Flowerstars333* isn’t really a stranger.
Back when my husband and I were dating, one of his good friends was seeing her—a cool girl whose name I can’t quite remember. The four of us went on a handful of double dates, and she and I chatted breezily during group hangs. Eventually, she attended our wedding as a plus-one; about a year or so later, they broke up.
But during that brief period when our lives overlapped, I friended her on Insta, as you do. And though I can’t imagine a reason our paths would ever cross again, I never removed her from my digital world. She’s liked plenty of posts of mine over the years—unforgettable moments like my eldest son’s first car ride home from the hospital; the time he rolled himself into a blanket burrito and laughed from inside, like a little maniac; his younger brother’s goofy attempts at toddler yoga; and a family trip where the boys are pleasantly passed out in the backseat after hours spent running around the beach.
Each moment was so special, but looking back, I’m not sure how I feel that Flowerstars333 has been along for the ride—and she’s hardly alone. A quick scroll through my followers, something I almost never do, reveals dozens of acquaintances, friends of friends, co-workers from eons ago, a few more once-significant others, and people I can’t quite place but surely friended for a good reason at some point in my life… right? Probably? Let’s be honest: At one point or another, who didn’t freely “accept” people they met who seemed fun and nice? It all seemed pretty low risk.
But it’s not just my life anymore. It’s my kids’. Did I do a deep clean to clear the digital party-goers of my past from my current roster? Yep. But there’ve been years of posts up until now—birthdays, park visits, milestones, family get-togethers—all featuring my sons, who never knew they had an audience (and didn’t agree to one).
Not too long ago, we didn’t think about privacy nearly as much. I had a “private” social media account, and to be honest, that seemed responsible enough. I wish I would have had the foresight to keep my circle tight, to rely on a private photo-sharing app like Tinybeans (which a number of friends of mine have used from day one). I’m a late—if regretful—convert, and I’m relieved to know exactly who’s got eyes on the most important people in my life.
As for Flowerstars333, it’s not that I suspect she has bad intentions. Leslie (it took me a while, but I got there!) still seems lovely—and she even has a family of her own these days. But when I sit with it, I can’t help but think: Who were all those other people, really?
For anyone looking to share moments with those who matter most (and no one else), learn about and download the Tinybeans app here.
*Username changed to protect privacy
