ML Interest Tag: verbal

5 Ways to Help Kids with Autism Spectrum Disorder Adapt to Being Home

By Dr. Annette Nunez, PhD

Whether we want to believe it or not, the coronavirus is here and your child will be out of school and/or therapy and at home for the next 2-3 weeks and possibly longer. For children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), this spontaneous and abrupt change is a difficult one. Trying to explain to your child why there is no school when it is not winter or summer time is difficult and confusing. What adds to the confusion is containing your child at home and not being able to go to their favorite places within the community.

During this dramatic change please keep a couple of things in mind. Children with ASD feel the non-verbal anxiety and stress of the world around them much more intensely than you do, so when you are interacting with your child it is important to stay calm and positive. Being at home with your child will take a lot of patience, creativity, resourcefulness, and positivity. Your mindset and interactions with your child will affect the way in which your child will adapt to this big change. To help with the big adjustments from school to home I have listed five ways to help children with ASD and their families adapt to the sudden changes.

1. Create a Schedule. The first thing I highly recommend for every family to do is to create a daily schedule. There are many daily schedules you can find online that you can modify to fit your lifest‌yle. If your child is able to participate in creating the daily schedule let them have input because their opinion is important. When creating a schedule do not schedule an activity for longer than 45 minutes. Once you create a schedule STICK TO IT! Children with ASD like sameness and routine, in fact, they thrive in it. Even if you are bored with the schedule you created, trust me your child is not. Sameness will not only keep your child calm, but it helps YOU stay accountable and structured.

2. Schedule in Breaks. Provide lots of sensory, gross motor, and physical breaks to get your child up and moving. Add in bathroom breaks throughout the day to remind your child to use the restroom. Schedule in breakfast, snacks, and lunch. Also, add in “brain breaks” and during this time it is ok for your child to engage in self-stimulatory behaviors and/or screen time. Brain breaks are times for both you and your child to take a break from one another and decompress.

3. Use a Timer. To help your child transition from one activity to another it is important to use the alarm on your phone. Using a timer is always helpful because it lets your child know when the activity is over. Each morning set all the transition times on the alarm on your phone. This helps both you and your child to stay on task with the daily schedule. A few minutes before the timer goes off give your child a verbal warning. For example, “In two minutes when the timer goes off, we will clean up math and start writing.” Your child will learn quickly that when the alarm goes off the current activity ends and a new activity will begin. Ask your child’s teacher if they sing a transitional song such as the “Clean Up” song or say a transitional phrase such as, “All Done”. Replicate that during your transitions.

4. Set Goals. Creating a homeschool schedule can be quite overwhelming. My advice is to look at the goals written in your child’s IEP and/or service plan and find worksheets or activities online to help support those goals. Also, create a personal goal that you would like your child to accomplish during the next 2-4 weeks. Whether it is having your child learn to write their name or learn to dress themselves, you will be amazed at what your child can learn while they are at home.

5. Take Care of YOU. Do whatever you need to do to take care of yourself. It may be waking up early and taking a walk around the block, drinking that extra cup of coffee, or binge-watching a Netflix show while your child is asleep. If you are not taking care of yourself, you will become ineffective when working with your child. When creating your daily schedule, add in breaks for yourself such as sitting outside for 5 minutes and taking a breath, looking on social media, eating a piece of chocolate, etc. Also, I highly recommend that you tape “Parent Prompt” cards throughout your house with positive sayings like, “You got this,” “You are doing great!” and “Breathe.”  Write down any positive statements that will get you through your day and put them throughout your house where you will see them. Both you and your child are depending on it.

Now is the time for you to mind shift and think of all the positives that will come out of this unexpected break. The one positive thing to come from social distancing is that the social bond between you and your child will become stronger. This is a time for you to socially connect with your child as well as teaching them life skills that will prepare them for their future. When finding homeschool activities for your child it is important to find activities your child enjoys, but ones that also provide the structure they need to be successful.

If your child isn’t into an activity move on and find something your child enjoys. By choosing activities that your child enjoys they are more likely to stay engaged with that activity for longer periods of time as well as strengthen the social connection with you. The ultimate goal during this unforeseen break is to make memorable social connections with your child while they are learning and having fun with you. Remember you can’t control the world around you, but you can control your mindset and the interactions with your child.

Dr. Annette Nunez, PhD
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Dr. Annette Nunez is the founder and director of Breakthrough Interventions, LLC. She is a licensed psychotherapist and has worked with children with ASD and other related disorders for over 22 years.

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Good Advice: Managing through Mealtime Wars

By Ruthi Davis

Advice from Blogger Ruthi Davis’ “Ask Ruthi” Column:

QUESTION

Dear Ruthi,

I love my lil’ monsters, but I’m clearly having “one of those weeks.” Can you please help me? I feel like throughout most meals, the kids make everything a game, act overly silly—they become so distracted that they don’t finish eating or spill their food—not to mention the excessive reminders to use an inside voice, not talk with their mouth full, etc. How do I find an even-flow at dinner, let the kids share their day, but also allow parents/adults to talk also? Also, how do I teach my kids to sit and eat their dinner?

Thank you!
Mimi

ANSWER

Dear Mimi,

Thanks for your openness and honesty! I’m sorry that you’ve been experiencing a tough week, although you can rest-assured that you’re not the only one. You have actually—quite accurately—captured the typical toddler struggles between parents and children.

The good news, however, is that with the right mix of modeling, consistency, reassurance, and reward (and it’s not what you think!), it’s ALL teachable over time.

Mealtime Manners

I’ve been there, believe me. I’ll paint the picture, as I know it so well:

The endless struggle between kids who just want to “have fun” and annoyed parents who want peace and sanity at the table Toddlers who act out at the table because they’re just “bored” of sitting without entertainment Mom trying to desperately repeat table manners to distracted ears Mom’s desperate plea to her kids, “just eat!” Mom struggling through conversation with her husband, while managing the chaotic little table patrons

The. Struggle. Is. Real. Mealtime can be so stressful, no doubt—and going out to eat isn’t always so pleasant either.

How does it get better? Does it even get better? Yes, yes it can.

Engaging the Senses

Let’s face it—kids are curious and full of energy. Toddlers may often have a hard time just sitting for long periods of time to eat food that is not considered “fun” or “exciting” to them. Their natural inclination is to play, laugh, move around their seat, engage their senses, and find a game, goofy behavior, or toy to focus on instead. Constant nagging, repeating, and threatening consequences may seem like the only way… but it often falls to ears that have tuned you out long before your begging session. You want your child to learn, and you don’t want to resort to zombie-mode with an electronic device or tv blaring in the background either.

One of the greatest lessons that I have learned with four kids of my own is to stimulate their mind with the entertainment that they crave and is acceptable.

“I have an important question for you! I’ll only ask when you’re sitting flat and center on your chair, and have taken a bite. Who will go first?”

Offer each child your full attention by asking his/her opinions and thoughts about any topic relevant in their world. Demonstrate active interest and importance, and then offer your individual thoughts as well. Simply model conversation techniques. Not only does this practice offer a boost of self-validation and confidence for the child, but also models proper conversation practice.

“Who wants to play a game?”

Tap into each child’s mind with a verbal activity that suits the meal. Start a simple game of “I Spy” as they actively eat their meal throughout the game. Other games could include basic math skills using their fingers. Phonics games, such as “I’m thinking of an animal that starts with the letter _” are also wonderful mental exercises that are practical, educational, and fun. Older siblings particularly enjoy speed-maths as a group, or individual questions based on skill level. The basic premise is to demonstrate the underlying facets of conversation, turn-taking, active mealtime, mental stimulation to calm the body, confidence-building, and modeling appropriate verbal play between siblings.

“Wow, I love how well you’re eating!”

The best reward is to praise the positive, no matter how trivial. Demonstrate proper manners and explain their importance if a child continues the same bad habit. Instead of repeating so much… just don’t. Let the children know that they lose dessert or an activity after three strikes at the table. The best part is that the strike doesn’t have to include an angry face, repeating, or shouting. A calm shake of the head, special look, or soft discouragement of the action and a silent counting finger in the air let’s the child know that you’re completely serious (and stay consistent). Praise builds confidence and losing a privilege deters the action from happening again, even if it takes a few times to learn the hard way. For other incentives, such as earning “stamps,” tap into an innovative stamp system on my “Game-Changer Chart for Frustrated Parents” blog.

“Ouch! Stop stepping on me with your words!”

Turn-taking in conversation is actually a skill—learning to speak in a space. When a child’s thought is imminent and he/she is worried about forgetting and is excited to share, not a moment passes before a child will blurt out a comment in the midst of conversation and repeat it loudly until heard and acknowledged. This skill is a tricky one but still teachable. Hold up your hand like a stop sign toward the child who is speaking out of turn with a quick mention that you were in the middle of another conversation first but would love to hear his/her though after you’re finished, helps to convey your point. Remember, you are the crossing guard of table conversation. I also enjoy imagery to better explain my feelings with children. I often explain that when we wait in line, we offer space between each person. We don’t step on each other or push each other out of the way. We need to take turns. This works particularly well in conversation also. I ask the kids not to “step on each other with their words” and have respect for each turn. When multiple children begin speaking at the same time, I may cover my ears and explain that I can’t understand anyone when two are speaking at the same time. Turn-taking and speaking in a space (interjecting with an add-on thought during a space of conversation) are essential social tools that are necessary throughout life and can easily be instilled from a young age.

“Eeew, I don’t want to see your chewed up food.”

Kids become excited to speak when they have an important thought—even mid-chew. Explain the importance of finishing the food in his/her mouth before speaking, dangers of choking while speaking, and offering the tools to manage this scenario are key. Demonstrate how to cover our own mouth with one hand and place one finger in front to indicate a pause for swallowing. This effectively “saves their spot in line” of conversation. If a child continues to speak with a full mouth, I generally remind the child that I don’t want to see his/her chewed up food nor can I understand the garbled speech. “Please finish your mouth so I can understand.” Model the behavior again and don’t offer any more attention until the child obliges.

Fight Distraction Through Action

The Broken Record Syndrome is exhausting, mind-numbing, and often angering… why won’t they just listen?! It’s simple… they’re not robots! Children are curious and easily distracted little sponges soaking up e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. around them all the time. Stop being a drill sergeant or ol’ yeller and make a change to your unflattering and flailing approach.

Morning Time Music

Play music through your computer, iPhone, or radio with some positive and fun tunes. Change up the morning vibe and sing/dance and wake up those kiddos with a silly smile. First one dressed gets to be DJ and pick the next song! Other morning time games and strategies to wake up and go can be found on my “5 Tips to Ending Morning Meltdowns” blog. Game of Speed: Kids love challenges, so ask the kids to pick the number of seconds within a range that they can safely complete a task. When an activity is a game, everyone wins. Remember to always praise good listening, effort, and follow-though. Continue this until their quick attention and action become inherent, but don’t lose sight of your appreciation and acknowledgent. Repeat Until Its Done: Kids know they can forget because they’re easily distracted. Help them by stating your expectations in short statements. Repeat or sing these phrases, and then ask them to do the same until it’s done. For instance, in the morning, you may say, “Teeth. Socks. Shoes.” Repeating until it’s done offers a practical way to remember and complete a task on a mission.

Remember, when you’re annoyed, tired of repeating, or just exhausted… try to envision the world through your child’s eyes. Instead of quickly responding to the superficial action, try to understand the why and the instinctive need and then think of a way to help a child learn and grow.

With Love,

Ruthi

 

Photo: Ruthi Davis Photography

Ruthi Davis is a the Founder of Ruth Davis Consulting LLC with over two decades of success in advertising/marketing, media/publicity, business development, client relations, and organizational optimization for a variety of clients. Ruthi is a proud mom and influencer in the parenting and family market as founder of the Superfly Supermom brand.

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Combatting the School Bully

By Ruthi Davis

I’ll never forget how in third grade, Kim used to repeatedly ask me to open my mouth, look inside, and ask if I have a retainer. “Why do you talk weird?” she’d ask. I’ll always remember her look of sheer disbelief that the only thing in my mouth was a Daffy Duck-sounding lisp. One friend thought it was so hilarious to ask me to say,“Sprite” and “slushy” to hear my speech impediment in action. Both felt awful and embarrassing.

In fifth grade, Barbara threatened me to fight in the middle of recess—she fought everybody, and I was a “goody-goody.” I told her she couldn’t cut the line and boss people around during jump rope. I told her to wait her turn, and so she was ready to punch me in the face like another girl the week before. The only thing I could stammer was, “I don’t want to fight yooo!” Then I walked so fast into class as the bell rung, holding my breath the entire way—she never bothered me again.

In seventh grade, a boy asked me out and I said, “no” because I was so shy, and so he retaliated by telling everyone my arm hair was like a gorilla’s. He called me “gorilla” often and to everyone. Little did he know that I secretly liked him too, so I made light of the name-calling scenario by giving him a red stuffed animal gorilla. It was so mortifying—all of it—but he never called me that name again. Case closed.

Identifying the Bully

Bullies come in all forms—physical, emotional, and verbal—and it always stinks to be on the receiving end. What’s even worse is when you watch your kids suffer through it all.

No, you shouldn’t be the police parent or the blind-eye parent either. But what do you do? When do you step in? What if the child tells the teacher and he/she downplays the scenario and does nothing? The most important role as children face new and challenging scenarios is to arm them with the best knowledge to identify, speak up, alert a teacher, discuss with a parent, and trust that the parent will step up when necessary.

When gearing up your kids to return to the back-to-school trenches, parents should first understand my top five keys to effective anti-bully combat.

1. Enable open communication and a trusting environment.

2. Discuss “red flag” rules.

3. Provide the proper tools for self-defense.

4. Empower children to alert and escalate an issue to responsible adults.

5. Know when and how to intervene as a parent.

Teach Them to Talk

As kids move through the ranks in school, there will be many situations that cause your kid grief. From pushing and sharing issues, friendship woes, three’s a crowd, jealousy, name-calling, physical grabbing, taunting, and threatening, most negative behaviors stem from the bully’s personal frustration, and often, a lack of discipline. While some situations are minor, others require immediate attention and action.

One of the most important responsibilities as a parent is to create an honest and open line of communication with your child. This communication may seem trivial when he/she is young, but it may be life-changing through the years. Let your child know that he/she is always free to discuss anything about the day without reprimanding—such as trivial social dilemmas, questionable peer discussion, and concerning situations.

Red Flag Rules

Some situations may be part of learning how to navigate through friendships and those less friendly. Social development is vital for children to positively gain a sense of self-worth, identity, and the power to stop and prevent a negative action for themselves and others.

While it isn’t necessary to “tattle” in every instance, children need to learn the “red flags” of inappropriateness. Always teach and remind your children where to draw the line.

  • Physical threatening
  • Verbal threats to physically harm
  • Aggressive grabbing on the body
  • Inappropriate touching or flashing private parts
  • Excessive and condescending name-calling

All scenarios need to be discussed thoroughly, especially when kids are young—role playing is the most effective tactic in arming your child understanding and confidence.

Tools of Armor

Sometimes kids can be emotional, moody, and jealous. Does that mean a call to the principal/head master? Absolutely not, when it’s just a friendship issue. Now that they know what to look out for, it’s time to teach them what to do, which is equally important.

One simple phrase, “Have a nice day!” That’s it. If a friend is rude and unreasonable, wish them well and move on. “Don’t be part of their dark cloud. Continue your sunny day and walk away,” I say. He/she can’t get mad at that phrase. Works every time.

Verbal defense is such an important facet of self-worth and self-respect. I’ll never forget how proud I was when my eldest daughter told me about a girl who kept bullying her and calling her “shrimp” and “such a cute little girl like a baby,” continuously. The bully always pushed her way in front of her in line, until that one day when my daughter spoke up.

“My mom said that people come in all different shapes, sizes, and colors, and THAT is what makes us beautiful. So why don’t you go and pick on someone your own size!”

The bully sheepishly went to the back of the line and later apologized. Speaking up without a personal attack, but with reason, is so critical. From the time a child is beginning school to upper senior school, it is so crucial to teach how to say some key phrases, such as:

  • Stop!
  • Don’t touch me!
  • Leave me alone!
  • That’s not ok.
  • We’ll talk when you’re calm/nicer.

Arming your child with a strong verbal shield is key to confronting the bully. The next step is equally important in knowing when and how to request backup support from school teachers and parents.

Elevating Responsibility

Your kid comes home crying and torn about an issue. As a parent, you don’t want to micro-manage or swoop in for the save every time. But when is it ok to elevate?

Let mild social issues settle themselves unless it crosses the line and there’s some serious name-calling or physical bullying infractions. Parents then get the green light to step in by navigating through a few suggested contacts.

  • Confront the bully’s parent in a team-minded approach to resolve the issue.
  • Alert the class teacher for in-class attention.
  • Step in with the mommy stink-eye.
  • Meet with the head of school.

Mommy-Stink Eye

Did the “mommy stink-eye” catch your eye? Good. This little trick was coined by yours truly, and it’s quite an effective crowd-pleaser among my mom crew. When alerting the bully’s parent isn’t part of your plan, the teacher’s response is weak, and the issue isn’t big enough to escalate to the head of school, what do you do? That’s right, the stink-eye. When I accompany my kid to primary school class and see the snot-faced kid pestering mine, I take action:

  • Ask your kid to repeat what the other one did.
  • Repeat it just loud enough for the child to “overhear.”
  • When the kid turns around to sneak a guilty look at you, give your best look of disapproval and shake your head in dismay. “Don’t worry, I know he/she won’t do that anymore because that’s not ok. It’s never ok to [repeat the bully crime]. Please let me know if it happens again because I know his/her mom well.” Done.

Always remember to trust your instinct. If you see your child coming home particularly angry, moody, or frustrated, get to the bottom of the problem. Discuss options, role play, and always be there for your child to learn from the situation.

Ruthi Davis is a the Founder of Ruth Davis Consulting LLC with over two decades of success in advertising/marketing, media/publicity, business development, client relations, and organizational optimization for a variety of clients. Ruthi is a proud mom and influencer in the parenting and family market as founder of the Superfly Supermom brand.

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This Christmas, I’m Speaking My Kids’ Love Language

By Kristin Van de Water

Photo: Kristin Van de Water

“Are there any new presents under the tree?” chirped my daughter the moment she bounded through the door after school. “Are these all the presents we’re going to get?” she asked, re-inspecting the loot and grumbling, “Why does Zachary get the biggest gifts?”

Fifteen minutes after school pickup—and I already needed a mommy timeout. I can’t stand seeing materialism brainwash my daughter, leaving an ungrateful heart in its wake.

During gifting seasons, my daughter shows an utter lack of gratitude for the bounty before her. Even when she unwraps something on her wish list, she blurts out, “I don’t like Legos…I wish I had the purple one…Did I get any money? Can I pick out anything on the computer?”

Thankfully, my daughter’s fascination with gifts isn’t limited to receiving them. Her favorite activity is wrapping up toys and odds and ends from around the apartment and presenting them to friends and siblings. Last week, my daughter gave one such gift to her classmate and then saw how sad that friend’s little sister was upon not receiving a gift of her own. My daughter was so distraught with the situation she spent several hours that weekend wrapping up trinkets in various boxes and taping them together into the shape of a bird to present it to the little sister.

You can imagine the delight shared by both parties when Monday’s playdate rolled around. These sweet gifting rituals amongst playmates have nothing to do with monetary value. It’s about the surprise, thought, anticipation, unwrapping, and reciprocation.

After witnessing this joyful exchange, I reassessed my resentful perspective on the central role of gifting during a season that’s about so much more. I threw out my previous assumption that my daughter was a victim to materialism and considered the possibility that gifting was simply her way of feeling emotionally connected to others. In other words, gifts are her love language.

Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages of Children: The Secret to Loving Children Effectively, explains that people feel loved in five primary ways, called love languages:

  1. Acts of Service
  2. Quality Time
  3. Physical Touch
  4. Words of Affirmation
  5. Gifts

While all kids love gifts, some enjoy snuggles or a special family outing just as much as physical presents. That’s the case for three of my four kids. But for my 7-year-old daughter, gifts are her primary love language.

Because receiving gifts ranks lowest on my list of how I feel loved, I’ve traditionally struggled to understand my daughter’s fascination with presents.

I feel loved through acts of service and physical touch. As a result, in my attempt to show motherly love, I default to taking care of my kids’ physical needs and showering them with hugs and kisses. But to a daughter who never snuggles deeper into a hug (if I tried to cuddle her as a baby, she would stretch out her legs to try to stand up), my actions are undoubtedly lost in translation.

“Notice how your child relates to you,” Chapman suggests. “Typically, kids show love in the way they’d like to receive it.”

My daughter is a prolific writer and crafter, creating books, cards, pictures, songs and paper treasures to gift to family and friends. She wrote two stories this afternoon and “published” them just in time to read aloud as bedtime stories—giggling all the way at her own jokes!

What joy! What a gift! It amazes me that I’m only now realizing that I should reciprocate. So, I brainstormed ideas on how to gift my daughter words of affirmation.

  • Tuck a note in her lunchbox: “You tell funny jokes! Here’s one of mine…”
  • Set up toys into a playful scene, labeled, “Good morning! We can’t wait to play with you!” so she sees it when she wakes up.
  • Say, “I love the way you draw! Could you teach me to draw a cute puppy?”
  • Stick a post-it on one of her in-progress stories. “I’m your biggest fan! Your stories are creative and fun to read.”
  • Write a thank-you note. “Thank you for breaking up your little sister’s tantrum with tickles and a story. You’re a great big sister!”

As fun as these ideas sound, this is another tricky area for me because words of affirmation rank second-lowest on my love language list. At first, I assumed that compliments would unhealthily puff up my daughter’s ego rather than teaching humility. I don’t want her to grow up feeling entitled or grow numb to praise. I also don’t want her to base her value on another’s verbal approval.

But then I looked at it through the lens of my own love language: acts of service. Just because I feel emotionally connected to my husband when I wake up to a basket of clean laundry doesn’t mean I’m overly dependent on others taking care of me.

Therefore, I shouldn’t lament my daughter’s fascination with gifts as a problem or dependency to be fixed, but rather as one unique facet of her personality.

Luckily for me, this means the joy of Christmastime giving doesn’t have to stop come January. I have a daughter who delights in thoughtful surprises throughout the year. I cherish those sweet good-morning notes slid under my door and look forward to loving her in ways that speak into her heart.

This doesn’t mean hugs and dinner prep should come to a full stop just because they are my love language, not hers. According to Chapman, “The goal is to give your child heavy doses of his or her primary love language while continuing to include the other four. This teaches the child how to receive and give love in all five languages.”

When my kids grow into adults who love on spouses and children of their own, I pray that they both know and show genuine, self-giving love—even if it sometimes feels like they must speak in a foreign language to make that happen.

Kristin Van de Water
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Kristin Van de Water is a former journalist and teacher who relies on humor, faith, and her mom crew to get her through the day. Raising four kids in a two-bedroom NYC apartment, Kristin is always on the lookout for life hacks to save time, space, money, and her sanity.

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My Daughter’s Anxiety Kept Her from Speaking

By Shannon Bennett

I always knew Audrey was reserved. When I would take her to story time at the library, she loved to watch, but rarely wanted to join in. She struggled to talk with extended family, especially if we, heaven forbid, asked her to say, “thank you.” Greeting new friends? Forget it. I assumed it would resolve once she entered preschool. It wasn’t until the end of her first year of preschool that it even occurred to me that she had not spoken a word to her teacher or her peers. We had a nanny at the time and the preschool teacher was a bit spacy, so the feedback on her two days per week of class time was limited. So, I did what any concerned parent would do, and I signed her up for a million camps that summer to force her to socialize. Did it work? Big nope.  

We started to struggle more as I viewed her lack of speech as defiant and became so frustrated with her. She never stopped talking at home, why couldn’t she just be the same kid out of the house? I made sure to sign her up for the four-day-a-week pre-K because I figured, she can’t possibly spend that much time with a teacher and classmates and not use her voice. Wrong again. I became so consumed with her speech because of how I thought it reflected on us that I would cry and sometimes, even yell out of frustration. Why was this so hard for her? Why couldn’t she just say something, anything, when I asked her?

The light bulb finally went off in a very bizarre way. Our nanny told me that one of the other moms at school had said, “Oh. She’s a selective mute.” I instantly became defensive. How dare she call my daughter a mute. It wasn’t until a few weeks later that I found myself googling ‘selective mute.’ Oh my gosh. This was Audrey exactly. I felt horrible guilt for battling with her over this instead of trying to support her. You see, selective mutism is a product of anxiety. The child feels anxious in a moment or in a setting and the words simply will not come out. Parents or others feel so uncomfortable for the child that they ‘rescue’ them by answering for them or just moving on. The child feels relieved to not have to speak and therein begins the cycle of reinforcing the non-speech. I never thought of my daughter as anxious. 

I walked into Audrey’s room that night and asked her, “Do you not want to talk, or can you not make yourself?” She said, “Mom, it feels like I have a pipe in my throat and the words are too big to fit through it.” The insightfulness of this statement coming from my five-year-old crushed me. I had been so concerned about how others viewed her not speaking, that I had completely overlooked trying to understand how she really felt in these situations. I started to research the condition and happened upon a speech pathologist in our area. Selective mutism (SM) is treated between a speech and psychology team collectively. Audrey was fairly quickly diagnosed with selective mutism and we were fortunate enough to take part in an eight-week group that started as Audrey entered kindergarten. This group helped Audrey immensely. It also taught my husband and me how to support her in these tough situations so that we could move away from the ‘rescuing’ and could help her to actually verbalize. 

Audrey is now in first grade, and though she still struggles a bit in certain situations, she is leaps and bounds ahead of where she used to be. She will raise her hand in class, answer teacher questions, socialize with peers and even order for herself at restaurants. All things that were out of the question before. Though I still hold some animosity towards the mom who called my daughter a selective mute (why not actually reach out if you thought this was a concern?), I am so very glad she did. I am fairly confident we would have continued to battle it out thus increasing my daughter’s anxiety.  

We learned so much through Audrey’s diagnosis. We watched a hundred people try and fail at getting Audrey to speak to them. For some reason, many people took it as some sort of challenge that they surely would be the one to win. We also had family and friends take it personally that she wouldn’t speak to them as if it was something they needed to fix with her. We learned that because Audrey is a happy and pleasant girl, many just don’t see her condition as a concern. Most people, myself included, initially thought that Audrey just needed to start kindergarten and she would get there. She would surely outgrow it. The problem is, the longer you wait to get help for SM the harder it can be to overcome. Particularly if a child has started school because once they are non-verbal in a setting for a period of time, it is much, much harder to get them to be verbal. 

I never knew that SM was a thing and I wish I had. I could have been supportive of Audrey so much sooner. Of course, I could have been supportive of her regardless, and that’s on me. But I hope that if you have any of these concerns for your child or your friend’s child, that this is of some help to you. Anxiety can manifest in many different ways and selective mutism is only one of them. 

Hi! I'm Shannon. I am a blessed wife and mama who gets to stay at home to care for three babes, 7, 4, and 7 months. I am always looking to learn and I love to write! 

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10 Tips to Make Daycare Easier for Everyone (According to Experts)

by Tinybeans Team

Daycare can be daunting for everyone involved, but with a bit of planning, you and your childcare provider can navigate any bumps in the road to a perfect partnership. After all, that bitty babe and tiny tot of yours deserve as much comfort, TLC and security at daycare as they get at home. Read on for tips on making sure the transition to daycare is a smooth one.

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Cover the Basics: Location & Hours of Operation

If you're new to the daycare game, know this: the busiest mornings of your professional career pre-baby were a cakewalk. When you add extras like two sets of clothing, labeled diapers, prepped and labeled bottles and baby food to your list—on top of a routine that's at the mercy of a pre-departure feeding, dressing, soothing and general parenting of your child—mornings take on a whole new meaning. Keep the logistics simple; make sure your daycare is both convenient and open during the hours you expect to need coverage.

Know & Be Aware of Child-to-Adult Ratios

According to ChildCare.gov, "low child-to-adult ratios and small group sizes help ensure that your child gets enough one-on-one attention from an adult who is available to take care of each child’s unique needs. This helps children feel safe and secure and reduces feelings of being overwhelmed—for both children and adults." Since adults are better able to watch and respond to a smaller group, children will be less likely to get injured or sick. Check your state's requirements here. In general, the younger the children, the more trained adults should be present, and the smaller the group size should be.

Accept That It Will Be Stressful at First

The first days and weeks of delivering your child to daycare will be difficult. You'll worry. They'll cry. You might cry. If you accept that you're running a marathon, not a sprint, your difficult mornings will eventually become rare, and you'll find yourself arriving at pick-up to find your child happily engaged and not quite ready to leave.

As you work through the first months of daycare, you'll undoubtedly question your choices. For every article suggesting there could be a negative impact on your child of daycare, there's another one pointing towards a positive outcome for your child from being in a group care setting. Just remember that no matter what the experts say, you are the expert on your child and how he or she is adjusting to childcare.

Communicate

According to Karen Nemeth, EdM, via naeyc.org, parents shouldn't be afraid to share information with a childcare provider, because "the more the teacher knows about your child, the better they can support play, learning, and development. And the more you know about how your child is spending their day, the better you can support learning at home. Remember that you and the teacher both have your child’s wellbeing at heart."

If you find pick-up times to be hectic, try to engage your child's daycare provider via email, text or during drop-off time. The more teachers understand what makes your child unique, the more they can meet his needs, encourage progress and celebrate accomplishments every day.

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Don't Linger

We've been there. Leaving you mini-me can be excruciating, especially if she's having a major meltdown. But for the sake of everyone's sanity, sometimes it's best to kiss-and-run. Remember, the drop-off is about them, not you. Crying in the car—if you need to shed tears—sets your kiddos up for more success than if you do it in front of them.

Establish Routines

"Most children entering preschool are socially and emotionally able to self-regulate their emotions and behaviors, which means that increased expectations of your child around self-care tasks—such as getting dressed, putting on shoes, and getting ready to leave the house using verbal rather than physical 'help' to complete the tasks where possible—can help tremendously as he or she transitions into a new daycare setting," explains Lydia Criss Mays, PhD, Early Childhood and Elementary Educational Consultant.

Translation: Give your child a task that will engage him or her in the process of going to daycare each day. Let them place their diapers in their bags, put on their shoes or pack their snacks. A routine that includes them becomes a routine they can embrace.

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Talk It Out

In Young Exceptional Children, by Hoffman & Hughes, "research shows parents who start preparing their child for school by talking about expectations at school, appropriate school behaviors and regularly engage in 'sit down' listening activities help ease the transition into preschool by exemplifying routine and building self-confidence, curiosity, self-control and more." The more you talk to them about what's going to happen, the less worrisome the transition into daycare is when it actually happens.

Adjust to the Daycare's Schedule

As a parent, you reign supreme in determining the best snack, nap, screen, bath and bed time—even if it sometimes doesn't go like clockwork. However, when your child begins daycare, he becomes used to an entirely different rhythm during the day. To make life easier on you, your child and your daycare provider, find out what schedule your child follows during the week, and try to align with it on the weekend. Just keep in mind—your tot may be more tired on the weekend and may nap longer.

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Give Yourself a Minute

Adjusting to a job outside of the home—assuming that's the reason you've decided to go the route of a full- or part-time daycare—is no small task. The feeling of being stretched thin and pulled in multiple directions can sometimes be overwhelming. Find a minute before picking your kids from daycare to do something for yourself. Whether it's as simple as finishing your coffee in your car or allowing yourself 15 minutes for a brisk walk, you'll find yourself recharged and ready to put on that Super Parent cape once again.

Show Appreciation

One mom with whom we spoke just finished her first year of full-time childcare and summed this thought up perfectly. "Invest in the caretakers—no matter how busy you are at drop-off or pick-up. Take time to chat with them about your kiddo at the beginning and end of the day. Be friendly and nice no matter how busy you are, because these people are looking after your very best thing! Build them up so that they are in the best possible position to build your child up."

Forbes backs up this line of thought, citing Organizational and Leadership Development Consultant Mary Abbajay. "It doesn’t matter where we sit in the organizational chart, saying thank you to those above, across or below us helps everybody feel appreciated, valued and rewarded. And the gratitude spillover effect is enormous: people who experience gratitude are more likely to feel happier and spread that happiness, increasing trust and collaboration among colleagues."

—Shelley Massey

 

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Everyday Things Parents Do to Help Their Baby Learn

By Morgen Henderson

The good thing about helping your baby learn is that they’re pretty much learning all the time in this stage of life. New experiences are happening every day, and every unique experience supports learning. To foster your baby’s skills, here are nine simple things you can do (if you aren’t already!) to support your baby in their learning process. 

1. Introduce New Foods: Once your baby is a few months old, it’s time to start introducing solid foods. From the beginning, vary the types of foods you give your baby—it’s good for their health and will help them learn about different textures and tastes. 

Some tips for successfully introducing new food include checking for cues that your baby is ready—such as reaching for your food. And don’t worry if they reject a new food—it’s all part of the process. 

2. Talk Often: Talking to your baby helps them in many ways. By listening to your voice, they’ll slowly begin to understand words and respond in their own way, eventually leading to them speak and communicate in the same way you do. There are lots of ideas to help you talk to your baby. Talk to them about everything—even reading a book or singing a song will help their brain develop. 

Remember to include them in the conversation, even if you’re unsure of what they’re communicating, by listening and responding to their sounds. It may seem silly, but infant-directed talk (more commonly known as baby talk) has been found to help children’s language development.

3. Use Hand Motions: Using your hands to describe concepts helps your baby start to understand what those words mean. Songs like “itsy-bitsy spider” and “pat-a-cake” are fun not only because they make rhyming sounds, but they also provide physical explanations about language. 

Beyond such games, gesturing when you want your baby to do something, or when you’re explaining something, is also a great way to help babies learn to communicate. And remember that babies can use gesturing before they can use words, so making good use of physical language will also help you understand your baby better.

4. Be Silly: Play is one of the main ways babies and children learn. Though you might feel, well, silly, it’s important for you to be a goofball for your baby. Doing so provides entertainment and also a strong emotional connection. And you already know the delight of hearing your baby laugh in joy. 

Start with something simple like peek-a-boo. Dance around to some music with them. These things aren’t only fun, but help your baby develop important motor skills and understanding of how their bodies move through space. 

5. Demonstrate: When you’re trying to teach your baby to do something, do it yourself. Babies and young children are often drawn to imitate the adults in their lives, so take full advantage of this tendency. 

Do what you want them to learn. When they’re learning to eat, showing them how you use a spoon before encouraging them to do it themselves helps them understand. And a few months after that, they might start imitating your every move—whether you want them to or not.

6. Explore the World: Adults aren’t the only ones for whom the outdoors holds health benefits. The sun, wind, grass, trees, and insect life will all be fascinating to your baby, who’s experiencing new things all the time. New experiences hold great learning potential for babies, as long as you’re there with them to provide a sense of security and comfort. 

Studies have found that being outside helps babies and young children develop language skills, improve motor skills, and even develop stronger immune systems. And don’t forget the time outside is good for you too. 

7. Provide Sensory Toys: Babies will turn just about anything they reach into a toy, but for your own sanity as well as their learning process, you can make plenty of sense-stimulating toys available. Toys with interesting and varied textures and colors are great for babies of any age. Instruments for babies are also good—just remember you’ll be listening to them, too! 

While less common, you can also find toys that offer specific smells or tastes, or make things yourself. For instance, a bowl of spaghetti and some food coloring can be endlessly fascinating to your baby. Or make a homemade scent bottle with fresh, whole spices and a plastic bottle with a pop-top lid.

8. Start Counting: Even when your baby is pre-verbal, they’re starting to build upon concepts that will be used later. Count the steps you take together to the car, the number of times you clap, or their fingers. Count their blocks, and when they’re a little more advanced, divide the blocks by type and count each group. This behavior will be beneficial when they’re old enough to start learning basic mathematical concepts. 

9. Touch Often: While it might seem less directly connected to cognitive development, touch actually supports the development of physical, language, and cognitive skills. Of course, you spend plenty of time holding your baby, but branch out from that into other forms of touch. Try stroking or gently massaging your baby’s back and legs when they’re upset. To help them wake up from a nap, touch their face and stomach. If you’re able, also consider using body carriers or wraps to take your baby out and about with you rather than a stroller.

Before you get caught up in trying to find the best learning toys out there, remember that straightforward behaviors from you and the creative use of simple objects can go a long way in helping your baby learn. The best way to support your baby’s development is to make these things part of everyday life.

Morgen is a writer from the beautiful mountains of Utah. She's constantly writing, but when she does have free time, you can find her baking yummy treats and preparing to be a mother.

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Here’s What Science Has to Say about Left-Handedness & Your Genes

by Erica Loop

A new study recently published in Brain, A Journal of Neurology, may have found a genetic link to left-handedness.

Not only did these researchers, from the University of Oxford, find a possible genetic link to handedness, but they may have also uncovered a connection between left-handers and increased verbal skills.

photo: mentatdgt via Pexels

The study included DNA data from 400,000 people from the UK Biobank, 38,332 of which were lefties. After analyzing brain imaging from 10,000 of the people studied, the researchers found a possible connection between genetics, handedness and language abilities.

Even though the study revealed a potential connection, Gwenaëlle Douaud, joint senior author of the study and a fellow at Oxford’s Wellcome Centre for Integrative Neuroimaging, told CNN, “We need to assess whether this higher coordination of the language areas between left and right side of the brain in the left-handers actually gives them an advantage at verbal ability. For this, we need to do a study that also has in-depth and detailed verbal-ability testing.”

Before you start wishing you were a leftie, the study also found some not-so-great news. The genes responsible for left-handedness are also implicated in the development of Parkinson’s, Alzheimer’s and schizophrenia. This possible connection doesn’t necessarily mean all lefties will develop these diseases. The researchers note that this is a correlation, and not causation at work.

Dominic Furniss, joint senior author alongside Douaud and a fellow at Oxford’s Nuffield Department of Orthopaedics, Rheumatology, and Musculoskeletal Science, said in an interview with CNN, “It has long been known that there are slightly more left-handers amongst patients with schizophrenia than the general population. By contrast, there are slightly less left-handers with Parkinson’s disease than the general population.”

—Erica Loop

 

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This Speech-Language Therapist Helped a Nonverbal 10-Year-Old to Communicate—Mid-Flight

by Erica Loop

Call it coincidence, call it luck, call it an amazing confluence of awesomeness that brought speech-language pathologist Rachel Romeo and a 10-year-old nonverbal autistic child together—on an eight-hour flight.

Romeo recently tweeted about the “affirming experience.” The SLP started her tweet by writing, “On my 8hr flight back from a conference, I sat next to a father/son. In broken English, the father began to apologize/warn me that his ~10 yr-old son had severe nonverbal autism.”

That’s when the SLP revealed, to the father, “I told him not to worry, I was a speech-language pathologist with lots of experience with minimally verbal kiddos.” Even though the boy screamed, hit her and grabbed for her things, Romeo kept her cool and did what she could do to help.

Realizing that the boy had little experience with communication therapy, Romeo tried a communication board. The SLP started with her computer but quickly saw that the screen bothered the boy. Instead, she decided to draw pictures to communicate with the boy—and it worked.

Based on her tweets, it looks like Romeo’s mid-air intervention gave the boy something he might not have otherwise had: the ability to connect. She added, “This was the human desire for communication, pure and simple. To connect with another person and share a thought. Communication is a basic human right, and I was overjoyed to help someone find it. What a privilege and a gift.”

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Suhyeon Choi via Unsplash 

 

 

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