Parents across the country are looking for resources to help teach their young children about racism in America. By the age of two and a half children can start developing and observing racial biases and at ages four and five they can begin to exhibit obvious bias. Black children can start to feel discriminated against because of their skin color at this age as well.
This PBS video can help young children learn about the origins and meaning of Juneteenth.
This PBS KIDS for Parents article offers advice to help parents prepare for difficult conversations and start discussions at an early age.
Tips include:
Practice what you want to say before you say it and be aware of your own biases
Use picture books and activities to convey your message
Ask your child how they feel directly
Instill confidence in Black children through storytelling
Help children begin to understand how to be an ally
With all the recent protests, this raises many questions for our children and it’s some uncharted territory for parents to explain. Children are aware of ways we differ, but they aren’t born identifying people with a particular race. Children begin to notice racial differences between the ages of three and five. An innocent curiosity that isn’t yet linked to any positive or negative qualities about different groups of people. What starts to shift is that positive and negative qualities do come into the picture through their parents, significant others and media. Parents should be very careful about passing on their own biases and prejudices before kids even understand the concept of racism.
As parents, we may not have all the answers. But we we should also be ready to answer questions. With the protests and riots happening today. imagine you’re a 5-year-old noticing this on the news, you look worried and upset and no one is telling you why. Imagine how scary and worried you would be.
Tips
1. Be open and honest. Some people get treated unfairly based on their skin color, culture or religion. By doing this, we help prepare them to challenge these issues when they arise.
2. Model it.Talking to your child about the importance of embracing differences and treating others with respect is essential, but it’s not enough. Acknowledge difference and emphasize the positive aspects of our differences. Encourage your child to talk about what makes them different, and discuss ways that may have helped or hurt them at times. Similarities become more powerful. Remember silence indicates acceptance
3. Do something. Take a stand when you witness injustice. This is the time to help our children grow into adults who value and honor diversity.
4. For teens—keep talking. Use current issues from the news, as a springboard for discussion. Ask your teen what they think about the issues. Discuss the importance of valuing differences is essential, but modeling this message is even more vital. Evaluate your own circle of friends or the beliefs you hold about certain groups of people.
5. Encourage activism. Promote ways for your family to get involved in causes you care about.
6. Explain what protest means if developmentally appropriate for you child. Seven years and older is my recommendation. Everyone has a right to their own opinion and to voice it in America, but you also have to respect others’ opinions. A typical goals of non aggressive protest is to inspire positive social change and protection of human rights. Sometimes, people make poor choices and react with aggression because of the feelings they have. It is ok to protest in a friendly way.
Reena B. Patel (LEP, BCBA) is a renowned parenting expert, guidance counselor, licensed educational psychologist, and board-certified behavior analyst. Patel has had the privilege of working with families and children, supporting all aspects of education and positive wellness; recently nominated for San Diego Magazine’s Woman of the Year
Children are incredibly observant. They have to be in order to learn language and the ways of the world. And once they have language, they are quick to use it to talk about what they see.
According to research, babies as young as six months old can recognize racial differences. Therefore, it isn’t surprising that young children sometimes refer to the variations in the skin color of others. When my own children, who are biracial, were young, they could be heard making comments like: “Dad’s skin is so, so brown, his fingers look like pretzel sticks,” or “I wish that we all matched, I wish that we all had the same color skin.” While their observations were sometimes amusing, sometimes challenging, I always tried to respond affirmatively. Conversations about race can be uncomfortable, but now more than ever, they are essential.
So how do you address this issue with your young child? My first piece of advice is not to wait until your child brings it up. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge differences, albeit in a positive way, pointing out your child’s or someone else’s wonderful hair or beautiful skin.
When talking about skin color, you can explain to even children as young as three, that each of us has melanin in our bodies that determine the lightness or darkness of our skin. People living in hot climates developed more melanin to protect them from the sun, which made their skin darker. Point out that while we may have some physical things in common with other people, we all have a set of characteristics such as hair and eye color, hair texture, height, weight, and the shape of our features, that make us unique.
Like any issue that your child raises, it is essential to keep the lines of communication open, sending them a clear message that there are no taboo subjects.
Secondly, be sure that your children are exposed to children’s books and programming that includes a diverse array of characters. Fortunately, children’s literature has become more inclusive, publishing stories with protagonists with varied ethnic and racial backgrounds. Children’s toys have evolved, as well. Dolls and play figures now come in all shades. Be sure to include diverse choices in your child’s toy collection and use them as conversation starters.
And finally, if you want to send a positive message about race to your children, the most important thing that you can do is be inclusive in your social circle. Reach out and develop relationships with people who do not look like you. Not only will you be enriching your own experience, but you will also be expanding your child’s as well, sending a clear message that differences are not just to be tolerated but celebrated!
I am a parent and grandparent with over four decades of experience in early childhood education. I share my passion, wisdom and experience, with parents and the people who care for and about children at Little Folks Big Questions, where we're out to answer the questions parents face in today's world.
