You’ve heard of prenups before marriage, but have you heard about the baby variety? Some couples are reportedly choosing to create before-birth contracts, outlining each partner’s responsibilities.

So what exactly is a baby prenup? Technically it’s not a “prenup” in the strictest of senses. A prenup, or pre-nuptial, agreement happens before a marriage, while a baby prenup is a cute name for a contract between two parents made prior to the baby’s birth.

photo: J Carter via Pexels 

The baby prenup clearly details what parenting duties each person is responsible for. If you’re wondering why two people would want this, think about the crazy confusion that typically follows a birth.

Who’s on diaper duty? Who’s washing baby’s zillion onesies? And who’s getting up at midnight, 2 a.m. and 5 a.m. to change baby’s crib sheets?

Going into parenting with a written agreement sets expectations, creates clarity and can make the initial adjustment easier for everyone involved. Vanessa Petronelli, a celeb spiritual and life coach, told Good Morning America, “While there will be many unexpected, unpredictable elements, it’s definitely wise to do as much planning as possible in terms of household and parenting tasks.”

Before you run to your lawyer for help, stop. Unlike the marriage variety, a baby prenup is more of an organizational/relationship saving strategy that parents tailor to their needs and less of an actual legal document.

—Erica Loop

 

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Photo: Katie Hickenbottom via https://www.katiehphoto.com

For many the New Year symbolizes a clean slate. At midnight we resolve to be our best selves in the year to come. We promise to eat better, have more patience or be present just to name a few. I typically make some sort of resolution to be more organized, which is always difficult considering on Jan. 1, I am ready for the holidays to be over. I mean boxed up, put away and done!

It’s like a switch is flipped. When the ball drops in New York City I am ready for the New Year to officially begin, sans decorations. This all poses another major dilemma because I am also ready to lie around all day and half-watch football. So, for me, the New Year typically begins with a bit of conflict—the struggle is real.

But this year along with conflict also came clarity. An AHA moment! As we were taking the ornaments off the tree a few thoughts went through my mind: my 2019 resolution of being more self-aware and of course, “Tidying Up with Marie Kondo.” Who isn’t thinking about that show?

An incredible thought popped into my head, “I don’t need to keep all this. It does not bring me joy. Why are we keeping it?” The answer was: guilt. Friends and family gave us decorations over the years and we were hanging on to them out of respect. But this strange obligation to honor their gifts was actually getting in the way of our happiness.

So, we did it! We decided to keep the decorations and ornaments that make us happy and get rid of the ones that don’t. Some were old and falling apart, others didn’t fit our st‌yle. Whatever the reason, we filled a box with the holiday décor that we didn’t want and donated it. You know what happened next?

We felt better. Lighter somehow? Not only were we not wasting time carefully wrapping and packing up things for next year that we didn’t care about, but we were also taking a stance. This is who we are and we don’t need to explain it to anyone. I guess some might say we are growing up? No time, like the present!

It sounds so simple. Keep the things in your life that give you joy; get rid of the stuff that doesn’t. Why hadn’t we thought of it sooner? There were so many reasons. First, self-reflection is really hard. I mean people actually seek out professional help to aide with the process.

Second, we are all busy. Now more than ever, people describe themselves as overwhelmed, slammed—just plain busy. Sure, this may be self-induced and have a lot to do with social media, but most of us still feel busy. And, busy people don’t have a ton of extra time for self-reflection.

Lastly, we are creatures of habit. Whether it’s daily rituals or annual ones, there is a comfort found when activities take a familiar form. But this year we didn’t do things as usual and took a moment to reflect on this specific annual tradition.

Don’t get me wrong. We still kept a ton of decorations including our Murano Italian glass ornament and our Hawaiian Santa that plays Mele Kalikimaka when we press the button. But, these things make us happy; they actually bring smiles to our faces.

It may seem silly, but I hope this strange process helped teach our kids a little bit about living a thoughtful and purposeful life. A life that includes time to ask the simple yet powerful question, “Why,” instead of always relying on the familiar, “Because we’ve always done it this way.”

At the end of the day, even if we continue doing things the way we always have, it is also good to know why.

In all forms, I love a good story! I love to hear them, tell them and write them. When not writing, networking or trying to figure out the next social media algorithm I am hanging out with my husband, Scott and two energetic and spunky girls, Bailey and Harper.

There are three bags of clothing in my basement that I have developed a potentially unhealthy and positively ridiculous attachment to. These bags are filled with cozy, teeny tiny sleepers and itty bitty baby dresses. It’s hard to believe that the long-legged, ponytailed children running around my house were ever small enough to wear them. These clothes have not fit my children for a few years and we are not going to have any more kids. I have no need to keep them. So, then, why can’t I get rid of my baby clothes?

After my husband and I came to the conclusion that our family was complete, I gleefully started flinging baby stuff from our house. The Exersaucer went to the first person who could take it as far away from me as possible. I felt relief when the baby bathtub and jolly jumper left went out the front door. These items once seem crucial, but only for such a short period of time. A period of time that is now over. It felt liberating to rid ourselves of the baby clutter and it some ways the stage of parenting it represented. But when I tried to sort through the little clothes, the out-the-door-right-now decluttering ground to a halt. ​

How could I get rid of this?

This was a favorite of mine.

Baby’s First Christmas!

This is so cute.

This is so small.

This was sooo expensive.

But it’s in such good shape!

I was angry that these wee sleepers were ruining my purge high. I moved on to Plan B, which was not to sort the clothes but to bag them all up and send it off to an organization that provides baby clothes to families in need. They can be enjoyed by someone else. And yet, a full year later, here the bags still sit, ignoring the very real reasons why they are no longer of use.

Deciding not to have more kids was not a difficult choice. Both of my pregnancies were difficult and childbirth was full-on traumatic. The lasting effects of these experiences spilled over into the first years of my children’s lives. I can say that these were years that were simply survived on my end. There were joyous moments and I am grateful for the experience, but I can honestly say that these years comprised mostly of going through the motions of life. This isn’t an experience I am interested in revisiting.

There are also the very real considerations that many parents weigh if they go through the process of deciding to have more children or not. There is the financial aspect, how it might impact careers, living space, personal goals, along with the necessary reserve mental and physical energy. If you have the desire for a child, you can likely find workarounds to accommodate these kinds of conditions.We had considerations that carried a lot of weight and the desire to accommodate just wasn’t there.

You see, I can articulate very clearly how my husband and I came to the decision that we a very happy family of four. Then, I ask, why oh why, does this little bag of clothes have so much power over me? I’ve had to genuinely question if these wee little sleepers could actually cause me to override the very clear and conscious reasoning we have for not having another baby. How can it be so hard to close a metaphorical door on something you know you fundamentally do not want?

So, I did exactly what all of the obvious signs were pointing towards. I thought about the possibility that these clothes represent some latent, unspoken desire to have another baby. The answer to this question came surprisingly easy and had nothing to do with what I thought my previous reasons were. It wasn’t about the trauma of my previous experiences or how workable the practical considerations were for us. The clarity came from the fact that my heart and my brain are not hungry in the same way that I was with my first two children. I would have done just about anything to have had those kids. I would have fought long and hard and spent our last dollar to bring them to our family. That feeling is gone. And so, with this clarity, I have finally concluded that this means that it’s time for the ridiculous bags of adorable, snuggly, wee-sized clothes to go, too.

Featured Photo Courtesy: poplasen

Kelly Park is a fertility aficionado who wants to help you get smart about your fertility. She can be found sharing info on everything from cervical mucus to IVF at www.fertilitysmarts.com

On March 13, 2015, when I was 8 weeks along in my first pregnancy, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. This time in my life that I had so looked forward to was suddenly filled with uncertainty and fear. At the time, it seemed like a curse. And obviously, nobody wants to hear the words, “you have cancer,” especially when you’re pregnant. At first I thought the timing couldn’t be worse. 

But my baby, Nico, was a blessing. He dragged me out of my self-pity and helped me focus on the light at the end of the tunnel (him), and he has continued to do so since his arrival last September. If it hadn’t been for him, that infamous lump on my left breast would have gone undetected for much longer.  He helped me survive. 

I like to define “survivor” as anyone who has lived through the words, “you have cancer.” Survivorship for me is doing my best to not dwell on the “what if’s” and “why’s” of cancer, but to be present with my miracle baby. Just like he helped me focus on him during my pregnancy, he deserves my attention on the outside. He saved my life. He saved my spirit. I owe it to him to be here with him 100%. He reminds me every day that I am the luckiest person in the world. He fought with me through surgery and chemo, and he made me a mom. Truly, we are both survivors. 

The fear is still there, looming in the background. It rears it’s ugly head whenever I’m approaching a scan or mammogram, or on significant dates like the anniversary of my diagnosis.  When I experience things like headaches and minor aches and pains, my mind immediately assumes it’s cancer. And I still deal with things like chemo brain and chronic pain from the surgery and radiation. I’m working through what I’ve come to learn is ptsd, which is common for people diagnosed with cancer. My treatment technically ended last Christmas Eve, but I’m still recovering.   

It’s been over a year and a half since the day I heard those life-changing words, but I can still recall the details of that moment with acute clarity. The exact spot I pulled my car over on Belmont Avenue when the doctor called me with the test results. The hesitation and reluctance in her voice. The crushing words, “it is cancer.”  The only thought I could vocalize: “will my baby be ok?” Her answer: “I don’t know.”  And I remember the gut-wrenching fear that followed as a dear friend drove me home while I sobbed. I remember saying over and over again, “how will I ever sleep again?” How could I ever escape this terror? At the time, it seemed impossible.

But here I am, over a year and a half later. Smiling and laughing. Breathing. Sleeping (as much as my 13 month old early bird son will let me). Doing my best to not take for granted this life that I now know is so fragile. I guess you could say I’m surviving. 

Do you have a story about how breast cancer has impacted your life as a parent? We want to hear it! Join our October Breast Cancer Awareness conversation and share your story today.

Beat breast cancer while I was pregnant with my son, who just turned one. Still trying to find a new normal after becoming a mom and being diagnosed with cancer at 33 years old. I teach music and yoga to kids, I'm married to a chef so I never cook.

Red Tricycle is looking for Local Sales Reps to manage and grow local advertising for our collection of newsletters and local and national sites. Our Sales Reps are responsible for generating sales revenue from local businesses for Red Tricycle by identifying prospects, developing strategic plans, preparing presentations and proposals, negotiating rates and schedules, and communicating results and/or challenges to management.

What We Offer:
Red Tricycle is a vibrant and fast-growing start-up focused on offering clarity and solutions for moms, who are the primary decision makers for over $5 trillion a year in consumer spending. Red Tricycle is already the #1 resource for families planning their weekend.

We offer a highly attractive commission package on an entrepreneurial team that continues to outpace the competition year after year. Positions are remote, so you can avoid the commute!

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The ideal candidate will have the following qualities:

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If interested, please send cover letter and resume to admin@tinybeans.go-vip.net.