26th floor. Her cubicle is adorned with modern furniture, her laptop, desk lamp, motivational quotes,and countless pictures of her two daughters. Those pictures inspire her each and every day.

Despite her demanding schedule, she makes time for their school events. She schedules their extracurricular activities on weekends so that she doesn’t miss out. She’s tired from the long hours, but she says it’s all worth it: tt’s worth it to know that her daughters see how hard she works and to witness her success, drive and tenacity. She’s the perfect role model for her daughters.

The Stay-at-Home Mom

This title describes approximately 29 percent of mothers. The mom who stopped working when her children were born. The woman who potentially gave up her career and dreams to be a dedicated, doting mother to her children. The role of stay at home mom comes with its own set of very unique and admirable sacrifices.

Some people might think stay at home moms have it easy. The perception might be that because they don’t visit an office each day or punch a clock, that they live a life of leisure. Most times, this is just simply not the case.

The stay-at-home mom was my mother. She quit her job as a legal aid when she was pregnant with my brother. After he was born, she dedicated herself to being a mother and wife. This meant long days of playing, storytime, naps, feedings, games, cooking, cleaning, and baths. My brother didn’t attend daycare and by the time my mom gave birth to me, our family had moved from Queens, New York to a small town in New Jersey. My brother entered the public school system as my mom welcomed another newborn.

Being a stay-at-home mom enabled her to be there at the bus stop each morning and each afternoon for my brother. She spent time with him doing homework and attending all of his sporting events and practices. During his day spent in school, my mother was home with me. She cooked lavish meals in the crockpot, baked bread and pies, hung pictures, cleaned every crevice of the house and gardened. Her days were long but rewarding—rewarding in a different way than working mothers.

But the life of a stay-at-home mom can sometimes be a lonely one, with hints of regret and even resent peeking through. My mother chose to stay at home and to this day, says she wouldn’t have had it any other way. But I also know mothers who gave up their personal dreams and goals to provide for their kids. For some, this can mean feelings of lost opportunities or unaccomplished goals. But for many stay-at-home moms—just like for my mom—the sacrifice is worth it.

The Tough Love Mom vs. The Doting Mom

The tough love mom and the doting mom often have the same end-game in mind: making life easier for their child. And while the intended result is the same, the approach is very different.

I am the latter. I often do too much for my son. Like all mothers, I don’t want to see my child struggle or suffer, so the minute he shows signs of either, I am all too quick to jump in and do things for him. Though this might seem easier in the moment, I’m slowly realizing that I may actually be doing him a disservice in the long run. If he never faces challenges, how will he know how to overcome them? If I constantly do things for him, how will he ever feel a sense of accomplishment and pride when he achieves something on his own?

I could learn a thing or two from the tough love mom. These are the mothers that encourage independence and often times, require it. They leave their children to figure things out on their own. They don’t mind if their child goes to school with mismatched clothes that are on backward. Why? Because their child dressed themselves, and when they realize how uncomfortable a backward shirt is, they’ll figure out how to put it on the right way.

Tough love moms are okay with cleaning up spilled milk or spaghetti sauce stains following a meal that their child served themselves. The theory is that after a few mishaps and missteps, their children will figure out a better way—trial and error will help teach them how to efficiently do things. But do the children of tough love mothers feel that their moms are too hard on them? I guess this is the risk you run as a tough love mom.

I think both sides of this equation can learn something from the other.

So whether you’re a corporate, tough love mom teaching your children to be strong and determined or a doting, stay-at-home mom that caters to her children’s every need, all mothers are beautiful and unique, bringing different amazing attributes to the table. I observe and admire different things about each of the mothers in my life. And from these women, I draw inspiration and purpose. Thank you, moms!

Featured Photo Courtesy: Sam Manns/Unsplash

I am a 32 year old mother of a son and wife to an officer. I am honest about both the love and struggle of parenting. I enjoy being active and writing is my passion, second only to my family.

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

Inside the Totally Awesome Stacey Vaeth Photography with Stacey Vaeth

by writerredtri

The very talented Stacey Vaeth is a fourth generation photographer—so you could almost say that her awesomeness is in the blood . Stacey understands the importance of family, and as the mastermind behind Stacey Vaeth photography, she aims to capture authentic moments, not contrived poses. With that kind of experience and mission, is it any wonder that Stacey was your Totally Awesome pick for best family photographer in D.C?

Stacey recently took the time to chat with us about what makes her business so awesome, the inspiration behind it all, what it was like to win a Totally Awesome award, and more. Read on:
Red Tricycle: Congratulations on being voted “Most Awesome” by your community! What do you think your customers value most about your business?

Stacey Vaeth: We have fun! My goal is to capture what may feel like everyday moments and interactions in a family, but in an artistic and timeless way. So when we set up a photoshoot, the idea is to be fun, loose, and continuously moving. My customers value my flexibility, my creativity and my spirit, as well as the way that I can put their children at ease during a shoot. Often, the kids have so much fun that they don’t want to leave, or they talk about the shoot for the rest of the day. That, to me, is the highest compliment. Beyond the actual shoot, my clients value that they can print heirloom pieces for their home with the help of me, an artist. The large pieces that we do for clients’ homes are really spectacular, and take the intention of the shoot to the next level. The goal of this business has always been to create family heirlooms through fine art photography, and I’m happy to say that five years in, that’s exactly what we’re doing.

RT: What inspired you to start your business?

SV: I’m a fourth generation photographer, from a Rochester, New York, Kodak-family. So the question really is, “why did it take you so long to start your business?”  Prior to opening Stacey Vaeth Photography, I was a Peace Corps Volunteer, and an environmental health community organizer. But despite that work being very rewarding, it wasn’t creative enough for me. I realized at one point that I have creative talents that not everyone has, and I sort of have a responsibility to share what I can do with others. Prior to that realization, I think I figured that if something came easy to me, then it was a hobby and it couldn’t bring in an income too. But with much soul searching, I came to a clear moment when I realized that my job didn’t have to be drudgery, in fact, that it could be just creativity all of the time. So I just went for it!

RT: Any advice for new business owners just getting started?

SV: Look around at what inspires you. Read about products that you really like, and how they built their business. Use those lessons to inspire your creativity, as opposed to just mimicking what’s already out there. Also: plan, plan, plan. Set a goal date to formally open your business, and create a timeline working backward from that date to get everything done. Your website, Facebook page, how you’ll manage client data, how you’ll manage your accounting, product development, and so on. Don’t launch any of it publicly until you’re fully ready to open your doors. Trust your vision and get ready to work hard.

RT: What is your proudest moment as a business owner?

SV: Winning the Red Tricycle Award! That was a really great moment to take stock of what I’ve built, and how far Stacey Vaeth Photography has come. And of course, it feels good to know that my clients love this little company as much as I do.

RT: Is there a special offer you’d like to include for Red Tricycle readers?

SV: Yes! When you purchase any full priced family session between now and January 30 2014, mention this special and receive a set of personalized photo stationary!

Intrigued by Stacey Vaeth Photography? Follow this totally awesome business on Facebook and Twitter!

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement