Parents on the First Day of (Home) School

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To all the parents out there who are beginning their homeschooling journey this week, we see you, we feel you. We are you. #parentstrong

8:00: Opened the school website to get assignments.
9:00: Found where assignments were hidden on the website.
9:15: Called the school to have the website explained.
9:30: Called the school again.
9:45: Had wife call school.
10:30:  Started printing the first assignment.
10:31:  Ran out of printer ink.
10:35: Sent my wife to buy more ink while I watched YouTube to learn how to do common core.
10:39: Had first cocktail.
11:00: Googling who the idiot was that came up with common core.
11:02: Had 2nd cocktail.
11:15: Called the school to see if the virus was still an issue and if so, could I sign a waiver for my kids.
11:16: The School asked me not to call back.
11:20: Realized my wife wasn’t home yet. Called her to find out she was having a difficult time finding the right ink. Pretty sure, I heard someone in the background yell her name followed with “Venti vanilla latte!” Right before she hung up on me.
11:30: Started the first assignment.
11:45: Lunch break.
12:30: Restarted the first assignment.
12:35: Read 3 chapters to help answer 2 questions.
12:40: Figured I’m either being played or they have been falsifying my kid’s report card.
12:45: Practiced disguising my voice so I can call the school again.
1:00: It didn’t work.
1:15: Started scraping “My kid is a TERRIFIC student” sticker off of all vehicles.
2:00: Beginning to think my wife isn’t coming home.
2:15:  Decided to have an early release.
3:00: Arrested for egging school and drinking in public.
4:15: Released and given a ride home in the police car for maximum embarrassment.
6:00: Wife gets home. Couldn’t find ink. Pretty sure her hair and nails look different than this morning.
10:00:  Working on an excuse on how to get out of school tomorrow.

—Reprinted with permission from a Mom on Facebook.