Nothing Says “I Love You” Like a Roll of Asswipes…and Other Bad Valentines

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I personally hate the let down that is Valentine’s Day. Apparently these people really hate it too…or they hate their partners. Why else would you buy these gifts for that special someone?


If you buy these for your beloved then you truly are a crappy spouse.


There is nothing fun about this gift.


Nothing says I love you like an iron or a toaster, or a vacuum. No woman wants to be reminded that you love the way she irons your dress slacks.


Can you image opening a little box on the most romantic day of the year and seeing that sparkle? And then you realize it’s actually a key chain? This is just mean.


When you’re young and in love you can probably get away with this. But if you pull that on Valentine’s Day now, chances are indigestion will be the real gift.


And … you’re single.


No chocolate. We just endured Thanksgiving, holiday parties and New Year’s Eve. We just made resolutions to lose all this holiday weight and you bring home a BOX of chocolates?


So let me get this straight. You are basically off the hook at life until you hand me a coupon, and THEN you do the dishes? In no universe is this romantic.


You can never ever buy clothes for your woman that requires you to choose a size and brand. If they are too large, she will roll her eyes and think about what a pain the exchange will be. If they’re too small, then you are dead.

Kristin is a blogging SAHM of 4 unruly princesses.  When she is not busy raising humans and vacuuming up toys she can be found at the local Target or hiding in her laundry room where she writes for Red Tricycle, Suburban Misfit Mom and Sammiches and Psych Meds.