Have you upped the ante when it comes to family walks this year? If you’re hitting the sidewalks and trails more now than ever before, you aren’t alone.
According to a new survey conducted by Rockport, more than half of Americans walk between one and five miles more per day now than in years past. Why are so many people walking more these days?
Other than the obvious pandemic-related lack of anything else to do, it turns out Americans are walking to relieve stress. Fifty-seven percent of the people surveyed said they walk as a stress reliever and 67 percent agree walking can help clear the mind. Thirty-six percent of survey respondents walk one to two miles daily and 21 percent walk between three and four.
Along with stress relief, Americans are also walking more to take a break. Thirty-three percent of people surveyed said they use walking as a way to take a break from the daily grind of work and 28 percent use this form of physical activity to catch up and reconnect with their family
Lisa Laich, Chief Marketing Officer at The Rockport Company, said in a press release, “For 50 years, Rockport has celebrated walking and comfort, helping people power their lives from morning to night. And while routines have changed this past year, 2020 has shown us the clear value and importance of walking – even if it’s just one mile each day.”
Laich continued, “This survey shows that Americans of all ages and across geographic locations are more interested than ever in getting in their daily steps, and we’re excited to help people navigate each step of their walking journey.”
Even though the uptick in walking may seem like a popular pandemic trend, the survey revealed this activity is here to stay. A whopping 93 percent of people surveyed said they’re very or somewhat likely to continue their walking routines after Covid-related restrictions are lifted.
I recently saw a young teen publicly thank his parents on social media. It wasn’t a generic, thanks-for-all-that-you-do, kind of post. This one stopped me in my tracks. This specific nod to the parents was, “Thank you for giving me everything I want.”
My first few thoughts lingered around the possibility that this was a status symbol of sorts, enjoyed by everyone involved with giving this child everything he wanted. It rang similar to the current requirement on social media that families need to be super busy. If families today aren’t completely overscheduled, their status is somehow less than. I guess, maybe, if a parent gives a child everything he or she wants, somehow that raises their false status, too?
My husband and I are far less concerned with status, and way more concerned with raising kind, happy kids who will hopefully grow up to be emotionally resilient adults. Probably why this post stood out to me. Neither of us want to give our kids everything they want.
Our kids are talented swimmers. Our daughter, specifically is not only talented, she’s also a very hard worker. She’s willing to practice as much as she needs to remain a strong competitor as well as be a valued member of her team. As a middle schooler, she sets personal goals and works hard to reach them.
This season, her goal was to swim the individual medley (IM). This is a tough race: 100 yards, 1 lap of each stroke, a total of 4 laps. Her goal was to swim it competitively under 2 minutes. After a few weeks of practice, she swam it and exceeded her goal. Next, she set her sights on the championship meet at the end of the month. Before that though, she wanted one more race experience so she requested her coaches pace her in the IM for the next meet.
The day arrived for the meet placements and she was left out of the IM. She looked a bit worried, so I encouraged her to go and talk with her coaches. She did and to her dismay, she was, in fact, left out of the race. I asked her coaches if she could be added to the race, but it was too late. She held back tears but forged ahead and jumped into the pool for practice.
It was a mistake. Her coaches are human and they make mistakes, too.
Her disappointment was compounded for several reasons. Her biggest competition was not going to be at this next meet, giving her a strong possibility of winning the race. Her best friend was going to be there. She wanted one more race experience before the championship meet. She folded under the layers of disappointment and began to cry as soon as we got into the car.
I could have made a phone call. My husband and I could have made unreasonable requests. I probably could have called the board of directors and caused a scene to get my child added back into the race she so desperately wanted to swim. We could have caused a lot of people to do a lot of extra work to make my child happy. I could have gone to extreme lengths to give my child everything she wanted.
Have you seen that quote that encourages you to drink plenty of water and gets lots of sun? Good advice for us because we are essentially houseplants with complex emotions. How in the world can we expect our children to learn how to deal with complex emotions if we never allow them to experience them?
My husband and I could have made unreasonable requests in an effort to relieve our daughter from feeling complex emotions. But how would that have served her in the long run? Sure, it was hard for her but we all have to learn how to deal with disappointment. We have to learn how to accept the fact that people we love mistakes. We have to learn how to accept the fact that not everything in life will go our way.
The one thing I hope my kids never thank me for—giving them everything they want.
As humans, we are hard-wired to struggle. It’s not my job as a parent to keep my kids from ever having to struggle. Instead, it’s our job as parents to give them the tools to properly deal with the struggle.
After having time to be sad and disappointed, we talked with our daughter about what she ultimately wanted. We couldn’t change the circumstances, but it was worth at least exploring what she could personally get out of the situation; what it would take to get a positive outcome from this experience.
We talked with her coaches and after giving it some thought, she agreed to swim the event as an unofficial swimmer. That meant, her times wouldn’t count and she wouldn’t score any points. She couldn’t officially win, even if she technically did. She’d still get the opportunity to have another race experience.
It was a wasn’t everything she wanted.
She was able to live through the disappointment and still see the upside. She was able to accept the reality but still find the positive. She didn’t throw away the experience because it wasn’t perfect.
My job as a parent is not to keep my kids happy. Let’s face it, of all the emotions we have, happy is easy. Our kids do not need practice with being happy. They do need to be prepared to face disappointment, sadness, and anger. They need experience in extending the same grace to others that they would want in return. They also need practice in accepting situations for that what they are without expectations for us to swoop in and fix it.
I hope my kids are grateful for all of the things we do for them, but for many reasons more importantly, I hope they are thankful for the things that we didn’t do.
Melanie Forstall is a full-time mother, full-time wife, full-time teacher, and never-enough-time blogger at Melanie Forstall: Stories of Life, Love, and Mothering. She holds a doctorate in education and yet those many years of schooling have proved to be utterly useless when it comes to actual mothering.
I was four months postpartum. I was struggling with nursing my son, but we had a wedding we had already committed to going to. I was so nervous because I was worried I’d lose my breastmilk supply for not nursing for so long. I spent the entire day packing myself a little bag full of my supplies. My breast pump, bottles, an icepack inside an insulated cooler for my milk, my nipple cream, etc…I was packed and ready.
I needed to run to the bathroom real quick and figured “Hey, why not rely on my sweet reliable awesome husband to put my bags in the car?” You know, I trusted him so much I didn’t even think to check all the bags made it into the trunk.
About 25 minutes into our drive, I told my husband I’d probably have to pump upon arriving and once again before the reception starts. His response, “Well, did you bring your pump?” I looked at him and said, “Well duh, you packed the bags in the car, right?” Nope. He only grabbed one bag. My purse. Which, thanks hunny, I did need that. But I really needed the pump more.
At this point, the panic started to set in. This was our first long outing without my son. It was about 50 miles away from home. And already late at night. Once I calmed down, I figured I could just run to a local Target or Walmart and pick up a little cheap hand pump. Well get this, we get to Target, run in, and they were sold out of hand pumps. The next best thing was a $100 electric pump.
At this rate, I was thinking I could just grab some bottles, a little cooler and manually express myself. We were now running about 15 minutes late to this wedding we had already driven so far to get to and decided that would be the plan. During the first “manual” pump, I sat in the car all by myself with my husband’s shirts hanging on the windows for some privacy. I was trying so hard to express anything but just kept getting a drop, drop, drop. I never even had a letdown, yet my breasts felt so full and engorged by this rate.
I sat in the car and shed a few tears, I mean come on, can ya blame a girl with breasts full of milk who is pumpless and it’s the first long outing away from her baby? Talk about the worst-case scenario. I tried going back inside and running some paper towels under warm water to try and warm compress, but that didn’t work either.
Looking back I think I was so stressed it definitely played into my ability to have a letdown. Also looking back, I will never let my husband pack my pump again, well I probably will, but that trust is hard to regain. I mean, lesson truly learned. By the time we got home that night (and yes, we ended up leaving early), I was able to nurse my son and relieve all the pain and pressure from the milk.
So new mama, my tip to you? Take a moment to double-check that you’ve packed your breast pump and that it’s also in the car.
Karissa is a mom to two young boys and a blogger of Mom After Baby. Karissa believes ALL moms are capable of life beyond motherhood and is passionate about providing informative & educational content to new, expecting, and postpartum moms.
When we first received Dominic’s diagnosis of Autism at age 2 1/2, my first thought was him as an adult sorting paperclips into boxes.
I thought he would never talk.
I knew nothing at all about autism.
I did grow up with a neighbor named Tommy who had intellectual disabilities and he would visit our home frequently. This was the 1970s when those with disabilities were separated in school and many parents were told to institutionalize their children. Looking back, Tommy’s parents went against that way of thinking. They let him walk around the neighborhood unsupervised. I never asked Tommy if he had autism, we just accepted him the way he was.
Speaking of acceptance, it took me about two weeks to come to terms with Dominic’s diagnosis of autism. In my own opinion, I think that is very important to do because you really can’t move forward until you have done that. After the diagnosis of autism, Dominic subsequently received diagnoses of ADHD, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and Complex Partial Epilepsy. In a lot of ways, when Dominic received that diagnosis of autism, I was actually relieved. I found it much more stressful before we got the diagnosis. We knew something wasn’t right but didn’t know what it was.
Dominic turned 16 at the end of July and in a little over a year and a half and he will be an adult. Now that I have been on this autism “journey” with Dominic for almost 14 years, I can say with complete transparency that he has surpassed many of the expectations that I had for him!! Dominic’s speech is delayed and most likely always will be. When Dominic was able to say two or three-word sentences, I felt like jumping up and down!! This past Friday, Dominic’s sister, Lauren asked him what he wanted for Christmas. He responded back with, “Legos and puzzles.” This was the very first time that he ever told us that!! Woohoo!!!! Given that he is almost 16 1/2 we have been waiting a longtime to hear that!!!!
When you have a child/adult with learning differences and speech delays, when they are able to tell you spontaneously, unscripted, and unprompted what they want, you want to shout it from the rooftops!I belong to several Facebook groups that have to do with autism. Earlier this week, I saw a post about a 4-year old boy that saw one of his favorite Disney characters and spoke for the first time. Another parent saw that post and said, “thanks for giving me hope!’
Since I was so excited that Dominic had told us when he wanted for Christmas, I posted it on their Facebook page. Another mom wrote back to my post saying that she would give anything to hear what Dominic said to us and that her son is 16 as well. I wrote back to that mom and told her I was sending her a “virtual” hug and to never give up hope!!!!
I am a stepmom to one and a mom to two. I have been a stay-at-home mom for over 24 years. Grew up in Maryland and have lived in Michigan since 2001 when my husband got a job here. My 16-year old son has multiple disabilities.
This year will be remembered as many things, but one of them will be the year that the word “lockdown” became a pervasive part of our lexicon. The world’s first glimpse into what life almost permanently inside might be like was when chilling photos emerged from China of apartment doors being welded shut. It could never happen to us, though, thought many of us, here in the West at the time. Boy, were we wrong.
I’m from Melbourne, Australia, the city that has to date endured the world’s longest and strictest lockdowns. Right now, we have technically eliminated the coronavirus, an enviable achievement indeed. But what we had to endure to get here was crushing, oppressive and, quite frankly, one of the biggest challenges I think most parents have ever faced. Despite that, my main takeaway has been that it has made me a better parent. Here’s why.
When our premier first announced that we would enter our second lockdown in July (after already having endured a 50-day lockdown earlier in the year), parents everywhere in my state let out a collective moan. The lockdown we entered, which became increasingly stricter over the weeks that would follow, involved all children learning from home, all parents working from home, the closure of all restaurants, and the closure of most outdoor public spaces (including all playgrounds, which were taped shut with barricade tape). Initially, the lockdown was meant to last 42 days. 42 days at home with the kids and not much to do, I bemoaned. Netflix will get a workout, I thought to myself.
Unlike the first lockdown, which had a sense of novelty to it, this second lockdown, which it seemed only Melbourne was experiencing, was deeply depressing. As days melted into weeks and weeks melted into months, it became obvious that we weren’t beating the coronavirus. As such, our government made the lockdown even stricter. After about five weeks, we were only allowed out of our house for one hour a day, and we were not to go more than five kilometers from our homes (and we weren’t allowed to drive to the local park, either. Driving to exercise wasn’t allowed). We were only allowed to go to the grocery store once a day and we had to go alone. Councils even taped off local park benches so we couldn’t sit on them.
In the beginning, I have to say, I was a terrible parent. Every morning I would be glued to my phone, checking the latest coronavirus numbers and getting stressed about our lack of progress, all the while totally ignoring my children. After I’d checked the news, I’d inevitably get trapped in a cycle of feeling sorry for myself. Everyone in Australia (and seemingly, the world) was out enjoying their summers and living their lives, while I couldn’t even go back to the grocery store if I forgot something. My children, aged two and four, would inevitably get sick of their toys, books, and YouTube by lunchtime, and we’d all spend the afternoon frustrated and over it. It seemed like we’d tried every craft activity, we’d baked every cake, and we had built every blanket fort there was to build. They were over it. I was over it. I started to get a tiny bit resentful of all the non-parents in my network. They could get fit, learn a new skill, or even write a book! I remember thinking, while I’m stuck at home arranging toy cars in a line for the twenty billionth time.
About six weeks after the lockdown started, I woke up with a bit of scratchy throat. Throughout the day, it got quite a bit worse. I was absolutely terrified that I had caught the virus, and even more terrified that I’d somehow passed it to my unwell father, who I had been caring for and would be considered high risk if he caught it. I also knew that if I had it, I’d have to quarantine myself in a bedroom for two weeks so I wouldn’t pass it on to my family. That thought terrified me too. My husband’s job didn’t enable him to look after the kids and at that time, babysitters weren’t allowed, so I had no idea what we would do.
I lined up for three hours that afternoon and got the test. They said it would only take 24 hours to get the results. I went straight home to bed and didn’t sleep at all that night. What if?
The next morning, my test results arrived. Negative. I was so relieved. And suddenly, what stretched out in front of me didn’t seem like such an ordinary day. It seemed like a day where I could be profoundly grateful for what I did have.
After my coronavirus scare, my attitude toward being stuck at home did change for the better. There were many days where we did the same things and I can’t say I found them any more interesting. But there were also some quiet moments when my children were playing together where instead of feeling frustrated, I just felt lucky. Lucky to have two healthy children. Lucky that my family was safe. And lucky, I think, that when the lockdown did eventually end after a punishing 112 days, the outside world waiting for me would seem even more vivid and exciting than ever before.
In our most frustrating moments, when every day is the same and it feels like there is no hope in sight, it is difficult to be a great parent. But what lockdown taught me was that my children were better—and I felt better—when we tried to be grateful.
Teigan is a passionate nature lover, traveller, ballet dancer, writer, mom, wife and the proud co-founder of Ethicool Books. After losing her mom when her son was five weeks old, she's determined to make the world a better place by encouraging children to take action on the world's big issues.
The days full of anger and frustration seemed to be outweighing the days full of joy and satisfaction. My kids and I were locking horns over screen time every single day. I was struggling to get them to follow any limits, complete chores, or finish homework before getting on their devices. I was at my wit’s end and worried that our relationships were deteriorating into dangerously negative territory.
Seeing my desperation a friend of mine recommended that I “talk to someone.” Therapy didn’t seem like the right fit. I didn’t need emotional healing, I needed a practical solution in the here and now. But my friend corrected me, she meant a parent coach, not a therapist. I was puzzled. I had heard of life coaches and executive coaches, but not parent coaches. She told me that like other coaches, parent coaching could help support me to make the positive changes I so badly needed.
I was ill at ease enough to look into it. After doing some research I decided to contact a parent coach. From the very first call, I felt relieved that I had someone to help me. Coaching, I learned, was going to help me get in touch with my parenting priorities and values around screen time. It was time to block out the noise of the internet searches, parenting books, and advice from family and friends and tune into what I really wanted for my kids and my family, and not just about screen time. Combined with her expertise in child development, we would get me to a better place. I wasn’t sure I could fit coaching into my busy schedule but I set aside one hour each week for 10 weeks and it was worth it. For the first time, in a long time, I felt hopeful.
With the guidance from my coach, I was able to see that some things were actually working for screen time at my house, even in spite of the challenges. While they were on the screen more than I wanted, they were using it to learn new skills and connect with friends playing games that were interactive and collaborative.
We spent one session formulating my dream. The ideal family life that I was longing for without all of the tension and struggle around technology. We spent a session talking about my strengths as a parent and my children’s strengths. I am really good at talking with my kids about things and making sure they know how I feel. They do well when rules are clear and they have a voice in decision making. Then we used the strengths to design the steps I would take to make my present day to day match my dream.
I engaged my boys in conversation when I wasn’t feeling charged or anxious and we were able to come up with some screen time parameters that worked for everyone. I had homework and there were times that I had to step out of my comfort zone. But each week I took a small step towards creating limits and boundaries around screen time making sure my kids were part of the process. It wasn’t perfect and it didn’t resolve everything, but it made life easier and I felt the joy return to our household and in my relationships with my kids.
Coaching is also about engaging in self-care because it is an essential part of generating the high energy and focus that is required to be a parent. It is so easy to let it go when there is barely enough time in the day to maintain a balance between work and family. I came up with the self-care that works for me. It felt doable, just 10 minutes a day to take a walk, meditate, or write in my journal. On days when I followed through (not all of the time), I was more patient with the kids.
While having a better screen time balance in my household was the reason I sought out a parent coach, I came away with so much more:
1. I have a better understanding of my parenting style, new confidence, patience, and presence in my parenting.
2. I finished coaching with a stronger connection to my strengths, values, and priorities for my family and can draw on those when making difficult parenting decisions.
3. I learned to take care of myself and how that increases my energy reserves and patience to parent from a more grounded place.
4. I try my best, even in the hardest situation, to find a positive frame and look at what is working in my situation as a way to approach the next inevitable parenting challenge.
I am grateful to my friend for introducing me to parent coaching. In this day and age when so many people are raising kids without the help of extended family around, and now so many of us are isolated from our regular communities due to COVID, it is nice to know that there is a resource out there to help.
I'm Jenny Michaelson, Ph.D., PCI Certified Parent Coach®. I live in Oakland, California with my family. I love supporting parents through my practice, True North Parent Coaching. Together we uncover strengths and develop strategies to make transformational changes to overcome parenting challenges and bring more joy, ease and fun back to parenting.
Gamers rejoice! In celebration of Pac-Man’s 40th Anniversary, fans will be able to enjoy this new version of a Hasbro classic game. Relieve some of their favorite gaming experiences with the Monopoly Arcade Pac-Man Game.
In the Monopoly Arcade Pac-Man board game players can play Pac-Man on the retro banking and arcade unit and can also use it to buy, sell, or steal Levels and perform various other actions.
Watch out for the Ghost as you race around the board to buy Levels and earn points. Each time a player passes “Go” they get to play a mini game of Pac-Man. Rack up the points while everything is tracked in the banking and arcade unit, with no money changing hands. The player with the most points wins.
Monopoly Arcade Pac-Man Game is available online at Walmart, Target and Amazon beginning Aug. 1 and retails for $29.99.
Pregnancy comes with its highs (tiny little kicks, that first ultrasound image, growing an awesome human) and its lows (swollen feet, backaches, stretch marks). One thing every pregnant woman needs through it all is support—and not just the kind you get from a mom group. We’re talking gentle, targeted compression garments that help alleviate all of those aches and pains and speed up postpartum recovery: Motif Medical’s Maternity Compression Garments.
Made with moms in mind, these maternity compression garments are are FDA-listed and designed by healthcare professionals to provide comfortable and gentle compression where you need it most. Plus, Motif uses soft, breathable and supportive fabrics that are undetectable under your clothes. Best of all, moms may qualify to receive theirs through insurance. Here are a few of the ways Motif supports mom during pregnancy and after delivery.
Whatever stage of pregnancy you’re in, Motif is ready to lend some support. See if you qualify to get Motif’s Maternity Compression Garments through insurance!
Stay active, comfortable, and supported! The Pregnancy Support Band works by lifting, supporting, and redistributing the weight of the baby. These adjustments relieve pregnancy-related pressure from the lower back, abdomen, hips and pelvis to reduce the aches and pains associated with body changes during pregnancy. The easy-to-use band is adjustable and also improves posture!
Stay comfortable on your feet for longer periods of time and prevent swelling, circulation issues and varicose veins with Compression Socks. These socks provide increased blood flow through your ankles and legs to support your cardiovascular system with a controlled and gradual amount of pressure. Motif’s ultra-stretch fabric makes them easy to put on and stay in place with all-day comfort. And the cute designs guarantee these will not look or feel like your great auntie’s compression socks!
Motif Medical offers two options in their Recovery Support Garment: a Natural Birth Recovery Garment and a C-Section (and Natural) Birth Recovery Garment.
Once baby arrives, you’ve got enough to worry about. Heal and recover quicker after birth by stabilizing joints with Recovery Support Garments. These support garments reduce postpartum swelling, bleeding, aches and pains, while increasing mobility. Thanks to its tightening and toning, the garments also help shape and firm your belly, hips, waist, pelvis and lower back.
The C-Section Birth Recovery Garment also has a side zipper for easy, gentle wear, helping avoid irritation of the c-section incision.
Both garments are cleared and approved by the FDA for the treatment and prevention of postpartum-related issues and discomfort.
Whatever stage of pregnancy you’re in, Motif is ready to lend some support. See if you qualify to get Motif’s Maternity Compression Garments through insurance!
Girls know how to create stories on Instagram. They are experts at Snap streaks. They can run circles around us when it comes to using social media platforms to share photos and their highlight reel as well as self-promote. Yet, they do not always know the power and potential of their own voices.
When it comes to speaking up for what they want and need or advocating for social injustices, they hold back. There’s a global trend for growing girls: a loss of voice.
How can their competency shift from bolstered confidence on a screen to vanishing self-confidence when it comes to their own voices? Fear. The fear of being misunderstood, criticized or condemned or, worse yet, rejected or ostracized.
As girls will tell you, when they must choose between fitting in with the group’s consensus and standing out with an opinion their own, they’ll choose conformity over individuality every single time. Researcher Carol Gilligan calls this “psychological dissociation” whereby girls silence their voices or their knowledge of feelings, desires and opinions in order to stay connected in relationships.
Looking at the maturation and developmental process can give us insight as to why this happens. Around age 10, an interesting trend emerges, as the result of both biology and sociology. Being hard-wired to connect, girls seek out social bonds to feel safe and secure, to relieve stress and to gain social support. In the process, a sense of belonging becomes more vital for survival than honoring their own thoughts, feelings and opinions. Whether she’s connecting online or in-person, she can feel self-conscious or “weird” for having different beliefs and ideas. She’ll doubt her voice, hold back and say what others want her to say.
In my newest book Raising Girls’ Voices, I interviewed girls ranging in ages from eight to 23 years old. I gained insight into how they view themselves, what makes them feel strong and powerful and their opinions on school, friendship and social media. I learned they not only had a voice but they had a lot to say. They talked about their struggle of wanting to say what they truly thought yet feeling worried they’d risk judgment and exclusion.
Given her strong need to fit in and the fact she wants to talk, how do we teach girls they not only have a voice that matters, but the necessity of using her voice? Here are four ways to guide her as she realizes the potential and power of her voice:
Teach girls to listen to their inner voices.
In a busy, noisy, distracting world with so many competing interests, it can feel almost impossible to ask a growing girl to slow down let alone listen to her inner voice. Yet, we can teach her to take time for herself: to be still and quiet and yes, put down her device so she can attune to her voice.
Not the critical voice telling her what she should have said or done, telling herself she’s not good enough, reprimanding herself for a mistake or error in judgment, but the voice that urges her to keep going, to dare to dream and that shows her the way. A few minutes each day is all it takes.
Remind girls to trust their inner voices.
Most girls I know are filled with self-doubt and uncertainty. What’s it going to take to shift them away from asking us what we think of their decision to trusting herself enough to know what’s right for her? Trust takes time and experience. Girls need to know they have intuition and instincts, a sense or a feeling.
The best way to trust her inner knowing is to ask her questions without answering them for her. For instance, as her questions such as how she feels about the decision, what she thinks of how she was treated by her friend, or even, “When you first met the new girl, what was your impression of her?” These questions encourage self-reflection and redirect her away from approval seeking to self-trust. Over time they just know; they know because they’ve done this before.
Encourage girls to share their voices.
When girls share, they almost always feel relieved and normal. One thing I know about girls is this: they have stories—interesting stories—to tell and they long to offer their experiences. So often, they hold back, they give is the minimized version. “I had a good day.” They need so much encouragement to tell us more.
We can start with assuring her that what she has to say matters. Further, we can ensure she knows we will listen without interrupting or critiquing. Also, girls need to share their ideas and insights with other girls they trust. From my experience, sharing breaks down their natural tendency to compete and compare and builds up their depth of connection.
By being vulnerable, girls learn courage and empathy; they come to understand each other better and feel normal. It’s the “me too” experience in the most positive sense of the word and the embodiment of “we are more similar than we are different.”
Empower girls to use their voices.
Not every girl has this privilege. In fact, many are silenced—shut down, dismissed, disregarded. So, girls who can use their voices, should. This means standing up for themselves when they are mistreated and disrespected. At the same time, it means standing up for others who don’t yet have the confidence or the ability to self-advocate. The challenge is insecurity.
We need to give girls the power to stand strong in their beliefs and voice their opinions if they feel it’s right to do so, regardless of what others think. We can best empower her by first asking about her opinion and giving her time to get her words out and second, by listening. When we truly hear her and validate her thoughts, she comes to understanding her words matter and she grows more comfortable in expressing herself without over-explaining or apologizing.
Prompts to try can include: “I believe…,” “I think…,” “I agree because…” or “I disagree and here’s why…” This power is what then enables girls to think beyond their homes to create positive change and to begin to make the world a better place to live
In Enough As She is, Rachel Simmons writes this, “As little girls, they might be feisty and spirited, forceful and stubborn, but as the unwritten rules of young womanhood sink in, this once fierce voice becomes muted or even silent” (xv). Let’s challenge these “unwritten rules.” How? By guiding girls to listening to, trusting, share and use their voices. Girls need both the confidence to know their authentic voice matters and the inner strength and courage to raise their voices.
I am a girl advocate and girls champion; the founder of Bold New Girls, teaching and coaching for girls and their parents. As well, I am the author Growing Strong Girls and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready (available on Amazon and Audible). I am an international speaker and an instructor with Udemy.
A research study about Disney princesses? Now this is research we can really use in our daily lives as parents. As a mom of boys, I have secretly been relieved that I didn’t have to go through the “princess phase.” But wait! This research discusses boys too. Let’s take a closer look.
The study involved 198 preschool-age children and examined their exposure to Disney princess media and toys. The researchers then considered if there was a relationship between exposure to Disney princess items and gender-stereotyped behavior.
If you have a daughter of preschool age, this is probably the study you have been waiting for for years. I think most of us parents have wondered if all the princess-saturated media and toys actually have an impact on kids, particularly girls.
From this study, it looks like the princess culture does seem to have some impact on girls and boys behavior. The more girls and boys interacted with princesses, the more likely they were to exhibit female gender-stereotypical behavior a year later. So this means girls acted in more traditional female ways (e.g., avoiding getting dirty, avoiding risks), but boys did too. Of course, the impact on boys was less dramatic because they had less interaction with princess items.
Gendered Values
Of course, the irony of this study is that what we in our American culture value in one gender is not what we value in the other. Culturally, we try to encourage girls to think outside the “girly” box. Many parents want their girls to take more risks and avoid falling into the stereotypical passive female role. While hypermasculinity still reigns, we as parents try to foster a softer, more caring boy mindset.
So it seems, that while the princess culture represents what we want girls to avoid, it illustrates the gentler side we want boys to develop.
So what is a parent to do? Ban all Disney princess items from your home? As in all things parenting, moderation is usually the key. It’s helpful for kids to play with a variety of toys and crafts, not just character-themed items.
I think it’s also crucial to really understand your particular child’s personality. Was your daughter a “girly girl” from the start or did you see an increase in female-stereotyped behaviors as she was exposed to more princess culture? Does she seem to copy the poses or behavior of princeses in a way that you don’t want to support? Ask her what characteristics of the princesses she really likes? Is it just their appearance or something else about them. The same could be said for boys. Is your son really bought into the hyper-masculine “tough guy” role or did this increase as he was exposed to more media that supported this role?
As KJ Dell’Antonia smartly points out in her New York Timesarticle, it might be helpful to point out to girls the characteristics of princesses that do not conform to the gender stereotype. For example, illustrate how some of the princesses are very active in deciding their own fate, or how they use their intelligence to get out of a difficult situation.
One aspect of the princess culture that this study did not particularly address is the emphasis on appearance and the sometimes sexualized poses of princess characters that is seen. While these aspects are sort of wrapped up in the overall princess culture, it would be interesting to see if these particular characteristics were adopted more by girls who have a lot of princess interaction. I think most parents would not want to support media or toys that put forth the image of women being only valued for appearance. This I think could be the rallying point for parents of both boys and girls. I think most of us would agree that our adult culture emphasizes appearance and sexualization enough already, our children, both girls and boys, do not need to be inculcated into a culture of devaluing women at a young age.
Amy is a scholar turned stay-at-home mom of two young boys. When she's not stepping on Legos, she writes at The Thoughtful Parent. With this blog she brings child development research into the lives of parents in the trenches of child-rearing.
