The holidays wouldn’t be complete without watching the classic specials we grew up with. Peanuts fans will have even more ways to watch Charlie Brown, Snoopy and the gang as Apple and PBS team up forA Charlie Brown Christmas. But take note, because both air on broadcast TV for one day only!
You can catch A Charlie Brown Christmas only on PBS and PBS KIDS on Sunday, Dec.19 at 7:30 p.m. If you are not an Apple TV+ subscriber, this is your only chance!
The classic holiday Peanuts special is also available to stream ad free and in HD on Apple TV+, after the TV provider acquired the rights in the last few years.You can sign up for a free seven-day trial or subscribe for just $5 a month.
You’ll also catch the brand new Apple Original feature, For Auld Lang Syne that debuts on Fri. Dec. 10.
No, you don’t need to throw your baby an over-the-top blowout to have a special day marking their first birthday. If a party isn’t your thing, try these fun alternatives to mark your little one’s first year of life. From a day at the zoo to fun with balloons, here’s how to celebrate baby’s first birthday without a party but still with friends, relatives, or just your immediate family.
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Balloons! On the big day, gather the best elements of a birthday party and have a family day celebrating with them. We're talking things like balloons, streamers, music, cake and lots of hugs and kisses. You'll make the day special for both of you and have lots of photo ops without all the stress and expense of a party.
Fishy Fun Dive into a day of birthday fun with a trip to your local aquarium. Your baby will be mesmerized by all of the watery sights and sea creatures. (And mom and dad will be mesmerized watching baby!) Watching fish float by is fun, but we bet the dolphins, seals, sea otters and other marine mammals will be the biggest hits of the day. Don’t forget to visit the tide pool animals, too. Bonus: Children under two are usually free at most aquariums!
Festivals Scope out local festivals, and then head out for a day of fun. (Red Tricycle's city guides always keep you in the know. And check local websites or Facebook groups for event calendars.) Your child will love taking in all of the sights and sounds that accompany a street festival. Music, people watching, new foods—the event promises to be as fun for mom and dad as it is for baby.
Suzanna Palmer
Go Wild Your little one’s first birthday is the perfect time to head to the zoo. Kids love seeing animals they've read about in storybooks and making animal noises with you as you view the exhibits. All the new sights, sounds and smells will likely keep baby’s senses engaged, but bring a stroller or carrier for naps. Best spots for photo ops: The petting zoo, tram, carousel or kiddie train.
Art Project Channel your little one's propensity for making messes into a work of art with a painting session. Gather some basic painting supplies from your local art supply store, like a small canvas, washable paints and a smock. Then, secure baby in a high chair and let the fun begin. Note the date and occasion on the back of the work of art; then find a place of honor to display baby’s first-birthday masterpiece.
Seasonal Celebration Baby born during the fall? Head to an apple orchard where you can bounce along on a hayride and sip apple cider. If you have a winter baby, take a walking tour of your area’s best holiday lights. For babies born during spring or summer, visit an outdoor concert or botanical garden to celebrate the season along with baby's birthday.
Suzanna Palmer
Let Them Eat Cake! Just because you aren’t planning a party doesn’t mean you should skip a cake. Having a smash cake sesh might just be the highlight of your little one’s day, and yours. Your baby is more likely to feel at ease—and dive face-first into the goodies—without dozens of eyes and cameras peering at them, like they'd have at a party. So bake up your favorite cake or pick one up at your local bakery and then dig in, baby!
Park It Scope out the local parks for baby-appropriate offerings, such as bucket swings and paved walkways for strollers. Bonus points if the park has a water feature, such as a fountain or pond for fish, turtle or duck-watching. Pack a blanket and a picnic and enjoy a relaxing day together as a family.
Low-Key Playdate Get your mommy & me crew together for a casual playdate at one of your usual haunts. Bring a snack (cupcakes, cookies or fruit) as a nod to the birthday babe, and let the kids play while you and the other moms celebrate that you got through your first year as a mom.
However you choose to toast your tot, make sure to capture all the special moments—and share them with your family and friends near and far—with the Tinybeans app. The secure platform puts parents in total control of who sees and interacts with photos and videos of their kids.
When you’re craving a family movie night or just need some downtime from mom duty, nothing could be simpler than turning on Netflix. The streaming service is perfect for quality time on the couch, but you can make the experience even better with a few secret tricks. We’ve rounded up some of the best Netflix hacks and codes to make streaming simpler.
1. Manage your profiles. Although each paid Netflix account allows subscribers to create up to five distinct profiles, many families will create profiles based on individuals. Unless you and your spouse watch radically different programs on Netflix or your kids have completely divergent tastes, a better approach to profile management would be to create profiles based on groups or interests. For example, “Grown Ups,” “Tweens,” and “Young Kids” or “Kids Movie Night,” “Documentaries,” and “TV Favorites.” Since Netflix’s personalization algorithm is based on what people actually watch (or like and rate), clustering profiles by groups or interests will yield better personalization and more specific recommendations in the long run.
2. Know your subscription plan. Netflix caused a stir when it announced pricing increases earlier this year. Knowing your subscription plan makes you aware of how many devices can use Netflix at the same time with a shared account. Netflix’s basic plan allows for just a single stream per subscription at $8.99/monthly. The middle (and most popular) plan offers two HD streams for $13.99/monthly and the premium plan allows four simultaneous 4K streams for $17.99/monthly.
3. Tune in during off-peak hours for better video quality. Studies have shown that streaming video quality diminishes during peak hours, so to get the most out of your Netflix viewing, try tuning in during off-peak hours, such as early in the morning or late at night. With less internet traffic, your video stream will be stronger and suffer from less buffering and interruptions.
4. Dump the freeloaders. If you’ve ever shared your Netflix login credentials with friends or you’ve logged onto Netflix on a non-personal device, there’s a good chance there are unauthorized users messing up your recommendations—or worse. In addition to changing your password, you can eliminate unwanted logins and start with a clean slate by going to My Account > Sign out of all devices.
5. Clean up your viewing history. Do your kids have a show they absolutely love that you can’t stand? Every time you fire up Netflix it will remind your pint-sized viewers to keep watching that same series, that is unless you happen to “accidentally” clear the “Continue Watching” queue. Simply go to your Account menu and select the profile you’d like to adjust. Select “Viewing Activity” and you’ll be given a list of all the recently watched shows (this is also a handy way to check in on what your kids are actually watching). To remove a show from the list, click the small circle on the right-hand side.
6. Download programs for offline viewing. When Netflix offered subscribers the ability to download select movies and TV shows on their mobile devices a few years ago, it was a game changer for the streaming service. Without needing to worry about a strong and stable wifi signal (for example, on a long flight with kids), downloaded programs make watching Netflix on the go a dream. All you need is the Netflix mobile app, and make sure your device has enough storage space for large media files.
7. Find better ways to search. Once you’ve binged through your favorites, Netflix can seem like a vast wasteland of scrolling through programs and content that you don’t care about. One Reddit user was so tired of Netflix’s seemingly endless scroll that he created a search engine called Flixable that’s entirely devoted to making it easier to browse what’s available on Netflix and to see what’s new and what's leaving. There’s also a Canadian version.
9. Play Netflix Roulette. Are you feeling lucky? Instead of endless scrolling to find the perfect movie or TV show to watch on Netflix, streaming service directory ReelGood offers Netflix Roulette. Simply select a genre (or keep it open), then take a spin. The randomizer will make a recommendation for your next Netflix and chill.
10. Discover what’s coming up. While it’s not officially sanctioned by Netflix, What’s Next on Netflix is a super-handy program guide that showcases the latest and greatest streaming on Netflix. An overview snapshot shows the number of new releases and total number of currently available titles. There are links to directories for guides in the United States, United Kingdom, Canada and Australia.
11. Remember a few computer shortcuts. For viewers who use Netflix on their laptops, there are a few keyboard shortcuts that’ll make laptop-viewing easier:
Press F for full screen; ESC to get out of full screen
Page Down pauses and Page Up plays
Space bar pauses and plays
Shift + Right Arrow to fast forward; shift + left arrow to rewind
12. Just ask Netflix. If all else fails, Netflix’s own websiteprovides plenty of up-to-date information about all of the new and upcoming programming on the service.
13. Be the first to know. One of the easiest ways to get a jump on the latest Netflix features is by signing up to become a tester. In your Netflix account menu you’ll see a link for Test Participation, click the link and you’ll arrive at a page asking if you’d like to participate in the testing of new Netflix features. Set the toggle switch to “On” and you’ll get access to features not yet available to all users.
When I was little, I always knew I was in trouble by the size of my mother’s eyes. If I did something wrong, her eyes widened to reveal every inch of white and her disappointment. My Mom was never a yeller—she always spoke in an even tone, and communicated very well about what we needed to correct regarding our behavior or attitude. I believe the way she reacted taught me and my siblings many lessons about respect.
Remember respect? I feel like this is a lost virtue in the world today, especially between children and adults. Somehow we have communicated to children that they are equal with adults, and I don’t know about you, but that’s not the world I grew up in! We were taught to respect our elders; to learn from our elders.
Now, let me clarify: respecting our elders does NOT mean we teach our children to not respect themselves, or suppress their voices or discourage them from even finding their voices. Respect is something we have to teach by example, and once that is accomplished, respect should be a mutual dance that is done easily and instinctively. But, it starts in the sandbox. And it starts with you.
First, it’s gut-check time: how are you showing your children what respect means and what respect is? I am a visual learner, and I believe most kids are. You want to show them how to treat people, not just tell them. As a parent or caretaker, let’s take inventory of how you treat your friends, family, strangers, etc? More importantly, how do you treat others when you don’t agree with them?
I see parents yelling at the TV because they’re watching the news and they disagree with commentators. To think your kids aren’t watching you, hearing you, or taking in your energy is shortsighted. That moment, as small as you may think it is, speaks volumes. What you are teaching your child, as they watch your emotions get the best of you, is that if you disagree with someone or something, you can yell/scream/cuss—whatever you want because you “feel like it.”
I understand that we can’t edit our reactions, nor should we try and suppress emotions, but I do believe we need to teach our children that there is a right and wrong way to react and to communicate our feelings. Perhaps they are just getting in tussles on the playground right now, but they will have bigger problems later in life that you need to prepare them for now. They will be faced with challenging moments that stress them out; hurt them; incite them, etc. It’s our job to give them the tools to react to whatever arena they’re dropped in with the self-respect, and respect of others, that they and we all deserve.
This may sound like a daunting task what I am asking, but if you step back, I am not asking anything from you that isn’t basic: it comes down to manners. Saying “please,” “thank you,” “pardon me,” “I appreciate you,” etc. We need to give our kids this language and we need to remember to practice it, too. Holding doors for people, being a helper when we see someone in need, approaching people from a place of empathy and compassion, etc—these are all lessons we need to teach our children, and the only way to successfully do that is by showing them how we treat others and how we treat them. Yes, you read that right—treating our children with respect is how they learn to respect themselves and respect others.
We also have to be mindful of our village: the people influencing our children. Maybe this is extended family, grandparents, friends, teachers, or even our children’s friends. You are the company you keep, as they say. This is yet another lesson our kids need to learn from the jump. If they hang around troublemakers, chances are they are going to get into more mischief. You can’t always control who your children choose as friends, but you certainly need to be paying attention to it. Sometimes your child’s behavior, especially if erratic or if you’re seeing changes over time, is being influenced by something or, more likely, someone.
If you ever witness your children’s friends being disrespectful, I give you permission to step in. I am not telling you to spank or punish, but you certainly have the authority to let that child know that there are rules in your house and specific behavior won’t be tolerated. Of course, there is a fine line we don’t want to cross when it comes to correcting or disciplining other people’s children, but try to remember that you’re measuring it based on the values of your home. It’s simple: either they align with your values or they don’t. And, if they don’t, then maybe that friendship isn’t meant to be.
Regardless of your definition of respect, there is one thing we can all agree on: we want the best for our kids, and we want to raise them to be kind and spread it. The way to do that? Respect.
Florence Ann Romano, The Windy City Nanny™ (WindyCityNanny.com), is an author,
philanthropist and web series star/host who has always had a special place in her heart for
children.
Once upon a time, I was one of the youngest employees at any given place I worked. A sweet little baby ready to change the world! Ugh, my goodness, someone go back and talk some sense into her. But I digress…
My point is, I’ve worked with a lot of mamas throughout the years. My career in nonprofit management means that I’ve worked with a lot of women because the nonprofit deck is stacked to be mostly female. And while it goes without saying these working mamas were absolute badasses, there was a lot I didn’t realize until I became a working mom myself.
I saw working moms come in flustered at 8 a.m. and didn’t realize the battles they’d already fought that day to get kids fed, dressed, and off to school on time.
I watched working moms hang up silly artwork their kids made without realizing that a little human at home had said, “I made this for your office mama,” and that it was actually the most beautiful piece of art they’d ever seen.
I watched working moms go to meetings that could’ve been handled in an email, work through projects that coworkers were taking way too long on, and read through intolerable memos with the grace and patience of a queen. They knew something I didn’t: Nothing that happens at the office is anywhere near as important as what happens in their life at home.
I watched working moms count down until 5 p.m. and race out the door like their pants were on fire. I had no idea they were just getting started on the second part of their day. No idea that they were analyzing if they were going to make it to daycare or aftercare on time before late pickup fees started. I didn’t realize they’d get in traffic and start calculating how long until they got there, how many minutes until they got home to make dinner, do homework, do the bath, and bedtime. I didn’t realize that drive might be the only alone time they’d have for the day and they’d have to be actively shutting off from work mode and into mommy mode.
I didn’t know that she’d feel guilty for wanting to have a career, for not caring about her career anymore, or for being fine where she was because a promotion could tip her rocking boat right over.
I watched working moms smile at me when I was impossibly rude and couldn’t bother to remember their kids’ names even though we worked together for years. I politely smiled at her cute little stories but didn’t realize how full her heart was from those special moments.
I didn’t realize that for working moms a ‘perk’ was getting to go to the bathroom alone with the door closed.
I watched working moms call (and later email and text) to say their kid was sick and they’d be out. And could I cover this? Or could someone call to reschedule that? I had no idea the guilt she’d wrestled with, how exhausted she was from being up all night, and sometimes how relieved she was to just be home for a day. Even if it meant cleaning up puke.
I invited working moms to parties my friends and I were hosting that started insanely late at night. I laughed along when they said they couldn’t come and told them they’d be missing out. I had no idea they weren’t.
I didn’t realize that a call from the school could send her into a panic and that most of those calls actually start with someone saying, ‘Your child is okay but…’ and then go on to explain any number of incidents that occurred she’ll have to deal with later.
I didn’t know that some days, work was a break from a hard night at home. And some days, work took her away from the best night at home.
I didn’t know that she had no idea how great she was doing. That most days she rocked work and went home and rocked motherhood. And that she wouldn’t ever think that. And she’d spend the night wondering how she could do better the next day.
Dana Nichols is a mama in Orlando where's she's raising Violet & Simon with her husband Reid. They are always on the hunt for the best donut and are obsessed with painting murals on the walls outside their house. Dana runs Momlando which aims to inspire and unite moms in Central Florida.
I was recently asked about my story and if I could pass one thing on to my children, what would it be? Without hesitation, I said, it would be a work ethic built around resilience.
That one word, resilience, has been the cornerstone of my life, and I want it to be a foundation for all my children throughout their lives as well.
I was born to two high schoolers who fell in love a little too early. Raised in a small town in poor conditions, I watched my dad work 60 hours a week to put food on the table and saw my mom work part-time while raising three little boys. She eventually worked her way through college and became a nurse, and then a nurse practitioner long after I had moved on.
In high school, my dad started his own company, but due to a skimming accountant, the IRS shut him down. Without hesitation, he got a job and paid every penny he owed to the IRS and his business vendors. My dad could have quit, but he did not.
I watched both my parents demonstrate a tremendous work ethic built around getting back up and finding a way. That’s resilience.
In my own life, I’ve worked hard and achieved dreams I never thought possible. But my own version of resilience—demonstrated to my children—is personal. In 2011, my wife and my sons’ mom, was unexpectedly diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. She had no symptoms. There were no signs. In 36 hours, our entire world changed.
I spent the next five months with her while caring for our boys as she went through treatment. Most of it was experimental and produced no positive result. And on the exact day she was dismissed from MD Anderson Cancer Center and told to go home—there was no hope left—I was diagnosed with stage 2-3 renal cancer.
Knowing she needed me and knowing my children and family needed me, I did not do chemotherapy as recommended. I simply had the doctors open me up and remove the tumor, kidney, and anything else that looked bad.
I walked out of the hospital after 19 hours to be with my wife and my boys. She made it six more days, with her family, and me, by her side until the end.
Without question, that was the saddest day of my life and in the lives of my children.
But when looking back on it, I am proud of the fact that I was able to, if not forced to, demonstrate extreme resilience. Nine years later, my children are doing great and are super achievers in their own right. I’ve also chosen to move on with my life and have created a beautiful, blended family with a wonderful woman and mother. My children and her children are close, and my deceased wife’s family have totally embraced us all with complete love.
You see, resilience is not just about getting back up after getting knocked down. Resilience is also about getting up, finding a new path, and moving forward to ultimately achieve your goals and dreams. That is the true lesson I learned, and one that I hope I’ve demonstrated and given to my children.
James' life is the American dream in a nutshell. Born to teenage parents in Laurel, MS & faced with a future working in one of the town's two factories, James chose to change his fate and forge his own path–to become a wildly successful entrepreneur.
Whether or not you’re making a trek to a Disney park this summer, you can still make it a Disney summer. That’s thanks to the reveal of the Disney+ programming over the next few months, including hit movies, original series and documentaries. It’s quite the list watch for, so read on for more!
The Summer of Disney+ kicked off over the weekend with the release of Raya and the Last Dragon, free to all subscribers on the platform. On Wednesday, you can start watching a new series, Marvel Studios’ Loki and keep up with the God of Mischief. And on Friday, the second season of Zenimation premieres, giving you a mindful soundscape experience with clips from eight decades of Disney films.
You’ll want to tune in to Luca starting June 18, a new original animated movie about a boy having an unforgettable summer in Italy. Monsters at Work premiers July 2 and brings back your favorites from the Academy Award-winning movie, Monsters Inc. On July 30 another big drop, Jungle Cruise, stars Dwayne Johnson and Emily Blunt in an adventure down the Amazon. And all summer beloved classics will pop up on the platform, like The Sandlot, Ice Age: The Meltdown and Ms. Doubtfire.
Which one will your family be most excited to see? Grab the popcorn (or have an outdoor movie night), pull up Disney+ and get ready for hours of entertainment this summer!
—Sarah Shebek
Featured image courtesy of August de Richelieu from Pexels
It’s 2 am, and your baby is bright-eyed and seemingly starving. Your astute mama instincts tell you it’s going to be a while before either of you gets back to sleep. Don’t stress! Instead, give your mind a rest and stream the latest binge-worthy show while you nurse or bottle-feed your baby back to a peaceful slumber. Whether you want pure escapism, laugh-out-loud comedy, or a suspense to keep you from dozing off, we’ve got you covered. Here are 10 series that will keep you fully entertained during those sleepless nights.
Truly one of the most touching shows of 2020, Ted Lasso is based on a character from an old NBC Premier League ad campaign. The comedy from Apple TV+ offers so much more than just laugh-out-loud moments, of which it has plenty! Jason Sudeikis is utter perfection as an American college football coach who is recruited to coach (or "manage" in British English) world football, aka soccer, in England. It's a fish-out-of-water story that often has Ted learning the rules of British football while balancing his own life and that of his team. The only downfall is that there's only one season so far; pacing is necessary.
Dead to Me is an American dark comedy or tragicomedy (take your pick) starring Christina Applegate and Linda Cardellini as women who bond during grief therapy. The series premiered on May 3, 2019, and is filled with twists and turns. Each episode leaves you eager for more. It's binge-worthy content at its finest.
Ew, David! It has cultivated a cult following, racked up a record-breaking number of Emmy wins in its sixth and final season, and delivered a message of hope and equality during a time when audiences needed it most. Schitt's Creek tops our list for binge-worthy television. The quirky Canadian comedy created by father and son Eugene and Dan Levy will have you laughing out loud while nursing your little one back to sleep. If you haven't started it, get ready for a fun ride. You've got six seasons of getting to know and love the Rose Family.
Easily one of the most intriguing new shows of 2021, Lupin burst onto the scene in mid-January and took the world by storm. The series will transport you from your nursing lounger to the beauty and charisma of Paris. It's an engrossing espionage thriller that lives up to its source material and then some. We're not surprised that it scored 98% on Rotten Tomatoes! The first half of Lupin's first season is out now, while the second half is coming this summer.
You might even look forward to those late-night feedings once you hit play on Big Little Lies. Based on the same-titled 2014 bestseller by Liane Moriarty, the darkly comedic tale of murder and misbehavior is set against the backdrop of the idyllic beachfront town of Monterey, California. Told through the eyes of three mothers (Madeline, Celeste and Jane, played exquisitely by Reese Witherspoon, Nicole Kidman and Shailene Woodley), the series explores the world of seemingly perfect lives that quickly unravel from deceit. After you fly through the first season, know that you only have one more to go!
Family drama at its finest! Succession is a satirical drama that tracks the lives of the Roy family and the international media conglomerate controlled by aging patriarch Logan Roy. The show is brought to vivid life by a super talented ensemble and will have you laughing one minute and squirming in your seat with discomfort the next. The show gets better and better as it progresses, so give it a chance and stick around.
If you've been watching The Crown since it debuted in 2016, you're already a super fan, but if you haven't watched previous seasons, we encourage you to skip right to season four. The drama showcases Queen Elizabeth II's reign and events that shaped the second half of the 20th century. And season four introduces audiences to Princess Diana; it's certainly the best season yet.
Mothering can be exhausting, so you may need something sweet and wholesome to get you through. There's no better choice than Sweet Magnolias. Romance, friendship and family life are at the heart of this darling show about three women who have been best friends since childhood. It's got all the feels of a Hallmark movie and is a welcome escape from some of the dark or ultra serious shows out there. Real life is serious enough, so escaping to a small town and watching good friends go through the twists and turns of adulting is just what the doctor ordered.
Based on a bestselling book by Kristin Hannah, this series follows best friends Tully and Kate, played as adults by Sarah Chalke and Katherine Heigl, as they support each other through good times and bad with an unbreakable bond that carries them from their teens to their 40s. The series will get you hooked and is as consumable as a hot batch of french fries. It's ten episodes and they go by in a breeze. Luckily, season two is in the works.
Calling all Gilmore Girls fans! Ginny and Georgia is the dramedy for you. While the mother-daughter duo at the center of this Netflix show find themselves butting heads more than Rory and Lorelai, the hourlong drama welcomes the comparison. It also surpasses expectations by being unique and refreshing. It embraces layered topics like wealth and privilege, and the show's pace and excellent performances make it a breezy binge.
I never thought that I would drop my young daughter into a giant pool when she didn’t even know how to swim. Yet here we are.
Motherhood can be such a head trip because you are often forced to make really hard decisions and there are no real directions. I think we can all agree that children need to learn how to swim. There’s really no argument there, right? In order to raise a healthy family, our children must be safe around water.
While we may agree with that part of the equation, what happens when our children hate it? Do we just throw them into the water? In my case, yes.
Several years ago, when we put our oldest in swim lessons, we thought this was going to be an easy process. She could not wait to start! Each day after school she would ask about swim class. We prepped with everything in her favorite color—green! Green suits, green goggles, and green flip flops! She was giddy with anticipation!
The day finally arrived.
Up until the point of actually getting into the water, the first day was great! Our teacher motioned to us that it was time to get in. Standing at the edge of the pool, I felt my child start to freeze. Understand, I was eight months pregnant with our second child, so wrestling a toddler on the edge of a pool was not something was I prepared for, or could gracefully manage. “Mommy, I don’t want to go,” she said as she tried to become one with my legs.
Her grip grew tighter and I could see her start to swell with tears. She began doing circles around me—hiding behind my swollen belly.
I look down at her precious swim teacher, who was about college-age, and asked what I should do. She shrugged her shoulders. But my eyes were pleading with the teacher to give me some direction, some answer as to how to make this work. Fantasy negotiations do not work with my child. Telling her that Minnie Mouse is in the pool will not work. Ever. She knows way better than that.
At some point during my stress, sweating, and balancing my very pregnant body on the edge of the pool I cracked my own internal whip. “Melanie! Get your sh*t together! She has to get in the water! Quit relying on the swim teacher to solve your parenting dilemma!”
In order for her to ever learn to swim, she has to get in the water. I did what I never thought I would or could do! I stood there, at the edge of the pool and dropped my crying child into the pool, into the hands of a stranger.
Oh, dear God, what have I done?
As parents, my husband and I balance each other out quite well. If it were up to him, he would have certainly taken her out of the pool area after ten minutes. Sometimes his way is better, sometimes it’s mine. But in this instance, we followed my lead.
Her lesson began and we could see her face was still a bit red and blotchy. I watched my husband as he paced the deck. All of his belongings next to me—wallet, phone, keys—all in the event he had to jump in and rescue her.
What seemed like four hours later, her lesson was done. Having her back on dry land was a relief to all of us. We hugged and celebrated how well she did. I asked her if she had fun and she answered with a resounding, “Yes!”
Really? I thought she looked totally miserable! On the way home, I asked her if she wanted to go back and she said that she didn’t. However, not going back wasn’t an option, so I rephrased my question into a statement. “Well, we are going back.” We were at a stoplight and I watched her in my rear-view mirror. She turned her head, thinking, then looked at me. “Mom, I can go back. I think I will be fine.”
The next lesson arrived and I wasn’t sure what it would be like so I did my best to hide my worry. We sat on the bleachers together enjoying a few goldfish before being summoned into the deep. At the time we saw the call from our teacher, our daughter happily took off her flip-flops and said, “See, Mommy, I’m not scared anymore!”
Overwhelmed with pride I helped her step right into the water and sit happily on the water bench. Throughout the lesson, she would look back at us for reassurance. My husband gave several thumbs-up and I smiled and waved. As she floated with her teacher across the pool, 25 yards away from us I said to my husband, “Well, she was right. She said she would be fine and she is.”
So even at three, our kids sometimes know more than we sometimes ever realize. I’m amazed and proud—of all of us! When I think about what life hands us as parents, it becomes clearer to me every day that it’s not always parents teaching children. Sometimes it’s all of us learning and growing together.
Now if we can just get her to put her face in the water.
Melanie Forstall is a full-time mother, full-time wife, full-time teacher, and never-enough-time blogger at Melanie Forstall: Stories of Life, Love, and Mothering. She holds a doctorate in education and yet those many years of schooling have proved to be utterly useless when it comes to actual mothering.
Beginning on Skyler’s first birthday, I started a tradition of writing a letter to him highlighting his likes, dislikes, achievements, funny moments, family adventures, playmates, and favorite television shows. In addition, I take a photo of him wearing a necktie as a way of charting his growth.
My vision, when creating and continuing this annual time capsule, was to present to Skyler, a ribbon-tied stack of letters and photos containing eighteen years of memories on the day of his graduation from high school.
Coming to the realization, many years following his autism diagnosis, that graduation, in a traditional sense, would not be a likelihood for Skyler was hard. However, it never derailed me from crafting those special birthday letters because I know one day in the future, I will share them with him.
Perhaps the silver lining or renewed perspective of Skyler not fleeing the nest this year, like his peers, is that I am privileged to share his daily experiences and accomplishments into adulthood.
I’m confident the day will come when Skyler communicates to me, on his own timeline, that he’s ready to receive my gift of thoughtfully crafted memories. Watching Skyler read and absorb every word, whether he’s 24 or 44, will be the equivalent of a graduation day to me—and I will be extremely proud.
So, on this eve of Skyler’s 18th birthday, I grabbed a few sheets of the special stationery that is used to pen his letters and a full box of tissues while I revisited every achievement, new adventure and challenge he experienced this past year.
This is my 18th birthday letter to Skyler:
To my handsome and admirable son,
I honestly can’t believe I am writing my 18th birthday letter to you. This past year has brought with it dramatic and unprecedented events both in our world and in your life.
It was around this time last year that the word Coronavirus became a part of everyone’s vocabulary. Due to the severity and vast spreading, our daily routines and public gatherings came to a drastic and lengthy halt.
You were unable to return to your ABA center for almost two months, which was much milder than most of the population who were forced to learn from home for an entire year—causing a significant regression of many skills.
While at home, Josh and I were desperate to keep your communication moving forward, so void of any therapist assistance, I created a PECS board and eventually transitioned you to an AAC device to revisit that method with you.
You clearly appreciated having the ability to make choices for yourself through the pictures which were evident by your smile when we all seemed to understand each other.
For the first time in years, you appeared eager to share your thoughts, needs and wants with us, so when the concept of “Spelling to Communicate” (S2C) was introduced to me, it seemed like divine timing.
Wow! I am SO glad we took that leap of faith and brought S2C into our lives.
Watching you utilize the letter boards to answer age-appropriate reading comprehension questions for the past eight months has been nothing short of incredible.
I frequently feel an overwhelming need to apologize to you, Skyler—for underestimating you and for my failure to recognize how intelligent you are and always have been.
From a health perspective, you have remained at a standstill. Thankfully, you have always been healthy and are very rarely sick. However, the hitting, banging and hair-pulling seem to be on the increase instead of you aging out of those ‘stims’ as I’d hoped.
I’ve never been convinced that your challenging behaviors are “just part of having autism” as we’re so often told and given medications to treat. I know deep in my heart that you’re demonstrating anger and suffering due to Ulcerative Colitis. I promise you that I will never give up researching and looking for answers to improve your quality of life. I pray every day that the solutions will come quickly so you will finally be relieved of your pain.
Despite your constant discomfort, your smile and deep belly laugh, especially when Josh wrestles with you, lights up the room.
If given the option, your daily meals would always include a Qdoba burrito bowl and Tucker’s bun-less cheeseburger with mashed potatoes in the rotation.
Watching Sesame Street, particularly Elmo’s World is still a favorite pastime of yours as is listening to an eclectic array of music. During our countless car rides to nowhere, you bounce perfectly to the beat of any song and launch into a hardy giggle when I freestyle my own lyrics—which are usually about food or bath time.
As I reviewed the very first birthday letter that I wrote you in 2004, a particular statement really stuck out to me. “My hope for you over the course of your life is that you continue to be happy and free-spirited. I want you to always try new things and never let anyone or anything stand in your way. I love the light in your eyes that seek out to learn and never quits even when times get frustrating.”
I didn’t know of your autism diagnosis on that day or even that year.
My greatest hope for you today is the exact same, 17 years later. Please never lose that spark in your eyes and determination in your heart to keep growing and achieving.
I love you with all my heart Skyler, exactly as God made you. I truly believe you were sent into this world as a vessel to teach me, and possibly everyone you encounter, some valuable life lessons.
I am forever grateful that I have been entrusted to guide and nurture you through this life. You are perfect, just as you are.
As I’ve always said, “Out of all the little boys in the world, how did I get the very best one?”
