ML Interest Tag: make-space

Advice for Harry & Meghan & All Families Introducing a New Sibling

By Kelly Oriard & Callie Christensen

Archie Harrison Mountbatten-Windsor will soon be a big brother to Baby Girl Sussex. And you can bet this is an exciting time for Prince Harry and Dutchess Meghan as well as the new big brother. But the journey to bringing home a new baby can also be a time of anxious change as families introduce the first child to their new family member. Kelly Oriard, licensed family therapist and co-founder of Slumberkins, shares her advice for Harry and Meghan and all families navigating this big change.

1. Do the Prep Work
Well before the baby is born, begin talking about when the baby is coming, what it will be like, and what the big sibling’s role will be once the baby arrives.

2. Be Honest
Don’t just say, “It will be awesome having a sibling!” While at times it will be awesome, it can also be super hard for older siblings. Remember even toddlers without many words need to hear, “The baby may cry—and that may be hard to hear” or “Sometimes Daddy and Mommy will need to help the baby and you may have to practice waiting.” Honesty will help set realistic expectations.

3. Celebrate the Big Sibling Role
Make sure to celebrate that they get to be the big sibling now. Hooray! But don’t forget to remind them that they can still be your little baby too. Growing up doesn’t mean fewer snuggles, love or attention. Just some cool perks too.

4. Don’t Blame the Baby
Kelly shares, “The very best advice I have is don’t blame the baby for things once the baby comes.” Don’t say, “We have to leave the park for the baby’s nap time.” Kelly points out that this sets up an easy target for frustration. Instead say, “It’s time for our family to leave the park now.”

5. Teach Safety
Remember that your toddler is still learning impulse control and doesn’t yet understand how to be gentle with a baby. Try not to yell or get frustrated if your toddler shows typical toddler behaviors (hitting or aggression). Instead, remember that a caregiver’s role can be to teach and help practice.

6. Welcome All Feelings
This is an important tip as acting out when a new sibling arrives is normal. Make space for all emotions while stopping unsafe behaviors.

7. Make One-on-One Time for You & Your Older Child
They will need this. Period.

8. Support Bonding Between the Siblings
Making reflections like, “Wow, look at how the baby is looking at you, I can tell they really like the way you are holding them” or “That was so kind the way you noticed the baby was cold, thanks for bringing a blanket.” Narrating the connection that you notice between your children and stating it can help them really feel love and connection to and from their new sibling.

Following these tips and tricks can help to ease the growing pains families feel when introducing new siblings. Remember that even good change can come with some anxiety and stress. Doing some prep work to prepare your little one can help your family have a smoother transition. Slumberkins also has many great resources to help siblings of all ages develop positive ways to cope with their big emotions. It’s a great time to practice emotion identification or introduce your little one to Alpaca who models stress-relief or Fox who provides comfort during times of change.

Related Stories:

8 Books to Help Your Kid Prepare for New Sibling

Kelly Oriard & Callie Christensen
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Kelly Oriard and Callie Christensen are co-founders of Slumberkins, a children's brand supporting social-emotional learning for children. Kelly has a dual master's degree in family therapy and school counseling, and Callie has a master's degree in teaching. Both are passionate about teaching children social-emotional skills to thrive in our modern world. 

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5 Ways to Instantly Update Your Toddler’s Room

By Jennifer Landis

After bringing home your bundle of joy, time only seems to speed up. Before you know it, your baby grows into a rambunctious, playful toddler. And the nursery may need a few updates to accomodate your child’s growth, energy and curiosity. 

When designing a toddler room, it’s important to create space that will inspire their imagination and spur creativity. You’ll also want to design for functionality, safety and interchangeability. Your child might not be a baby anymore, but they are still a child. They have a lot of growing left to do, so creating a room that can grow with them is important as well.

1. Buy a Toddler Bed. Make the transition to a big-kid bed easier by first replacing the crib with a toddler bed, which is lower to the ground and smaller than a twin bed. If your child tends to roll out of bed without the rails,  you can make your own wooden ones to keep them safe. You could also convert your crib into a bed by removing the rails from one side, allowing your little one to safely crawl in and out of bed on his own. 

If you opt for a toddler bed, you’ll need some new bedding to go along with it. Purchase toddler sheet sets and new pillows as well as a new comforter with a fun print. And don’t be afraid to choose bright colors or prints. Dinosaurs, rainbows, giraffes, and butterflies are fall fair game.

2. Repurpose the Changing Table. By the time your child reaches the toddler stage, diapers should hopefully be on their way out. Which means you can use that changing table for other things now. If it is a free-standing table, use it for toy or clothing storage and place some fun decorations on top to jazz it up. 

Make the room safe for your little one by securing the furniture to the wall with anchors. This will prevent any toppled furniture and injuries due to climbing or playing. You might also replace the knobs or drawer handles if they have sharp edges or stick out too far. So, if your child falls or bumps into the table, they won’t hurt themselves on sharp drawer pulls. 

3. Create More Space. Your child is likely crawling and walking by now, which means they need more room to play and explore. Replace the diaper pail with toy storage compartments and the exer-saucer with a cushy toddler-sized chair. You could also remove any other furniture you and your child have outgrown like rocking chairs and ottomans to create more floor space.

Additionally, you’ll want to organize the toys and allocate a place for each item. And, since your toddler will be learning how to do things on her own now, try to keep most toys and books within her reach. Place books on low-hanging shelves and coats or jackets on low hooks and hang artwork at eye-level so your toddler can appreciate and enjoy it. Keeping everything accessible for your child will give them the independence they desire and create space for them to learn and play. 

4. Add Subtle Decorations. Is your little boy totally into dinosaurs? Get artsy and paint a tyrannosaurus rex on the accent wall or add a few stuffed velociraptors to the room as decoration. Likewise, if your daughter loves mermaids, add some sparkly fish or paint some waves on the wall. 

Adding subtle decorations will help personalize the room to match your child’s interests. And you can easily cover any murals with a fresh layer of paint as your child’s fascinations change. Eventually, you may want to transition to more pastel colors or a more grown-up design. But, for now, lime green walls and glittery decorations are completely acceptable.  

5. Hang a Magnet Wall. Turn a blank, boring wall into a creative outlet for your child with a do-it-yourself magnet board. All you need is some sheet metal, a hammer and nails and some cardboard. When you’ve finished hanging the metal, throw some colorful letter magnets on there and let your child play. This helps grow both their cognitive and non-cognitive skills. 

You may also hang artwork on the board or photos of your family and baby. Or, to match the dinosaur theme, add some stegosaurus magnets. Feel free to incorporate new magnets and art as your child grows to keep the wall engaging.

Designing for Saftey and Independence

A successful transition from nursery to toddler room is generally one that promotes your child’s safety and overall independence. You want to make space for your little one to create, learn and explore without them having to ask for help at every turn. And, as they test their independence, you want to ensure their safety by anchoring heavy furniture, incorporating bed railings and removing and dangerous objects or materials. This way, no matter where their imagination takes them, they’ll be safe. 

Once you’ve designed and created this new space, sit back and watch your child’s pride, knowledge and independence grow as they accomplish new things on their own. This stage won’t last forever, so relish every moment and enjoy the time you have with your toddler. 

Jennifer Landis is a mom, wife, freelance writer, and blogger. She enjoys long naps on the couch, sneaking spoonfuls of peanut butter when her kid's not looking, and binge watching Doctor Who while her kid's asleep.  She really does like her kid, though, she promises. Find her on Twitter @JenniferELandis.

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Marie Kondo and Sparking the Joy of Friendship

By Andie Huber

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Marie Kondo, the famous tidying expert known for bringing joy while reducing clutter and chaos to homes around the world has stepped into a new role recently—children’s book author. The mom of two has written a charming book with illustrator Salina Yoon, called “Kiki & Jax: The Life-Changing Magic of Friendship,”  and it cleverly tells the story of two friends who overcome personal obstacles to learn the art and joy of friendship. See our exclusive interview below.

1. What do you see that is missing or getting in the way when it came to children, the art of friendship?

“In “Kiki & Jax,” Kiki’s clutter gets in the way; through tidying, the two learn to really value their friendship. This lesson can apply to anyone—distractions make it difficult to focus on what really matters.”

2. For children who are still resistant to the notion of donating and getting rid of things (even after thanking it and acknowledge they don’t need it any longer), how should parents approach getting rid of clutter with their kids? 

“Children learn by example, so first make sure you have completed your own tidying festival! If you discover something that no longer sparks joy for you, include your children in the process of thanking the item and letting it go. Also, make sure your children understand where their toys belong. By returning items to their homes, children develop an awareness—and ultimately, an appreciation—of what they already possess.”

3. Where did you find inspiration for this book?

“As a parent of two young girls, I’ve observed firsthand the impact that books can have on children. I wrote ‘Kiki & Jax’ as a way to communicate the joy of tidying and friendship to young readers.”

4. What are the biggest obstacles in terms of stuff that you see when it comes to kids?

“Children’s toys seem to multiply and quickly become scattered throughout the house. Designate a set location where each of these toys will be kept and make sure your children are aware of where their toys belong. Then they can assist you with putting them away!”

5. How do you recommend approaching gift-giving holidays and birthdays and the influx of so much stuff? 

“Before I search for a gift, I recall things about my loved one’s lifestyle, work, and interests; I try to imagine what would spark joy based on their personality. I know I’ve found a meaningful gift when I can articulate what aspects I think the recipient will like about it.

My three rules for receiving gifts are:

1. Open immediately.
2. Remove packaging.
3. Start using it right away.

Try out every gift at least once—even those that don’t immediately spark joy. The ability to feel what truly excites you is only gained through experience. If you try it out and intend to keep it, designate a home for the new item, as you’ve done with everything else you own. However, if you try using the item and decide that it doesn’t suit you, thank it and bid it farewell. The true purpose of a present is to be received. When viewed from this perspective, there is no need to feel guilty about parting with a gift that ultimately doesn’t spark joy.”

6. Is there another children’s book in the future?

“Right now, I’m finishing ‘Joy at Work,’ which will be published in spring 2020. This book offers stories, studies and strategies to help you eliminate clutter and make space for work that really matters. I’m also excited to announce the launch of KonMari’s new shop this holiday season. We’ll be offering a collection of items that I use in my everyday life and that spark joy for me!”

7. Any tips for sorting stacks of photos and children’s artwork?

“The order in which you tidy is very important. In the KonMari Method™, you work your way through the categories from easiest to the most difficult because this process allows you to gradually hone your sensitivity to what sparks joy in you. Sentimental items—like photos and artwork—are the last category, so by the time you tackle them, you will have a much clearer sense of joy. While tidying sentimental items, always ask yourself if these items will continue to spark joy as you move forward in your life.”

8. Where do you find inspiration?

“When I am tidying and examining my possessions, I enter a state of deep reflection. Those moments are inspirational for me. My family also provides me with a great deal of inspiration. And nature, of course!”

9. What do you think of the clutter of social media apps like Facebook and Instagram? 

“Technology, like physical clutter, can distract us from what’s truly important. Before applying the KonMari Method™ to your digital life, make sure you’ve already finished tidying your home, which will clear your mind and soul—and hone your decision-making skills. People who have finished tidying their home tend to begin digital tidying on their own initiative.

10. What item gives you the biggest spark of joy and will never throw away?

“The first Mother’s Day card I received from my daughters. My husband helped them make it, with their handprints stamped inside.”

A lifest‌yle writer whose work can be seen in Red Tricycle, Money.com, Livestrong.com and Redbook. When she’s not checking out new events, museums, and restaurants to keep her and her kids entertained, she can be found wandering around flea markets and thrift stores looking for cool vintage finds.

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Let’s Talk about Sext(ing)—& Why You Should with Your Kids, Too

By Doreen Dodgen-Magee

The sending and receiving of sexually charged images and words via digital devices—a.k.a. “sexting”—is a relatively common practice amongst young people. Parents, having grown up amongst different norms, often feel lost in how to help their children navigate digital waters that will include such communiques. 

Children will be exposed to the reality of sexting long before most parents imagine and are greatly benefitted by talking about the issue prior to exposure. Here are some tips for how to discuss sexting in your home.

Have body-positive, non-shaming conversations. 

It’s easy to let anxiety or fear drive conversations around sex and sexting. Our children, however, need us to be able to regulate our own emotions so that we can make space for theirs. Need a script? Try out this conversation: 

“As you text with friends, you are likely to receive some that make you feel all sorts of ways. Words and pictures might be sent that make you feel sort of excited and also weird. Some of these might include naked photos or comments related to sex. You might even find yourself wanting to send texts like these. This is pretty normal. I’d love to help you think through how you want to handle the temptation to send sexts as well as what you want to do when you receive them.” 

Such caring language can be a huge help in keeping the conversations going. 

Have these conversations now. 

Late elementary school-aged children will encounter sexting sooner than most adults imagine. Helping them be prepared can go a long way in how they handle the challenges related to both.

Help children understand impulsivity. 

The ease of sharing via devices makes impulse control especially important. In the realm of sexting (and online communication in general) helping children learn and practice a pause before sending or responding to texts is a huge gift.

Here’s another helpful script to get your kids thinking about how they’d respond: 

“Let’s pretend it’s the middle of the night and you have your phone. Friends who are having a sleepover begin sending you photos of themselves with little or no clothes on and dare you to do the same. You’re feeling pretty excited that they chose you to send messages to and you are also excited about how they might respond. You don’t want to seem like a loser. What are some ideas of how to act in this situation?” 

Brainstorming some responses will give them tools when the time comes that they need them.

Watch how you speak about others. 

Practice non-judgmental awareness. Our kids are watching us. When they hear us put people down for behaviors that they themselves may have engaged in or been tempted to engage in, they get the clear message that we will put them down as well. 

If you learn of a sexting “scandal,” be careful not to shame the parties involved. Use the situation, instead, to talk through critical thinking skills and decision making with your child.

Find someone safe to talk with so you can do the above. 

None of this is easy. The easy options, in fact, are to put our heads in the sand and to make unrealistic demands upon our children to simply resist and obey. When we have places where we can be supported and cared for as we ourselves navigate these murky waters, we will be much more able to suspend our own reactivity in order to educate and nurture our children through approaches and missteps to sexual exploration on- and offline. 

Resist the temptation to believe that everyone else’s children are perfect and have never struggled! Instead, find those who can share authentically with you and who will support you as you, in turn, support your child.

Basically, children need to know that their bodies are wonderful, that it makes sense that they feel proud of them and that it is important to thoroughly think through what might happen if they share naked or provocative images of themselves. 

They need to feel that adults understand their sexual impulse and exploration, acknowledge the “normalcy” of enticing online sexuality and that we want to help them navigate this reality in their lives. We also want them to know we are not afraid of these realities and will not overreact if they find themselves in a bind. We want them to come to us, even if they’ve made a misstep—especially if they’ve made a misstep. We want to be their loving resource.

More than ever, children need parents who will help them navigate. They need to know that parents and other caring adults are in touch with the new norms in culture and will be able to handle their own feelings well enough to help them deal with the unbelievable and never-before-navigated waters of life in this time. 

For them to believe they can come to you when they have made a mistake, they must know you will be able to tolerate the discomfort without becoming discombobulated or shaming them.

Doreen Dodgen-Magee
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

doreen dodgen-magee is a psychologist, author, & speaker who thinks about how technology is shaping people. Her book, Deviced! Balancing Life & Technology in a Digital Age was awarded the 2018 Gold Nautilus Award for Psychology & has been featured in the New York Times, Time Magazine, & the Washington Post. 

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Read to a Dog & More Awesome Kids Activities at Your Local LA Library

by Jennifer O'Brien

As cruise director of your kiddos’ summer fun ship, you may be on a desperate hunt for new ways to keep the dreaded “I’m bored’s” at bay. LA’s local libraries are an invaluable resource for parents, offering a wide variety of fab (and totally free) activities for littles throughout the year – everything from magic shows and drag queen story hours to movie screenings and a chance to read to pups. Here’s our round-up of creative library offerings that go way beyond the norm.

Dodgers Storytime

photo: Los Angeles Public Library

Take me out to the library, take me out to the books! Pint-sized baseball fans will go peanuts over Dodgers Storytime. The LA Dodgers have partnered with the LA Dodgers Foundation to do “LA Reads” – a literacy campaign designed to motivate local youth and help them develop a lifelong love of reading. Beloved Dodgers players visit local libraries around town to read to kiddos and challenge them to grow into “Dodgers Reading Champions.” After storytime, kids are invited to snag autographs and take pics. For the next event happening near you, be sure to check out the calendars and wear your Dodger blue!

Los Angeles Public Library
Online: lapl.org

LA County Library
Online: lacountylibrary.org

Budding Builders

photo: Los Angeles Public Library

LA libraries offer crazy cool activities to inspire the future Frank Lloyd Wrights and Richard Meiers in your abode. Library employees supply everything from Legos and cardboard to building blocks, depending on the day’s activity and encourage kids to create structures beyond their wildest imaginations.

Los Angeles Public Library
Online: lapl.org

Santa Monica Public Library
Online: smpl.org

Magic Shows

photo: Jennifer O'Brien

Tots will magically stop whining when you take them to the library for a little hocus pocus fun. Many of LA’s top magicians perform shows at local libraries year-round – entertaining families with amazing sleight of hand, illusions, and comedy that will make you wonder, “How’d they do that? And where’s my wallet?” We kid. We kid. But they really are great shows, so skip the Magic Castle for now and catch some tricks for free.

Los Angeles Public Library
Online: lapl.org

LA County Library
Online: lacountylibrary.org

Santa Monica Public Library
Online: smpl.org

Arts, Crafts & Origami, Oh My!

photo: Los Angeles Public Library

Local libraries feature a wide variety of arts and crafts activities so everyone in your group is bound to find something they dig. Maybe you have a kiddo who’s dying to learn the art of origami – they have that! Maybe you have a little one who wants to make space aliens out of recycled materials – yep, they have that too! All materials are supplied by the library, saving you a run to Tar-jay.

Los Angeles Public Library
Online: lapl.org

LA County Library
Online: lacountylibrary.org

Santa Monica Public Library
Online: smpl.org

Big Bubbles

photo: Bubblemania via Yelp

If gigantic bubbles are your jam, then you should definitely hit up the LA libraries for their outstanding bubble artist performances. The city’s top bubble masters teach kids the science behind bubbles in a visual show filled with color, light and wonder in motion. Additional events include bubble painting parties and opportunities to stand inside your very own bubble.

Los Angeles Public Library
Online: lapl.org

Santa Monica Public Library
Online: smpl.org

Movie Screenings

photo: Pexels

If you want to pry the kids out of the house to catch a movie, but don’t feel like battling the Arclight crowds, why not treat your brood to a flick at the library? On select afternoons, myriad LA libraries host free matinees of kid-friendly faves like Wonder Park, Lego Movie 2, The Goonies, Ralph Breaks the Internet and so on.

Los Angeles Public Library
Online: lapl.org

LA County Library
Online: lacountylibrary.org

Jam Sessions

photo: Los Angeles Public Library

On any given day, one of your fabulous local libraries is likely hosting some of the most outstanding musical talent in town (hello, no cover charge). From guitar soloists and college a cappella groups to jazz trios, and Beatles tribute bands, their pitch-perfect performances will thrill music lovers young and old. Most shows are mid-afternoon or early evening, so be sure to check the calendars for one that suits your family’s schedule.

Los Angeles Public Library
Online: lapl.org

LA County Library
Online: lacountylibrary.org

Santa Monica Public Library
Online: smpl.org

Read to Dogs

photo: BARK Reading to Dogs

Libraries around LA offer kids amazing opportunities to boost their reading confidence by reading to pups. Wonderful organizations like BARK, Paws 4 Healing, and Paws for Life bring trained therapy dogs to the library on selected afternoons and give kids a chance to snuggle up and read a favorite tale or two out loud. May we suggest Go, Dog, Go? 

Los Angeles Public Library
Online: lapl.org

LA County Library
Online: lacountylibrary.org

Santa Monica Public Library
Online: smpl.org

Drag Queen Story Hour

photo: Drag Queen Story Hour

You better werk that book, honey. Drag Queen Story Hour is a fantastic program that’s been happening in LA for quite a while now. If you haven’t brought the kids yet, we highly recommend it. Fantastical drag queens (are there any other kind?) read progressive stories to tikes, infusing them with humor, glamour and straight-up sass. The sessions provide a fun opportunity to teach children about empathy, acceptance and fabulous individuality. Crafts are often provided afterward and post storytime photos with the queen herself are more than welcome. Check these participating library calendars for dates and times.

Los Angeles Public Library
Online: lapl.org

LA County Library
Online: lacountylibrary.org

Santa Monica Public Library
Online: smpl.org

LAPD Read Along

photo: LAPD Community Relationship Division

The LAPD Read Along program was created by the Los Angeles Police Department’s Community Relationship Division to help promote child literacy and build positive and inspiring interactions between police officers and young people. Uniformed LAPD officers pay weekly visits to the Eagle Rock, Arroyo Seco, Cypress Park and (coming soon) Los Feliz library branches to read to kids and tackle any questions they may have. It’s a wonderful way for kiddos to form lasting bonds with the police and get psyched about reading at the same time.

Los Angeles Public Library
Online: lapl.org

To see what Red Tricycle Editors are up to this month, follow us on Instagram!

–Jennifer O’Brien

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What Happened to My Heart After I Had a Second Baby

By Celeste Yvonne

I remember the fear that consumed me when I was pregnant with my second child. A relatively new mom to a toddler not yet two years old, I was just getting my groove in this motherhood journey.

I had read a lot of the books. I was starting to find a schedule that was manageable. My little boy was starting to really blossom: walking, first words, a growing personality… these were the days I’d been dreaming of for so long.

And amongst all these factors was an all-encompassing love that filled my whole heart. I never knew such love until I became a mama to this little miracle.

So where, exactly, would I make space in my heart for another living breathing human to enter? Because I believed with every cell in me that my heart was full. No vacancy. Not even a broom closet of space for another person.

Not to mention my brain, which was also at max capacity. It took me almost two years to read this little boy’s facial expressions, the color and texture of his poop, his different cries and now his gurgling jabber. I knew how long naps would last, how much food to make and how much soothing to calm a meltdown. I had it down to a science. How on earth could I keep these plates spinning when another child entered the picture. It all seemed so apocalyptic.

You would not believe what happened when my second child, another darling boy, entered my world. Beyond my greatest fears, my heart did not explode. Aside from my certainty the world would end, my love for my first child did not get moved, erased or compressed.

My heart simply grew.

It was the most natural adjustment in the world. One minute my heart was one size, the next minute—its size had doubled. All my worries were for nothing. My body, my heart and my love knew exactly how and when to shift and expand.

The parenting journey is an exciting, momentous, overwhelming time for first time mothers. And the heart is our strongest muscle for good reason… It will double in size with the birth of a sibling.

If only the brain would do the same. But I can assure you that you do learn to keep the plates spinning. You do learn to incorporate new facial expressions, new schedules, new bedtime routines. It’s a much slower process, guaranteed and a few plates will break in the adjustment. But while our heart is a mom’s strongest muscle, our brain is slightly slower to acclimate.

I’m pretty sure that’s where the expression “mom brain” was derived from. And it’s all par for the course on this motherhood journey.

Hi! I’m Celeste. I consider myself a relatively new mom with two boys ages 4 and 2. Other titles I go by include: wife, marketing guru, avid reader (self-help books are my favorite), writer, travel/adventure seeker and fitness nut.

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Why It’s So Important I Get Up Before the Rest of My Family

By Brittany Bergman

Despite the fact that I have a gentle alarm—chimes that begin low and slow and gradually get louder—waking up at 5:15 a.m. is still not something I would describe as pleasant or peaceful.

Nevertheless, every weekday my alarm goes off at this time. I do a quick social media check while lying in bed (a habit I know I need to kick) before rolling my pregnant self out of bed. I brush my teeth while listening to NPR’s Up First, put on my favorite sweater and creep down the stairs as quietly as possible. It’s the dead of winter here in the Midwest, so in the predawn darkness, I rely on my phone to light my path.

I pour a smallish bowl of Cookie Crisp—one I won’t have to share with my three-year-old—while I heat up coconut milk for my coffee. The coffee maker is usually making its final sputters at this point and I pour the liquid life into my mug, swirling it with the milk until it’s the color of almonds.

I switch on the lamp in my living room and settle into my favorite white armchair by the window. This is the spot I’ve always dreamed of having—my writing chair, my reading chair, my watch-my-daughter-play chair—and every time I plunk down in it, it feels a little more like home. I unplug my laptop from its charger, open it to the place where I left off in my writing yesterday and get to work. At this point it’s about 5:30 a.m. and I have a solid hour before I need to get ready for my day job and begin my daughter’s grooming/breakfast/daycare-drop-off shuffle.

For the next hour, all will be calm and quiet and I will drink my coffee while it’s hot. For the next hour, no one will demand that I make them a snack, no emails will chirp as they enter my inbox and no one will stop by my office with a “quick” request. For the next hour, I can do whatever I want—and so, I write.

On a good day, I can crank out 500 words in this block. Sometimes when my creative juices are depleted, I read my favorite writers and recharge my mind. Occasionally I will just sit and think and drink my coffee, nothing obviously productive coming out of this time. But still it never feels wasted.

I once heard someone say that getting up with your kids is waking up to your day, but getting up before your kids is waking up for your day. Though I don’t use this time to consciously prepare for the demands of the day ahead, whether that’s mothering at home or working in the office, having this small window is a key way I maintain my sense of self. It’s a deeply rewarding sensation when I step into the shower at 6:30 having literally put myself first.

This doesn’t mean that every day that I wake up before my family does is amazing or that I can sail through it with perfect patience because I took care of myself. But it does mean I’m greeting those first few minutes of the day not immediately swept up in someone else’s needs—and that goes a lot further than I could have imagined in being the person I want to be.

This sacred window of early-morning time has looked different for me in various seasons of motherhood. For a long time it didn’t exist at all. When I was up multiple times a night with a nursing newborn, I rightfully clawed at every minute of sleep. There have been sleep regressions and bouts of sickness that made it unwise to cut my sleep shorter than I needed to. There was also a stretch when my daughter slept so lightly that the sound of a single step on our creaking staircase would wake her up, so I threw in the towel.

But right now, I’m in a sweet spot for making this beloved habit a regular rhythm. I don’t know exactly how long I have left; surely the expiration date will be sometime in late April when baby number two arrives and I have to give myself over to someone else’s rhythms and routines, at least temporarily. But for as long as I have the opportunity, I will make space for this time when I don’t have to be a mom or a wife or an employee—I can just be me and that can be enough.

Brittany is a wife and mom who's exploring what it means to live simply, chase gratitude, and savor the everyday moments. She runs on coffee, Jesus, and good books.

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Are You a Helicopter Parent? Here’s How to Come in for a Landing

By Michelle Gale

Helicopter parenting: That’s something other people do, right? No one wakes up in the morning and says, “Today, I’m going to be a parenting stereotype!” Quite the opposite: parents open their too-often under-rested eyes in the morning and jump right into the role of ultimate caretaker—super man or super woman, ready to save their child’s day and make the world a safer place for her or him to live, play and learn.

This “helicopter parent” catch phrase comes from the idea of an ever-watchful parent who is there at every turn trying to protect and guide their child. That sounds pretty good, doesn’t it? It sounds like someone who is dedicated and loving and supportive to the infinite power! Take a moment to acknowledge all that is wonderful about that effort and intention and see if that feels like you. Now, imagine a way forward that brings your parenting into balance, helps you feel more at peace and helps your child grow and thrive more than ever before. Here’s how it works…

Letting Go of Fear

In looking more deeply at so-called helicopter parenting—beyond the doubtless truth that it’s about loving, guiding and protecting kids—there is an element of fear present that is the driving force behind this above and beyond “super” parenting st‌yle. In other words, in loving, guiding and protecting, there is an emphasis on the protecting.

The latest research shows that overprotecting children can actually lead them to become adults who are unsure of themselves and feel unprepared to be in the world. So, what is the proper balance between infinite love and just enough guidance and protection? And how can parents find that place for themselves when battling feelings of fear about how safe the world is and wanting to protect children from harm?

Each parent has to find the balance point that works for them and their family, and that includes consciously stepping back to allow kids to make their own mistakes and face their own consequences. To make space for this without drowning in fear and anxiety, though, parents can give themselves the gift of mindfulness.

A Mindful Place to Land

Mindfulness in its most simple definition is a map for understanding the human experience. The core practice is resting in presence, allowing yourself to simply know and observe what is. It is a compassionate and non-judgmental awareness of your inner and outer moment-to-moment experience.

Being mindful doesn’t mean you are calm all the time. You can just as easily be aware of your anxiety, anger or fear as you can be all Zen and relaxed. It’s great when it accomplishes the latter, but it’s also okay when mindfulness simply provides a step back from the intensity of otherwise unpleasant emotional states.

When it comes to mindfulness and parenting, regular practice can help give you just enough of a pause from your normal reaction that you are able to choose your response instead. For example, it’s always a good idea to stop your son or daughter from running into the road when a car is coming, but it might be worth thinking twice before stopping them from making other non-life-threatening decisions that could result in a meaningful learning experience. Here are a few mindfulness practices to try while you work to find your own parenting balance.

  1. Start with Your Breath: Whenever you feel fear or anxiety, pause for a few moments and focus on your breath. Feel your breath coming in through your nose and going out through your mouth. To be able to access the breath as a tool during these moments more easily, it’s important to practice intentional breathing in non-stressful moments, too. Leave yourself a sticky note somewhere that you’ll see it every day and pause to breathe. Or you could set a timer on your phone to prompt you a couple times each day to just breathe and focus on your breath. It doesn’t have to be long, but practice and repetition go a long way. The more you practice, the easier it will be to take an intentional breath or three when you need it most during anxious or upset moments.
  2. Know What Sets You Off: What are your biggest triggers? Maybe it’s watching the news or listening to a certain friend or family member rant about the state of the world. It could be traffic or toys on the floor. Everyone has things that press their buttons. Identify what ticks you off the most and write these things down in a journal or notebook. As you do this, it becomes a mindfulness practice when you do so without judging yourself for whatever—or whomever—has you feeling most upset. You are simply observing what upsets you without either justifying it or allowing yourself to feel guilty for it. It simply is what it is and you are acknowledging each thing with mindfulness.
  3. Relearning to Listen: Our brains are fine-tuned machines operating in a world that often demands multitasking, so it’s no wonder that we are usually planning what to say next while people are speaking. As you work to establish a new balance in your parenting, experiment with listening mindfully to your children. Notice if you start thinking of how to respond while they are talking, then let that go and refocus on listening. What more can you discover about your child when you focus on really hearing what he or she is saying?

Parenting is a journey in which parents and kids grow and learn together. It is the parents’ role to set limits and hold kids to appropriate expectations, to be sure. However, this can only be done with authenticity if parents are also focusing on their own growth. Mindfulness opens a door to finding that elusive sense of balance and peace all people crave, and it gives parents a place to land. Through mindfulness, you can move away from fear and toward empowering your children to come up with their own answers and gain the skills to find solutions in their own lives.

Featured Photo Courtesy: klimkin/Pixabay

Mindful Parenting Educator Michelle Gale, MA, is a former head of learning and leadership development for Twitter who teaches parents to better connect with their kids by first connecting with themselves. She is the author of the new book “Mindful Parenting in a Messy World.” 

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8 Ways to Streamline Healthy School Lunch Prep

By Houzz .com

Original article by Laura Gaskill on Houzz

When you have backpacks to find, lunches to pack and permission slips to sign, school mornings can feel like a big shift in gears from lazier summer schedules. And by the time everyone is home and ready for dinner, cooking may be the last thing you have the energy for. If you’re looking for ways to ease up on the weekday kitchen chaos, here are ideas and tips for making lighter work of morning breakfasts, packed lunches and weeknight dinners.

1. Carve out prep time on the weekend. An hour or two of weekend meal prep can go a long way toward making busy weeknight dinners feel more doable. Start by making a list of tried-and-true meals you know you can pull together quickly and that your family enjoys. Save this list (and add to it) as time goes on, and you’ll soon have your own cheat sheet of easy go-to dinners you can rely on when your calendar gets packed.

– If you have a little time: Plan easy favorites for dinner, go shopping and wash some produce when you get home.

– If you have more time: Chop vegetables, cut up fruit, cook grains and make one or more meals to freeze and reheat later in the week.

Timesaving tip: Organize your shopping list by the sections (cold case, produce, bakery) in your favorite grocery store. It’s more efficient and you’re less likely to forget something.

2. Gather lunch-making supplies in one convenient spot. There’s something incredibly disheartening about facing a tumbling tower of mismatched Tupperware before you’ve had your full morning allotment of caffeine. Make things easier (and maybe even entice young ones to help out) by gathering all the necessary lunch-making supplies in one spot. Here are some essentials you may want to include:

– Reusable water bottles

– Unbreakable food storage containers or bento-st‌yle boxes

– Small, spill-proof containers for sauces and dips

– Insulated thermos for hot foods

– Reusable plastic or metal flatware

– Reusable snack bags

– Paper or reusable napkins

– Masking tape and a permanent marker for writing names on everything

3. Make the kids’ dishes accessible. Encourage young helpers to set their own place at the table (or even grab their own breakfast) by positioning a set of tableware in a lower cabinet or drawer. This one simple change can empower kids to help themselves and takes one more task off your own plate.

Timesaving tip: Want to improve access without having to rearrange the entire kitchen? Just grab one plate, bowl and cup for each child in the house and stack them somewhere they can reach. Fill a mug with flatware, stack up a few napkins, and you’re set.

4. Plan ahead for weekday morning ease. You are probably already well aware of your family’s particular pain points in the morning — consider what these roadblocks look like and face them head on.

– If your family is always running late: Put a big clock in the kitchen and set it ahead by 10 minutes. Can’t people just look at their phones, you might ask? Sure, but with a giant clock on the wall, they’re more likely to use it to keep track.

– If your family tends to skip breakfast: Find one or two appealing options that can be prepared the night before and keep them stocked in the fridge. A blender filled with smoothie ingredients and yogurt parfaits in jars are favorites in my house.

5. Revamp the family command center. Think about what your family needs easy access to the most in the morning. Fielding last-second requests to print out school projects? Consider stationing a wireless printer in a lower cabinet. Always losing track of the hairbrush? Stash an extra in the drawer. What this is not the place for are random items and extras: so find another spot for the stray batteries, balls of rubber bands, appliance warranties and 10,000 extra pens (or is that just in my house?).

6. Clear a spot for homework and after-school projects. If your kids are likely to congregate in the kitchen while working on homework or art projects after school, embrace it and make space for it. Keep the kitchen table cleared and store a caddy of school supplies nearby so they have everything they need.

7. Stock a healthy snack station. Kids can be ravenous when they get home from a long day at school, so be sure to put the snacks you want them to reach for at an appealing child-height in the pantry or fridge. Some current favorites in our house include seaweed snacks, apple chips, cheese sticks, yogurt cups and fresh fruit.

Timesaving tip: Fill baggies with individual servings of snack time favorites on the weekend, when you’re feeling less frantic. Then on weekday afternoons, kids can just grab a bag on their own.

8. Keep a running grocery list where everyone can see it. Getting midway through a dinner recipe only to find you’re missing a key ingredient — or worse, waking up to find there’s no coffee in the house — is one of life’s greatest little annoyances. Avoid the problem (and, ahem, stop ponying up to the swear jar) by keeping track of items you need on a centrally located grocery list. A digital list can work well too, just be sure everyone in the household is synced up so you don’t miss a thing.

Featured Photo Courtesy: LiB contents, original photo on Houzz

Houzz is the leading platform for home remodeling and design. We provide our community of over 40 million monthly users with everything they need to improve their home from start to finish.

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