If the world let kids be in charging of naming things, we’d all live in a happier place. From surprisingly accurate descriptions to downright hilarious phrases, our roundup of funny tweets from Twitter parents is bound to make you chuckle. Keep reading for a collection of laugh-worthy ways that kids describe common things.
1. Technically this is very accurate, so…
My 5 yo was helping me sort laundry and he saw my bra and said “Mom there’s your boob clothes!”
— Mom.Whine.Repeat (@MomWhineRepeat) January 3, 2019
And now I’m going to forever call my bras “Boob Clothes”
2. What would your “birthday meat” be?
My son calls turkey his “birthday meat” because he was born in November. Now I think everyone should have a “birthday meat”.
— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) May 21, 2019
3. So body positive!
3yo can’t quite say “birdie” correctly so she’s walking around yelling “look it’s a beautiful booty!”
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) May 22, 2019
4. This is shockingly accurate.
The 5 year old, with a tummyache, just told me she had “poop soup” in the bathroom, and I’m never using the word diarrhea again.
— Sara (@smilely_gal) May 29, 2019
5. Beat Fever doesn’t have the same ring to it.
My 5 year old called a disco ball a “beat ball” and I’m declaring that we all call it that from now on.
— Tired Dad of 2 (@Tired_Dad_of_2) December 12, 2019
6. Goodbye crow, hello Halloween Eagle!
My friend’s 5-year-old just saw a crow and called it a “Halloween eagle.”
— Tessa Dare (@TessaDare) May 30, 2018
And a child shall lead us. It is known. This is the new name for the bird-formally-known-as-crow. You know what to do, @MerriamWebster.
7. This would also be a good name to call a purse.
2yo referred to her coat pockets as "snack holes" and this is what I shall forever call them
— Rebecca Caprara (@RebeccaCaprara) February 23, 2018
8. Why haven’t we thought of this!?
5-Year-Old: HEY! WHERE ARE MY MATTRESS CURTAINS!?
— Momarazzi. (@Mirimade) September 4, 2018
Me: Um… your sheets? I’m washing them.
9. So emotional, and so much better than “tears.”
I'm not saying that my daughter is overly dramatic.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) March 29, 2016
I'm just reminding you that she calls tears "wet drops of sad."
10. BRB, heading to the airplane store!
Little kids may wake up too early but at least my five-year-old daughter calls the airport the airplane store.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) September 7, 2014
11. 😂😂😂
A friend’s 5yo was wailing about seeing “flamingo witches” after watching the National Geographic channel. Took a little while to figure out she was talking about vultures.
— jillian (@jilliank245) May 30, 2018
12. Gotta go apply my armpit makeup!
My daughter calls deodorant “armpit makeup”. You’re welcome.
— Stephen Amell (@StephenAmell) May 29, 2018
13. Because two-year-olds are the best.
My daughter calls corn on the cob holders “corn chargers” and I think we should just let 2 year olds name everything from now on.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 27, 2018
14. 🙌
My son calls chameleons "lizard wizards" I'm done
— Web DM Emma (@EmmaWrote) March 25, 2019
15. Nailing it, for sure.
My 4 yo called my boobs “body balloons” today and I can’t tell if I’m nailing or epically failing as a parent anymore.
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) August 16, 2019
16. Pass the pizza sugar, please.
My 5yo calls parmesan cheese "Pizza sugar."
— Tales of a Waffle House Server. (@AutisticDad23) September 30, 2018
And I'll cut anyone that tells her otherwise.
17. Accurate.
More updates from my 2-year-old
— Anthony🎶Holden (@nthonyholden) September 18, 2018
she calls pre-school "play dough school"
my day is over
18. For REAL.
Son #2 referred to the chick peas on his plate as “hummus balls” and everyone better get on board with that, pronto.
— The Dad Briefs (@SladeWentworth) July 6, 2019
19. Anyone else suddenly want bacon?
My daughter calls our salad tongs "bacon tweezers" and that is all I will ever call them from now on.
— Karly Wood (@karlydubs) July 2, 2019
20. We could all use a little extra fiber!
4-year-old: This is good oakmeal.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 1, 2019
Me: OATmeal.
4: OAKMEAL.
Now with extra bark.
21. #dreadmill
My 4 year old called a treadmill a “dreadmill” and now I think the rest of us are the ones actually saying it wrong.
— Becca Carnahan (@with_love_becca) September 23, 2019
RELATED STORIES
The 20 Funniest Parenting Tweets You Can Totally Relate To
