ML Interest Tag: family-tales

I’m a Single Mom on a 30K Salary & Almost No Help from My Ex: Here’s How I Make It Work

by Gabby Cullen

Our new series, Family Tales, is an honest peek into the daily lives of families across the country who are on this crazy ride we call parenthood! From divulging childcare costs to breaking down family finances to managing bedtime routines with multiple kids, we tap into the Red Tricycle army of parents to find out how they’re making it work. This series is a judgment-free zone.

Interested in telling your story? Start by filling out our questionnaire here. All stories are anonymous.

 I’m a Single Mom on a 30k Salary with Almost No Support from My Ex: Here’s How I Make It Work.

 

My age and occupation: 31, childcare provider
My partner’s age and occupation: N/A
Annual household income: $30,000
City: Bothell, Washington
Childcare costs per year: $2,400
How we found our childcare: I work there
Our kid(s) ages: 8 and 7

photo: Josh Willink via Pexels

I’m a single mom without much support from my ex (he started paying child support this past summer after six years), and I run the childcare program at my kids’ school. I get a discount, so not having to budget full-price child care into my salary means I have enough money left over every month to pay for the activities my kids enjoy: piano, cheer, gymnastics and dance. Our life is a little frantic at times, but as a single mother, I feel lucky to be close enough to my kids to have an input on their education, even if the days are long. Here’s how I make it work as a single mom of two without much support from a partner:

Morning: I’m the first one up, and it’s always early

I wake up at 5 a.m. and leave for work at 6 a.m. My commute is only about five minutes, which is great. I’m also a full-time student, and my job is one of the reasons why I’m able to make it work. I know I’m lucky.

photo: iStock 

Another reason why I’m able to make it work is that I live with my mom. She’s the one who wakes my children up at 5:30 a.m. and gets them, and herself, ready for school and work. I do feel guilty sometimes because my job and child care situation takes away time spent with my kids (they aren’t allowed to be in the classroom with me), and I struggle with not being able to control things like whether or not they get their homework done.

photo: Energiepic via Pexels

My Work Day: Halfway through the day, I have to switch into student mode

It’s a mad dash after I leave my job at 10 a.m. At this point, I’ve already been at work for half the day. When I get home I have to quickly switch gears into student mode (I’m working on a bachelor’s degree in elementary education.). Between classes and schoolwork, there’s little to no time left for anything else before I rush back to work at 3:15 p.m. to get ready for the after-school program.

photo: iStock 

Afternoon: It can be frustrating waiting so late for parents to pick up their kids

The bell rings at 3:40 p.m.; my coworkers and I divide the students and go to our respective classrooms—my children being in the other class, of course. I do my best to keep the boundaries of mom and teacher when at work, but it isn’t always easy when they see me in the halls.

Throughout the week either my mom or I will shuttle the kids to their practices or home after school, and it can get late. On Mondays and Wednesdays, I don’t pick up my daughter until 8 p.m.!

The rest of the week, I’m usually home by 7 p.m., but we generally have at least one parent a week that doesn’t arrive to pick up their child by 6:30 p.m., and I occasionally end up staying at work until 7 p.m. or even 7:30 p.m. I get that everyone runs late, but these late evenings are so agonizing. Parents who arrive after closing time are taking away from time I can spend with my own kids, and I can’t help but feel annoyed.

photo: iStock 

Evening: Even though I’m exhausted, this is the best part of my day

My mom makes dinner and tries to have it ready around the time I get home. After dinner, I sign any papers from school, check on the kids’ homework, do bath time and have them in bed by 9 p.m. Bedtime is definitely my favorite part of the day. Since our schedules are so hectic, this is the only time we can fit in quality time during the week. My ex-husband only sees them once a month, so I try to set aside this time just for my kids.

photo: Pixaby via Pexels

Bedtime: It’s a struggle for me to actually slow down after the kids are asleep

I’m often not in bed until 11 p.m. or even 12 a.m. I know that’s not enough sleep, but I really struggle to wind down after my day. The crazy thing is that in just a few hours, it’ll start all over again.

Interested in telling your story? Start by filling out our questionnaire here. All stories are anonymous.

 

 

 

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I’m Unapologetic about My $290,000 Household Income: Take My Advice & You Can Have the Same

by Erin Lem

Our new series, Family Tales, is an honest peek into the daily lives of families across the country who are on this crazy ride we call parenthood! From divulging childcare costs to breaking down family finances to managing bedtime routines with multiple kids, we tap into the Red Tricycle army of parents to find out how they’re making it work. This series is a judgment-free zone.

Interested in telling your story? Start by filling out our questionnaire here. All stories are anonymous.

I Work from Home & Pay $15K per Year in Childcare: Here’s Why I Love the Life I Have

 

My age and occupation: 30, non-profit CEO
My partner’s age and occupation: 36, active-duty military
Annual household income: $290,000
City: Tampa, Florida

Childcare costs per year: $15,000 over the table
How we found our childcare: word of mouth
Our kid(s) ages: 4, 6 and 8

 

Photo: Irina Murza on Unsplash

Tampa is a great city in beautiful sunny Florida. If you’re willing to live in the suburbs, you can have a large home with a big backyard and a pool. Plus, Florida has no state income tax! I am so lucky to have a career that pays six-figures and allows me to work from home so that I can see my kids whenever I want. Our three kids are getting older and we’re finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. New moms ask me for career advice all the time. Take it from me: the years with young children who don’t sleep through the night, and childcare that costs more than your mortgage will not last forever. Here are a few things I learned along the way (rule #1: do not quit your job) and how I make it work as a mom of three running a non-profit:

Morning: I somehow manage every morning solo with all three kids

My husband’s alarm goes off at 5:15 a.m. He is entirely incapable of being quiet in the morning. I don’t understand it, but he is like a bull in a china shop and always wakes up at least one kid on his way out. By 6:20 a.m. I run from one room to the next getting cranky, sleepy children dressed for school. I say the F-word under my breath at least five times before 7 a.m. The two oldest children ride their bikes to school with several neighbors. They need to be out the door by 6:45 a.m. to make it to school on time. Don’t ask me why the elementary school starts so early.

photo: Elvis Batis via Flickr

We rent our house for $2,500 a month and the elementary school my two oldest attend is the best rated school in the district. It’s a public school, so we don’t pay tuition. My husband would prefer to send the children to a private school, but I like the convenience of the local public school where the kids can ride their bikes with their neighbors. We desperately want to buy a home in our current neighborhood, but want to be sure that we have enough money saved for a down payment (20%) and closing costs (about $18,000).

Once the older two are out the door, I only have the youngest home. I give her a snack and put on a cartoon while I do a quick workout in the garage. I gained 30 pounds in the last three years when I started a desk job. I can’t compromise on this workout. I have to do it. It’s hot in Florida, and extremely humid. I come inside 45 minutes later dripping in sweat. It’s time for my youngest to go to school (we pay $1,000 per month for this daycare). The longer she stays home in the morning, the bigger the battle at drop off. I don’t bother to shower. I throw her in the car and drive her to daycare.

photo: Pexels

My Work Day: I can’t have co-workers knowing that I’m a frumpy mom in real life

It’s now 8:30 a.m. and all of the kids are at school. I shower, feed the dog, eat a small breakfast and sit down in my home office. The phones start ringing at 9 a.m. I am a CEO of a state-wide nonprofit and I have a daily video conference with my national colleagues at 10 a.m. As much as I would prefer to stay in yoga pants with a messy bun all day, it’s this video conference that forces me to put on makeup and look presentable. I can’t have co-workers knowing that I’m a frumpy mom in real life.

I actually started my career as a high school English teacher, and was only earning about $35,000 a year at that time. Within the last four years, I made the transition to the nonprofit industry. In doing so, I more than quadrupled my salary (and we wonder why we cant keep teachers in the classroom…). Anyways, we just recently started having excess money beyond fixed living expenses.

Those first few years teaching and being a new mom were tough. But I told myself: do whatever it takes. Back then our child care expenses were more than $3,000 per month. I made less than that after taxes, and we lost money every month with me working. I was determined to build a resume and have a career though, so we just accepted that childcare would exceed my earning potential for the first several years of my career.

photo: Pexels

Sometimes other new moms ask me for advice and I tell them: do not quit your job, even if you earn less than childcare. If you have a two-income household, scale back your standard of living now so that you can live the life you want later. Remember that these years with young children who don’t sleep through the night, and childcare that costs more than your mortgage will not last forever.

Eventually, your kids will grow up, and will not need around the clock care like they do now. If you don’t keep working on your career now, you will have to start from scratch when the kids are older. The problem with that is you will be older, you will have little to show on a resume and you will be competing for jobs with younger people who have more skills. If you can’t work for whatever reason, do whatever it takes to gain new skills. You need skills to set you apart—whether it’s learning a new language, mechanical skills, grant writing, public speaking or computer programming. Learn something new every year. Don’t stop working on yourself. Yes, I clearly have strong feelings about all of this.

photo: Ashton Bingham on Unsplash

Afternoon: Locking my office door is mandatory

My two oldest children bust through the front door at 2:15 p.m. They are usually bickering about who is faster, smarter or who gets first dibs on the remote. I close my office door and lock it. It’s too early to stop working for the day, but my productivity greatly decreases once the kids are home. I push through the next two hours to wrap up for the day. I pick up my youngest from daycare at 4:30 p.m., head home and stare at a refrigerator full of groceries before thinking of where to order takeout.

photo: Unsplash

Evening: The chaos continues…

It’s now 5:30 p.m., and my husband arrives home totally starving. I could easily eat a bowl of cereal for dinner or some canned soup, but my husband acts like he has to have a meal with all five food groups for dinner. He’s in the military and works out all the time. He never gains weight. This is why I gained weight. I eat with him when I’m not even hungry.

photo: Annie Spratt via Unsplash

The kids have been outside playing with the neighbors since they got home from school. It’s now 6 p.m., and I call them inside for homework, dinner and showers. This process of collecting my children scattered around the neighborhood takes at least 20 minutes. We argue about homework for a few minutes before someone gets yelled at for talking back or being defiant. My husband sits down with one child and I sit down with the other. It takes the four of us at least 40 minutes to finish homework. I’m irritable now, and already dreading next year when we will have 3 kids in school with homework.

Bedtime: I think about punching my husband in the face for a quick minute, but decide against it

It’s now 8 p.m., and homework is finished, dinner is over and kids are bathed. I start the bedtime routine. Everyone insists on reading a different book before bed. Lights are out by 8:30 p.m. I go downstairs and slump onto the couch next to my husband. It’s 8:35 p.m., and all three children are suddenly so dehydrated that they come down for a drink. My husband takes them upstairs. He doesn’t get suckered into bedtime stories. He tells them all to go to sleep in a stern voice and they listen. That technique never works for me. I don’t get it.

photo: jbdeboer from Pixabay

I take a shower at 9 p.m. I can’t sleep without showering first. I come out and my husband is already in bed. He asks why the laundry hasn’t been folded since I was home. Maybe he forgot that I work ALL DAY. I think about punching him in the face for a quick minute, but decide against it. I make a mental note to fold the laundry tomorrow. We talk for a few minutes about the kids, finances, weekend plans, etc. Sometimes we reflect that we can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. Our children are getting older, and more self sufficient now. We don’t need childcare around the clock anymore, and I know that in another five years from now, we won’t likely need childcare at all. These days go by so fast.

We kill the lights at 9:45 p.m. Wow. We got one whole hour alone together tonight! Not bad.

Interested in telling your story? Start by filling out our questionnaire here. All stories are anonymous.

 

 

 

I’m a Former New Yorker Living in Rural California on $20K a Year

by Erin Lem

Our new series, Family Tales, is an honest peek into the daily lives of families across the country who are on this crazy ride we call parenthood! From divulging childcare costs to breaking down family finances to managing bedtime routines with multiple kids, we tap into the Red Tricycle army of parents to find out how they’re making it work. This series is a judgment-free zone.

Interested in telling your story? Start by filling out our questionnaire here. All stories are anonymous.

I’m a Former New Yorker Living in Rural California & Homeschooling My Daughter on $20K a Year. Is Our Lifestyle Comfortable? Ha! Does It Work? Yes.

 

My age and occupation: 45, full-time student, copywriter, jewelry designer, website manager
My partner’s age and occupation: 43, videographer, web designer, kitchen prep
Annual household income: $20,000
City: Mount Shasta, CA

Childcare costs per year: not much because all our other work is intentionally from home, but what we do spend is under the table.
How we found our childcare: neighborhood connections
Our child’s age: 8

photo: Creative commons

We live in a small community in Northern California called Mount Shasta—you may recognize the town’s name as the namesake of the local volcano just nine miles away. There are only a little over 3,000 people in town, which means those of us who live here are close. For my wife and I (we’re both women), community is literally everything. Having a network of trusted people we can rely on—for childcare, support and networking—makes our life in this tiny town actually possible. We make collectively $20,000 per year, which means we know how to budget, trade and make a dollar stretch way more here than if we lived anywhere else. Curious how we do it with an eight-year-old? Here’s our story:

Morning: Homeschooling Days Are My Favorite

Every day in our family begins at 7 a.m. when we get my daughter ready for school. She goes to a charter school three days a week and the other two days she’s homeschooled. For five months this year my wife did not have work and took predominant responsibility for getting our daughter to school. During that time since my wife took morning duty, I studied, focused on client work or headed off to class.

photo: Annie Spratt via Unsplash

Now that my wife is shuffling jobs (typical here in Mount Shasta), we split duties. Lately, I drop my daughter off at the local charter school, which is nine miles away from home, then head to class or head home to study or work. Two days a week our daughter is homeschooled, which generally involves required worksheets and nature hikes. I love our homeschool days because we garden, head out into nature or learn show tunes, cook and do other things I can integrate learning into. These days with my daughter are my absolute favorite.

Mid-day: Hustling to Make Ends Meet

My wife and I both cobble together a variety of different gigs from working in a restaurant to video editing to web work, which is great that we’re both home so much for our daughter, but we’re constantly hustling to cover our monthly expenses every moment of the day.

photo: Pixabay

Expenses now includes utilities, old car maintenance, gas (up to $4/gallon in California right now and when you live rural, you drive), rent and dance classes for our daughter. We also pay for a summer camp, but it’s cheap. It’s run by an Emmy-award winning Broadway performer and is a theater camp, and it costs less than $200 for the summer. Our monthly expenses can stress us out, but I feel lucky that my wife and I are on the same page and split responsibilities (with our daughter and otherwise) evenly.

Afternoon: We Lean on Our Community Every Day

Like I mentioned, community is everything to us here and we’ve been lucky enough to find our niche. Since everyone is community-minded, no afternoon is the same. We share responsibilities (the term we use is “kid-shifting”) like picking up, dropping off and bringing kids to and from dance classes like hip hop and ballet. Most of our friends aren’t working a standard 9-5 lifestyle so this kid-shifting works. We’ve put a lot of time and effort into maintaining a community here and swapping with other parents.

photo: Matthew Henry via Burst

It’s such a relief to know we’re not alone and if my wife or I have something we can’t get out of, we can rely on our tribe to help us with our daughter—all without ever feeling guilty about asking or that we owe them one in the future. Despite our community what does make me the most anxious are those days when we can’t find someone to take her. Next semester she might even be coming to class with me!

Evening: Sometimes I Wish for More

We have dinner together and then our daughter goes to bed at 8 p.m. and we stay up until at least midnight working and studying. Our family’s lifestyle at this stage of life works for us but is it seriously comfortable? Ha! Now, “comfortable” is subjective. The truth is that we live rural in an old house, which is a far cry from our previous lives as a New Yorker and a Canadian in Paris. We live very simply, intentionally, to avoid much debt. We buy everything second-hand. We don’t go out much, cook simply and I manage my daughter growing out of stuff constantly by maintaining credit at a consignment shop. I used to own one and also worked as a “picker” for a while, so I’m good at that.

photo: Nicole De Khors via Burst

But…even $40,000 a year would mean the ability to pay for a new-to-us vehicle. A truck would be helpful so we could get our own firewood for the winter. We’re working on it. My wife is Canadian and wasn’t legally allowed to work for a year, and I was building a business online and waiting tables to support us, and then I decided to go back to school. It took her another year to build her own business (jobs are scarce here, especially anything that really pays, and she has two degrees in her field). Because I am in school again and being with our daughter is more important to us than constantly working, we do this all very slowly. My credit is really good because I manage it really well. But tell me any family lives “comfortably” on $20,000 a year.

Sure, I want more financial resources (who doesn’t?), but if I had to do it all over again, I wouldn’t change anything. I don’t believe in thinking like that.

Interested in telling your story? Start by filling out our questionnaire here. All stories are anonymous.

 

We Make $200K, but I Still Feel Like a 1950s Housewife

by Erin Lem

Our new series, Family Tales, is an honest peek into the daily lives of families across the country who are on this crazy ride we call parenthood! From divulging childcare costs to breaking down family finances to managing bedtime routines with multiple kids, we tap into the Red Tricycle army of parents to find out how they’re making it work. This series is a judgment-free zone.

Interested in telling your story? Start by filling out our questionnaire here. All stories are anonymous.

We Make $200K, but I Still Feel Like a 1950s Housewife

 

My age and occupation: 34, non-profit tech manager (I work from home)
My partner’s age and occupation: 37, engineer (my husband commutes)
Annual household income: $200,000
City: Silver Spring, MD

Childcare costs per year: $26,000, a mix of over and under the table.
How we found our childcare: Neighborhood ListServ and word of mouth
Our kids ages: 3 and 5

Photo: Craig Adderley from Pexels

My ego has taken a huge hit to make our family work. From my perspective, I had to make huge sacrifices to make our lives work. I switched jobs from one that was intense, required a lot of long hours and travel, but was deeply rewarding to one where I can work from home and have infinite flexibility, but honestly, I feel rather meh about it. I also take on the burden of most of the parenting and childcare. I’m rather progressive in my women’s rights views so it’s a struggle to be living a reality closer to a 1950’s housewife than my ideal. Not being well styled, not being able to help out a friend easily, always feeling like everyone needs more of my time—they’re all things that have bruised my ego and forced me to re-think my identity since having kids.

Morning: I Do Mornings Solo

My husband wakes up first at 6 a.m. and I try to get up around 6:20 a.m. to get in a quick half hour of work before the kids wake around 7-7:30 a.m. on their own. The next hour is spent making breakfast and lunches (if I didn’t do it the night before), getting on clothes, cleaning up from breakfast and getting out the door. I have no idea how it takes two hours to do this—maybe it’ll get better when they’re more self-sufficient.

photo: Pixabay

My husband leaves for work by 7 a.m. to beat the DC traffic so all the morning responsibilities fall on me. I love my mornings with the kids when they’ve had a good night sleep. They’re so smile-ly and energized. I also know my time with them is limited in the mornings, which helps me enjoy it.

By 9 a.m. I’m out the door with the kids. Depending on the day I have one or two drop-offs. My youngest attends an in-home place three days a week and a preschool two days a week. The in-home place does me a solid on days that I need to travel or have longer hours for work, she’ll take both my kids. I have no idea how I could hold a job if she didn’t help me out. The flip side is that it’s only one woman so when she is sick, like she’s been for a week plus on occasion, I’m pretty screwed.

photo: Ryan Fields via unsplash

Our childcare is fully built around my schedule and because my husband’s commute is so long he is useless in being my backstop without major planning. Even though we’re lucky in that we’ve made some strategic choices that allow us to live within our means—like we bought a small house with a small mortgage, there is no cleaning service and no nail salons or spa visits—I still always panic that it’s not enough and I check our checking account weekly to make sure daycare payments and credit card bills aren’t going to bounce. We need a bigger house because my 3-year-old lives in a closet. We need a house closer to my husband’s work so he can help with the parenting responsibilities.

Mid-day: Sometimes My Actual Work Suffers Because I Work from Home (But Don’t Tell My Boss)

After drop off I sprint the mile home to get to work. I’ve now checked off my “exercise” for the day.I log-in to work for the next 4-5 hours. I work from home so at least I don’t have a real commute (unless you count the preschool/daycare drop-off). My spouse sees my time working at home as ‘me’ time so I also often do some loads of laundry, pause to mow the lawn, vacuum, change sheets, prep dinner, etc. during my work time.

This is also when I squeeze in an intense Board Role work, counseling sessions to deal with communication and anxiety issues and doctors appointments for me and the kids. All of the add-ons to my work days leave me scrambling to meet my hours. Work drops dead at 3:10 p.m. so I can run and pick up the kids and avoid minute-by-minute late fees.

Afternoon: Finally, Family Time

3:45-5 p.m. is family time. I play outside with the kids, do art projects, bring them to playgrounds, go to the library, or run errands that I couldn’t squeeze in to my work day hours. I’m usually more short-tempered than I want to be during this period because I’m thinking about the long list of things that still needs to get done for the day and anxious to get through the time together without burning down the house.

photo: Janelle Connor

The kids both get to choose one show each to watch while I make dinner, which is an adventurous nightly challenge since we’ve been without an oven for a year. Dad usually arrives home from work around 6 or 7 p.m. burnt out and uninterested in playing with anyone, but the kids just want to wrestle. We try to wait for him for dinner, but usually we’re all so hungry that we are finished and he eats alone. I feel bad, but I also get really hangry and have not mastered waiting until after the kids go to bed to eat with him.

Evening: I Love Our Evenings

After dinner around 6 p.m. we try to go for a family walk in the neighborhood. Then snack, baths three days a week, two books and bedtime. The five year old goes down smoothly by 8 p.m. If the three year old was allowed to nap by one of his daycare providers he might keep bouncing off the walls until 10 p.m. or later.

photo: Photo by Kyle Nieber on Unsplash

After the Kids Bedtime: My Husband Won’t Stop Talking

Once the kids are in bed I turn back to the house to tackle the chores that have accumulated. I’ll do the dishes, put away any really bad messes and sweep the floor. Thankfully our house is small so everything is done in under an hour. If there is time I’ll try to tackle some online bills or sneak in another hour of work to stay on top of the stuff I shirked to do during my actual work day.

At some point, I know my husband will want to talk to me, when I have to pause and listen to him and have deep discussions. I try to not be resentful—I mean I actually really enjoy this guy, but sometimes it seems more important to keep my sanity by keeping things flowing at home than hearing his thoughts on electric cars or what we’ll do when we retire. I try to sneak in a few updates on the kids days and talk about immediate plans that he needs to be in the know about or that I need his weigh-in before moving forward.

photo: rawpixel from Pixabay

Sometimes I wish we had entered couples counseling before having kids. Or, talked to someone that preps you and your spouse with a lot of questions and scenarios and works through them with you so that you both know what the other one is thinking better. Oh well, maybe we can do this in the future.

I try to get into bed by 10 p.m., but usually, it’s more like 10:30 p.m. My husband goes to bed at the same time as me. I try to have a strict ‘no talking to me’ policy in bed while I go through my long and slow reading a book routine to fall asleep, but sometimes he’ll start talking about stuff again. It’s a good conversation, but I usually get short because I just want to sleep.

Hopefully by 11:30 p.m. I’m zonked out. About 60% of nights the kids now sleep through the night; other times we’re up and down between the two of them with nightmares and wet beds and needs for glasses of water.

I try to incorporate mindfulness and multi-tasking into my life. I am most successful when I can acknowledge when a situation sucks or when it’s awesome and embrace that acknowledgment, then move on. I keep this in mind as I drift off into dreamland.

Interested in telling your story? Start by filling out our questionnaire here. All stories are anonymous.

I’m a Single Mom Living on $107K & I Have No Regrets

by Erin Lem

Our new series, Family Tales, is an honest peek into the daily lives of families across the country who are on this crazy ride we call parenthood! From divulging childcare costs to breaking down family finances to managing bedtime routines with multiple kids, we tap into the Red Tricycle army of parents to find out how they’re making it work. This series is a judgment-free zone.

Interested in telling your story? Start by filling out our questionnaire here. All stories are anonymous.

I’m a Single Mom Living on $107K a Year and I Have No Regrets

 

My age and occupation: 37, physician assistant
My partner’s age and occupation: I’m a single mom
Annual household income: $107,000
City: Rochester, NY

Childcare costs per year: $18,000 per year over the table
How we found our childcare: Google
Our kid(s) ages: 8 and 6

 

photo: Brooke Lark via unsplash 

After my separation from my ex-husband it was just me and the girls and I desperately needed care. I googled every daycare in our area. Luckily, I found one, we visited and we all loved it. Sometimes I feel like I’ll be paying for expensive daycare for forever but I know it won’t always be like that. The elementary school years are fun, and having the girls in AM and PM care allows me to work and provide for our family. It wasn’t always easy but I am happy with the decisions I’ve made.

Morning

I wake up at 6 a.m. If I am up before my girls, I get their breakfast around and start packing lunches for the day. They’re up by 6:30 a.m. to eat at home before school, then dressing, hair brushing and tooth brushing. I no longer allow TV in the mornings because we were struggling to get out the door on time. Now that they’re in third grade and kindergarten they dress independently and brush their teeth and hair independently, I just do hair styling.

photo: Rubbermaid Products via Flickr

We leave the house by 7:15 a.m. so I can drop them off at our daycare for AM care. Both kids will get on the bus at daycare. From there, it’s hugs and kisses goodbye and a final wave at the waving window. I head to work, which is a 20 minute commute by car.

Afternoon

I work as a PA at an outpatient office where I see patients from 8 a.m.-4:30 p.m. Monday through Friday. I try to do all of my work, at work, which usually means that I work through my lunch hour doing charts and returning patient calls. But I’m ok with that. I finally feel like I’m living comfortably, but it wasn’t always that way. It took me a couple years after my separation to get there. I get minimal financial assistance from my ex husband.

photo: Free-Photos from Pixabay

Evening

I typically pick up the girls from PM care around 5 p.m. Our district only has half day kindergarten so my younger daughter rides the bus to daycare after her AM kindergarten class at public school and eats lunch and does wrap care there.

Thankfully our daycare is really close to our house so we’re home quickly. I also love that my kids have made friends there and they’re rarely closed for random days like snow days. Even though childcare is more than my rent, it’s such a great place for working parents and totally worth the money, especially since I have no family in the area to help out.


photo: Moshe Harosh from Pixabay

Evening is always challenging for me because I’m tired from work and the girls still need help with homework and I need to prep/make dinner. I am divorced and I often make the girls something I know they’ll eat for dinner (pancakes, eggs and toast, spaghetti) without fighting me on it. I usually end up making myself something separate and eating after them or sometimes as late as when they’re in bed. I try and have my third grader do her homework when I’m making dinner, and then I listen to my kindergartener read after dinner. Then they usually watch one show on Netflix and I try and eat something then.

Bedtime

I try and get the girls in the shower between 6:30-7 p.m. They shower every night and share a room with bunk beds. We either read a chapter book together or they listen to an audiobook before lights out which is 7:30 p.m.

I always scratch backs and sing songs to them before bed. Bedtime is one of our prime connection points for the day. Usually they’re asleep by 8 p.m. and I unpack backpacks, wash lunch boxes, do dishes, and then relax/read/watch a show on Hulu or Netflix before I’m usually in bed by 10 p.m.

Interested in telling your story? Start by filling out our questionnaire here. All stories are anonymous.

 

 

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Family Tales: How Being a Working Mom Has Made Me a Better Parent

by Erin Lem

Our new series, Family Tales, is an honest peek into the daily lives of families across the country who are on this crazy ride we call parenthood! From divulging childcare costs to breaking down family finances to managing bedtime routines with multiple kids, we tap into the Red Tricycle army of parents to find out how they’re making it work. This series is a judgment-free zone.

Interested in telling your story? Start by filling out our questionnaire here. All stories are anonymous.

How Being a Working Mom Has Made Me a Better Parent (and Human Being)

My age and occupation: 32, executive assistant
My partner’s age and occupation: 34, engineer

Annual household income: $145,000
City: A Denver suburb

Childcare costs per year: $16,000 (we pay over the table)
How we found our childcare: We visited five different childcare centers in close proximity to work and home and went with our gut.
Our kid(s) ages: one son who will turn two in May

Despite my husband’s new job (and higher pay that comes along with it), after giving birth I knew I didn’t want to be a stay-at-home mom as much of my confidence and happiness come from my work. So, even though we live in a suburb where one parent (which I noticed almost always happens to be the mother) can stay home or work from home part-time, I knew that path wasn’t for me. And, it works for our family. As I remind myself, a happy mom is the best type of mom.

Here’s what a typical day looks like for our family:

Morning: We Play Offense Instead of Defense

My husband and I both wake up between 5 and 5:30 a.m. daily. We both like to get dressed and ready for the day before our 21-month-old wakes up. We prefer to play offense rather than defense when it comes to morning time with our son.

My husband eats before leaving for work between 6:30 and 7 a.m. My son wakes up sometime between 6 and 7 a.m. It’s a total crapshoot, but he sleeps through the night so we don’t mind. I never wake our son up, I always wait until he is awake on his own to get our day started. He eats breakfast at daycare and I eat mine at work, so I get him dressed and he heads to daycare for the day. My office arrival is flexible so I arrive between 7 and 8:30 a.m. depending on the day and how much I have going on.

Believe it or not, we started looking at childcare options when I was about 4 to 5 months along which I thought was plenty far in advance. We were 20th on a wait-list at some centers, which seems crazy. If you want to give yourself plenty of options, I’d recommend starting the childcare search as soon as you know you are expecting. We chose a center over in-house daycare or a nanny because the extra structure and professionalism at a center (plus, the state license) personally gives me peace of mind. Plus, there is always back-up care at the center if one of the teachers calls in sick.

Afternoon: You Don’t Have to Do It All to Get It All Done

My stay-at-home mom friends wonder how I can go to work and I wonder how they can stay home, but there is no right way to be a mom.

I work until 3:30 or 4:30 p.m. depending on how my day goes. I know that when I’m at work, my son is learning all kinds of things that I would have never thought of as a stay-at-home mom—songs, sign language, and more. He is learning to play with others which is important to us as he maybe will be an only child (we haven’t decided on whether to have #2 just yet). They feed him breakfast and lunch, which is a huge help.

I know that I made the right choice for myself in going back to work, but it certainly wasn’t easy and not without some disappointment. I chose to breastfeed which meant I was hauling my pump to work every day. I would have preferred to breastfeed until our son turned one, but my supply dropped and we only made it through seven months before we had to supplement with formula. I also sometimes feel bummer that I miss out on mommy-and-me classes that seem to only be offered during the week like music, dance and story time at the library which all sound like so much fun.

When I leave work I might run a few errands (fueling up my car, picking up dry cleaning, groceries, etc). A lot of these errands I cram into the after-work hours because that’s the only time I have free to get it done.

I will always work, but I think that there is value in my son seeing his mom go to work everyday and having a dad that spends a lot of 1:1 time with him. If I make it home before the boys I change out of my work clothes, wash off my make-up and pick up around the house and start dinner while listening to a podcast. My husband picks our son up after he is done working between 4:30 and 5:30 p.m.

Evening: Keep It Consistent, But Not Rigid

Meal planning and grocery shopping has never been something I enjoy so our game-changing routine is this: I use a meal delivery service (we switch between Hello Fresh and Plated depending on their menus that week) four nights of the week. We order pizza on Fridays so I only have two nights a week where I am thinking about what to make for dinner. Those nights I do something easy like pasta, tacos, etc. Most importantly, we all eat dinner together around 6 p.m.

photo: Hello Fresh

After dinner we have playtime and our son is always wound up, full of energy and feels his best. We run, chase, jump and dance! We always listen to music while we eat dinner and it’s fun to see which songs our son enjoys the most.

My son takes a bath every other night (he is prone to eczema on his back, knees and elbows so we try not to dry out his skin). Then at 6:45 p.m. we start the bedtime routine, which is books, songs and then lights out by 7:15 p.m. My husband mostly does this routine. I clean the kitchen and living room and make my breakfast and lunch for the next day while he is putting our son down for the night.

 

In our family we know that everyday we have to do the following: 1) work 2) take care of our son 3) feed ourselves 4) keep our house in order and 5) manage our finances. My husband and I both work so that leaves 2, 3, 4 and 5 to be divided between the two of us. We make a great team and my husband spends a lot of 1:1 time with our son so that I can manage the household duties. I like doing them and my husband is a big kid himself so he loves his playtime duties. We split the responsibility of managing our finances and found that keeping a budget that we can both access and manage online is the best way for us. All of this is probably not traditional but it works for us and plays to our strengths as parents. I make sure our son gets to appointments, has diapers, pictures of his pet to share at school, etc. My husband makes sure there is fun and play.

I cherish our time together on the weekends and we make the most of it since weekdays our time is limited. It works for us!

Nighttime: An Early Bedtime Means Time to Ourselves

After 7:15 p.m. the night is ours. An early bedtime lets us be free to do what we want as soon as our son is in his crib. Ninety percent of the time my husband will do a little work or we’ll watch a movie together. If my husband has work to catch up on, I either do a few chores around the house or read. We are both in bed around 9 p.m. and either read or mindlessly scroll through our phones with lights out by 10 p.m. if not earlier.

Our new series, Family Tales, is an honest peek into the daily lives of families across the country who are on this crazy ride we call parenthood! From divulging childcare costs to breaking down family finances to managing bedtime routines with multiple kids, we tap into the Red Tricycle army of parents to find out how they’re making it work. This series is a judgment-free zone.

Interested in telling your story? Start by filling out our questionnaire here. All stories are anonymous.

 

 

RELATED STORIES:

Family Tales: Childcare Costs & How My Partner and I Divide Responsibilities in the Bay Area

Budget Hacks to Use Every Month

17 Ways to Save $5 a Day

How Often Do You Give Your Kids an Allowance? Here’s What Other Parents Do

Family Tales: Childcare Costs & How My Partner and I Divide Responsibilities in the Bay Area

by Erin Lem

Our new series, Family Tales, is an honest peek into the daily lives of families across the country who are on this crazy ride we call parenthood! From divulging childcare costs to breaking down family finances to managing bedtime routines with multiple kids, we tap into the Red Tricycle army of parents to find out how they’re making it work. This series is a judgment-free zone.

Interested in telling your story? Start by filling out our questionnaire here. All stories are anonymous.

Anxious About Our 2nd Kid and My Husband’s Fledging Business

My occupation: social media strategist
My partner’s occupation: self-employed. A year ago he left his corporate job to start his own design firm.
Annual household income: $120,000
City: San Francisco
Our ages: 35 (me) and 38 (him)
Childcare costs: part-time $30,000/year under the table
How we found our nanny: a private local mom’s group. One of the moms in the group only needs help in the afternoons so we use her nanny during the morning shift.
Our kid(s) ages: a two-year-old boy with a baby boy due in March

 

Anyone who doesn’t live in the Bay Area will roll your eyes at me, but let’s just get this out of the way: $120,000 household income in San Francisco is small potatoes. Last year my husband left his full-time corporate job to start his own design business. We knew what we were getting into giving up his generous six figure salary, but we had planned for this. For a few years prior we lived frugally knowing the day would come when we’d basically be on one income with one, possibly two kids. Sure enough, our second kid is due in March and we’re trying to navigate how we’ll make it work if my husband’s business doesn’t gain traction. Do we give up the nanny? Do we opt out of preschool? Should we sell our condo and move out of the city (cue my tears)? While we prepared on paper for being a one income family, I still lose sleep over our meager income in probably the most expensive city in the country. But, on the other hand, what pregnant woman actually sleeps well? Kidding…sort of.

Morning

My husband’s been up working answering emails from an east coast client when our son wakes at 7 a.m. When that happens all bets are off—it’s like the road runner invades our house and it’s impossible to get any work done. My son had a rough night and was up at 1 a.m. and again at 3 a.m. with bad dreams—so we’re all extra groggy this morning. As a first time mom, I’m not sure how to quell his bad dreams so we just rock and soothe him until he falls asleep (open to tips here, seasoned mamas). I grab a banana and cup of coffee and feed my son yogurt, sliced apple and a granola bar.

Our nanny arrives at 8 a.m.. She’s with us Mon.-Fri. from 8 a.m.-1 p.m. We pay her $25/hour under the table. Our nanny not only takes our active son out to an activity every day, but she also prepares all his meals and if she has time, straightens up our house. I feel like we got a great deal since she goes above and beyond typical nanny duties. In the city, I found that nannies asked for $23-$30/hour, which was a wide range to consider. We also pay for her monthly Muni (public transport) pass ($70/month), and give her a preloaded debit card for museum outings or for emergencies. We also provide for three weeks of fully paid vacation, but we all try to time it for when we’re both away like over major holidays. She’s in her 60’s with kids and grandkids of her own and has really helped me navigate new parenthood. She’s the one who told me when to transition from two to one nap and was the first to notice his sensitivity to eggs.

Mid-Day

I work remotely at a coffee shop or nearby shared office space. Getting anything done with my son home would be impossible, but I wonder how it’ll be once the baby arrives and I go back to work, but need the privacy to pump (let’s shelve this dilemma for another time because even thinking about being tied to a pump for another year makes me shudder).

Luckily, everything around us is walkable so we can save money on gas and tolls. My husband rides his bike to his business partner’s house two miles away. I spend most of the day working on a deck for a potential client and answering Slack messages, while trying to ignore all my bookmark tabs on preschool research. I never thought that the preschool app process would be harder than the college admissions process. I get home by 12:45 p.m. since our nanny leaves at 1 p.m. My son is on a one-nap schedule and will go down 1-3 p.m. so I’m able to work while he’s sleeping.

Evening

While I’m nervous about being the sole breadwinner with two kids, I have to admit that I love my husband’s flex schedule. He now makes it home by 4 p.m. whereas at his old job, he’d often walk in the door past bedtime. We’ve made it a point to do no-phone family time between 4-7 p.m. and I’ve actually been really good about setting expectations at work that I’ll be offline during that time frame. I love cooking and on the weekends we’ll make a trip to the farmer’s market and cook up meals together. But, on the weekdays it’s all about saving time and honestly, I’m just too tired to do it all on the weekdays.

photo: Gobble

We’ve found that with just the three of us, it’s more efficient to subscribe to a meal delivery kit. I’m partial to Good Eggs, but have heard great things about Gobble. Once I take into account the time spent shopping, cooking and washing dishes, meal kits are just worth it for us. While I get dinner ready, my husband will take our son and dog for a walk and by the time they get home our meal is served. My husband will clean up while I play with our son and get him ready for bed. For awhile we were doing everything together—and while sometimes we still do, the whole “divide and conquer” approach works for our family.

Bedtime

Our son is in bed by 7 p.m. We’ll do milk, a quick goodnight to all of my son’s stuffed animals, a story and then lights out by 7:30 p.m. It may be the shift in my husband’s schedule or my son senses his impending sibling, but he has not been sleeping through the night. I’ll usually try to hop online for a couple hours to answer emails and do more preschool research since I feel like I am way behind. But this baby is making me so tired so I’ve been going to bed by 9 p.m. with my husband coming in much later. Our nanny always preps my son’s breakfast so at least I don’t have to worry about that in the morning.

Nighttime

Like I expected, my son is up at midnight and again at 3 a.m. My husband and I take turns going in to soothe him. We never formally slept train him—he’s generally a great sleeper so this is really throwing me for a loop. Is sleep training a two-year old even a thing? He can’t yet communicate fully what is bothering him so we rock him until he calms down. Our nanny said he’s his normal happy self during the day so I’m hoping it’s just a phase. As they say: this too shall pass. Let’s just hope it passes by the time our baby arrives.

Our new series, Family Tales, is an honest peek into the daily lives of families across the country who are on this crazy ride we call parenthood! From divulging childcare costs to breaking down family finances to managing bedtime routines with multiple kids, we tap into the Red Tricycle army of parents to find out how they’re making it work. This series is a judgment-free zone.

Interested in telling your story? Start by filling out our questionnaire here. All stories are anonymous.

 

 

 

RELATED STORIES:

Family Tales: How Being a Working Mom Has Made Me a Better Parent

Budget Hacks to Use Every Month

17 Ways to Save $5 a Day

How Often Do You Give Your Kids an Allowance? Here’s What Other Parents Do

 

I Try to Be Grateful for My Family, but 3 Kids on $250,000 Just Isn’t Enough

by Erin Lem

Our new series, Family Tales, is an honest peek into the daily lives of families across the country who are on this crazy ride we call parenthood! From divulging childcare costs to breaking down family finances to managing bedtime routines with multiple kids, we tap into the Red Tricycle army of parents to find out how they’re making it work. This series is a judgment-free zone.

Interested in telling your story? Start by filling out our questionnaire here. All stories are anonymous.

I Suck at Living in the Moment: Are My 3 Kids and $30K in Childcare Costs to Blame?

 

My age and occupation: 40, grant writer
My partner’s age and occupation: 41, data analyst
Annual household income: $250,000
City: New York City

Childcare costs per year: $30,000 paid over the table
How we found our childcare: word of mouth
Our kid(s) ages: 5, 7 and 10

photo: edwardhblake via flickr

A household income of $250,000 may get you far in other places of the country, but NYC is different. It’s expensive. I mean, everything is expensive: mortgage, groceries, after-school care, you name it. This price tag for living in one of the greatest cities on earth has taken a toll of my sanity.

We have three kids who are all young enough to need supervision 24/7 so we’re financially (and emotionally) stretched thin trying to make it all work. Sometimes I feel like I get bogged down in the challenges of the day-to-day. Sometimes I feel like my kids are professional whiners, fighters and procrastinators. They seriously drive me nuts and it’s easy to get lost in the daily chaos, but they’re also adorable and they’ll never be this little again.

Even though it’s not easy I tell myself all the time, enjoy your kids because we don’t get this time back. And try to be gentle with yourself. Another thing I tell myself often. I suck at both, but I try.

Morning

With three kids, mornings are a team effort. My husband and I work together to get all three kids up. This requires multiple trips to their room and always starts from gently asking them to get up to sometimes shouting because nothing else will work.

photo: Pexels

One of us will usually carry our five year old downstairs and put him on the couch where he continues to sleep (what a life, huh?). But even though he’s still snoozing, he’s actually a step ahead because he puts his school clothes on to sleep in at bedtime (that’s one battle we don’t have to deal with in the a.m.). My girls (the older two) are a little better. They’re older so a bit more self-sufficient at this point.

Once everyone is dressed and ready, we gather the lunches and remind everyone to make sure they have their homework folder in their bags. Then we’re off to school….usually late.

Mid-day

I’m working at home and my husband is at work. We sometimes text about things related to the kids, but I try to use this kid-free time to concentrate on my job because I know once everyone is home there is no time for anything else.

photo: pexels

Afternoon

I pick the kids up at their after-school program, which we spend $30,000 a year for. They have made a lot of friends at this program, which makes me happy. There are less expensive programs, but the programming and staff at those places are kind of mediocre, which is why we enrolled all three kids in this one and pay top dollar for. I know soon my kids will be older and we won’t have to spring for such a pricey program.

photo: Ayren Jackson-Cannady

Once we get home, we finish homework but that sounds a lot easier and straightforward than it actually is. It’s a lot of repeating myself. It’s a lot of telling the kids to stop fighting. I start to think about what to make for dinner, aka my daily nightmare.

Evening

I hate cooking. My kids are so unappreciative. I throw something easy together like frozen ravioli (again), my kids complain and then I tell them to have a few more bites at least a few times. After dinner I let them watch a show on TV and they begin to fight over what show or whose turn it is to pick. 20 minutes later a show is picked and usually one of the three is whining or sulking in the corner.

photo: alanagkelly via flickr

If I had to do it all over again I might have waited a few years to have kids. I feel like we could have been a little more established financially in our careers. But you’re never really ready to be a parent.

Bedtime

Finally, it’s time to get ready for bed. Every night I can expect a ton of protesting about teeth brushing. They only shower twice a week: weekend and one mid-week. Except in the summer when they are sweaty and sticky from running around and slathered in sunscreen. Showering twice a week eliminates any further bedtime battles and musical bathtubs we end up playing with three kids.

It’s 8:30 p.m. and bedtime! I relish all the hugs and kisses I get at bedtime—it makes me momentarily forget all the bedtime shenanigans that were happening five minutes earlier. Once in their rooms, there’s a 60% chance they’ll all actually stay there. Usually they come down to tell me something they forgot to tell me before. Or they want more milk. Or to ask us what we’re watching on TV. If only I had a dollar for every time one of my kids procrastinated going to sleep.

photo: Jacqui Boland

But, by now I’m on my second glass of wine and debating if I can stay up to watch Netflix or if I should just go to bed. I decide on the latter. I head upstairs and my husband stays downstairs and falls asleep on the couch watching bad TV and will come to bed around 3 a.m.

I fall asleep thinking that we have so much to be grateful for, but I also wish I had more breathing room. We have $100K in student loans and we’re both 40 years old. I wish we could save more for our kids future and our own retirement. Raising kids in NYC is expensive. Our kids have zero for college.

I soon drift off. In just a few hours, it will all start over again…

 

Our new series, Family Tales, is an honest peek into the daily lives of families across the country who are on this crazy ride we call parenthood! From divulging childcare costs to breaking down family finances to managing bedtime routines with multiple kids, we tap into the Red Tricycle army of parents to find out how they’re making it work. This series is a judgment-free zone.

Interested in telling your story? Start by filling out our questionnaire here. All stories are anonymous.

 

featured photo by Brett Sayles from Pexels

 

 

RELATED STORIES:

I’m Living My Best Life on $145,000 a Year (All without My Kid During the Day)

Childcare Costs & How My Partner and I Divide Responsibilities in the Bay Area