Photo: Gustavo Torres via Unsplash

I remember the first day I walked into the office carrying a pair of hand weights and a little under-the-desk bicycle. None of my co-workers said a word, but the expressions on their collective faces made it clear that they thought I had gone a bit daft.

I’ll admit, I do have my quirks, and my passion for physical exercise leads me to do things that occasionally draw funny looks. Over the years, I’ve learned not to concern myself with what others think. Besides, no one would look at me curiously for stepping outside even in the most inclement of weather to smoke a cancer-stick, so why should they find it odd that I spend my lunch break power walking around the building in the snow?

Being a mom of two tiny little ladies means that not only do I want to be in shape for myself, but also to provide a stellar example to my two daughters. So I had to get over myself!

Overcoming My Fear of Looking Silly

Like everyone, I hate when people stare at me curiously. For most of my life, I got fit like everyone else — I went to the gym, hit some weights, rode the elliptical machine and took a few Tabata and Zumba classes each week. But once I gave birth to my first child, and especially after I returned to work, I found squeezing in an hour-long workout most days of the week a feat on par with scaling Mt. Everest.

Working out only on weekends when my left me physically and psychologically miserable. My energy lagged. Looking in the mirror, let alone trying to squeeze my lower half back into my pre-pregnancy jeans, brought me to tears. I had to make a change before my ability to juggle a career and child-rearing dissipated from despair.

Since there are only so many hours in a day, I started researching ways to include regular exercise via sneaky means. And you know what? It proved far easier than I thought!

Still, my fear of judgment held me back. The thought of changing into workout clothes at the office intimidated me, even though my lunch break provided the perfect time to fit in a quick workout.

I started small, beginning with performing calf raises while waiting for the copier to spit out the handouts for the weekly staff meeting. I did butt squeezes discreetly at my work desk. While grocery shopping, I pretended to gaze at items on the bottom shelves when I was really performing a deep squat.

Making Room for Healthy Habits During the Workday

As time passed, though, I grew a bit bolder by bringing little fitness gadgets to work, starting with a fitness ball. I claimed the ball was to prevent me from slumping in my chair. In reality, bouncing away at my desk while I typed toned my thighs.

The first time I changed into my running gear in the office bathroom, I felt quizzical eyes on me when I emerged. But then, I thought to myself, “Hey, no one would look twice if I sat down at my desk with a cholesterol-laden Big Mac.” Why should I feel awkward for taking care of my health, instead of harming it?

Eventually, my lunchtime presto-change-o became commonplace. Sure, I still felt a bit off jogging past the smoking bench where several co-workers lounged, but I kept reminding myself that if they didn’t feel ashamed of unhealthy behavior, I shouldn’t feel embarrassed over my healthy habits.

Whenever the weather permitted, I got outside to run or power walk during lunch. I discovered a nearby park that helped me expand my outdoor exercise routine with monkey bar pull-ups and picnic table triceps dips. I’d climb the jungle gym, utterly oblivious to the parents no doubt wondering why I was acting like the world’s biggest kid.

I began to notice an interesting side effect. Previously, I’d always suffered from the 3 p.m. slump, especially on days when my little bundle of joy kept me awake into the wee hours. After incorporating exercise into my workday, I found I had much more energy to power through my afternoons.

Rainy days posed a problem, as did the winter months. It wasn’t long before I ended up having to take at least some of my workouts inside. I invested in a subscription to an online fitness website and started streaming workouts in my cubicle.

At first, my co-workers raised a few eyebrows, but after the first week, I let their puzzled glances roll off my back. During the second week, my workmate two cubicles down asked if I minded her joining me, which admittedly helped me feel less peculiar.

I started squeezing in mini-workouts outside the workplace as well. While standing in line at the bank, I’d do leg lifts and isometric exercises. I went from sneaky squats at the grocery to adding biceps curls with canned goods.

I found ways to fit more exercise into my social life, as well. Like many moms, opportunities for getting together with friends happen once in a blue moon. When I did get a kid-free evening, I’d suggest going bowling or dancing instead of sitting around a bar.

My fitness-on-the-fly practice has now grown to the point where I slip into yoga poses or perform a few squat repetitions regardless of whether I’m at the farmers’ market or my living room. My commitment to health matters more to me than what random strangers may think about my admittedly oddball routine.

Inspiring Others

My penchant for fitness has encouraged some of my co-workers to follow suit. Now, instead of kickboxing alone in my cubicle, I’m leading a group of regulars who gather in the conference room to get our lunchtime workout groove on. As a result, I share a much stronger bond with my colleagues as we challenge each other to stay fit and celebrate our fitness successes, like losing five pounds or going a full day without a smoke.

My advice? Never let fear of other people’s opinions hold you back from getting in a quick workout anywhere and everywhere. Once people get used to your quirky fitness habits, they will applaud you for your commitment to staying in shape. You may end up inspiring others to join you! And most importantly, your kids will have an awesome mama to look up to!

Jennifer Landis is a mom, wife, freelance writer, and blogger. She enjoys long naps on the couch, sneaking spoonfuls of peanut butter when her kid's not looking, and binge watching Doctor Who while her kid's asleep.  She really does like her kid, though, she promises. Find her on Twitter @JenniferELandis.

Mother and daughter fights were unheard of in my household growing up. I did what my mother said, and that was the end of it, but my daughter didn’t get that memo. Before Makhyli was a teenager, I bragged about how wonderful she was to anyone who would listen. I thought God divinely and carefully crafted this perfect child out of loving angel tears specifically for me to enjoy my time here on planet Earth.

Then she turned 13 and it shook me to my core.

In the beginning, it took a lot of patience when she started to push back, and even more patience when she started to talk back and roll her eyes at any and everything I said. I have a strong personality and a tough and intimidating reputation, but Makhyli didn’t see me that way or didn’t care. She seemed to love pushing my buttons, so she could hear me scream and watch me go off! If I said the sky was blue, she argued it was orange.

I remember watching her yawn a thousand times before telling her to get to bed. She told me she wasn’t tired. She forced herself to stay awake, only to fall asleep five minutes later on the couch. We had countless moments like this that drove me crazy. She was turning me into the mother I swore I would not be, a mother I didn’t even know I could be. Suddenly, Makhyli felt impossible to raise, especially alone.

After several incidents caused me to blow up and later reflect and feel ashamed for losing control and being petty Eddie, I realized I had to figure out a better way to deal with this new challenging (to say the very least) daughter I was raising. Here’s what I discovered.

Mutual Respect

Many people don’t understand they can’t demand respect from anyone including their child. A parent may demand their child do as they are told, but demanding respect doesn’t work the same way; it must be mutual. Your child is a person and all people want to be respected. When a child loses respect for a parent there is no amount of yelling, threatening or punishing that will get it back, it will have to be earned and as a parent, you must be willing to earn it.

Discipline with Love

There’s a difference between disciplining and punishing. Some parents take their teen’s transgressions personally; they get angry and punish them only to make them suffer instead of disciplining them to teach them. It’s normal to get angry when your teen breaks a rule but lashing out and doing something that breaks their spirit or hurts them emotionally or physically is counterproductive and will cause more issues in the long run.

Critical Thinking

This may be tough, but you must allow your child to figure out things on their own; allow them to make mistakes and deal with age-appropriate problems. Give them an opportunity to use their resources and critical thinking skills to get out of tough situations or solve their own issues. This will serve them long into their adult life.

Unparent 

What do I mean by unparent? Of course, you are the parent and that will never change, but there are times when you must teach, mentor or coach your teen and not parent them. Some situations cause for having heartfelt conversations, explaining yourself and giving guidance and direction instead of disciplining or punishing.

Think Before You Say No 

Many parents don’t feel the need to explain themselves to their teen; if the answer is no, the answer is no. One way of positive parenting is explaining your no’s; it’s also a way to make your teen feel respected. Sometimes the answer is no because it’s the easiest answer and it flies out of our mouth with no logic or reason. Other times we tell our teens no because they are asking to do something our parents didn’t let us do as teens, like wearing make-up at 14 instead of 16; it’s been a traditional no, so we keep with a tradition.

Challenge yourself to find a legit reason and offer an explanation before your answer is no, this will cause fewer fights and more understanding for the teen.

Never Forget

Don’t forget you were once a teenager and you made some stupid mistakes or judgment calls and you ended up okay (for the most part), your teen will likely do the same thing. Instead of punishing them, be open and honest; don’t pretend you were some perfect teen that never made a mistake. Take this as an opportunity to tell them about something stupid or similar you did and bond over the lesson you learned (this isn’t instead of discipline, but a part of coaching and mentoring).

Featured Photo Courtesy: Evisionsmedia

I'm a mother of two to an adult son and teen daughter. I am a co-author, creative partner and manager-talent with my daughter. Our fun-filled activity book, Changing Directions, is about our crazy and journey through these teen years includes a shared journal, writing prompts and funny stories all parents can relate to.

Most parents struggle with feelings of guilt over thoughts they are not doing a good enough job for their kids. One study from the UK found parents feel guilty at least 23 times a week!

From feeling guilty for putting our work before our kids to feeling guilty for giving in too easily to their demands because we’re exhausted, these feelings are hard to escape. When they boil over and we yell at our kids, we end up feeling even more guilty.

Yelling at my children makes me feel like the worst mom on the planet. Energy builds. I snap, raise my voice, and immediately I feel ashamed. Our connection to each other is lost and I pine to find my way back to myself and to them.

That’s why I enlisted my little guy’s help.

At the tender age of 4, Tyler had a far greater ability to see when I was about to lose her cool than I did! So I asked him if he would let me know whenever he noticed me becoming upset, suggesting he tell me I needed to stop and take a breath.

We made an agreement that whenever he uttered the words “Breathe, Momma” I would immediately stop. There would be no overriding what he was asking, no matter how powerfully the tide of emotion rose within me.

Hearing his little voice remind me to “Breathe, Momma” was precisely what I needed to hear.  This simple practice of getting Tyler to help me check in with myself became a powerful tool for change. By stopping me in my tracks before I raised my voice, Tyler enabled me to begin to notice what was happening inside me that triggered my outbursts.

This is an example of how mindfulness can help us become more self-aware and increase our self-control and connection with our families.

The word mindfulness is often misused in popular culture, so I think it’s important to understand what it does not mean. Being mindful does not mean that you are calm all the time. It’s just as easy to be aware of your anxiety, anger or fear as it is to be all Zen-like and relaxed.

I define mindfulness as simply compassionate, non-judgmental awareness of our inner and outer moment-to-moment experience. As such, mindfulness encompasses all of our experiences — the good and the bad, the anxious moments as well as the calm ones.

Here are some steps you can take to help you become more mindful in those messy moments of parental angst:

1. Pay Attention to Your Body: When you feel under stress, take a deep breath, exhale slowly and focus on what your body is feeling. You might notice how you clench your jaw, or how your throat or muscles feel tight, or feel your heart pounding. Noticing and naming the tension you feel may not make it go away, but it puts you back in control and allows you to:

2. Interrupt Your Pattern: Staying aware of your feelings can be hard. Maybe, like me, you need to enlist the help of your child or your spouse to gently tell you when you need to take a breather. It helps if you start taking intentional breaths on a regular basis throughout your day. Repetition is the key. Focus as you inhale, as well as when you exhale. Another idea: join me in welcoming frustration. Next time you are annoyed, smile if you can and say, “Oh, there you are again frustration! What are you here to teach me today?” I’ve developed quite a relationship with my anger and frustration, however, I have learned to avoid letting them lead whenever possible.

3. You Still Blow It. Now What? Have some compassion for yourself. Instead of feeling forever horrible about needing to apologize over and over again, I took the step of accepting myself as someone who yelled sometimes. In this acceptance of reality, real change began.

For me, acceptance meant that whenever I yelled, I did my best to pause and take a breath as soon as possible while also getting a grip on my tendency to feel awful about myself. I practiced not thinking of myself as a “bad mother.”

I don’t wish to imply that I let myself off the hook when my energy manifested itself in bad behavior. Accepting myself, including my crummy behavior, meant that these things were no longer moral issues, but a chance for me to learn to respond more productively.

When you do this, you may be surprised by how your family responds. It takes courage and daring to embrace your icky parts. One awesome side effect is your children will learn to do the same. For a child to grow up in a household where everyone is willing to embrace these baffling parts of themselves is an incredible gift.

Mindful Parenting Educator Michelle Gale, MA, is a former head of learning and leadership development for Twitter who teaches parents to better connect with their kids by first connecting with themselves. She is the author of the new book “Mindful Parenting in a Messy World.” 

Photo: Today

Baby name regret is real, and if you experienced it, don’t feel ashamed. Maryland couple Will and Carri Kessler named their daughter Ottilie (pronounced Oh-TEEL-ya) after a friend from the United Kingdom.

“I was like, ‘If you say it with a British accent, it sounds really good,'” Carri told Today.com. However, the couple isn’t British – they’re American. “No one could remember [her name] and no one could pronounce it.”

The situation grew worse as family members could not remember how to pronounce Ottilie. Carri admitted that her grandmother was having a hard time. “She said, ‘I don’t know how to say her name. I have Post-its all over the house so I can remind myself.'” Aw, poor granny.

Three months after Ottilie was born, the Kessler’s decided to legally change their daughter’s name to Margot.

The Kessler’s situation is not uncommon as an increasing number of parents experience baby name regret. According to Baby Center Canada, 11% of its users confessed they wished they’d changed their child’s name due to being over popular, mispronounced or simply unfitting.

Do you wish you could change your child’s name? Tell us in the comments below!

H/T: Today.com