Fairfield: The Perfect Low-Key Family Getaway

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Between San Francisco and Sacramento, Fairfield is an under-the-radar destination that you’ve probably driven by a hundred times and never stopped. At only about an hour and a half from San Francisco, it’s a great getaway that requires little planning. If you’re looking for a low-key weekend with the kids, Fairfield is where it’s at. From kid-friendly activities like the famous Jelly Belly Factory to delicious wines with beautiful backdrops reminiscent of Napa, you’ll want to bookmark this itinerary for a future trip. Read on for what to do, where to eat, where to sleep, and of course, family tips for all ages.

What To Do

photo: Sandra Lee

Jelly Belly Factory

A must-see for any candy lover, the Jelly Belly Factory gives families an inside look at how all those tasty little beans are made from start to finish. The self-guided tour is relaxed and at your own pace, with video segments describing the process along the way. With lots of windows so kids of all heights can see what’s happening in the working factory and interspersed games to keep little ones active, it’s a fun tour. There is a candy shop (of course) featuring the famous Belly Flops, as well as a cafe to counter all that sugar. 

Family Tip: While the weekends are the most convenient, the factory does not run production on Saturdays and Sundays. Be sure to visit on a weekday to see it all in action. Check the website for most current hours.

photo: Sandra Lee

Western Railway Museum

Another kid-friendly activity, the Western Railway Museum is home to some of the oldest, vintage trains and streetcars. There are over 50 cars on display and 22 miles of track, along with a shaded picnic area and cafe for snacks. Buy a ticket to the 50-minute train ride, where everyone gets to ride in a vintage car on old tracks with a conductor in full uniform. Afterward, take a tour at the exhibit, where you might get a chance to walk on board a vintage car and see the dining hall, a mock dining table setting with real China, a record player and sleeping quarters. 

Family Tip: While the train ride is great for kids, the horn is loud and can be a bit much for the little ones. Be sure to warn kids ahead of time or skip it for sensitive ears.

photo: Tolenas Winery

Tolenas Winery

If you think wine-tasting can’t be family-friendly, think again. Set in a beautiful Victorian white house surrounded by grapevines and open space in Suisun Valley, Tolenas Winery is a must-visit. Parents can sip on delicious wine like their unique white Pinot Noir on the front patio while the kiddos run around on the grass in the front lawn. The family-owned business has gone through three generations, with family at the center of it. 

Family Tip: Bring snacks for the little ones to munch on as they play. The tasting experience is really all about relaxing and enjoying the scenery. Since we bet you’ll be there a while, grab some snacks for the kids to avoid the “I’m hungry” requests.

photo: Sandra Lee

Suisun Creek Winery

Another family-owned winery and vineyard, Suisun Creek Winery is also a must-visit with kids in tow. The large backyard tasting room is set to the backdrop of mountains, vineyards and open space. The wine is just as delicious, like the Verdelho, a sweet wine perfect on a sunny day. Family owners Brian (winemaker) and Katie, along with their three kids, are all super knowledgeable about wines and the grapes of Suisun Valley. 

Family Tip: The vineyard has a ton of open space to run and play. Be sure to bring appropriate shoes that you don’t mind getting a bit dirty. That way you can enjoy the wine while the kids play.

photo: Sandra Lee

Larry's Produce

An expansive 1,200 acres is home to fruits, vegetables, wheat and beans at Larry’s Produce. While locals and businesses grab the amazing produce during the week, visitors are in for a treat, especially the younger set. Not only can you pick fresh produce for the road, but they have a beautiful pumpkin patch with giant, varietal and mini pumpkins. There are also a lot of family activities that are free including hayrides, a corn pit and tons of space to run and play. 

Family Tip: The stand is cash-only, so be sure to stop by an ATM before visiting!

photo: Sandra Lee

Rush Ranch

Want a spot for the kids to run around, pick leaves, play with sticks, see cows and horses or go on a self-guided walking trail? Check out Rush Ranch on Grizzly Island Road. Purchased by Solano Land Trust in 1988, it’s now a part of the San Francisco Bay National Estuarine Research Reserve. About 20 minutes from downtown, the ranch spans about 2,000 acres of marsh and rolling grasslands where kids can just be free with no agenda. 

Family Tip: Check out the events calendar on their website. The Storybook Walk is especially fun for both kids and adults- a great way to be out in nature!

Where To Eat

photo: Sandra Lee

Two60 Kitchen + Bar

Not only does Two60 Kitchen + Bar have delicious food, but the staff is super friendly, making this one a no-brainer. With standard kid menus complete with activity pages and crayons, and entrees like grilled cheese and chicken strips, little ones are set. For the parents, the drinks and wine menu are inventive and hit the spot after a day of touring. Entrees are delicious, but also note-worthy like the vanilla black pepper salad dressing or the Korean fried chicken sandwich. 

Family Tip: For meat-eaters, order the lumpia, a recipe created by Chef Joey Jaraba’s mother and made in-house that even the pickiest of eaters will enjoy.

Saffron Indian Cuisine and Bar

If in the mood for Indian food, Saffron is definitely a place to check out. While it doesn’t look like a fancy restaurant on the outside, the inside is decked out with chandeliers and plush booths and tables. The chicken tikka masala is a great choice, along with their naan bread and saffron rice. Great for date night or family dinner! 

Family Tip: Lunch is buffet style, which might be a good choice for picky eaters or if you want a bit more variety.

Pizza Twist

For a dinner that’s casual and fast without skimping on quality, a popular place to eat is Pizza Twist. Here you can get the standard Chicago-style cheese or pepperoni pizza, but the twist lies in their specialty Indian-inspired pies. Order halal chicken, paneer or spicy lamb kabob. It’s also diet-friendly with vegan, keto, gluten-free and vegetarian options available. 

Family Tip: Order for take-out or delivery if the kiddos are tired after a long day and make it a movie and pizza night at the hotel.

Where To Stay

Hilton Garden Inn
If you are a fan of the Hilton family of hotels, the
Hilton Garden Inn is a good choice for families. Conveniently located next to HWY-80 and Jelly Belly Factory, the hotel has a heated pool, jacuzzi and big family rooms for space. Breakfast is served daily until 10 a.m. for a charge and there is a mini snack stand for last-minute cravings. 

Family Tip: Check-out is at noon, but can be extended to 12:30 p.m. if you need extra time to go to the pool in the morning or go have a leisurely breakfast.

—photos and story by Sandra Lee

Editor’s note: This trip was sponsored by Visit Fairfield, but all opinions expressed here belong to the writer.

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Bay Area Kids Weekend Events: Dec. 3-5

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The first weekend of the last month of the year is upon us! Did that sneak up on anyone else… or just me?! Hannukah and holiday festivities are raging this weekend and on the top of our list is to go see a holiday lights display and also to take a spin at a local ice rink. Then, there are holiday ballets and performances, a yacht parade, a handbell concert and winterfest all to enjoy!

photo by Holly Jolly Day

San Francisco

Deck the Hall at the Drive-In
Presented at the big screen of Fort Mason, this holiday program can be enjoyed from the comforts of your own car. With two showings with different themed attire, your family can choose whether to be dressed to the nines or in your PJs!
Sun., Event details 

Free Thursday at SFMOMA
So, technically it’s not the weekend but Thursday is close enough, amiright? Enjoy free admission to the SFMOMA from 4-8 p.m. and make sure to bring the littles who always get in free!
Thu., Event details

Hannukah Party Pop-Up at Ghirardelli Square
JCCSF’s Glowing Hanukkah Party returns to Ghirardelli Square this holiday season! At this free, family-friendly event, we’ll light candles, enjoy live (glowing!) music, make Hanukkah crafts, play games, and eat tasty treats from the merchants at Ghirardelli Square.
Sun., Event details 

The Velveteen Rabbit
This beloved Bay Area holiday tradition returns with a tattered nursery animal becoming real in a show that brings the perfect amount of holiday cheer. Also available on-demand.
Sat. & Sun., Event details 

East Bay

Ice Skate at Kristi Yamaguchi Ice rink
Come skate for a good cause! This year is the 25th anniversary of the Always Dream foundation, which a portion of the rink’s profits goes to support literacy in local low incomes families.
Fri.-Sun., Event details 

5th Annual Social Justice Children’s Book Fair
With a curated social justice book collection and local indie authors on hand for book signings, this is the perfect place to pick up holiday gifts for everyone on your list!
Sun., Event details 

Lighted Yacht Parade
This annual parade is back! Get on your best holiday spirit and celebrate with the community while enjoying the parade.
Sat., Event details 

South Bay

Smuin’s Christmas Ballet
The tour of this time-honored ballet arrives in Mountain View and will bring back beloved classics to modern jazz numbers that will delight all ages.
Fri.-Sun., Event details 

Gamble Garden’s Festival of Trees Family Night
Escape to a winter wonderland at Gamble Garden’s Festival of Trees for one night only where there will be arts & crafts for kids, free ice cream,  holiday treats, Santa, the Grinch and more!
Fri., Event details 

Holiday Handbell Concert
A lovely concert performed entirely with handbells of favorite holiday tunes will bring smiles to your family’s faces, guaranteed.
Sat., Event details

Menorah and Miracles
Join us for Hanukkah at the museum with our partner, Addison-Penzak Jewish Community Center of Silicon Valley (APJCC). Take joy in sharing your own culture, or discovering the traditions of your neighbors by making celebratory candles, playing dreidel games, and tasting delicious pre-packaged latkes.
Sun., Event details


Broadway Holiday Spectacular
This all-new holiday show will be live on stage at Belos Cavalos, an enchanting equestrian estate in Kenwood. At this magnificent temperature-controlled location ‘under the big top,’ performers will fill the season with music, dancing, and holiday cheer in a show suitable for all ages.
Fri.-Sun., Event details 

Mill Valley Winterfest
Back this year and better than ever, everything that we love about the winter holiday can be found here! Live music, kids games and activities and a giant rainbow slide.
Sun., Event details 

Wintertime Ice Rink at Vista Collina
Napa’s brand-new and only ice rink has opened at the gorgeous Vista Collina! Beer, wine (obviously) and hot cocoa can be purchased rink side and with a 100% chance of snow every night at 6 p.m., what’s not to love about this spot?!
Fri.-Sun., Event details

—Christine Lai

featured photo by iStock

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Hit the Slopes: Snow Play Adventures Abound Near the Bay Area

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Snow day anyone? It’s no secret that the best snow-filled days are spent out on the slopes or sledding down a giant hill with family and friends. The best part is, whether you’re an avid skier or if snow tubing is more your vibe, the closest snow to the Bay Area is just a drive away. Dust off those winter coats, put on your leg warmers and get your snow play on at one of these tubing and sledding hills near the Bay Area!

Palisades Tahoe, Tahoe

New Name Alert! Squaw Valley Alpine Meadows is now Palisades Tahoe. Located in Olympic Valley,  their SnoVentures Activity Zone provides fun for the whole family. Online reservations are recommended and a face mask with two or more layers is required of all participants. Ikon Pass holders receive free snow tubing every Tuesday.
Cost: $42/weekday, $49/weekend or holiday
Dates: Offered daily beginning Friday, December 17
Online: palisadestahoe.com

Disco Tubing: In addition to traditional snow tubing, Palisades Tahoe offers Disco Tubing complete with colorful LED lights, lasers and live DJs for the ultimate disco tubing experience. Reservations are required, though guests do not have to be a season pass holder to access this activity. New this year is a nighttime tubing series called Friday Night Lights. 
Cost: $59
Dates: Begins Saturday, December 18 from 5pm-8pm, daily December 26-31, then every Saturday through March 27, 2021
Online: palisadestahoe.com

1960 Squaw Valley Rd.
Olympic Valley, CA 

photo: iStock

Granlibakken, Tahoe

Operating since 1920, Granlibakken's popular 300-foot sledding hill is perfect for a day's worth of slopes. Bring the kids for their first sledding experience or sign them up for skiing and snowboarding lessons. Additional Fun: The $5 s'more kits are a hit with the littles to enjoy around the fire pits.

COVID-19 precautions: Sledding sessions are 1 1/2 hours with 30 minutes between sessions to clear the hill. Tickets must be purchased online. Masks are required and distancing protocols are in place. 

Cost: $20-25/person for a full day pass. Free for children under 3 and 50% off for lodging guests.
Open: Open 9 a.m.-4 p.m. Fri.-Mon. and daily during holiday periods, mid-December through March.

725 Granlibakken Road
Tahoe City, CA 
Online: granlibakken.com

Adventure Mountain, South Lake Tahoe

Nestled on over 40 acres at the top of Echo Summit, Adventure Mountain is South Lake Tahoe's main stop for sledding, tubing and snow fun. It is family owned and operated, offering up to 15 machine-groomed sledding runs and plenty of space for snow play. Be sure to stop by the lodge for some hot cocoa by the fire. You may buy, rent or bring your own equipment. Helmets are encouraged.
Cost: Day use entry fee: $40 midweek, $45 weekend and $50 holidays
Open: Weekdays 10 a.m.-3 p.m., weekends and holidays 9 a.m.-3:30p.m., final entry 3p.m., December through April, weather and snow permitting

Nebelhorn, Hwy 50, Echo Summit
South Lake Tahoe, CA
Online: adventuremountaintahoe.com

photo: iStock

Tahoe City Winter Sports Park, Tahoe City

Outdoor fun awaits at this family-friendly sledding hill located adjacent to Lake Tahoe. Disc rental is included with your reservation, but no outside sleds allowed. Reservations are required and limited walk-ups will be permitted. In addition to the sledding hill, there's an outdoor ice skating rink and you can rent snowshoes.

Cost: $15/resident, $5/non-resident
Open: Nov. 26-Jan. 3

251 N. Lake Blvd.
Tahoe City, CA
Online: tcpud.org

photo: iStock

Hansen's Resort, South Lake Tahoe

Hansen's Resort is home to a super-fun sledding and tubing hill. The snow tube run is about 400 feet long and great for all ages. Check the website to find out current snow conditions. Snow tubing sessions are an hour long.

Cost: $30/hour ages 5 and up, 4 and under free with paying adult

1360 Ski Run Blvd
South Lake Tahoe, CA
Online: hansensresort.com

Other Sledding Hills in Lake Tahoe

Check out these other sledding hills if you are in the Lake Tahoe area: 

  • Mt. Rose Sledding Hill
  • Donner Summit Sno-Park
  • North Tahoe Regional Park
  • Spooner Summit Public Sledding

You can find more information about these sledding hills here

photo: Bear Valley Cross Country and Adventure Company

Spicer Sno Parks, Bear Valley

Within four miles of Bear Valley there are three parking locations where you can find nice slopes to get your tubing fix. Lake Alpine Sno-Park is the pick of the bunch with some long, fast runs. Aside from some non-flush toilets there aren’t many amenities so pack a lunch and some warming drinks.
Cost: Passes are $5/day or $25/season pass plus a service fee of $1.95. Sno Park passes can be purchased online
Open: Hours are dependent on natural snowfall. Check the website for days and times.

South side of Highway 4 at Spicer Road
Bear Valley, CA 
Online: gocalaveras.com/spicer-sno-park

photo: Victoria Borodinova via Pixabay

Tamarack Sno-Park near Shaver Lake

Tamarack Sno-Park is located between Shaver Lake and Huntington Lake, about a 3.5-hour drive from the Bay Area. You'll need to purchase a parking permit before you arrive, which you can get here

Online: ohv.parks.ca.gov

photo: Soda Springs Mountain Resort

Soda Springs Mountain Resort, Soda Springs

The Soda Spring Mountain Resort is home to Tube Town, a huge tubing area with up to 20 lanes and a 400-foot surface lift to get you back to the top! The resort also caters specifically to kids with an area called Planet Kids—a playground that contains tubing carousels, tubing lanes, ski and snowboard learning areas and snow volcanoes to climb.

Cost: Tickets are required for parents and children for the Planet Kids Zone. Check their website for 2021 updates and pricing as rates vary per day.

10244 Soda Springs Rd.
Soda Springs, CA 


photo: Management & Guests of Leland High Sierra Snowplay Inc.

Leland Snowplay, Strawberry

A snow hill set in the Sierra Mountains provides a deluxe environment for tubing. Four small lanes are reserved for the littler kids to enjoy and gentle lifts guide you to the top of the hills. Tired of tubing? There are also separate play areas for snowman making, playing in snow castles and a good old-fashioned snowball fight. Added Bonus: You can warm up and grab a bite to eat at the lodge featuring indoor and outdoor dining areas and a snack bar.

Cost: All mountain (child must be taller than 44 inches) all-day pass $29-$43, Lower mountain (must be smaller than 44 inches) all-day pass $21-$24.

Open: Regular winter hours: 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Closed Wednesdays. 

34033 Leland Meadow Rd,
Strawberry, CA

Online: snowplay.com

photo: Northstar

Northstar, Truckee

Editor's Note: Opening for the 2021/2022 season. 

The mountains are calling. Visitors to the Northstar California Tubing Hill in North Lake Tahoe, can enjoy an exciting ride down a 200-yard hill. Take the tow lift to the top of the hill and do it all again, either one at a time or in daisy chains with your family. Need a rest? Take in a local tour of North Lake Tahoe or even do some nearby shopping.

CostWeather and snow conditions permitting tubing tickets are available on a first-come, first-served basis only and are available for purchase at the Tickets & Season Pass Office in the Village at Northstar. Call the office for current rates.

Open: Details are TBD

5001 Northstar Dr,
Truckee, CA 


photo: Tenaya Lodge

Tenaya Lodge, Yosemite

Tenaya’s sledding and tubing hill is set in the world famous Yosemite National Park in a gorgeous forest setting. There are two sledding hills, a big one for all and a kiddie one--both are complimentary to guests of the resort. You can rent sledding discs for $15 for half day and $25 for a full day. Want more fun? Teyana also offers a guided snowshoe hike, ice skating and archery sessions.

Cost: $17/person for two hours, free for lodge guests. Tubing tickets available on first come, first served basis.
Open: Hours are dependent on natural snowfall. Check the website for dates and times.

1122 Highway 41
Fish Camp, CA 

Online: tenayalodge.com

—TaLeiza Calloway-Appleton & Kate Loweth

featured photo by iStock


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To Anaheim . . . & Beyond

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Fact: the mouse is king in Anaheim. However, if you’re willing to venture slightly beyond the mouse’s kingdom, you will discover that Anaheim has so much more to offer: eclectic food halls, a next-level children’s museum and science center, a swashbuckling pirate show/dinner and a whole other theme park! We explored it all so the next time your family heads south, you’ll want to hit them all up.

To See/Do/Play

Knott’s Berry Farm
With humble beginnings as a berry farm nearly one hundred years ago, Knott’s Berry Farm touts itself as California’s original theme park and for good reason—Walt Disney himself was a visitor, pre-Disneyland. Today Knott's Berry Farm is best known for high-thrill coasters that push the limits (think: multiple inversions and > 90-degree drops). Shorties who don’t (or don’t want to) qualify for the coasters will find Camp Snoopy at just the right speed and thrill level. 

Good to know:
•Consider the Fast Pass upgrade to expedite wait times
Try the famous Mrs. Knott’s Chicken Dinner restaurant along with their signature boysenberry jam but be prepared to wait (shops and a Ghost Town are nearby for entertainment) 

Downtown Anaheim Farmer’s Market
Over 30 vendors gather every Thursday at Center Street to hawk their food/wares. Varying from succulents and bee products to pet bandanas and almond butter, this market showcases both local talent and produce and it is impossible to leave without a purchase!

Discovery Cube
With over 100 hands-on exhibits, this top-notch children’s science center and museum will keep little hands and minds engaged. At the Physics Lab, kids build race cars and test them against the clock or other cars, all while exploring physics as a byproduct. We also stepped into a wind tunnel to investigate aerodynamics, tried to engineer the perfect paper airplane and dabbled with altering 3D topography.

Good to know: 
• A cafe serves up snacks and is denoted, appropriately, by a large “COFFEE” sign 
• The museum is mind-boggling expansive as we discovered we missed an entire wing on our way out so be sure to allow time to explore it all

Pirate’s Dinner Adventure
Don your eyepatch and wood peg leg as your family embarks on an immersive evening of revelry and adventure. Divided into teams to involve audience participation, (clean) trash-talking is encouraged as you cheer your pirate on in daring tasks. Acrobatics, swordplay and stunts are all on the menu in addition to a full dinner—the hardest part will be getting the kids to pay attention to eat with all the spectacles going on!

Good to know:
• The adults liked how there was an actual story plot and witty puns incorporated 
• Sensory sensitive kids may be overloaded with all the sounds and lights

Having grown up in SoCal and gone regularly as a kid (RIP $30 tickets), it was thrilling to take my kids back to the magical world that is Disneyland. We enjoyed Skellabration at the Haunted House in addition to the festive holiday decorations but one of my favorite things about Disneyland during the holidays is the food!  From Peppermint beignets from Mint Julep Bar to eggnog cold brew from Red Rose Taverne—give me all of it!

Good to know:
• Rope drop is still the way to go. We recommend being at the park’s security lines 30-45 mins before opening so that you’re on Main St at opening
Fantasyland at rope drop has never failed us. At publishing of this article, there is no longer a virtual queue for Rise of Resistance so that’s where we would head
Consider ordering meals (and snacks) via the mobile app 
There is currently no Fast Lane pass but Disney Genie and Genie+ is slated to be released at any moment so stay tuned!


Anaheim Packing House
This Insta-worthy food hall was one of the highlights of our trip—we loved the unique decorations of bright lanterns and swings, the airy open-space setting, the farmer’s park with its heart swing .. . oh! And all the artisan food options! The classic southern fried chicken at Georgia’s, miso ramen at Orange Tei, Strawberry Pocky (sorbetto on a stick) at Popbar and apple pie a la mode at Pie Hole were big hits for us. If you’re able to find it, kids 21+ can slip into the Blind Rabbit speakeasy

The Fifth
This rooftop restaurant and bar located across the street from Disneyland means if timed properly, your family will enjoy a bird’s eye view of the fireworks on select nights (reservations highly recommended on those nights)! Casual enough for relaxing after a day at the park but also ideal for special occasions, we found the Fifth to be inviting and family-friendly. While there wasn’t a kid menu per se, we found plenty of kid options such as mini corn dogs, burgers, grilled cheese and pasta.

Built with repurposed shipping containers, SteelCraft aims to unite the community through local craft food and drink vendors, live music and other neighborhood events. We loved dining in the large, open-space communal dining space where there was space for kids to swing and play ping pong while waiting for our food. Our favorites included the Mexican x Asian fusion barrio ramen, made-to-order Duck donuts and washing it all down with coffee boba (other options include craft beer, wine and cocktails).

Getting Around

Free Rides Around the Neighborhood (FRAN) is a program utilizing open-air electric vehicles that the City of Anaheim uses to offer free, on-demand rides within its local downtown area. With sixteen points of interest and popular downtown destinations, riders can summon a ride at their convenience through an app or good ‘ole fashioned phone call and a vehicle is dispatched shortly. It was a fast, convenient method for us to travel around and the best part is that it was free! 

Helpful tip: We found it fastest to call for a ride (714) 490-0486


Howard Johnson Anaheim & Water Playground
Recently renovated, a mere eight-minute walk separates your family from this property and the gates of Disneyland if you can get the kids to leave the super fun Castaway Cove water playground (reservations are required). At 538 sq ft, the spacious Kids Suite can accommodate up to six guests with one king bed and twin bunk beds plus a sleeper sofa in a separate bedroom. Between the water playground and fun bunk beds, my kids declared HoJo Anaheim their new favorite hotel! 

1380 S Harbor Blvd
Anaheim, CA

Grand Legacy at The Park
This hotel’s prime location across the street from Disneyland makes it a five-minute commute—it truly doesn’t get any closer and is faster than walking to Disney’s parking structures. This means you can easily be at rope drop after rolling out of bed or party until closing. Fifth restaurant (mentioned above) also makes its home at the rooftop here which, along with a pool for kids to splash and cool off in, is all the reason to consider staying here on your next visit. 

1650 S Harbor Blvd.
Anaheim, CA

Get Away Today has partnered with Visit Anaheim in a campaign to welcome families this winter. Whether you choose to travel with your family or give the gift of travel, the savings are yours with a third or fourth night free at select hotels and a free extra day at Disneyland with the purchase of four days!

photos and story by Christine Lai

Editor’s note: This trip was sponsored by Visit Anaheim, but all opinions expressed here belong to the writer.

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16 Holiday Gifts Moms Will Love & Actually Use

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When it comes to holiday gifts, moms are pretty easy. While we love the classics (pasta necklaces, salt dough ornaments and DIY photo frames), we also love anything that lets us splurge on ourselves a little. From stacked necklaces to coffee and delightful goodie boxes, we’ve carefully curated a list of gifts perfect for every kind of mom. Keep scrolling to find out what we would love to unwrap this year.

Amber Lewis for Anthropologie Ribbed Ceramic Candle

$32 & up   BUY NOW

This stunning candle is decor in itself with the ceramic base. Choose from three different scents.

Birth Month Flower Kit

$35   BUY NOW

They’ll love this simple flower kit that includes everything necessary to watch flowers grow from seed to bloom.

The Merino Slipper from Rothy's

$155   BUY NOW

Released just in time for holiday shopping, these slippers from her favorite brand will make any mom feel relaxed and appreciated this holiday season. They go from home to school pickup line in a flash.

Reclaimed Bread Board

$60   BUY NOW

Keep it simple with a stunning reclaimed wood board. Use it for cheese, bread, pizza and more.

Too Cool for School Egg Cream Mask

$20   BUY NOW

It might sound like a drink rather than facial care, but this cult-favorite mask is super hydrating and offers a boost of Vitamin C as well.

Rifle Paper Co.'s Floral Serving Tray

$48   BUY NOW

Handmade in Sweden, these charming 15” serving trays come in three bright designs.

Valerie Madison XO Earrings

$95   BUY NOW

These stud earrings come in different metals and offer tons of style while being safe from little grabbing hands.

In Good Taste's CA Mixer

$65   BUY NOW

One should never have to choose just one type of wine. With this mixer, they’ll get a whole range of California styles.

Surf Shack's Sunset Groove Puzzle

$30   BUY NOW

From a Hawaii-based small business comes an uber-cool collection of puzzles by artists.

Caputo’s Online Cooking Classes

$99   BUY NOW

The foodie in your life will be thrilled with a cooking class in themes that vary from cheese boards to chocolate, a Tour of Italy and more.

Franklin 12

$29   BUY NOW

This planter comes in four different colors and will make a green thumb out of just about anyone.

Welly Traveler

$33   BUY NOW

The popular line of water bottles just dropped a limited-edition line in collaboration with BIPOC artist Walker Noble!

I Want It All Bangle Set

$45   BUY NOW

Imagine having (almost) everything you need right where you need it. We love this key bangle that also includes a place for hand sanitizer, a USB charger and a reusable tote bag.

Presentation Box Wellbeing

$37   BUY NOW

This box of infusions has over 20 selections that purify, invigorate and invite serenity.

Xyron Creative Station

$80   BUY NOW

Perfect for the crafty mom, this machine will produce creative invitations, laminate baubles and more.

Classic Cowgirl Creamery Cheese Collection

$70   BUY NOW

A perfect trio of cheese from one of the country's best cheesemakers.

—Amber Guetebier & Gabby Cullen

Featured image: iStock 

Editor’s Note: Prices and availability reflect the time of publication. Images courtesy of retailers.

If you purchase something from the links in this article, we may earn affiliate commission or compensation.


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Here Comes the Pun: 300+ Best Jokes for Kids

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Need the best jokes for kids, in a pinch? We’ve got you covered on hours worth of funny jokes. Oh, and most of the jokes on this list are original. You’re welcome.

These hilarious jokes for kids require little to no explanation from parents, but you’ll want to get in on the fun, anyway. Don’t be surprised when the comedy sketch goes beyond today! Keep on scrolling down for corny jokes, silly jokes, knock knock jokes, and beyond… many of which have been sent to us by kid-readers (like you!) or written by some funny old people. Cue the dad jokes!

Read on to see the funniest jokes for kids of 2022!

photo: Pexels

1. What do you call an ant who fights crime? 
A vigilante! 

—Joe L., age 10 

2. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Olive who?
Olive YOU!

3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.

4. What do you call a little legume?
A Tinybean.

5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!

6. Why did the police play baseball?
He wanted to get a catch!

—Yuna, age 8

7. What did the microwave say to the other microwave?
Is it just me? Or is it really hot in here?

—Yuna, age 8

8. Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!

9. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting pirate.
Interrupting pir—yarrrrrr!

10. What is brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses?
A cool coconut.

11. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
Dill with it.

12. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!

13. Why did the kid cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.

14. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Icy who?
Icy you trying not to laugh at my knock-knock joke!

15. What kind of lion doesn't roar?
A dandelion.

16. How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket!

17. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7, 8, 9

18. What does a cloud wear under a raincoat?

19. When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
When the punchline is a parent.

20. What do you call a dinosaur fart?
A blast from the past.

21. What did the limestone say to the geologist?
Don’t take me for granite!

22. What do you call a duck that gets all A’s?
A wise quacker.

23. Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.

24. Which is faster? Hot or cold?
Hot. You can easily catch a cold. 

25. What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!

26. Why can't you trust an atom?
They make up everything.

27. Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because her parents were in a jam.

28. What did the little corn say to the mama corn?
Where is pop corn?

29. What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis!

30. How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
About a buck an ear.

31. Where would you find an elephant?
The same place you lost her!

32. How do you talk to a giant?
Use big words!

33. What animal is always at a baseball game?
A bat.

34. What falls in winter but never gets hurt?

35. What do you call a ghost’s true love?
His ghoul-friend.

36. What building in New York has the most stories?
The public library!

37. What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!

38. How do we know that the ocean is friendly?
It waves!

39. What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?

40. How do baby cats learn how to swim?
The kitty pool.

41. How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut!

42. What do you call two birds in love?

43. How does a scientist freshen her breath?
With experi-mints!

44. How are false teeth like stars?
They come out at night!

45. How can you tell a vampire has a cold?
She starts coffin.

46. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm.

47. What is a computer's favorite snack?
Computer chips!!
—reader Rebecca K.

48. Why don’t elephants chew gum?
They do, just not in public.

49. What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon

50. What did the banana say to the dog?
Nothing. Bananas can’t talk.

51. What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
Time to get a new clock.

52. How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.

53. Which city does Paw Patrol like the most? 
New Yorkie.

54. What do you think of that new diner on the moon?
Food was good, but there really wasn’t much atmosphere.

55. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.

56. Why can’t Elsa have a balloon?
Because she will let it go.

57. How do you make an octopus laugh?
With ten-tickles!

58. How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.

59. What's green and can fly?
Super Pickle!

60. When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look?
Because when you find it, you stop looking.

photo: Pexels

61. Why do shrimp never share?
They're so shellfish.

62. What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A tuba toothpaste.

63. Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
Because she wanted to go to high school.

64. Where do vampires keep their money?
A blood bank.

65. What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.

66. What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.

67. Where do pencils go on vacation?

68. Why couldn't the pony sing a lullaby?
She was a little horse.

69. What do you cakes and baseball have in common?
They both need a batter! 

70. What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel.

71. What do you call two bananas?

And speaking of bananas...

72. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling well.

73. Why was the mushroom the life of the party?
It was a fungi.

74. What stays in the corner yet can travel all over the world?  
A stamp.

75. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch.

76. What kind of award did the dentist receive?
A little plaque.

77. What do you call a funny mountain?

78. What should you drink while singing nursery rhymes?
Hot Cocomelon.

79. Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.

80. What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, bud!

81. There are two robots sitting on a wall. They are named Pete and Re-Pete. Pete falls off. Who is left?
(Re-Pete...so you repeat the whole thing again and again and again.)

—Henrik P., 10 

82. What is a pony’s favorite juice?
She really likes lemon-neigh’d.

—5-year-old Kerrigan

83. Where do fish keep their money?
In the River-Bank!

—Jaxon G., 7 y.o.

84. What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator!

—Milo H-R, age 8

85. Why was the computer cold?
It left its window open!

—Milo H-R, age 8

86. Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Boo who?
Don’t cry!

—Milo H-R, age 8

87. In baseball, would it take longer to run from 1st to 2nd base or 2nd to 3rd base?
2nd to 3rd base because there’s a shortstop in between.

—Milo H-R, age 8

88. What has lots of leaves but never actually grew?
A book!

—Milo H-R, age 8

89. Why was the computer cold?
It had a virus. 

—Henrik, age 10 

90. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
Because he couldn’t see himself doing it.

—Jan L. 

91. Who keeps the ocean clean?
The mer-maid.

—Jan L. 

92. What did the astronaut say when he crashed into the moon?
"I Apollo-gize."

93. Why didn’t the orange win the race?
It ran out of juice.

94. What dinosaur had the best vocabulary?  
The thesaurus.

95. What did one DNA strand say to the other DNA strand?
Do these genes make my butt look big?

96. Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
They have two left feet.

97. What did the wolf say when it stubbed its toe?
Owwwww-ch! (by Henrik, age 5)

98. Kid: What are you doing under there?
Mom: Under where?
Kid: Ha ha! You said underwear!!

99. Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window?
Because he wanted to see time fly.

100. What did one toilet say to the other?
You look flushed.

photo: Pexels

101. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash!

102. Why couldn't the astronaut book a hotel on the moon?
Because it was full.

103. How do pickles enjoy a day out?
They relish it.

104. What do you call an old snowman?

105. What's a pirate's favorite letter?

106. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?
Swimming trunks. 

107. How do you throw a party in space?
You planet. 

108. What do you call an attractive fruit? 
A fine apple! 

109. What happened when the skunk was on trial?
The judge declared, "Odor in the court, odor in the court!" 

110. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer! 

111. Why did the tomato blush? 
It saw the salad dressing. 

112. What do you call a fish without an eye? 
A fsh. 

113. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef. 

114. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A walkie talkie. 

115. Why are robots never afraid?
They have nerves of steel.

116. Why did the cabbage win the race? 
Because it was a-head. 

117. What does an evil hen lay?
Deviled eggs. 

118. What does a book do in the winter?
Puts on a jacket. 

119. Knock knock! 
Who's there?
Needle who?
Needle little help right now.

120. What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier?

121. What kind of haircuts to bees get?

122. Knock knock!
Who's there?
Donut who?
Donut ask me, I just got here.

124. What do you get if you cross a pie and a snake? 
A pie-thon. 

125. What do you do if you get peanut butter on your doorknob?
Use a door jam.

126. Why was 6 so mad at 7?
Because 7 8 9.

127. Why didn't the robot finish his breakfast?
Because the orange juice told him to concentrate. 

128. Why can't you play hockey with pigs?
They always hog the puck.

129. Why do porcupines always win the game?
They have the most points.

130. Where do elephants pack their clothes?
In their trunks! 

131. What does bread do on vacation?
Loaf around. 

132. Why was the broom running late?
It over-swept.

133. What part of the fish weighs the most? 
The scales. 

134. What do ghosts like to eat in the summer?
I Scream.

135. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school?
Because her students were so bright. 

136. What do you call a deer with pink eye?
A colorful eye-deer. (credit to Capt. John of the Appledore!) 

137, Where do sheep go on vacation?
The Baaa-hamas. 

138. What does every birthday end with?
The letter Y. 

139. What did the paper say to the pencil?
Write on! 

140. Why do birds fly?
It's faster than walking. 

141. Why did Superman flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody. 

142. Why did the pillow cross the road?
It was picking up the chicken's feathers. 

143. Can February March?
No, but April May. 

144. What time do ducks wake up?
At the quack of dawn. 

145. Why did the giraffes get bad grades?
She had her head in the clouds. 

146. What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg. 

147. What did the traffic light say to the truck?
Don't look, I'm changing. 

148. What do kids play when they don't have a phone?
Bored games. 

149. Why didn't the koala bear get the job?
They said she was over-koala-fied.

150. Who was that owl who did all the tricks?

151. What kind of vegetable is angry?
A steamed carrot! 

152. How does the moon stay up in the sky?

153. Why isn't there a clock in the library?
Because it tocks too much. 

154. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they're so good at it! 

155. What day of the week are most twins born on?

(submitted by reader Scooter T.!) 

156. Would February March?
No, but April May. 

157. What do you call bears with no ears?

158. What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!

168. What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk. 

—Jasper L., young reader submitted!

169. What’s yellow and looks like pineapple?
A lemon with a new haircut. 

—submitted (and created) by Rafael L. 

170. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
"No eye-deer." 

—also sent in by young Raffy 

171. What did the lunchbox say to the banana?
You really have appeal. 

172. What did the mouse say to the keyboard?

You're my type! 

173. What did the science book say to the math book?
Wow, you've got problems. 

174. How do squids get to school?

They take an octobus. 

175. Where do mermaids look for jobs?
The kelp-wanted section. 

176. What word starts with the letter t, ends with the letter t, and has t in it?
A teapot!

—young reader Collin S.

177. What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!

—Lewis G.

178.  Two goats were munching on a movie script. 
Goat 1: This is good!
Goat 2: The book was better.

—reader submitted by Mr. Jeffry

179. What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?

—submitted by Stella D.

180. Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
To make up for his miserable summer.

—reader submitted by Kaci Y.  

181. Why did the woman become an archeologist?
Because her career was in ruins.

182. Knock knock! 
Who's there?
Manatee who?
Manatee would be better than a sweater today, it's hot! 

183. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?

—Merci P., aged 10

184. What snack should you make for the Snowman Holiday Party?
Ice Krispy Treats

—Emmerson H., age 13

185. What do you call a nun who sleepwalks?
A roamin' Catholic. 

—Janice B., a reader like you! 

186. Why do birds fly south?
It's too far to walk.

—Pearl, age 10

187. What did the traffic light say to the cars?
Don't look, I'm changing!

—reader, age 6 

188. Why is there a gate around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in!

189. What is a scarecrow's favorite fruit?
A strawberry. 

190. How does a hurricane see?
With one eye. 

191. How do they answer the phone at the paint store?

—Lily, age 6

192. Why do scissors always win a race?
Because they take a shortcut!

—Foster, age 5 

193. How do you stop a bull from charging? 
You unplug it! 

—Jadyn, Age 12 

194. What did the dad say to his daughter at the cook out? 
This grill is on fire! 

—Jadyn, 12 (This kid is on fire! 🤣) 

195. Why did the king go to the bathroom?
He wanted to sit on the throne.

—Eric, age 10

196. What is a pirate's favorite body part?
The booty!

—C.J., age 9

197. If it takes two men to dig a hole in one day how long would it take for one man to dig a half a hole?           
There is no such thing as a half a hole.

—Eric, age 10

198. How do cats bake cake?
From scratch. 

—reader Jacey

199. What is a zombie's favorite thing to eat?
Brain food. 

200. How do you fix a broken tomato?
With a can of tomato paste. 

201. What do you call a rabbit with lice?
Bugs Bunny. 

photo: Pexels

202. It took 10 workers 10 days to build a bridge.  How long would it take 5 workers to build the same bridge?
None—it’s already built!

—Liam, age 7 

203. How do you make the word Tiger longer?

—Kabir, Age 9

204. How do you clean chicken?  -
Put it in dishwasher.

—Kabir, Age 9

205. What do frogs order at McDonalds?
French flies and a Croak-a-Cola.

206. There's a girl on a boat in a pretty pink coat. What's her name?

—Ray, age 9

207. Where does a rat go when it has a toothache?
To the rodentist. 

—Ray, age 9!

208. What does an alien do when it is bored in school?
Spaces out. 

—Ray! (they are on a roll!), age 9

209. What does a broken plate say when she gets her cupcake?
Is this GLUE-ten free?

—Guess who? Ray! age 9 

210. Why didn't the hyena cross the road?
He was too busy laughing. 

—reader submitted by Gillian P. 

211. Have you heard the one about the student who was afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

212. What do you call it when a hammock teases another hammock?

—Joe L., age 8 

213. What did they say when Marie Curie and Albert Einstein said the same thing at the same time?
Greatest minds think alike! 

—Henrik, age 9

214. What did the kid learn about knowledge?
It was all knowing.

—Reader submitted by Deziree

215. Why did the chicken go the hospital?
Because it needed some tweatment!

—Joshua Y., age 9 
216. Why did the skeletons cross the road?

To get to the body shop!

—Also Mr. Joshua Y., age 9

217. What is more impressive than a talking parrot?
A spelling bee.

—submitted by...drumroll...Joshua Y., age 9!! 

218. What do you call babies in the army?

—Joe L., age 9

219. What is a cat's favorite color?

—Olivia W., age 7 

220. Why did the dragon cross the road?
Because he was too chicken to fly!       

—Joshua Y. 

221. Who won the race of princesses?
Rapunzel, By a hair!

—Josh Y! 

222. What did the egg say when it was late for breakfast?
I have to scramble!

—our buddy, Joshua Y. 

223. How do you stop a bull from charging?
You take away it's credit card!

—Joshua Y. 

224. Where does the T-rex go shopping?
The dino store!

—Joshua Y., age 9 

225. Why was the rabbit happy?
Because somebunny loved him!

—Guess who? Joshua Y.! 

226. What did the pear say to the shoeless?
You need a pair of shoes. 

—reader submitted by Rose A. 

227. What do you call a bear with no ear?
A "B"

—Alexis R. 

228. What would happen if the dean lost his job?
He would lose his "ideanity." 

—Joshua Y. 

229. Why did the baby cross the road? 

To get to the whine shop!

—Matilda C., age 7

230. Why shouldn’t you trust stairs?
Because they are always up to something.

—Ryder, Age 3!!! 

231. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was out standing in his field.

—Suzanna R. 

232. What do you call a cat burrito?
A purrito

—Rosewyn age 8 and 3 quarters 

233. What kind of key opens a banana?
A monkey!

—Rosewyn age 8 and 3 quarters 

234. What do you call a pounding headache? 
A temple tantrum!

—hilarious reader, MJ Sims

235. How do you get a cat to code?

You Scratch it!

—Musegirl, 8

236. Why was the man mad at the clock?

He was ticked off!

—Nolan A. age 8

237. What is the strongest kind of shoe?

Under Armor!

—Liam A. age 9

238. Why did Rudolph have a bad report card?

Because he went down in History!

—Sreeja K., age 8 

239. Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!

—Sreeja K., age 8 

240. Why can't you spell dark with a "c", so it says "darc"?
Because you can't c in dark!

—Shivani age 8

241. How do you clean a chicken?
An egg wash!

—MB, age 12 

242. Why did the cookie have to go to the doctor?
It was feeling crummy. 

243. What's Joanna Gaines' favorite snack food?

—H.P., aged 9

244. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
Because there was noBody on the other side. 

—Grandpa Jo, 54

245. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts. 

—Londynn, 9

246. What do you do when an astronaut’s wife is upset?
Give her some space.

—Jaden, 11

247. Why did the young astronaut cry on the moon?
Because he missed his mother earth. 

—A mother on earth

248. Two monkeys were fighting over a banana. What happened?
Banana split! 

—Saori K. 

249. What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange!

—Rianna G., age 10

250. Why don't eggs like to gamble?
They always get a raw deal. 

251. When is a door not a door?
When it's ajar. 

252. Why did the scientist take out the bell?
He wanted to win the no-bell prize. 


253. Why are strawberries natural musicians?
They love to jam. 

254. What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot! 

photo: Pexels

255. Did you hear about the kid who drank eight sodas?
He burped 7-Up. 

256. What be the pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?
No, it be the C! (Sea).

—A hilarious 6-year-old reader. 

257. What is a tree's favorite beverage?
Root beer! 

258. Why do fish live in saltwater?
Pepper makes them sneeze! ACHOOOOOO!!!!!!

—Hasset A. 

259. Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school!

—Ronit P. 

The following four jokes were written by Kaleb, age 4, as told to his grandpa:

260. Why did the cow lie down in the grass? 
He was ground beef.

261. What did Mama cow say to Baby cow? 
It’s pasture bedtime.

262. Why did the phone walk in the water? 
He was wading for a phone call.

263. What is blue, but not heavy?
Light blue.

264. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for fresh prints. 

—Joshua N. 

265. Why don't you ever date a tennis player?
Because love means nothing to them.

—Joshua N. 

266. "Doctor, doctor I am afraid of squirrels!"
Doctor: You must be nuts.

—reader Jerry C. 

267. What happened to the frog whose car broke down?
He had to be toad! 

—Martin F. 

268. What is the best day to visit McDonalds?

—Gianni, age 6

269. What's a cow's favorite drink?
A s-moooo-thie.

—Young readers Jax (7) and Kora (5)

270. Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Cow who? 
Cows don’t say who, they say moooo!

—Adalyn, age 5

271. Why did the tomato stop?
Because he was out of juice. 

—Karma E. 

272. What are cats best at?

—Macy (10)

273. Where do cats roam?
In the catacombs!

—Katie (34)

274. What kind of stick does a cat chase?
A cat-stick!

—Macy (10)

275. What kind of fruit does a dog eat?
A dog-berry!

—Macy (10) & Katie (34)

276. Why do hockey players make great bankers?
Because they are good at checking.

—Henrik, age 9 3/4

277. How do chickens dance?
Chick to chick. 

278. Mr. Red and Ms. Red live in the red house; Mr. Purple and Ms. Purple live in the purple house. Who lives in the white house?
The president!

—submitted by young reader Gwen I. 

279. Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was trying to get away from the KFC.

—Ben, age 8

280. Who sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck. 

—Alesha, age 11 

281. Why was the snowman in the box?
Because he was picking his nose.

—Peter, age 8

photo: Pexels

These next five were sent in from Jax (7) and Kora (5):

282. What’s a dog's favorite toy?
A funny bone!

283. What’s a cow's favorite rock?
A mooo-n rock

284. What’s the scariest plant?

285. What’s a cow's favorite place to go?
The mooo-vies!

286. What’s the scariest injury?
A booo-booo!

(Jax & Kora!) 

287. Why was the snow yellow?
Because Elsa let it go! 


289. Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!


290. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!

291. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frost bite!

292. What did one plate say to the other plate?
Dinner is on me!

293. What do you call Chewbacca with cookies in its fur?
A chocolate-chip Wookie. 


294. What is black and white and looks like a penguin?
A penguin. 

—Zhan, age 5 

295. What does a cow like to drink?
A smoothie. 

—Carolina, age 8

296. Why did the parent hit the cake with a hammer?
It was a pound cake. 

photo: iStock

297.  When is the best time to go to the dentist?
At tooth-hurty!!!

—Tyler R.

298. Why is "dark" spelled with a k and not a c? 
Because you can’t c in the dark!


299. A new pig came to the farm, he was a great painter. What do you think his name was?


A spin-off:

300. What is the name of the Dutch pig who was famous for painting sunflowers and cutting off his ear?
Vincent van Hog

—Gloria, age 8

301. What is a bat’s favorite game to play?
A com-bat

—Bianca, age 7

302. What did the salad say to the carrot after it lost the fight?
You've lettuce down.

—Joe, age 10

303. What did the salad say to the carrot when it asked for directions to a restaurant?
Beets me!

—Joe, age 10

304. Why don't eggs tell each other jokes?
They'd crack each other up!

—Raina, age 10

305. Which milkshake always comes with a straw?
A strawberry milkshake

—Gloria, age 8

306. What stories do crustaceans like best?
Lobster Tales

—Gloria, age 8

307. What did the basketball say to the hoop when it missed?
Oh shoot!

—Layla, age 9

308. Why did the lion cross the road?
To get to the other pride!

309. What is the best gift you could ever ask for?
Broken drum sticks. You just can't beat it. 


310. Why did the nurse have a red crayon?
To draw blood.


311. What mood best describes a sad librarian?
Under the books.


312. What do you call a Buffalo that likes beef?
A Beef-alo

313. What does a camel say to a hunter?
Do you need some camel-flage

314. Why does the dinosaur like the bathroom?
Because it’s ex-stink-t

315. Why does the dentist use a computer?
Because it has Bluetooth.

—Jokes 312-315 by Gunner, age 8

316. What's grey?
A melted penguin.

317. What goes black, white, black, white, black white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
318. Can a match box?
No, but a tin can!
319. Why was the baby in Egypt?
It was looking for its mummy.
320. Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
It was stuck on the chicken's foot.
321. What does a cow eat for breakfast?
322. Doctor, doctor, I feel like a dog.
Then go and see a vet!

323. What do girl snakes write at the bottom of their letters?
With love and hisses.

324. Why did the bacteria cross the microscope?
To get to the other slide.
—Jokes 316-324 by Elijah, age 11
325. Knock, knock
Who's there?
Lettuce who?
Let us in, it's cold out here!

326. What do you get when you cross a bridge with a car?
To the other side of the river.

327. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cake?

328. Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dog.
Then sit on the couch and we'll talk about it,
But I'm not allowed on the furniture!

329. Doctor, doctor I feel like a sheep.
That's baa-aaa-aad.

330. What do you call a bee that buzzes quietly?
A mumble bee.

—Jokes 325-330 by Malachi, age 7 and a half

331. Where do you find a polar bear? 
The same place you left her. 

—Thomas, age 7

332. What is fast, loud and crunchy?
A rocket chip!

333. How does a vampire start a letter?
Tomb it may concern...

334. What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn...

Got a joke you’d like to add? Send it to kate.loweth@tinybeans.com and we’ll put it in the story! 

—Kate Loweth, Amber Guetebier with Wendy Guetebier, Dina Petterson, Henrik Pelto, Alix Benedict, Kevin Cabral, Erin Lem, Laura Green, Dana Baardsen, and readers like you!



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Pinkies Up! Holiday Teas Perfect for Kids

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When was the last time you and the kids had the chance to get dressed to the nines (hello, 2019)? Dust off your fascinators because it’s holiday tea time! From high tea at San Francisco’s poshest hotels to cozy tea time in a cafe, your finest holiday spirits will be brought on by noshing on tiny sandwiches, clotted cream and mini cookies. Don’t miss out—holiday teas are super popular so you need to add one of these celebrations to your holiday calendar pronto!

Teddy Bear Tea at the Ritz Carlton
The cherished winter tradition of Teddy Bear Tea at the Ritz is back! The classic event, which tends to tip towards the fancier end of holiday teas, stars Stretchy the Elf, his side-kick elf and the super cuddly Ritz-Carlton teddy bear. Petite party-goers can indulge in hot chocolate, teddy bear cookies and assorted sandwiches, while the grown ups can snack and enjoy some tea or champagne. There will be holiday stories and sing-a-longs to keep the kids entertained. Each child will take home a photo with the giant Ritz-Carlton teddy bear and a teddy of their own. $157/guest.

Bonus: A portion of the proceeds benefits Make-A-Wish® Greater Bay Area.

When: Weekends Nov. 27- Dec.19

The Ritz-Carlton San Francisco
600 Stockton St.
San Francisco, CA



photo: Intercontinental Mark Hopkins

Magical Tea at Top of the Mark

It's that time of the year again! The Top of the Mark hosts a family-friendly tea time that is more than your average afternoon tea. While you sip, your kids will enjoy face painting, balloon artist creations, as well as the chance to make their own edible art at the cookie decorating station. Grown-ups will love an array of tea sandwiches, scones and special eats from the hotel’s Executive Chef. For the kids, the chef will serve up kid-friendly bites like pigs in a blanket, mac and cheese and chicken nuggets. An elaborate dessert station includes an array of sweet delights including Christmas Yule logs and homemade marshmallows. $90/guest, $85 with toy donation.

Bonus: Guests who donate a new, unwrapped toy to the San Francisco Fire Department toy drive will receive a $5 discount on the price of the tea service.

When: Sat. & Sun. Dec. 4-19, 12-3 p.m.

Top of the Mark at the InterContinental Mark Hopkins
One Nob Hill
San Francisco, CA


Dollie + Me Holiday Tea at the Westin St. Francis
Founded by three native Bay Area best friends, kit & sis presents an inaugural holiday tea tradition inviting children to gather with their dolls for a whimsical afternoon of hot cocoa, tea sandwiches and special sweets. The magic begins as little guests step through the lobby with its two handcrafted castles, the "St. Francis Enchanted" and the "Medieval Sugar" castles. Imaginations will run and that's what inspired kit & sis-for girls to explore with their imagination and through creativity. A crafting event will follow tea time and all participants will go home with a goodie bag to enjoy with their dolls. $65-$86

When: Sat. & Sun., Dec. 18 & 19

Westin St. Francis at Union Square
335 Powell St.
San Francisco, CA



photo: Fairmont San Francisco

Gingerbread Tea at the Fairmont
A stroll through the Fairmont’s massive gingerbread house (standing 22 feet high created with thousands of home-baked gingerbread bricks and 1,500 pounds of royal icing) will definitely make your little elves’ mouths water. So head to Laurel Court for the hotel’s annual Gingerbread Holiday Tea, where the famed kitchen will turn out plenty of delicious treats alongside your tea. $149 Adults / $89 Children under 12

When: Thu.-Sun., November 26–Jan. 2; daily the weeks before and after the Christmas holiday
1 and 3:30 p.m. seating

Fairmont San Francisco
950 Mason St.
San Francisco, CA



Winter Wonderland at Lovejoy's
If you're looking for an off-the-beaten path holiday tea experience then take the fam out to Lovejoy's in Noe Valley. This cozy room offers a quaint British tea experience with quirky decorations and decor that will delight the little ones. And, during the holidays the folks at Lovejoy's transform their tea room into a winter wonderland and offer extended hours so be sure to check their website or call ahead because reservations are recommended. There is an extensive menu, including a dedicated "Wee Tea" (for kids under 10) that features cream cheese and jelly sandwiches, a scone, fresh fruit, a petit four and tea or hot chocolate, all for $20.95. 

When: Thu-Sun, 11a.m.-3 p.m.

1351 Church St.
San Francisco, CA

Online: lovejoystearoom.com

Tyme for Tea
With antique furniture, fountains, vintage clothing and jewelry decorating the store, you're bound to think you've been transported to the Victorian era. This lovely tea room will enchant all ages and is serving holiday tea on the weekends in December. 

When: Sat. & Sun., December

37501 Niles Blvd.
Fremont, CA

Online: tymefortea.com

photo: Matt Armendariz

Heritage Holiday Champagne Tea
Take a trip to Dickenson's Christmas with delicious food, tea and cheerful company! Enjoy a beautiful festive Holiday Tea experience on the second floor of the Empire Firehouse, which oversees the History Park grounds. Spend some time reconnecting with friends and loved ones while enjoying a delicious and fresh seasonal assortment of pastries, sandwiches, chocolates, tea, and coffee.$40/person.

When: Dec. 11, 11 a.m. & 2 p.m. seatings

Empire Firehouse
San Jose, CA


photo: Christine Lai

High Tea by Candlelight
Feel like you've escaped to the old world at Lisa's Tea Treasures in Los Altos, with their dainty tea ware, embellished silverware and servers that are dressed the part. Enjoy a prix-fixe five course menu with champagne and tea with friends and family.  $75/person.

When: Sat., Dec. 10, seatings at 6 p.m. and 6:30 p.m.

167 Main St.
Los Altos

Online: lisastealosaltos.com

photo: Erin Feher

Ainsley House Holiday Teas & Tours
Enjoy not only a special holiday tea at this historic Ainsley House but a tour of the house after. Choose from sparkling cider or champagne (or both!), finger sandwiches and desserts but no matter what you choose, definitely consider coming dressed to impress! 

: Select dates Dec. 3-12, 12 p.m.
300 Grant St
Campbell, CA

More info

Holiday Tea at the Marin Art & Garden Center
Guests big and small will be invited to dig into a sweet feast of tea sandwiches, savories and sweet treat served up by Crown and Crumpet. Adults can sip on tea and champagne, while the kiddies can choose from caffeine-free tea, hot cocoa or sparkling cider. Kids will take home a treat and craft. $95/adults, $55/children 11 & under.

When: Sat. & Sun. Dec. 4-19 & 20-23. Seatings at 11 a.m., 1:30 p.m., & 4 p.m.

The Marin Art & Garden Center in Marin County
22 Ross Common
Ross, CA



Holiday Victorian Teas by San Francisco Heritage
***Cancelled for 2021***

This holiday season take a trip back in time to the formal dining room and parlors of the Haas-Lilienthal House for a proper holiday tea. Inside this San Francisco historic mansion, guests will enjoy scones, savory finger sandwiches, an array of desserts and a pot of tea. $50-55/adult, $25-30/kids.

When: Dec. 8-10

The Haas-Lilienthal House
2007 Franklin St.
San Francisco, CA


Worth the Drive

Wine Country Holiday Tea at Hotel Healdsburg
The annual holiday tea service is back!. Live piano music plays in the background while guests enjoy a variety of delectables including lemon cured salmon, roasted peanut butter and marshmallow sandwiches and chive-cheddar buttermilk biscuits to name a few.  Thirsty? A specialty cocktail menu is also offered. Kid-friendly beverages such as hot chocolate with marshmallows or apple cider will keep the smallest of high tea drinkers happy. 

When: Sat.-Sun., Dec. 4-19, plus Dec. 22, 1 p.m.

25 Matheson St.
Healdsburg, CA


—Christine Lai & Kate Loweth

featured photo by 2018 Galdones Photography

2021 Holiday Bucket List

Holidays on Stage: Festive Theater Performances for All Ages
All Aboard! Holiday Train Rides
Twinkle, Twinkle! Sparkling Bay Area Light Displays to See