Photo: Theresa Martell via Flickr

You might FEEL like you’re running yourself into an early grave, but new research from Simon Fraser University in BC suggests that moms that have multiple children have healthier DNA. The study conducted surveyed 75 women from two rural communities in Guatemala. Their telomere lengths were measured through cheek and saliva swabs taken twice 13 years apart. What the heck are telomeres, you may ask? Well, a telomere is a repeating DNA sequence (for example, TTAGGG) at the end of our chromosomes. As we age, and our cells divide, the ends of our telemeres shorten.

The research suggested that women who had multiple children showed a slower pace of telomere shortening, which increases longevity. The study leader Pablo Nepomnaschy, a health sciences professor from Simon Fraser, has a theory: “the slower pace of telomere shortening found in the study participants who have more children may be attributed to the dramatic increase in estrogen, a hormone produced during pregnancy. Estrogen functions as a potent antioxidant that protects cells against telomere shortening.”

Professor Nepomnaschy also suggests that a supportive environment, meaning encouragement and assistance from family members and friends, may contribute to the moms longevity. “Greater support leads to an increase in the amount of metabolic energy that can be allocated to tissue maintenance, thereby slowing down the process of aging.”

All that to say: go make more babies (apparently).

What do you think? Tell us in the comments!

Photo credit: gerbisson via Flickr creative commons

As we all know, you are never fully ready to raise a child. No matter how much prep work or advice you received, you can’t prepare for the the love (or the frustrations) of parenthood. An insightful discussion on Reddit popped up last week that asked the question: “What is it that nobody tells you about having children?” There were plenty of notably true answers that gave us a good chuckle.

Here are our favorites:

1. “That we’re all making it up as we go along.” —iclickiclickiclick

2. “How much you worry about their poop.” — Tigerzombie

3. “It’s like an episode of “Unsolved Mysteries” once a week. How did chocolate get under the bathroom sink? Why is there lipstick all over your face? I’ve stopped being surprised about the things that occur, I simply accept them and clean them.” — Egleu

4. “That peeing alone is a luxury” — mcmoonery

5. “I never thought I would be excited to sneak into my son’s bedroom at night to move a stuffy, and to briefly put my hand on his sleeping chest in order to feel his stomach rising and falling as he breathes. How lame have I become? I love it, though.” — Haquistadore

6. “You immediately become the co-star of your own life.” — UnfortunateBirthMark

7. “There will come a day in your life when you know the names of all the characters from your child’s favorite show (Chase! Rubble! Rocky! Zuma! Marshall! Skye!), but you haven’t seen a normal movie in the theatres since Frozen came out.” — DivinelyMinely

8. “How awkward you’ll feel when you first leave the hospital.” — MaybeSadie

9. “Newborn baby ears feel soft like rose petals. Rub your cheek against them all the time because one day their ears will be hard like yours.” — dogsordiamonds

10. “The (bleep) dishes, man.” —beardo_musacho

11. “The most terrifying sound you will ever hear is silence on a baby monitor.” — Sabezan

12. “Babies are so soft. And really really warm, it’s like holding a hot waterbottle, but much scarier since its a small human” —Angsty_Potatos

13. “When the youngster greets you in the morning standing up inside the crib, holding onto the side, bouncing up and down at the knees because they are excited to see you.” — ksiyoto

14. “Babies smell GOOD. I mean, like a sweet, sweet scent that is indescribably soothing. Seriously, smell their head.” —canihavemymoneyback

15. “You have to get comfortable pooping in front of someone while they tell you stories about sea creatures” — GlengarryGlenCoco

 

Have any to add? Share it in the comments below!

Dads are superheroes. Not only can they tickle faster than a speeding bullet and leap tall LEGO buildings in a single bound, but they are great storytellers. Put their powers to good use with these 12 picture books. Each spins a yarn involving awesome dads and the kids that love and learn from them. Flip through our album to see all our picks — and have a super story time!

Your Baby’s First Word Will Be Dada – Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy Fallon isn't just the host of The Tonight Show. He's also a dad -- and a hilarious one, at that. This becomes side-splittingly clear in his first children's book, Your Baby's First Word Will Be Dada, which comes out June 9. Fallon, who apparently did everything in his power to make sure his daughter's first word was "Dada," reveals a few tongue-and-cheek secrets.

Available at amazon.com, $10.61.

What is YOUR favorite book about dads? Tell us in the Comments!

— Kelly Aiglon

Kebabs, corn dogs, popsicles—something about eating food on a stick delights everyone’s inner child. In celebration of National Something on a Stick Day on March 28th (for real ya’ll)—here are three spots to score fabulous, fork-free eats.

Bob
Bob (as in shish ke-), had us at hello. Their candy-colored interior tucked inside the Irwin Street Market, and menu of skewers is a guaranteed crowd pleaser. Try out tounge-and-cheek combos like the Bob Newhart (a heart healthy combo of grilled shrimp, sweet potatoes, and braised onions), or the Bob Markey (Jamaican jerk chicken, pineapples and poblanos). Kebabs not your thing? Order up a house-smoked, nitrate-free hot dog, served (how else?)—on a stick.

Address: 660 Irwin St. NE
Phone: 678-705-7945
Online: www.weluvbob.com
Order: The Farmer Bob (Rutabegas, Carrots, Beets, Sweet Potatos, and Butternut Squash)or the Thingamabob (and let them build their own “bob”)
Don’t Miss: Jake’s ice cream next door

Pallookaville
If it’s corndogs you crave, Pallookaville is your place. Touted as “gourmet carnival food,” the mamoth corndogs come in a variety of meats (Italian, Polish or Beef) and batter choices (double batter, cheese, or jalapeño). You can even add a double dip for an extra buck.

Address: 17N Avondale Plz, Avondale Estates or mobile corndog wagon (check their Facebook page for locations)
Phone: 404-500-1785
Online: pallookaville.com
Order: The Corndogski (polish sausage wrapped with their signature cornbread)

Don’t Miss: The milkshakes and fried pickles

King of Pops
Unless you have been living under a rock, changes are you have enjoyed these Atlanta-made, popular pops. In fun flavors like “key lime pie,” “tangerine basil,” or “cereal milk”—there is something to please palates both young and old. Find them at Whole Foods and various other retail locations throughout the metro area, or at one of their mobile carts throughout town.

Address: Click here to find location nearest you.
Online: atlanta.kingofpops.net
Order: Banana pudding or chocolate sea salt popsicle

Don’t Miss: Their fundraisers—they will bring the pop stand to your event or school and share the profits making for an easy-peasy moneymaker. Click here to learn more.

What is your favorite food on a stick? Share with us in the comments section below!

—Phebe Wahl

Photos courtesy of Creative Commons via FlickrAnnie C. via YelpJim C. via Yelp and King of Pops via Facebook

Nothing adds color to your kiddo’s party like a fabulous face painter. Read on for our favorites in Atlanta.

Atlanta Party People
This family-owned business packs a party punch in Atlanta, Dallas, and New Orleans, and pride themselves of how well they work with the kiddos. Not only do they specialize in full-face designs, but they can also do cheek or eye designs to keep the time-in-the-chair (and out of the party) to a minimum. The best thing about Atlanta Party People? They’ll even come to your party  dressed-up to match your party theme!

Details: Atlanta Party People, $125 per hour, $75 per each additional hour, 678-431-7465

Mystical Parties
While face painters they have a plenty, Mystical Parties also offers A to Z children’s party packages, ranging from Super Hero to Princess, and everything in between. Choose their a la carte face painting option, however, and you’ll be sure to hit a home run.

Details: Mystical Parties, $190 for 2 hours (10 full faces or 15 simple designs per hour), 404-579-9057

Party Animals Entertainment
The name says it all. This outfit has been running circles around Atlanta for nearly 30 years, and you can count on them to provide everything from a singular face painter to a pre-packaged theme party replete with its own concierge.

Details: Party Animals Entertainment, $125 per hour of birthday parties (averages 12 faces painted per hour), 770-645-0901

The Alison Agency
This professional entertainment provider has experience with all types of parties, from weddings and bridal showers, to corporate events, to family events, including throwing incredible birthday parties. Count on the Alison Agency to provide professional, easy booking and event day delivery of face painters.

Details: The Alison Agency, Contact for pricing, 770-509-9409

Fun-O-Rama Parties
Face painters, puppet shows, character parties, and more – Fun-O-Rama Parties can help you plan your little’s best birthday ever. With plenty of themed parties to choose from (beyond your expected princess or pirate fare), Fun-O-Rama brings creativity and organization into your life pre-party. Not sure you want to go whole-hog this year? Just want a solid, dependable, and talented face painter? They’ve got that covered, too.

Details: Fun-O-Rama Parties, Starting at $99 per hour for face painting (allow for 5 minutes per person), 770-572-1737

Fancy’s Face and Body Art
Fancy knows face painting, and if you’re looking for some solid Atlanta references, she’s the one to call. With a client list that includes local rap royalty, Cirque Du Soleil, the Georgia Aquarium, and Nickelodeon, you can feel confident that she’s prepared to handle any scenario that may arise at your bash. Another reason Fancy will set your mind at ease? She uses only hypoallergenic, cosmetic quality paint that washes away with simple soap and water.

Details: Fancy’s Face and Body Art, $150 per hour, 404-399-8653

My Fairy Godmother Parties
When you’re in the throes of planning a party for a hoard of kiddos (and often, their accompanying parents), sometimes you wish you had a fairy godmother. Luckily for us in Atlanta, we do. Call My Fairy Godmother Parties for everything from a single face painter to a party package dubbed The Royal Ball.

Details: My Fairy Godmother Parties, $75 for as many guests as are invited, 404-453-4596

Looking for a spot to stage your soirée? Click here for ten indoor party venue ideas!

—Shelley Massey

Photos courtesy of Atlanta Party People, The Alison Agency and Mystical Parties and Fancy’s Face Painting via Facebook

They say everyone gets 15 minutes of fame. Imagine if it happened to your baby before their first birthday! Sure, having your newest little family member in the public eye isn’t for everyone — but a new book on the subject by Rick Chillot definitely is.

The Lowdown
“How to Make Your Baby an Internet Celebrity” is a tongue-in-cheek handbook that’s a fun read for new parents. It has ideas for ways to film, photograph and “brand” your baby and then send the goofy-adorable results across the interwebs. Just don’t take it too seriously — Rick is kidding around. And you, as a busy parent, deserve a laugh.

The author appears to be a born comedian (his bio touts the fact that he is a “former baby”). He’s joined by photographer Dustin Fenstermacher, known for his work for the New York Times and Village Voice. The two last worked together on a similar book, “How to Make Your Cat an Internet Celebrity.” For this fling into baby-dom, they’ve assembled 126 pages of hilarious lists, infographics, how-to info and photos.

Funny Snippets
Have you sent out a press release about your baby’s birth? The book suggests that’s where you’ll want to start. Then get down to the funny business of plotting and making a video to introduce him or her to the world before it’s too late (aka: kindergarten). You’ll get a kick out of identifying your infant’s key star qualities and finding his or her character type (action hero, intellectual, gourmand, sensitive).

Without giving away the whole book — which anyone who’s a fan of The Onion will totally eat up — rest assured there are a lot more chuckles to be had. Learn how to style your baby with props (fake beards are always winners) and use filters and sound effects to seal the deal.

The best idea? Pick up this book now and give it to the first new parent you see. And if that happens to be you, all the better.

“How to Make Your Baby an Internet Celebrity” is available now from Quirk Book, $10.11 at amazon.com.

Would you follow the tips in this funny new book? Let us know in the Comments!

— Kelly Aiglon

 This story by Jennifer Benjamin originally appeared on Momtastic.com

Between the tantrums and the defiance and the out-of-nowhere OCD, toddlers can definitely be challenging. Despite all of the meltdowns, though — both theirs and ours — kids this age are also particularly adorable. It’s probably what keeps us from leaving them with Grandma… permanently. If you haven’t noticed, time flies, and I have a feeling that in a few years, I’m going to miss these giggly, squealing, snuggly days. While it’s easy to gripe about the annoyances, I think it’s also important to embrace the sweetness of this stage. So, with that in mind, here are all of the things I actually love about toddlers:

1. The adorable way they butcher the English language. I mean, is there anything cuter than a toddler mispronouncing words? Some day, someone is going to correct them, but right now, they can still get away with saying, “Look, a hiccup truck!” and “It’s so cold, I’m brrr-ing, I’m brr-ing,” and “My want a cookie with sprinklers.”

2. The joy they get from the smallest things. Maybe it’s the wide-eyed way that we parents talk up the most mundane tasks, but you can get a toddler psyched about pretty much anything. “Want to help Mommy Swiffer the kitchen?” you ask. “Yes, yes, hooray!” they shout with joy. They’re thrilled to get stickers at Trader Joe’s. They think juice at a restaurant is a super special treat. And going to Costco, with its free samples and double-wide carts and giant frozen yogurt cups? It’s like they won the Mega Millions.

3. They’re perfectly cuddly. Kids in their 2s and 3s have lots of big emotions, which also include full-bodied, wholehearted love and affection. They will wrap their arms around your neck and squeeze tight, nestle their head on your shoulder, and throw their body around your legs with enough force to knock you off of your feet. Their faces light up when they haven’t seen you in a couple of hours, with big smiles and gleaming eyes that make you wonder what you possibly did to deserve this kind of greeting. And in those chill moments when they snuggle in close to read books or watch a show or just to rest, they fit so perfectly against your body, you think this must be exactly what this age was meant for.

4. The drama, oh, the drama. While little ones this age might not hold a grudge, they certainly know how to milk it. When they’re truly upset, sure, that can be rough, but when it’s simply whining, with fake cries and crocodile tears, it’s hilarious. If I dare refuse to give my son some cake for breakfast, he furrows his brow, wraps his arms around himself and gives an audible “harumph.” If he’s going for a full-on, Oscar-worthy performance, he might even fall back onto the couch, a forearm over his eyes for “Oh, the humanity” effect.

5. They still take naps. Sure, there are days when they fight it or spend a good hour making a slide out of the couch cushion in their room. For the most part, though, toddlers take a nap almost every day. They give their parents an hour or two of peaceful silence to read a book or watch Bravo or take a snooze themselves. Naps, sweet naps. Please, never ever ever end.

6. They have no filter. At this age, they have pretty vivid imaginations, and maybe even make stuff up sometimes. Still, they have no understanding of what’s polite, they’re not always clear on what may or may not be rude, and they aren’t really capable of lying. That’s why he might tell daddy that he has hair in his nose. Or she’ll loudly, and proudly, tell a stranger, “That’s my brother. He has a penis.” The best, though, is that they are blatant tattletales, and will confess to anything, which is especially helpful when you have twins. If one boy is crying, and I run in to see what happened, the other will usually tell me, “He took my lovey so my hit him in his face with my hand.” See? Mystery solved.

7. Their style is unique. Many toddlers insist on dressing themselves, and unless you’re going to, say, a wedding, it’s usually not worth fighting them on it. I’ve got to say that as much as I’m embarrassed by the ensembles my boys put together, they’re also good for a laugh. The other day, they both insisted on wearing brightly-colored, tie-dyed socks, which nicely complemented one’s florescent green sleeveless tee, and the other’s orange and green plaid button-down. I like to joke that they’re auditioning for clown college, but hey, as long as they’re wearing pants, I’m happy.

8. They still need us. Every now and then, one of my boys will have a nightmare, or just a rough sleep. When they were newborns, I dreaded those middle-of-the-night cries, but now, I actually don’t mind so much. I stumble in to their room to see one boy sitting up in bed, reaching for me. I silently scoop him up and sit in a chair, with his teary face against my chest, his little hand on my arm. I stroke his soft curls and wet cheek, listening for the steady breath of calm as he falls backs to sleep. My little babies are growing up so fast, but for right now, they still need their mommy, and I love that. I think I probably need it too. And I know that this toddler stage, this moment in time, won’t last forever.

This story by Jennifer Benjamin originally appeared on Momtastic.com

To read more, visit Huffington Post Parents by clicking here.

What it really feels like to raise kids today — from pregnancy to high school graduation and beyond. Read personal stories written by moms and dads, celebrate hilarious moments in parenting, get advice from experts and join our conversations.

 photo credit: Heather Katsoulis via Flickr

Editor’s note: This tongue-in-cheek opinion piece is the third in a series of humor essays in a new parenting column for Red Tricycle called “Off The Handlebars.” Love it? Hate it? Let us know what you think.

Hey little man, that’s a real nice red shirt you’ve got on there. Did your mommy get that for you? Are you going to Kindergarten? You are? Yay! You look so grown up, how old are you? 5? 6? 7? Wait – I can’t count how many fingers you’re holding up…your Adam’s apple is moving too fast for me to follow….is that chest hair I see sneaking out from your red shirt?

Fine then. Let’s have a few beers (you buy!) and talk about why you’ve been “held back.” I’ll take notes.

  1. You’re going to “get ahead”– and stay ahead.
  2. You got your baby teeth in late.
  3. You were born in the summer.
  4. Your friends – born in spring, winter, and 1982, are all going to Kindergarten later, so you’re just following their lead.
  5. It’s a sports thing. Even though you’ve never really played on a team before.
  6. You read Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers. Because you already know how to read.
  7. It’s controversial, and you’re a controversial kind of guy.
  8. Being a class TA builds good leadership skills.
  9. Preschool is fun. Why hurry out of a good thing? And besides, Kindergarten is the new 1st Grade.
  10. Mom wanted it this way.

This is good stuff. Thanks. Now, keep those chest hairs patted down for a minute because the community activist group, Parents of Children Who Wear Green Shirts would like to respond. They are too passive-aggressive to say anything to you in person, and their kids barely know how to hold a pencil, so I’ll just go over these parent notes as diplomatically as possible. Remember – I’m just the messenger here.

  1. They hate you. In the same way they hate people with nice cars and low mortgage payments, they think you’re a smarmy little turd who is gaming the system.
  2. Their 5 year-old kids were born in the spring, summer, winter and fall. They’re all going off to Kindergarten this year because, well, that’s what you do when you’re 5.
  3. Preschool is expensive. Or have you noticed? By the way, how much did that red shirt set you back? Is it designer?
  4. Their kids have trouble sitting still, also. As well. So there.
  5. Entering school a year late just so you can get your kid into the gifted program or have them be the tallest one on the sports team is lame.
  6. Parents who have kids in school most of the day are happier parents. Happier parents = happier kids.
  7. Parenting experts say the best way for kids to learn is to give them challenges and let them fail.
  8. Why is life so unfair?????????
  9. Kindergarten: Just Do It.
  10. It all evens out in the end.

Hmmm…. I see you’ve finished your beers and are now filling out college applications, so I guess we’re done. Mind if I ask a few people over here what they think of your red shirt?

[Leaning over to next table] Psssst – what do you think about this thing called “redshirting?” Is this a “boy thing?” Do you think this trend is waning– or gaining– speed? Most importantly, what are you planning on doing with your own kids when it comes Kindergarten time?

— Allison Ellis (Seattle Mom of two, including one Kindergartner, ready or not.)

Editor’s note: This tongue-in-cheek opinion piece is the third in a series of humor essays in a new parenting column for Red Tricycle called “Off The Handlebars.” Love it? Hate it? Let us know what you think.

Sorry we missed you. We are currently not checking email, Twitter, or your Facebook status updates detailing your $1,500 a night “glamping vacation.” We are enjoying our very own 3-day “ultimate staycation,” replete with onsite spa services, a fully-equipped kitchen, washer/dryer, children’s library, chef, butler and wi-fi, just steps from a beach, pool, waterfall, hiking trails and an 18-hole golf course.

We haven’t left the house.

Day 1
Oooh wee! That was a long trip from the back door down the porch steps to the start of our staycation, which begins on our moss-covered aggregate patio. My back hurts. Wah. Time for a massage. I’m opting for the hot stone treatment. The spa menu says that the stones will warm naturally from the Northwest’s own thermal temperature.

Wait. Why aren’t the rocks heating up?

Ah, well. We’re going for it anyway.

Okay, probably not the best massage in the world, but definitely not the worst.

Our accommodations include “indoor tent camping” which I think is a lot better than “outdoor tent camping.” No bugs, no drunken neighbors at nearby campsites, and a real live working toilet and sink ten feet away. Now that’s what I call luxury!

Day 2
We woke up today feeling refreshed, full of energy and ready for adventure. The kids bounded out of the house and explored our onsite organic container garden. And do you know what they found? A TOMATO! In the Northwest! In August! Amazing. We feel blessed by the bounty of this harvest.

The sun came out for a few minutes so we decided to head to the beach.

Next up: extreme sports!

You’d think we’d be wiped out from all of today’s activity, but my son really wants to hike up to the waterfall. Whew! Another incredible adventure. We plugged it in and because there are so many mosquitoes and leaves clogging the thing, we barely got a trickle, but you know what? This is nature to the fullest and we’re soaking up every minute. What a day.

Day 3
It’s rise and shine as everyone’s up for a full day of golf! The brochure didn’t explain that we would need to dig those 18 holes ourselves but that’s okay. Not leaving our staycation-bound compound is shorthand for “some of us could use some exercise.”

Luckily, just as the last of the 18 holes were being dug (and before the man of the house arrived home to see what we’ve been up to) we got in a nice round with friends.

And that concludes our vacation.

So we gotta ask readers — what is your idea of the ultimate staycation? Hot stone massage? Extreme sports? Let us know in the comment section below how awesome your staycations have been this summer. 

— Allison Ellis (she even took the photos. After all, a staycation wouldn’t be complete without some sweet memories, right?)

Editor’s note: This tongue-in-cheek opinion piece is the second in a series of humor essays in a new parenting column for Red Tricycle called “Off The Handlebars.” Love it? Hate it? Let us know what you think.

A note from the Editor: While Red Tricycle mama Allison Ellis can only dream of having it all (hey, we’re all allowed to dream of George Clooney, right?), apparently some women can indeed have it all. Take Marissa Mayer, the former Google exec turned CEO of Yahoo, who not only hit headlines for her new role, but also for the fact that she’s pregnant and due in October. Apparently, nothing is standing in Marissa’s way from having a fulfilling career, family, and personal life. What’s the secret, Marissa? Are you really super woman? 

Ever since the Atlantic Monthly posted Anne-Marie Slaughter’s July cover story, Why Women Still Can’t Have it All, I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with women (or anyone) I know that “has it all.” Hmm . . . let’s see: How about her? Well . . . almost, not quite. Those two? Nope. Totally faking it. What about . . . oh jeez, definitely no.

“Having it all” is an elusive concept, don’t you think? A moving target. I mean, what does “it” even mean? I don’t even know. But if I did – here is how I would have “it” my way: I’m married to George Clooney. He’s hot and superrich – and makes a difference in the world and all that good stuff – but he’s not quite as successful and influential as I am at my really high profile powerhouse of a job where I only work from 10:00am – 2:30pm every day, except for Fridays and Mondays. Georgy is a great dad, and everything about our partnership is 100% equal – split straight down the middle, no eye rolling or anything. Together we have 2.5 perfectly healthy and gorgeous offspring who sleep through the night and spend their days frolicking in our organic backyard farm/garden/waterfront compound that is located just steps from downtown near all the best restaurants. Our kids shun their delicate eyes from any form of electronics and instead read Newbery winners for entertainment, that is, when they aren’t penning their own award-winning titles.

My job as CEO/bestselling author/fashion model/global warming expert is stimulating and challenging (yet never draining) and even though I rarely need to brush my hair or get out of my pajamas (thanks to my state-of-the art home office and avatars who do everything). I’m frequently seen on TV as an expert and go-to person who always has the most sought-after ideas. Did I also mention that I have a cooking show and I’m starting my own cable network soon? Ahhh, the life. I’m so busy! And yet, sometimes, you know, I feel like something is missing. Like maybe I’m not doing enough.

Ms. Slaughter loosely defines “having it all” as being both a mom and a top professional. Piece of cake! I can be a top professional too – isn’t that called getting my kids to school on time and making sure they stay out of juvy? Slaughter is a role model – let’s take a look at what she’s up to now that she downsized her career and quit working for Hil so she could spend more quality time with her academic superstar of a husband and two teenage sons: “I teach a full course load; write regular print and online columns on foreign policy; give 40 to 50 speeches a year; appear regularly on TV and radio; and am working on a new academic book.” Oh, and she also writes timely and thought-provoking cover stories for the Atlantic Monthly. I like this gal, really, I do, but she makes me feel like an underachiever.

Maybe you’re the type of mom who let out a huge sigh of relief after reading Slaughter’s article (finally, someone who gets it!). Or maybe you got angry (this whole work-life balance thing is a load of BS and we need to change it, stat!). Or competitive (cool, one more down – more glass ceiling for me!) Or any other type of emotion appropriate for us parents of a certain post-modern age. Me? I’m rooting around in search of a paper bag I can breath into so I can make sense of it all.

Don’t get me wrong: It’s not like I don’t find the issues interesting or worthy of discussion. This is the kind of stuff that is fodder for social and economic change – meaty issues I’d like to gobble up more often. If I weren’t so tired. And working so hard already. The never-ending cycle of work-life balance controversy and mommy wars debates simply wears me out. Hearing about women who “have it all” or who are even trying to “have it all” sounds like there’s a scorecard – and if we don’t play the game, not only will the Slaughters and Sandbergs of the world wave a scolding finger at us, but so will the Steinems, Friedans and Cady Stantons who came before us.

So I give up! I’m waving a fistful of baby wipes from Costco as my surrender flag. For the love of judgmental parents across the country, can’t we all lighten up a little?

What do you think – what’s “it” going to take to solve this issue once and for all? More baby wipes, more Clooney, more  . . .?

–Allison Ellis  (reporting live from under a mossy covered rock in Seattle where she juggles two kids and one freelance writing career).

Editor’s note: This tongue-in-cheek opinion piece is the first in a series of humor essays in a new parenting column for Red Tricycle called “Off The Handlebars.” Love it? Hate it? Let us know what you think.

photo courtesy of Chip Simons