ML Interest Tag: regret

More Than a Wave-Jumper

By Ruthi Davis

Dear Confessional,

I’ve almost drowned three times. I’m a terrible swimmer. I am an adult woman with four children who swim better than I do—and yet I still pinch my nose under water and doggy paddle. My resilient children swim like fish in any temperature. Even though I may someday be taking swimming lessons with my 3-year old, this post is actually about some incredible elderly “wave-jumpers,” as I have named them. It’s bizarre and wonderful at the same time.

On our last holiday, my family took a trip to Spain, and my kids were practically hurling themselves at the beaches. As I got cozy in the sand to keep an eye on the crew, I noticed about a half-dozen elders on a mission in their bathing suits. Together, they marched up to the shore, repositioned their swim caps, and readjusted their goggles. Look past my kids in the pictures above. There they are.

My eyes were fixed, and I was ready to see some enviable swimming action, since mine involves pinching my nose and some unflattering flailing. Yet after entering the ocean, they just stood there, motionless.

Truthfully, I was so confused. They just stared ahead at the oversized waves. When the wave pushed them, they weren’t afraid—even if they had to take a step back to rebalance or boldly stepped a few feet forward, deeper. Sometimes, they would surprisingly dive into the bigger waves. Yet after all of that commotion, they always returned to their original spot in the chilly water and dug their feet back into the sand. What were they thinking? What was the purpose?

After a few weeks of trying to make sense of it all, it became clear—it changed everything. You see, these women were conquering the waves. They fearlessly stared at an overwhelming obstacle yet were at complete peace. Even though each wave pushed and pulled them, they always counterbalanced and became even stronger. For those women, the ocean served the same purpose, but their unique position in the sand and approach to the wave was personal.

So what does this all have to do with me? For me, these wise women encapsulated life. No matter our background, age, size, or color, we all stand the same—we stand together in the similar journey of living, growing, loving, and evolving, but our experience is always unique. Each moment is a wave. Even when life may knock us down or sneak up in an undercurrent—we live, we learn, and we reposition our feet for the next wave.

After living abroad in a few different countries and traveling globally, my absolute perspective has changed. We are all so beautiful, so different, and have so much to offer in our individual journeys.

You see—we are all like these wave-jumpers. Every experience is merely a moment to absorb, a wave approaching that will pass, with impressionable hindsight to teach us. My life is an open book. I love to help others when and how I can. Most who know me have labeled me, “Supermom.” I’m not, I just try my best and keep on couterbalancing and learning. I don’t judge. I don’t criticize. I don’t live with regret or guilt. It’s refreshing and it’s my personal masterpiece.

My life is a mix of all things and all emotions, mostly humor. So I invite you to be the fly on the wall of my open Confessional, filled with some candid mess-ups, laughs, and life lessons… stay tuned.

with Love, Ruthi

Photo: Ruthi Davis Photo

Ruthi Davis is a the Founder of Ruth Davis Consulting LLC with over two decades of success in advertising/marketing, media/publicity, business development, client relations, and organizational optimization for a variety of clients. Ruthi is a proud mom and influencer in the parenting and family market as founder of the Superfly Supermom brand.

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7 Things I’m Insisting on Teaching My Girls

By Holly Dobrynski

Photo: Canva

Being a girl today is a lot different than it was when I was making my awkward way through middle and high school. Teens are cutting themselves, or worse, at an alarming rate. Our children are getting bullied day in and day out and school systems provide parents with a lackluster, “We don’t tolerate that behavior,” but nothing is being done to put a stop to it. In the age of the #metoo movement, as strong mothers, we must raise strong daughters. 

And while it seems the slogan “Smash the Patriarchy” is everywhere, instead, I’ve created a list of ways that we, as women, can “Restore the Matriarchy.”  Let’s redefine what it means to be a “lady,” etiquette be damned.

1. You don’t need a man, or a woman, to complete you. When I was in high school, my ultimate goal in life was to get married in my early 20’s and start a family as soon as possible. While I don’t regret my family for a second, I do regret not spending more time planning for the future. Now that our family is complete and our youngest has started school, I find myself struggling to find my way in this new chapter of my life. Spend your time after graduation learning about yourself, building a tribe of girlfriends, and becoming comfortable in your own shoes. The last thing a partnership needs is for one or both members to discover themselves five years in and realize they made a big mistake.  

2. Experiment with your st‌yle. Cut your hair, dye it, buy combat boots, wear purple eyeliner, or don’t. Wear that Hogwarts t-shirt until the hem is frayed and it’s so faded you can barely make out the graphic. If people tell you they have a problem with your clothes or the way you do your hair, then these people don’t matter! Your job is not to impress, but to succeed, whatever that means to you. As long as you are happy, how you look doesn’t matter.

3. Not everyone is out to get you. When my daughter received her class schedule for school this year, she immediately started complaining about two of her teachers simply because she heard a rumor that they were awful. Fast forward to the end of her first day, turns out, those teachers aren’t so bad after all. She wasted so much energy focusing on the negative, energy that could have been focused on goal setting for the new year or reading a  book. Some people are jerks and they will try their best to knock you down. Your job is to not let them. There are good people in this world, people who will compliment you and bring out your best. Find those people and cling to them. 

4. Turn up your favorite music and dance and sing to it at least once a day. It doesn’t matter if you are as tone-deaf as boiled cabbage, blast Bohemian Rhapsody and belt it like you’re Freddie Mercury incarnate. Guaranteed to make you forget whatever nonsense you’re dealing with that day, it’s my favorite way to unwind and move on. 

5. Enjoy the steak or that piece of cheesecake. Far too many women punish themselves with ridiculous workouts and long sessions of cardio because they had a bite of chocolate cake or ordered their coffee with half and half. My mother was constantly trying fad diets and shaming me for what I ate. The result? Binge eating Oreos and pizza, yo-yo dieting, and misery well into my 30’s. Be healthy, however that looks for you, but enjoy your body and what you put in it. 

6. Take a self-defense course or learn how to use a firearm. I know we need to hold men more accountable and I will teach my girls that it’s never okay for a person to touch them without permission, that no means no, etc., I will also teach them how to protect themselves. My older daughter is a black belt in taekwondo and every semester, they teach different self-defense techniques. She knows how to use a firearm safely and will be armed with pepper spray prior to entering high school. I’d like to think that she’s also being raised by a strong mother with a take-no-bull mentality, and hope that she’s picking up just a little of what I’m throwing down. 

7. Take charge of your sexual health and enjoyment. My parents were very prudish about sex and what happens to the body during puberty. Thank God for sex education class and good girlfriends, or I would have been like the main character in Carrie when I got my first period. We are very open about sex and nudity in our house. We’ve always been very honest with our children when they have questions about sex and do our best to make them feel comfortable when there’s something they’d like to know. My girls will also know that a woman’s pleasure is important, too, and not just some magical unicorn that’s impossible to achieve. I spent the beginning of my sexual life believing that sex was something that just happened to women and orgasms were few and far between. It took me a long time to realize that my satisfaction should be expected every time sex is in the forecast. Our needs are important, too. Sexual pleasure and masturbation are an important part of any woman’s life, whether she’s with a partner or not. Know what’s going on with your body, track your menstrual cycles, and steer clear of any partner who thinks their sexuality is more important than yours. 

Raising girls is hard and the hardest thing I’ve ever done, by far. But I’m doing my best to instill these strong values in my girls so they will feel empowered for the rest of their lives and know their strength and happiness comes from within them. 

 

This post originally appeared on The Pirate Mom.

I'm a mother, wife, birth professional, lover of the outdoors, and a pirate! I love supporting mothers and making them feel they're not alone in this crazy journey. I created The Pirate Mom blog to show the unconventional side of motherhood and all that entails.

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T.J. Maxx, HomeGoods and Marshalls Sold Recalled Infant Sleepers

by Shahrzad Warkentin

Despite a massive recall earlier this year, the U.S. Product Safety Commission found that retailers including T.J. Maxx, HomeGoods and Marshalls continued to sell recalled infant sleepers.

The Consumer Product Safety Commission recalled the popular Rock n’ Play sleeper in April 2019 due to the risk of injury or death. The commission went on to recall additional inclined infant sleepers under various brand names later that month, as well as issuing a third recall on yet more sleepers in August. Unfortunately, the commission has now found that several retailers continued to sell the recalled products putting that babies at risk.

“At TJX, product safety is very important to us. We deeply regret that in some instances, recalled products were not properly removed from our sales floors despite the recall processes that we had in place,” Andrew Mastrangelo, the manager of media relations for TJX Companies, the parent company of all three brands, said in a statement. “We are taking appropriate steps to strengthen these processes moving forward. We apologize to our customers and encourage anyone who believes they may have one of these products to participate in the recall.”

In October the CPSC issued a new warning, telling parents to stop using all inclined sleepers, regardless of the brand or whether a specific recall had been issued. Based on the results of a study the agency now recommends that parents to avoid using any sleepers that allow babies to sleep at an angle greater than 10 degrees.

“The agency continues to emphasize that the best place for a baby to sleep is on a firm, flat surface in a crib, bassinet or play yard,” the CPSC stated in the warning. “Parents and caregivers should never add blankets, pillows or other items to an infant’s sleeping environment. Babies should always be placed to sleep on their backs.”

You can find the complete list of recalled items sold at T.J. Maxx, HomeGoods and Marshalls here.

—Shahrzad Warkentin

All photos: CPSC

 

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4 Reasons Why Co-Sleeping Might Work for You

By Karolina Hobson

As a parent it is easy to stress over all of the little things. Are they eating enough? Are they growing enough? Am I spending enough time with them? Is work consuming too much of my time? Are they happy?! Questions like these plague parents in most parts of the world. However, some of the biggest questions that we ask ourselves revolve around sleeping. With any amount of lack of sleep, it makes it difficult to function on a day to day basis and be productive at work.

So how do you achieve the ultimate goal of more sleep? My answer? Co-sleeping.

For the optimal co-sleeping situation, here are a few of my tips:

1. Don’t fight it if it works. Research shows a benefit of co-sleeping is infants virtually never startle during sleep and rarely cry during the night, compared to solo sleepers who startle repeatedly throughout the night and spend four times the number of minutes crying  Startling and crying releases adrenaline, which increases heart rate and blood pressure, interferes with restful sleep and leads to long-term sleep anxiety.

2. Do what works for you and for your family. The judgment of others doesn’t matter. If co-sleeping with your baby is the best solution for you, then that is all that should be considered in the decision. As long as everyone is safe and comfortable, nothing should stop you as parents from getting as much sleep as is humanly possible.

3. It doesn’t last forever, so enjoy it while you can. One day the child will finally move on to their bed whether they do it on their own or with your help. In the meantime, it’s a time that can be seen as precious. During sleep, you can sneak those extra cuddles that one day you will miss. According to the Dr. Sears’ article on the Benefits of Co-sleeping, “Co-sleeping babies grow up with a higher self-esteem, less anxiety, become independent sooner, are better behaved in school, and are more comfortable with affection. They also have less psychiatric problems.”

4. If the baby is breastfed it is done much easier as neither the mother nor the baby has to be moved. They can just turn towards each other. This arrangement also assists the mother with maintaining her milk supply which is so vital for the baby.

The Long-Term Effects of Co-Sleeping with Children

Co-sleeping, whether widely accepted or not, can be the best arrangement for certain families. It is most definitely not something that should be overlooked just because of the stigma that’s behind it. Give it a go. This may be the solution that you’ve been looking for, or maybe you simply want to sneak more cuddles in through the night. Whatever the reasoning for the arrangement may be, if done right, it is definitely beneficial.

As a working mother of 3, I have found that I treasure the nights and know they won’t last forever. Our youngest (3.5 years old) is still in our bed every night. My biggest regret; not having enjoyed as much time with the older two!

Karolina has a unique perspective on life as she is a working mom of three, married to a busy fire captain. Juggling it all and showing her daughters it is important to maintain your identity even after you have children. To Karolina, that means pursuing her career goals and continually learning/growing in business.  

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Dear Working Mom: I Don’t Know How You Do It

By Catherine Dietrich

Dear Working Mom,

I don’t know how you do it.

We’ve all been tickled by the hilarious BBC interview that went so very wrong when two toddlers came running into the room while their dad was on Skype being interviewed about democracy in South Korea. It was my favourite YouTube moment of the year so far – until a friend reposted this on Facebook, a spoof of what it would have been like if it had happened to a woman. A working mom. And the reason I laughed so hard is that it so absolutely could have been true.

But actually, it’s kind of not funny.

Because working mom, I don’t know how you do it.

I don’t know how you get up in the mornings and get not only your small people looking presentable, but yourself as well. Hair, make-up, clothes-that-do-not-fall-into-the-Active-Wear-category, grown-up shoes… but you do.

I don’t know how you make breakfasts and packed lunches, and get small people to sit down and eat said breakfasts, while simultaneously preparing yourself mentally for whatever tasks are waiting for you when you get to your desk… but you do.

I don’t know how you manage to do the school run, administering that all-important “one last kiss”, and then haul yourself across town (or sometimes even further) to wherever work is, and arrive on time… but you do.

I don’t know how you field meetings and paediatrician appointments (both of which could be moved at any given time), sick kids and conference calls, and the eye-rolls of those who don’t know better when you absolutely have to leave at 5pm (I hear the voices only half joking: “Oh, half day today?”)… but you do.

I don’t know how you keep straight in your head the permission slips that need to be returned and the birthday gifts that need to be purchased and wrapped while simultaneously putting together a PowerPoint presentation on That Important Thing for a conference room full of people… but you do.

I don’t know how you finish your day job and then rush home to start your other, harder, more demanding job. You cook dinner, you get them to tell you about their day, smiling while you try not to feel sad about the moments you missed. You coo over their artwork, oversee homework, referee skirmishes, kiss better booboos, do bath time, read bedtime stories, and then when the lights are finally out, there is the matter of running your household to attend to. Making sure uniforms and sports kit are clean and in the right place, opening the post, checking the diary, finding time with your spouse…

I don’t know how you do it, but you do.

Working moms, you are the true unsung heroes, the true feminists, the true foot soldiers. Most of what you do goes unacknowledged, because you make it look easy. You never let your kids think for one moment that there’s anything more important to you than they are, and, by some houdini-esque, magical slight of hand, you simultaneously keep climbing the corporate ladder, ensuring there are places open for the rest of us, ensuring we don’t get left too far behind.

I’ve heard it said that there can be tendency towards judgement between different “camps” of women – the stay-at-home moms judging those who choose to value their careers too much to abandon them; the moms who go back to work judging the more “Stepford-orientated” among us for staying home… I have to say that I’ve never experienced any judgement of this kind. It’s been my experience that, whatever we do after we have children, it’s always accompanied by an element of regret and guilt. Those of us who stay home feel guilty for letting our careers stall, our educations go to “waste”, our skills get rusty. Those who return to work feel torn.

Judgement has no place here.

I’ve also heard it said that it takes a village, and that working moms have a team to help them. But in the middle of the night, you’re still mommy. When your kids are sick, you’re still mommy. You have to know who is where, when, and you’re the one who makes sure things don’t fall apart. You deserve every bit of credit for doing an impossible job, no matter how much help you have.

I can’t speak for women the world over, but from my little corner of reality I just want to say this: thank you, working mom. Thank you for doing the hardest job in the world and making it look easy. Thank you for taking judgement from those who don’t know better and brushing it off because, really, you’re far too busy for all that. Thank you for walking out of that meeting early and ignoring the sighs from the people who didn’t need to so that you could get back to your kids. Every day you are making strides towards normalising work-life balance for parents – even if it is sometimes at the cost of your own pride. Thank you for showing us that who you were before, although never the same again after children, is important to preserve.

Thank you for holding our metaphorical seats open for us in the workplace, so that when those of us who stayed away longer do go back you’re there, just ahead of us, making sure the path is clear and we don’t trip over.

I don’t know how you do it but, just, thank you. You’re my hero.

Love, Catherine

Catherine Dietrich
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Catherine Dietrich is a freelance writer and mom to two girls. A former women's magazine journalist, she now writes for various online publications as well as celebrating motherhood on her blog, Littles, Love and Sunshine. Catherine is a British South African, currently living in the Bahamas with her husband and two small daughters.

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Is It Possible to Achieve Balance While Parenting?

By Cindy Wang

Photo: Shanna Petry

Whether you’re a brand-new parent or have three teenagers at home, children change lives forever. Parents’ lives are forever planned around their children’s needs, from nutrition to education, physical activities to mental well-being.

Rewarding and fulfilling, yet quite exhausting, parenting can be more demanding than a typical 9-5 job in many aspects. Not to mention, parents often lower the bar when it comes to self-care due to lack of bandwidth and time. However, when parents are happy and healthy, they are better caregivers in turn. So, it is important to remember to take time for self-care too.

Here are some thoughts surrounding finding balance between meeting children’s needs while leaving some space for self-care.

Accept the change and own your choice.

Women, in particular, often find themselves torn between career and kids, and ultimately, end up feeling forced to choose between the two. So, if the decision is made to step back from an aggressive career path to devote more time to the kids, instead of mourning what might have been, focus on making happy memories and tackling the new set of challenges that comes with parenting.

Alternatively, if you choose to continue pursuing a career, do so without regret or remorse. Be proud of your decision, enjoy the adventure and reward your choice brings. Champions always march steadfastly and whole-heartedly, shining bright regardless of the path they are on.

Figure out where there can be a compromise (and where there can’t!).

Perhaps you were on a career track toward a high-status, but time-intensive position when you became a parent. You can, and many parents do, try to make both work.

  • Find external resources: Plan and reserve sufficient resources to outsource (pay for) tasks you are comfortable with. For example, daycare, housework and meal preparation. Outsourcing tasks like this leaves more time and energy to spend time on the more relational aspects of parenting, such as story time and spending quality time with the child.
  • Pivot: Adjust your lens and develop realistic career goals with the child in mind, until a new equilibrium is found. Can you cut back hours at work? Can you shift to a less demanding career? Can you take a job closer to home that eliminates a long commute? Kids change priorities, so instead of trying to wedge children into your existing life, consider adjusting life to accommodate them.

Give your kids some space.

Helicopter parenting may be a buzzword, but it doesn’t mean it’s a good idea for most of us. Kids need guidance, especially when they’re younger, but they also need room to develop problem-solving skills and figure things out on their own. So, instead of feeling like they need to be watched like a hawk at every waking moment, step back and allow them to explore (safety being paramount of course.) Self-directed play helps them learn and develop critical thinking skills, and it gives us a few moments to ourselves, to do what we need to do.

Take time when we needed.

If sneaking a few chapters of a book while the kids are doing their homework isn’t cutting it in the way of self-care anymore, then you might need to consider demanding more. Again, a burned-out parent isn’t good for kids either. That might mean short-term fixes like sending the kids off to the grandparents’ for the weekend to make time for a staycation or longer-term adjustments like a partner changing their work hours so they can pick up the kids while you head to a figure drawing class. The point is, when parents are feeling unbalanced, the rest of the family will feel it too, so dig deep to look for real solutions and make that “me” time actually happen when needed, instead of shrugging it off. It’s more important than it might seem.

Parenting transforms us. When crawling out of bed at 5 a.m. to get one child ready for ice skating practice before coming home to make lunches for the others and getting everyone off to school (all before heading out to a paying job), we become more selfless and kind, less self-conscious, more tolerant and forgiving. Every deed and seemly tough task is accomplished from parents’ internal will and drive. Through helping children, we grow to be better human beings, find our true selves and become role models for them.

Every parent, and family finds balance in different ways. The key is not to fight against the change or try to revert to the old ‘child-free’ ways, but to embrace it and optimize it. When children enter the picture, reality will be irretrievably changed, but as Mamapod’s PodSquad star Jessica Whobrey says, “Balance isn’t about finding the right path to follow, but following the path as it’s shaped.”

Cindy Wang is the founder of Mamapod, the world’s first ergonomic, comfortable and stress-free baby carrier. Before Mamapod, Cindy earned her PhD in electrical engineering from Cornell University and worked as an engineer for prestigious companies including: Cypress Semiconductor and Equator Technologies.

 
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A Love Letter to Moms

By Krissy Dieruf

Photo: Photo by Liana Mikah on Unsplash

Dear Friend, you are a wonderful mom. The way you love each of your children is astounding. When you are tired, you love. When you are sick, you love. When you are angry, you love. When you are hungry, sad, hurting, overwhelmed, anxious, overworked, underpaid, underappreciated, touched out, and worn out, you love. Please know that it is not in vain. Your children are like tiny seeds soaking up every ounce of endless love as they grow, change, and emerge into the world. Carefully and thoughtfully over time and through the fruits of your love, though often invisible beneath the dirt and layers of grass and earth, you are growing too. Be patient. Be present. I know it is hard being the sun and rain and night and day for these little ones, but you will not regret your dedication. There is a secret though, to such unwavering strength in love. Dear friend, the thing you must not forget is that you are mothering yourself now too.

That sounds funny, I know. Because you have a mother, a very good one. A stepmother, a mother-in-law, a grandmother, an aunt. A mother who has passed away, but who still left all of her motherly wisdom within you. Incredible amazing endlessly giving mothers. And yet, every day you must draw from all they have taught you, for yourself. No, it is not just for your children. Your beautiful ways were not given to you by God for only the smaller people inhabiting your home and your heart to absorb to their fullest content. They are for YOU too.

When you think about your children growing up and moving out on their own and raising their own babies, rocking them to sleep in the depths of the dark nights, the sharp early mornings, when you picture your daughter exhausted and lonely holding a baby who loathes being put down, when you imagine your son reading books with tired eyes to kids who won’t go to bed and wake up way too early, what do you want for them? How would you parent them in those moments far in the future, but exactly where you are now? Would you do that for yourself? Can you be that kind, loving, and courageous for yourself? I hope you will start.

I hope for you, an awakening of your soul, for you are not just a mother. You may have forgotten all you have done before this point, because yes, this is probably the hardest of all the things, mothering. But not the least, and not the last. You have everything already inside of you that you need to do all you have left to do in your life. Honor yourself, friend, for EVERYTHING you are, because you are everything you need to be. Nothing more. You don’t have to stretch, or break, or bend. You don’t have to reach or pull on your tippy toes. You only need to stand. To hold on. To pick up all that lies in front of you every day, hold it, shape it, mold it, move it, toss it, put it in your pocket if you want it, chuck it in the ocean if you don’t, and keep going. Keep dreaming. Keep planning. Keep loving. But please friend, do not ignore yourself. Give yourself permission to add your name to the list. You are amazing. Do not forget yourself, or push yourself aside. Do you remember a time in your life when you refused to be pushed aside? That doesn’t have to go away just because you have children.

Remember, one of the greatest gifts that you can give your children is to do for yourself what you would do for them. God taught you that by loving you so deeply from the moment you were first conceived. Children learn by watching. They look closely at how you see yourself, how you treat yourself, how much you love yourself. Knowing you see yourself as worthy of love makes them believe deep down in their little hearts that they are worthy of love too. Remember, when you are feeling lost, abandoned, alone, that you are not alone in the least. You are being mothered every day, and you are strong enough to love your children and yourself. Mostly, dear friend, you deserve all the love in the world. And it is right there for you if only you will stand inside of it.

Krissy Dieruf is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She lives in Minnesota with her husband and three children, loves to sing and dance around the house and has a soft spot for rebels and crazy hair. 

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Dear Daughter: I’ll Cherish Our Breastfeeding Journey Forever

By Jennifer McCurtis

Photo: Pixelheadphoto via Deposit Photos

 

Editor’s Note: Here at Red Tricycle, we respect and celebrate every mom’s feeding journey. Bottle? Boob? It doesn’t matter—we believe fed is best. Our Spoke Contributor Network is inclusive and open to all parenting journeys—yours, too!

Interested in sharing your child’s feeding journey? Whether it’s transitioning to formula or introducing solids, to navigating food allergies or raising your kids vegetarian—Spoke is the place to share your rockstar moments and inspiring journeys. Submit your own feeding story to Spoke right here.

. . .

I breastfed you for 28 months.

It was an amazing journey filled with ups and downs, tears and laughs and whole lot of bonding.

Now that you are no longer nursing, all I have are the memories and here’s what I’ll always cherish about our time extended breastfeeding.

I cried.

Breastfeeding brought tears at times.

From the moment I brought you home, we bonded instantly, but that doesn’t mean there weren’t struggles.

You didn’t sleep well as a newborn and your father and I spent countless nights up swinging, singing, carrying and rocking you as our sleepy eyes could hardly stay open.

I got up most of the time to comfort you since your dad had to go to work and also because all that would calm you down most of the time was nursing. And so…

I cried.

I was overwhelmed and sleep-deprived and my tired body just wanted rest. However, I was determined to exclusively breastfeed you for as long as you wanted.

I don’t regret one minute of those hard nights, but I definitely cried.

I learned.

Breastfeeding didn’t always come easy for me.

With your brother, I gave up before he was a year old because I didn’t know what I was doing.

I didn’t know where to find the support I needed to continue.

With each baby, I learned a little bit more and lasted a little bit longer. As my fourth child, I’m so proud to say that I breastfed you for almost two-and-a- half years.

I learned a lot through the years and was able to apply it all to make our breastfeeding journey the most successful one.

I learned a lot with you and from you.

I hid.

I never quite got over my breastfeeding shyness.

There is a movement swelling where nursing moms are realizing it’s completely normal to nurse a baby and they should not be ashamed to do it in public.

I completely agree with this movement but I never fully embraced it for myself.

Out in public, I covered you for discreetness. Even at home when we had company, I’d go to another room if you were hungry or cover you with a blanket to nurse around guests.

This is a part of our journey and I embrace it.

I comforted you.

Breastfeeding was your go-to source for comfort.

If you were scared, hurt, hungry or unhappy in any way, holding you and putting you to the breast always made you feel better.

As a baby your emotions weren’t as apparent; you cried and had the same satisfied reaction when you nursed.

But as you grew into a toddler and were able to express more nuanced emotions, I loved being able to stop the pain if you got hurt, reassure you if you were scared or simply bond with you when you wanted to cuddle, all from breastfeeding. The expressions on your face during these times relayed a million emotions but most of all they expressed your gratitude and love for your mom.

I loved being able to provide that comfort. It created an unbreakable bond in us that I’ll cherish forever.

I laughed.

Breastfeeding you as a toddler was funny.

As you got older you became more curious and wiggly.

Most of the time you wouldn’t stay still but instead there would be a lot of toddler acrobatics going on. It still amazes me how you were able to get yourself into some of those positions while nursing.

This to me was one of the best parts about nursing you past a year old.

You made me laugh.

I mourned.

There came a point when I needed to stop nursing you.

The plan had been to let you breastfeed as long as you wanted to and then self-wean when you were ready, but I was ready to stop before you were.

Due to circumstances outside of both of our control, it made sense for me to stop. I know it was the best decision for us at that time, but every once in a while, I mourn that I had to stop breastfeeding you.

When you curl up in my lap and still ask for your “milk-milk,” I mourn a little.

When you are fascinated as you watch me change shirts and ask if you can nurse only to be told “the milk is all gone,” I mourn a little.

At night when you still don’t sleep well and I think back to the newborn days when you could be consoled simply by breastfeeding, I mourn a little.

I mourn that that time in our lives is over and we’ll never see it again.

I wouldn’t change a thing

Even though there were rough times, there were many, many more happy times and I wouldn’t trade any of it.

We’ve closed that chapter of our lives but the memories we created will live on in my mind forever.

Jennifer is a mom of four fun-loving kiddos, freelance writer and lover of all things chocolate. On her blog, Formodernkids.com, she loves to share her journey through motherhood and provide helpful resources with other moms in the day-to-day grind of raising kids in a modern world.

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Recall Alert: Green Bean & Butternut Squash Recall Affects 9 Southern States

by Erica Loop

The U.S. Food and Drug Administration recently issued a voluntary green bean and squash recall. Following notification from a raw material supplier that routine tests for food contact surfaces tested positive for the bacteria Listeria monocytogenes, Southern Specialties Inc. announced the recall for Marketside brand bagged green beans and butternut squash products.

A spokesperson for Southern Specialties Inc. provided the following statement to Red Tricycle via email:

“The health and wellness of those who consume our products is paramount. Anyone who lives in the nine Southern states listed on our website should check to see if they have the recalled bags. No illnesses have been linked to this recall, but we are still asking that people not consume and instead dispose of or return the recalled products to the place of purchase. We regret that disposing of or returning the recalled product may be inconvenient, but food safety is our priority.”

If you bought one of the affected products, or think you may have, read on for more information.

photo: Courtesy of Southern Specialties, Inc.

Recall Description: Marketside Bagged Green Beans and Butternut Squash

The current recall includes Marketside brand bagged green beans in 32-ounce and 12-ounce packages as well as bagged butternut squash in 16-ounce packages. The full list of recalled UPC codes, use by dates and lot codes is available from the FDA website here.

Why the Bagged Veggies Were Recalled

Following routine testing, a raw materials supplier (used by Southern Specialties Inc.) notified the company of the presence of Listeria monocytogenes on food preparation surfaces. Listeria monocytogenes is a potentially harmful bacteria that can cause diarrhea, nausea, abdominal pain, fever, stiffness and headaches. The bacteria can also cause miscarriages and stillbirths in pregnant women.

How to Tell If Your Marketside Product Is Part of the Recall
Visit the FDA’s website for the full product and code listings to verify whether you have the affected products or not. While most of the recalled veggies were retrieved prior to retail distribution, some may have reached stores in the following southern states: Alabama, Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, North Carolina, South Carolina, Tennessee and Virginia.

What Parents Can Do

If you have one of the recalled Marketside products don’t eat it. Throw out the veggies or return it to the place of purchase for a full refund. Consumers with questions or concerns can reach Southern Specialties Inc. at 1-954-876-2453 or by visiting the company’s website.

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Karolina Grabowska via Foodiesfeed

 

RELATED STORIES:

Kids’ Cereal Sold at Trader Joe’s & More Recalled for Undeclared Allergens

Ford Just Recalled Over 1 Million Vehicles. Is Yours One of Them?

FYI: There Are New Chicken Nugget & Chicken Product Recalls

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The One Goal I Set That Changed My Entire Life

By Fairygodboss Georgene Huang & Romy Newman, Founders

Photo: Pixabay

My name is Natasha Nurse and the goal that changed my life was choosing to be happy. This seems like an obvious goal that everyone should have, but sadly, it is not the case. So many people are unhappy in the United States (especially in New York).

It was December 2015, and I was told I was losing my job. When this happens to most people, the first thing they want to do is panic. For me, I saw an opportunity to live my life in a whole new way. I decided to live by the following six principles:

  1. Commit to my life motto: meet someone new and learn something new every day

  2. Be happy every single day

  3. Be daring and fearless, no matter what

  4. Accept there is no such thing as failure — only teachable lessons

  5. Live without regret (life is too short to live with regrets)

  6. Accept there is no such thing as no — only maybe not now or maybe with someone else

These principles helped keep me sane, focused and happy as I began my journey as an entrepreneur. This was the journey that not only gave me immense joy, but has led to opportunities in modeling, media, podcasting, radio broadcasting and journalism that I couldn’t have even imagined for myself.

The goal of being happy turned out to be the most important goal that I could have ever set for myself. Now, since living this way, I couldn’t imagine living any other way.

Now that you know my one goal that changed my life, I think it is important to focus on the practical steps I took to apply and stay committed to this goal. Here are my seven steps to success.

1. Get clear on your intention.

My one goal was happiness, because I was a person who focused on accomplishing many things in my life (starting at a very young age) but no one told me that I needed to make sure I was happy. Happiness was like an afterthought or completely irrelevant. I was groomed to be productive and accomplished. However, I soon realized accomplishments without a sense of happiness or joy was completely pointless, so I needed to make a change. I knew that if I shifted how I defined what success meant, then my entire life would change.

2. Create an action plan.

Goals are great. But if there isn’t an action plan in place, how likely are you to achieve that goal? Zero to None. For me to be happy, I needed to be very clear on identifying what made me happy. Luckily, I am fairly low maintenance, so the things on my happiness list include:

  • Reading everyday

  • Napping (when I really need it)

  • Dancing

  • Singing

  • Shopping (mostly on Vudu or Amazon)

  • Prioritizing my needs

  • Being creative (i.e. drawing, coloring, sketching, painting)

  • Creating and developing ideas with the hubby

  • Relaxing with the pets

  • Watching movies and television shows (no matter how many times I have watched them)

  • Working on my business (i.e. coaching, consulting, speaking at events, creating online content, etc.)

What was my action plan for happiness? It was simple. If I do at least one activity on this happiness list a day, then I was successful for the day. If I accomplish more than one activity, then I am a super star.

3. Eliminate distractors or deterrence.

Eliminating naysayers, haters and toxic people was a huge step for me to take to succeed. Why? Those individuals are drowning in their own misery so much, they can’t help but attempt to bring you down as well. For me, cutting these people out of my life was the only way  to have the freedom of time and mental capacity to focus on me, my business, and what I want to accomplish in this world. If you are determined to accomplish your goal, you will find yourself in the same boat (hint: this will be hard at first, but you will thank yourself repeatedly).

4. Hold yourself accountable.

When achieving a new goal, do you think it is important to have benchmarks along the way? Well, it is. In order to achieve a goal, you have to have tasks and steps along the way. You should attach deadlines to these to ensure your goal gets accomplished. As an overachiever, my goal is really a lifetime goal, so I needed to create a plan that required me to be accountable each day (aka Happiness Checklist). If you are working towards accomplishing a goal, how will you hold yourself accountable?

5. Be kind to yourself.

We can be our number one advocate or our very worst enemy. When we stumble or sometimes fall flat on our faces, it might seem natural to get down on ourselves. But I am here to tell you to stop it! This is neither helpful nor necessary for accomplishing your goal. Sometimes you are not going to hit the ball out of the park. Sometimes you will strike out. That is not only okay, it is a good thing. Stumbling or “failures” are a teachable moment where you can learn. Life is all about learning more about yourself and the world you live in.

If there are days where I don’t get to check something off my happiness list, I don’t tell myself that I failed. Instead, I accept that I didn’t take care of myself for the day. I identify what stood in the way of prioritizing my happiness, then make an action plan so that the next day I am back on target. Most of all, I am kind and understanding to myself. That is the only way to make sure I can start the next day with the best mindset and attitude possible.

6. Acknowledge every victory.

No victory is too small or too large to celebrate. By celebrating every victory, you are giving yourself motivation and confidence to keep pushing towards your goal. You can’t expect anyone to do this for you. Your goal will never be as important to anyone else as it is to you. So, smile and appreciate every victory along the way.

7. Document the process.

If you document your process (the good, the bad, and everything in between), then the following will happen:

  • You will have a record of the journey to look back and reflect on

  • You will see just how much blood, sweat, and tears went into achieving your goal

  • You will inspire others to pursue their dreams and to share their journey as well

  • You will publicly hold yourself accountable for what you are looking to achieve

It might not be easy to document the journey. When you achieve your goal however, you will be happy you took the time to document how you made your dream a reality!

—Natasha Nurse, for Fairygodboss
This post originally appeared on Fairygodboss.
Fairygodboss Georgene Huang & Romy Newman, Founders
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

As the largest career community for women, Fairygodboss provides millions of women with career connections, community advice and the hard-to-find intel about how companies treat women.

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