ML Interest Tag: parental

5 Ways to Raise a Really Smart Kid, According to Experts

By Shreiya Aggarwal

If there’s just one goal every parent in the world has in common, then it is to make their children street smart and able to fend for themselves, if not super-successful. The very fact that you clicked through to this article shows that you’re no different.

Is there a guaranteed way to do this? I’ve written umpteen blogs on parenting and early education, and believe me, there isn’t! But yes, researchers and scientists have (fortunately) shown us that there are a number of steps parents and guardians can take to grow an Einstein at home. Check out the 5 ways to help your kids achieve their best.

1. Expect Your Child to Succeed. OK, this is counterintuitive. Most parenting blogs advise against holding high expectations from your children, for fear of pressurizing them or burning them out. However, a study titled Cognitive Ability at Kindergarten Entry and Socioeconomic Status published in the official journal of the American Association of Pediatrics found that the expectations—well as the encouragement, support, and resources (such as books and computers)—that parents gave their children early on were critical to their academic success at school. Kids who performed best in kindergarten had parents who expected them to eventually attain a college degree. The lesson here? Don’t be a helicopter mom or dad, but do make it clear to your kid that you’d absolutely love it if she did well at school, in sports, or any other pursuit of her choice.

2. Hold Real Conversations. Kids with stronger communication skills are likely to have better grades, better jobs, better relationships, and so on. No surprise there, if you ask me. That said, talking to kindergarteners like you would to adults—holding actual two-way conversations instead of barking “Shut the door” and “Wipe your feet” can be instrumental in developing strong communication skills that will serve them well throughout their life, a joint study by researchers from MIT, Harvard, and the University of Pennsylvania found.

“It’s almost magical how parental conversation appears to influence the biological growth of the brain,” said John Gabrielli, the senior author of the study. “Children coming from families with lesser income or parental education [also] showed the same benefits from conversational turn-taking,” he clarified.

3. Encourage Science. It is widely recognized that traditional education is no longer effective at stimulating children’s natural curiosity and bridging the gap between academics and actual learning. STEM education—a pedagogy involving Science Technology Engineering Mathematics—promotes schooling policies, curriculum choices, training methods, and skillsets that can inculcate a growth mindset and curiosity in kids in their growing years. Research shows that young children who’re starting their school already have divergent thinking capabilities. They are curious learners with natural reasoning, logic, and spatial skills. Strengthening these innate abilities should begin at the earliest.

You can introduce science, math, tech, and engineering to kids as early as two years. Doing experiments, reading, and discovering stuff on their own increases children’s metacognition and wires their brains to be receptive to (and not fear!) these significant subjects throughout their lives.

4. Let Them Solve Their Own Problems. One of the most difficult things to do (by not doing anything) is watching your child fail. We all walk a fine line between protecting our kids and letting them tackle tough situations on their own. In a famous TED Talk, Julie Lythcott-Haims, author of How to Raise an Adult, emphasizes the need to let children make mistakes, solve their own problems, and compel them to do household chores.

In fact, this is very easy to do today, as both kids have access to a lot of resources. Your duty as an adult is to get them to focus on the task at hand and keep at it until they arrive at a solution. Don’t lecture them; ask open-ended questions instead. Subtly encourage creative thinking with “how” questions and teach them cause-and-effect with “why” questions. And yes, let them use Google. Or YouTube, for that matter.

All this develops their resilience, resourcefulness, and their ability to think critically—and sets them up for success down the line.

5. Keep Them Happy. Happy Kids = Successful Kids. The importance of a caring, supportive, and fun-filled environment at home cannot be overstated. Help your children construct their own vision of a happy and fulfilling future (don’t mind if they keep changing their version) and tell them what they need to get there. According to Dr. Edward Hallowell, author of The Childhood Roots of Adult Happiness and one of the country’s foremost ADHD experts, kids need

  • to be deeply connected to at least one other person

  • the opportunity to play and imagine

  • the time and encouragement to practice one or two things well and ultimately to feel mastery of it

  • recognition of hard work

Above all, love is the radiant force that keeps children on the path to a stable and successful life ahead. In order to “practically” teach your children to love, respect, and trust, you need to start with being happy yourself. Help them build deep connections and relationships with family members and other kids.

Kids suffer a lot more “setbacks” than adults (like broken toys). They need to know it isn’t the end of the world. Give them a healthy dose of optimism every day and show them the bright side of things.

Remember that intelligence isn’t everything. In the race to make your kids smarter, don’t forget to instill empathy and ethics in them. As P. J. O’Rourke proclaimed, “Smart people don’t start many bar fights, but stupid people don’t build many hydrogen bombs.”

Happy parenting!

Shreiya Aggarwal-Gupta is the owner of the early education startup Kidpillar, which aims to provide developmental opportunities & resources for young children in the field of STEM (Science Technology Engineering Mathematics) via kid-friendly journals, practical DIY-kits, and simple project-based learnings & workshops.Shreiya is also a passionate blogger, computer science engineer, finance whiz

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This Safety Guide Will Help Keep Your Teens Safe Online

by Jennifer Swartvagher

Kids and teens have more access to the internet than ever before. Mobile devices have kids logging on without parental supervision. The internet experts at USDish.com, an authorized retailer of Dish Network, compiled the best online safety tips for parents and guardians.

teen on laptop/smartphone

According to the Pew Research Center’s 2018 report on Teens, Social Media & Technology, 95% of American teens ages 13 through 17 have a smartphone or have access to one. With so many social media platforms to choose from including Instagram, Snapchat, YouTube and TikTok it’s no surprise that about 90% of those surveyed say that they are online for a large part of the day. 

Add in worries about the risks of sharing on the internet and cyberbullying, teens have a lot on their plates when they venture online. By starting the conversation early you can empower your child with the tools they need to protect themselves online.

Share what you learn through this guide with your teen and teach them how to consume online entertainment safely and responsibly.

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo: Steinar Engeland on Unsplash

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Co-Parenting during COVID? Here Are 4 Ways to Make It Better

By Jason Harris

Life during a pandemic presents its fair share of challenges. And for those who co-parent, this can add an additional layer of difficulties. A few key tips that I’ve found useful while co-parenting in a crisis include: teamwork, always coming from a place of empathy, maintaining existing rituals, starting new ones, and above all—putting your kids first no matter what.

1. Get into Team Mode 
If co-parenting was a struggle before the pandemic, this may seem like a living nightmare for some parents. In my opinion, the best thing you can do right now is to use this time to get on the same page as a united parental front. Try to leverage this hardship to be a time where you both can show that your kids are more important than the issues you both have. This will not always be smooth, but double down on trying your best.

This is a pandemic. No one knows the right move – there is no rulebook. You never know what another person is going through, so right now is a good opportunity to create a stronger relationship with your co-parent and have important conversations: What are we doing about summer? What if schools don’t reopen in September? Rally around making their lives feel as normal as possible for right now. After all, It’s you and your co-parent against the pandemic.

2. Maintain the “Co” in “Co-Parent”
My schedule as a CEO is demanding with full days of meetings, but I schedule time each day to have homework video sessions, where I handle a set of the homeschooling responsibilities. I enjoy doing homework with my kids, and their mom gets that time off to take a break. It’s a win-win.

3. Maintain Your Rituals
One ritual I’ve always shared with my kids is weekly gratitude journaling. As I tell our boys, you’ve got to be great—but you’ve also got to be grateful. Every Sunday night we write down in our book three things for which we are individually grateful. I know this is not an earth-shattering idea, but this practice has made a world of difference. It resets you and gets you prepped for the week ahead.

The things they write down can be big-ticket items like a place to live, or just the fact that they are safe and healthy. What’s helpful about writing these reflections in a notebook is that you can consult previous entries and jog your memory on truly trying days.

4. Start a Special Project
It’s important to recognize how your kids cope with change. Some of us are doing whatever we can just to make it through and stay sane, while others are thriving in a new routine. For my kids, I know they feel less anxious when we have a routine, so we decided to take this time to start a creative project. I’m a recently published author, and they’ve always taken an interest in creative writing, so we decided to start writing a children’s book about being your authentic self.

It gives them something to feel proud of and look forward to. Your project can be anything from creative writing to crafting a stand-up routine or even learning TikTok dances to show that you’re interested in their hobbies.

Hopefully, these tips can be helpful to your situation. Just like co-parenting before COVID, nothing will ever be perfect, and there will be times when things don’t feel equal or fair. Flexibility, communication, and empathy will bring the best results during a challenging time like this.

And always try to remember, even when the world is turned upside down, co-parenting is about collaboration, not competition.

 

 

Jason Harris is the Co-Founder & CEO of Mekanism, an award-winning creative advertising agency, Co-Founder of the Creative Alliance, and the nationally bestselling author of The Soulful Art of Persuasion. 

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Parenting in a State of Limbo

By Jenni Dawn

So now what? What’s next? Is this still the first wave or the second? Does it matter? Why do people refuse to wear a mask? Will there be school in the Fall? If there is, how can it be safe? Will our dog understand why we’re leaving the house when we can again, or totally freak out? These are the array of banners in my head. Am I alone? Who else is operating in total limbo right now?

The days blend into the next. School has been officially over but with camp and activities understandably canceled, every day is a question mark. The only worthwhile outings are to attend protests in support of the Black Lives Matter movement (no limbo in that regard). We spend open time standing with black lives. Making signs, and learning. My son is almost five… will he remember this? I hope he does remember this part of 2020. 

Overall though, it’s as if there is no map for parents right now. Not that there ever was, but the start of the pandemic was direct and we behaved accordingly. Since forever, parents have shared a hidden compass, a special parental power that circumvented any limbo and led our days in detail and variant normalcy. Now we have masks and underlying fear. There’s anxiety and I can’t be the only one. I know others are stuck in this place too. Right?

How do we move forward? I know we keep marching. That one is a certainty. How do we face the days ahead, this summer? We personally live in a surging state so for us, for our concern, life is still paused in the social sense. Frankly, we had a single playdate recently, the two boys wore masks and they scooted for miles… until snack time. Then even their six feet distance felt uneasy. It was hard. The kids loved revisiting their normal, and my son didn’t even argue the mask. He gets it and I’m grateful, but will we do it again? If school resumes in-person, will it carry the same relief it always had as parents? The free time for our work, our needs. Can we find the faith to not worry every time they leave or come home? Is it too soon to worry about this? 

We’re collectively caught between two stages. That’s what LIMBO is. Something occurred to me while putting these thoughts into the keyboard. Together we know it’s unclear what will happen next. Together we can submit to limbo. So we reach out, sometimes vent, open virtual arms, spread love, share posts, make signs, send mail, wash hands, and wear our masks. We’ll be miles from here soon enough. Parents know how time flies, and maybe for once we’d all prefer not to “stop the clock.” 

Jenni Dawn lives just outside of Los Angeles with her husband, newly rescued dog, and four year old son. She has a background in everything Entertainment, so it makes perfect sense to cover how to entertain family at home. Jenni's also a Cancer survivor with a passion for spreading hope and prevention advocacy. 

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The Kids Who Do Well in School All Have This in Common

By Hilary Scharton

Photo: Canvas

There is robust research about the different factors that influence student achievement. While teacher skill and communication is important, there are a number of influential factors for student success that happen outside of school. In fact, research shows that supportive behavior from parents or guardians correlates with student achievement.

The link between parental support and student achievement is so robust that districts often have policies to encourage it and various funding sources for schools have been tied to it, but there are some activities that move the needle on student achievement further than others.

The different kinds of parental involvement sit along a spectrum—from simply being interested in your child’s education to activities like volunteering in the classroom or to chaperone field trips. The good news is that general measures of achievement like GPA are correlated with all kinds of involvement and that result has been seen across all age and income levels.

While there are many ways for parents to engage at school, the top four most impactful parent behaviors are: parent tutoring, supporting homework, communicating expectations about learning and academic socialization. Here’s a look at each.

Parent Tutoring

For the youngest learners in grades K to 3, research into reading acquisition has shown some interesting results. A 2008 analysis found that training parents to teach their children to read was far more effective than either teaching parents to listen to their children read aloud or having parents read aloud to their children. An earlier study in 2006 showed similar results for every content area and age level. Parent tutoring increased student achievement on both criterion and norm-referenced tests, no matter how long the tutoring sessions were or what kind of instruction or modeling was provided to the parents.

Supporting Homework

The effect of parent involvement in homework has been more mixed. One research report analyzing this topic found a strong link between increased achievement on almost any measure when parents regulate homework time and help students when they struggle. Regulations were household rules about when and where students complete homework. However, significant results were only found for elementary students and were not seen when parents simply monitored homework.

Communicating Expectations

The most generalizable impact has to do with parental expectations. Two reports from 2005 and 2009 looked at a variety of parent behaviors and found that parental expectations and parenting st‌yle were significant predictors of higher achievement in both elementary and middle school.

Academic Socialization

While most of the parental involvement research cites significant results in elementary grades, the final parent behavior, academic socialization, has been found to have significant correlations with higher student achievement in middle school. According to one 2009 study, academic socialization included parents’ expectations for academic achievement, fostering academic aspirations in children, discussing learning strategies and planning for children’s academic future.

Putting It All Together

When it comes to important parent behaviors, the four mentioned above are proven to be most impactful. Woven through each is the importance of clear and consistent communication. In addition, open lines of communication between parents and teachers are essential to student success. So often, parents receive a lot of handouts and emails only to file them away, never to be visited again. It’s important for parents to review what teachers send home. They should remain engaged with the teacher and ask clarifying questions when needed.

Yet, there will be times when lines of communication break down and additional assistance is needed. In these moments, parents have the right and responsibility to bring in the support of additional school administration, like a principal. It can be tricky to know when to call on the principal and everyone is different, but here is a general list to help parents and guardians.

When to call the principal…

1. When something changes at home—good or bad. Children often engage in unusual behaviors as a coping mechanism when they encounter a new situation at home like a new sibling or parent, moving to a new house or losing a loved one.

2. When you see behavior changes at home. Misbehavior at home can signal that your child is experiencing stress at school. Sometimes it’s safer to be naughty at home where everyone loves you unconditionally than it is to deal with something that’s bothering you at school.

3. When you appreciate anything the school or its personnel are doing. Working in public education is often difficult and stressful. Expressing your gratitude for the good things that happen in schools can not only light up a teacher or principal’s day, but good deeds and gratitude have lots of beneficial side effects for the giver.

When to NOT call the principal…

1. When you want to request a specific teacher for your student next year. We all want the very best for our kids so it’s tempting to try to stack the deck in their favor when it comes to the teachers they have. Schools consider lots of variables when making classroom assignments, including student personality. It might turn out that the teacher the school picked for your child is a better choice than the one your neighbor recommends.

2. When parking for a school event is terrible. Parking is always terrible. Get there early so you can find a spot and then just grin and bear it. There are more unpleasant things we do for our kids.

3. When you want to complain about a laundry list of things that happened in your child’s classroom. When your student shares things that happen during the day, remember that you’re only getting one side of the story. It’s often much more productive to chat with your child’s teacher first and only go to the principal if you have concerns after that.

We know that the most significant forms of parental involvement happen at home. By encouraging the activities that have a greater impact on achievement, remaining in communication with teachers and calling on the help of the principal when needed, we can ensure students have the best opportunity for success.

Hilary Scharton is the VP of Innovation, Instructure Canvas, the open online learning management system (LMS) that makes teaching and learning easier. 

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New Streaming Service Offers Wholesome and Fun Shows for Kids

by Jennifer Swartvagher

Are you running out of streaming opportunities to keep your kids entertained? Yippee, a new video streaming service for families with kids ages 2-10, offers a solution for boredom with a promise that its content is wholesome, safe and attitude-free. Yippee offers more than 1,000 hours of programming through a competitively-priced subscription model encouraging viewers to “Watch Something Good.”

child with tablet

“Yippee was built by parents for parents. There are no ads, algorithms or attitudes, and the shows on our platform are safe and actually fun,” says Brandon Piety, Head of Yippee. “Our platform is unique because we have world-class animated shows like VeggieTales as well as original content and curated YouTube shows, and we’re proud to release the first-ever car show for kids called Backseat Drivers.”

Among its offerings, Yippee has announced an exclusive partnership with VeggieTales. Yippee will exclusively air a new original episode each month.

The streaming start-up has also licensed Madeline, which is adapted from the bestselling book series. In addition, Yippee has cultivated dozens of unique cartoons and unscripted shows that will appeal to kids who are interested in crafts and cars, animals and adventure and much more.

Yippee’s values-based content requires no parental review. Additionally, the company believes the service can help facilitate wholesome family time while many are isolated due to stay-at-home orders.  

Yippee is available via Roku, AppleTV, Fire TV, Samsung TV, as well as iOS and Android apps.  In order to serve as many families as possible during this difficult time, the company is currently offering a free 7-day trial and 50% off the first two months with the promo code “NOSASS.”

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo: Julia M. Cameron via Pexels

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Fathers Are Parents, Not Babysitters

By Kiana Keys

Fathes are not back-up, the help, or the assistant.

In fact, they aren’t adjuncts in any shape or fashion. They are tenured parents with full-time roles and responsibilities, other duties as assigned, and no union rights available. Fathers are parents, not babysitters. And yet I often hear them referred to in these auxiliary roles, as if they are dangling onto a family unit by a mere thread. Sometimes they even jokingly refer to themselves this way: “I’m on dad duty tonight.” I know, I know, it’s sometimes said out of love. But words matter and get stuck deep down in our subconscious and have an impact. “Duty” implies that it’s some sort of unwanted gig and “tonight” sounds like a temporary, obtrusive and interim hang-up. Why?

I know some women feel that the grunt of the housework and child-rearing falls on them as the primary caretaker, and their significant others naturally kind of settle into these sub-roles where they are playing an outfielder position…only jumping in when a random ball rolls their way. In fact, I hear many of my girlfriends complain about the sheer exhaustion and burden of carrying the family on her shoulders.

Are fathers on the clock?

What is it with these circumstantial parental phrases that we commonly use? Like, how the word “watch” is to denote a temporary sit-chee-ation. No, fathers do not watch their own kids. Fathers and mothers must both drop this “temporary help” mentality and bring fathers to the forefront of parenthood to stand side-by-side as equals. It matters.

Words matter. Roles influence how we see each other, and our children are watching. Fathers should not willingly accept these labels, or allow this “substitute-parenting” phenomena to define their role in a family. We have to break down this narrative, kick this sucker to the curb, and #NormalizeFatherhood.

Why does it seem “weird” when fathers take on a primary role?

Just recently, a dad’s post went viral when he tackled the misconception that fathers are powerless in a mother’s absence. He denounced the assumption that he was completely handicapped and totally incapable of caring for their 6 children while mother, Jessica Martin-Weber, was away on business.

And then I thought to myself, the real news is that this story went viral. It made headlines because the narrative states that he is an anomaly. An exception to the rule. Perhaps, a rebel of some sort. But, there are so many fathers that do in fact subscribe to this primary parental role and it’s great that he is telling their story. Why? Because I’m convinced more fathers are actually doing this than not and it’s time to bring them all into the conversation.

Two primary caretakers in a household is actually common.

I’m here to tell you, some of us are blessed to witness this every day. I come from a household where we are both primary caretakers. Yes, our different strengths and interests manifest in how we divide stuff up. But when I say we are both in the trenches in this thang, I mean it and we both have the gray hairs to prove it!

I think about all the fathers I know who are giving their 100% and assuming a full-time role. It’s not weird, it’s not strange. It’s pretty common and I can point many of them out for you. I would be way over my word-count if I listed them all here, so I won’t…but I digress. Let me start wrapping this thing up.

Dads may get things “wrong” sometimes…and that’s OKAY!

Sometimes it’s our fault fathers are demoted to babysitters. We’ve got to stop beating dads up. Are you guilty of “my way or the highway?” Many of us moms build fathers up to knock them right back on down. We plead with them to step up and take on more responsibilities, but then we are guilty of nagging them and critiquing them on how they aren’t doing it to our liking.

We don’t like the outfits they picked up for the kids. It took too long to change the baby’s diaper and the onesie is mis-snapped. Their disciplining game SUCKS. We are guilty of going on and on and on, emasculating the very men we want to step up. Our rhetoric translates into “your parenting isn’t good enough.” How hurtful is that?

Well I have news for you that you may not want to hear. It’s totally okay if they do things “wrong!” Ask yourself, did my child survive? Was my child happy? If the answer is yes, then congratulations, you just empowered a father. And here’s the kicker….perhaps it’s not wrong at all! It’s just not your way. Allowing them to do it their way is the key to empowerment and success. We have to learn to relax, relate, release and let a father take control to do his thing his way. The gift of parental autonomy is critical in molding a great dad.

We must empower fathers to stay clocked in.

Two things need to happen in order for fathers to thrive in a primary role: 1) Fathers need to stay in the game as the real MVP, and 2) Mothers need to CALM DOWN and let them score. We have to remind fathers of their value every day and appreciate what they bring to the table. And many people will probably wonder, why encourage them and give credit for something they should be doing anyway? I feel you! And the answer is this: Because!

Dismantling an outdated narrative and telling a new story requires effort and action. And it starts within our own households. Furthermore, we must build up fathers for several reasons… to share the burden of parenthood, to allow them to grow deeper into fatherhood, and to teach our children what a father is so they pass those ideologies down to their own children. Fathers are parents, not babysitters and it’s time we change this narrative. One dad at a time.

This post originally appeared on Sassy Plum.

I am a writer, wife, and mother that balances many areas of my life. My love for both writing and motherhood intersected in 2016 when I co-founded Sassy Plum- a website that publishes content for families. I'm also the founder of a mom’s group that consists of over 200 women.

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Study Reveals Despite Differences, Parents Think They Are Better at Parenting Than Predecessors

by Jennifer Swartvagher

Parents today have a different set of challenges than their parents or grandparents did. These days, school-age children have a lot more options when it comes to screen time. A new study by Osmo, looks into whether parenting is more difficult today and if their children’s tech usage is a source of concern. 

kids on tablets

 

The study examined 2,000 US parents of school-age children and their attitudes towards parenting and practices between today’s adults and their parents. Surprisingly, 78% of those surveyed be;ive that they are better parents than their parents were. This study conducted by OnePoll also reveals a range of attitudes towards how they value time spent with children, including screen time, given how many mobile devices are being used by children and adults today.

“We conducted this exciting study to explore how today’s adult parents differ from past generations, how they learned parenting, how they value spending time with kids, and whether this includes allowing mobile screen time,” says Pramod Sharma, CEO of Osmo. “Given these parents grew up mostly without mobile devices, we were curious about their views on technology. We asked: ‘Are there rules in place? Do they limit children’s time on devices? Are they monitoring what games, videos, and apps their kids are consuming? Would they allow their kids more screen time if the content was educational?” 

Sharma, the father of two children, co-founded Osmo because he desired a hands-on, educational, healthier way for kids to use devices, and allay parental anxiety about using technology at home. 

Participants admitted learning parenting from a wealth of sources like books, TV, websites, other parents, religion, as well as relying on their own parents and experiences. “Interestingly, while 77% think they should not expose children to punitive parenting practices they endured (spanking, being sent to your room or finishing dinner before leaving the table, adhering to strict bedtime), five in ten would love to share the experience of playing beloved board games with their children. This ranks as high as past-times like books, movies, sports and family meals, with 49% saying they will carry on similar traditions with their kids,” says Sharma. “It suggests that families still value game time as a very important part of child development.”

The majority of the parents polled embrace the use of technology in the home, but they monitor usage across devices and set rules around screen time. While they worry about the quality of the content their children consume, 48% would allow more screen time if the content was educational. 

While Sharma allows his little ones to freely use iPads at home, he makes sure their screen time is active versus passive. “The case of watching hours of YouTube mindlessly is not part of our family’s parenting practice,” he says. 

Respondents said that they may spend anywhere from $10-$50 monthly on supplemental educational products and would even spend more if they felt the product was valuable.

“This data is compelling for Osmo because it shows parents are welcoming greater usage of educational products at home, while reinforcing our belief that hands-on games played within a group setting are a highly valuable means of learning,” says Sharma. “It validates Osmo’s mission to create quality programs that are fun for kids, parents and educators, and that educational technology will continue to grow.” 

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo by McKaela Lee on Unsplash

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When Parents Love Each Other, Kids Fare Better

by Jennifer Swartvagher

Children model their future relationships based on the love they grew up around. Parents tend to put their children first, subsequently putting their own relationship on the back burner. This recent study shows that when spouses share romantic love and affection, their children tend to stay in school longer and marry later in life.  

Research about how the affection between parents shapes their children’s long-term life is not always readily available. This study uses unique data from families in Nepal. The study, co-authored by researchers at the University of Michigan and McGill University in Quebec, was published in the journal Demography.

“In this study, we saw that parents’ emotional connection to each other affects child-rearing so much that it shapes their children’s future,” said co-author and U-M Institute for Social Research researcher William Axinn. “The fact that we found these kinds of things in Nepal moves us a step closer to evidence that these things are universal.”

The study uses data from the Chitwan Valley Family Study in Nepal. The survey was launched in 1995 and collected information from 151 neighborhoods in the Western Chitwan Valley. Married couples were interviewed simultaneously but separately, and were asked to assess the level of affection they had for their partner. The spouses answered “How much do you love your (husband/wife)? Very much, some, a little, or not at all?”

The researchers then followed the children of these parents for 12 years to document their education and marital behaviors. The researchers found that the children of parents who reported they loved each other either “some” or “very much” stayed in school longer and married later.

“Family isn’t just another institution. It’s not like a school or employer. It is this place where we also have emotions and feelings,” said lead author Sarah Brauner-Otto, director of the Centre on Population Dynamics at McGill University. “Demonstrating and providing evidence that love, this emotional component of family, also has this long impact on children’s lives is really important for understanding the depth of family influence on children.”

According to Axinn, Nepal provides an important backdrop to study how parental relationships affect children’s lives. Historically, marriages in Nepal are arranged by their parents and divorce rates are low. In the 1970s change has been noted with more couples marrying for love. Divorce is still rare, but it is becoming more common. 

Also, education has become more prevalent since the 1970s. In Nepal, children begin attending school at age 5, and complete secondary school after grade 10, when they can take an exam to earn their “School-Leaving Certificate.” Fewer than 3% of ever-married women aged 15-49 had earned an SLC in 1996, while nearly a quarter of women earned an SLC in 2016. Thirty-one percent of men earned SLCs in 2011. By 2016, 36.8% of men had.

The researchers also want to dig into why parental love affects children the way it does. They speculate that when parents show deep affection for each other, they also invest more time and effort into their children, thus leading them to remain in school longer. When a child grows up in a happy, loving environment, they tend to seek out similar relationships for themselves when they get older. . 

The findings still remained constant after researchers considered other factors that influenced a married couple’s relationship and their children’s future. These include caste ethnicity; access to schools; whether the parents had an arranged marriage; the childbearing of the parents; and whether the parents had experience living outside their own families, possibly being influenced by Western ideas of education and courtship.

“The result that these measures of love have independent consequences is also important,” Axinn said. “Love is not irrelevant; variations in parental love do have a consequence.”

Photo courtesy of Photo by Seth Reese on Unsplash

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Was the Super Bowl Halftime Show Family-Friendly?

By Emily Lynn Paulson

The super bowl halftime performance last week caused a lot of noise on social media! One phrase that I noticed being thrown around was “family-friendly” and it got me thinking, what does this even mean? Is it based on values, or morals, or some sort of social indoctrination? Isn’t it subjective, considering every family is different?  

Let’s take a step back. If your kids were watching at halftime, you were exercising your right as a parent to let them watch it. If the resulting outcome was disapproval or disgust, does the fault lie with you as the parent or the network? Perhaps the NFL or the artists themselves? Who ultimately has control of the content that goes from the TV directly into your child’s impressionable brain? 

My vote: the parents. 

Don’t get me wrong, figuring out which content is appropriate for kids (no matter what your version of appropriate is) can be dizzying. The TV and Movie Parental guidelines rating system is fairly helpful, but not always accurate, so parents still have to be aware of what their children are watching all the time.

I’ve watched some PG-13 movies that are benign because the adult humor goes well over my kid’s heads, yet some PG content has caused nightmares in our house (I’m looking at you, Coraline). Unfortunately, this rating system does not apply to news or sports programming, including the super bowl and its halftime performance. 

For the record, my kids did not watch it, not because I didn’t allow it, but because they were busy doing other things. When the Seahawks don’t make the cut, my kids lose interest. However, If they had watched, I would have been ok with it and would have addressed questions, if any, as they came up. It was perfectly “family-friendly” for this family. 

If for some reason it had been objectionable to one of my kids, it would have been MY responsibility for allowing them to watch. It isn’t up to JLo and Shakira to set a good example for my family. That’s our job as parents.  

You might say, “But, I didn’t know it would be that risque!” Ok, fine, but again, isn’t this part of informed parenting? Maybe next time, before letting your kids watch, you could give the performers a google? The content should have been no surprise (the performances and outfits were on par for both artists), and you would have been fully prepared to skip it or hit the off button on your tv. Family-friendly in YOUR home is up to you to decide, not the network, not the producers, not the performers.

Let’s step back even further. If your kids were watching football in the first place, and you were offended by the halftime performance, how do you justify watching the cheerleaders who are scantily clad during each and every game? Before JLo and Shakira took the stage, your kids had already taken in a whole lotta skin, gyrating, and jumping up and down via the sidelines. 

How about the commercials for Viagara and violent R rated movies? I know that when my 7-year-old watches football with his dad, I am on guard to turn certain commercials off or ask him to look away. I’ve watched enough football games to KNOW there is content that scares him sometimes! They are not family-friendly in my opinion, but we do our best with the content to make it appropriate for his eyes. Again, it isn’t up to the advertisers to parent my kid. What they watch is ultimately up to us as parents. 

If the halftime performance wasn’t your cup of tea, that’s cool! I liked it and found it super entertaining, but I respect and understand the viewpoint of those who thought it was too risque for their taste. We all have our own level of comfort. But ultimately, if your children watched and now you’re offended because it wasn’t “family-friendly,” then it’s a good time to remind yourself who is in charge of your family, and the content they watch. You hold the remote. 

 

Emily Lynn Paulson
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Emily is the author of Highlight Real: Finding Honesty & Recovery Beyond The Filtered Life. 

As a Certified Professional Recovery Coach, recovery advocate, educator,  and speaker, she is passionate about connecting women with resources for healing. Emily lives in Seattle with her husband and their five children. 

   
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