Flamingo Witches, Bacon Tweezers & Wet Drops of Sad: Weird Ways Kids Describe Common Things

If the world let kids be in charging of naming things, we’d all live in a happier place. From surprisingly accurate descriptions to downright hilarious phrases, our roundup of funny tweets from Twitter parents is bound to make you chuckle. Keep reading for a collection of laugh-worthy ways that kids describe common things.

1. Technically this is very accurate, so…

My 5 yo was helping me sort laundry and he saw my bra and said “Mom there’s your boob clothes!”

And now I’m going to forever call my bras “Boob Clothes”

— Mom.Whine.Repeat (@MomWhineRepeat) January 3, 2019

2. What would your “birthday meat” be?

My son calls turkey his “birthday meat” because he was born in November. Now I think everyone should have a “birthday meat”.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) May 21, 2019

3. So body positive!

3yo can’t quite say “birdie” correctly so she’s walking around yelling “look it’s a beautiful booty!”

— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) May 22, 2019

4. This is shockingly accurate.

The 5 year old, with a tummyache, just told me she had “poop soup” in the bathroom, and I’m never using the word diarrhea again.

— Sara (@smilely_gal) May 29, 2019

5. Beat Fever doesn’t have the same ring to it.

My 5 year old called a disco ball a “beat ball” and I’m declaring that we all call it that from now on.

— Tired Dad of 2 (@Tired_Dad_of_2) December 12, 2019

6. Goodbye crow, hello Halloween Eagle!

My friend’s 5-year-old just saw a crow and called it a “Halloween eagle.”

And a child shall lead us. It is known. This is the new name for the bird-formally-known-as-crow. You know what to do, @MerriamWebster.

— Tessa Dare (@TessaDare) May 30, 2018

7. This would also be a good name to call a purse.

2yo referred to her coat pockets as "snack holes" and this is what I shall forever call them

— Rebecca Caprara (@RebeccaCaprara) February 23, 2018

8. Why haven’t we thought of this!?

5-Year-Old: HEY! WHERE ARE MY MATTRESS CURTAINS!?

Me: Um… your sheets? I’m washing them.

— Momarazzi. (@Mirimade) September 4, 2018

9. So emotional, and so much better than “tears.”

I'm not saying that my daughter is overly dramatic.
I'm just reminding you that she calls tears "wet drops of sad."

— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) March 29, 2016

10. BRB, heading to the airplane store!

Little kids may wake up too early but at least my five-year-old daughter calls the airport the airplane store.

— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) September 7, 2014

11. 😂😂😂

A friend’s 5yo was wailing about seeing “flamingo witches” after watching the National Geographic channel. Took a little while to figure out she was talking about vultures.

— jillian (@jilliank245) May 30, 2018

12. Gotta go apply my armpit makeup!

My daughter calls deodorant “armpit makeup”. You’re welcome.

— Stephen Amell (@StephenAmell) May 29, 2018

13. Because two-year-olds are the best.

My daughter calls corn on the cob holders “corn chargers” and I think we should just let 2 year olds name everything from now on.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 27, 2018

14. 🙌

My son calls chameleons "lizard wizards" I'm done

— Web DM Emma (@EmmaWrote) March 25, 2019

15. Nailing it, for sure.

My 4 yo called my boobs “body balloons” today and I can’t tell if I’m nailing or epically failing as a parent anymore.

— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) August 16, 2019

16. Pass the pizza sugar, please.

My 5yo calls parmesan cheese "Pizza sugar."

And I'll cut anyone that tells her otherwise.

— Tales of a Waffle House Server. (@AutisticDad23) September 30, 2018

17. Accurate.

More updates from my 2-year-old

she calls pre-school "play dough school"

my day is over

— Anthony🎶Holden (@nthonyholden) September 18, 2018

18. For REAL.

Son #2 referred to the chick peas on his plate as “hummus balls” and everyone better get on board with that, pronto.

— The Dad Briefs (@SladeWentworth) July 6, 2019

19. Anyone else suddenly want bacon?

My daughter calls our salad tongs "bacon tweezers" and that is all I will ever call them from now on.

— Karly Wood (@karlydubs) July 2, 2019

20. We could all use a little extra fiber!

4-year-old: This is good oakmeal.

Me: OATmeal.

4: OAKMEAL.

Now with extra bark.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 1, 2019

21. #dreadmill

My 4 year old called a treadmill a “dreadmill” and now I think the rest of us are the ones actually saying it wrong.

— Becca Carnahan (@with_love_becca) September 23, 2019

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