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If we look beyond modern Western culture and recent human history, then the simple answer is, yes, it is normal for children to experience varying independent sleeping skills. From an anthropological viewpoint, parents—particularly mothers—sharing their sleep space with their young children is a centuries-old practice. And in some cultures, sleeping alone doesn’t occur until adulthood.
“Teaching our kids to sleep alone at a young age is a unique piece to Western culture and one that we often teach because we want our children to have experiences that require independent sleep skills, such as slumber parties and sleepaway camps,” says Emily McMason parent, coach, and sleep consultant at Evolving Parents.
Though it really does come down to personal preferences and the health of your family. If soothing your child to sleep or co-sleeping is what results in the best rest, then there’s little reason to change it while your child is very young. However, if it’s not working or you believe your child is old enough to begin an independent sleep routine, there are some steps you can take that do not involve traumatic experiences for you or your child.
According to Dr. Lynelle Schneeberg, pediatric sleep psychologist, assistant professor at the Yale School of Medicine, and fellow of the American Academy of Sleep Medicine, “Children often develop a sleep-onset association—also known as a sleep crutch. If you’re always there when your child falls asleep or co-sleep, they begin to pair parental presence with their ability to fall asleep. So, when you’re ready to teach independent sleep skills, start by figuring out what their sleep crutch is and gradually remove these things from their routine.”
In Dr. Schneeberg’s book Become Your Child’s Sleep Coach: The Bedtime Doctor’s 5-Step Guide, Ages 3-10, she recommends small steps such as placing a body pillow between you and your child, giving them a nighttime toy to sleep with, and moving them to their own bed but staying in the room until they learn to fall asleep without the need for your presence.
Furthermore, helping children understand the sleep cycles—that often differ for each family member—and providing a reason for them to be excited for sleeping on their own is an effective tool. And one that Emily McMason recommends, encouraging parents to help children understand why uninterrupted sleep is important with phrases such as “your body needs peaceful sleep to grow, and I can’t wait to see how much bigger you are in the morning!”
Whether you decide it’s time to transition your child to sleep on their own or want to embrace your child’s sleep dependencies, remember that the choice and experience are uniquely yours, and it’s unlikely you’ll be their sleep crutch forever.‌
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Is This Normal? My Toddler Refuses to Eat
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Is This Normal? My Kid Won’t Eat Dinner Then Begs for Snacks Before Bed
Do you ever wonder about your toddler’s ability to survive on what seems like nothing more than air and the occasional sip of water? This phenomenon is also known as a “hunger strike”—a flat-out refusal to eat. As frustrating and confusing as it can be, the experts have weighed in to assure us that, more often than not, it’s a completely normal phase in toddler development.
After speaking to three pediatric nutritionists, we discovered that there are some real biological and psychological things happening during this period in toddler development that have a direct effect on their eating patterns and preferences.
Babies grow very quickly, but once they hit age one, the rate of growth slows quite a bit. So, it’s not abnormal for your once ravenous child to eat less or skip meals. It’s their biological way of regulating the amount of food they actually need. “Toddlers have itty bitty stomachs and may eat less than what their adults expect from them,” says LeeAnn Weintraub, MPH, RD. “Toddlers tend to do better with a meal pattern consisting of small meals and multiple healthy snacks versus three main meals only.” If your toddler is refusing to eat, it could be because he or she is simply not hungry, she adds.
We sometimes forget just how much primal instincts define behavior. Food neophobia stems from ancestral intuition that protected humans from consuming foods that could be harmful. And while we know that the foods we serve are safe, our toddler’s innate senses might become activated by foods that appear abnormal or have an unfamiliar smell or texture (cottage cheese, anyone?).
The toddler phase is challenging. A need for independence can lead to battles for control while toddlers test the limits of what they can get away with. Adding a predisposition toward a strong-willed attitude can magnify mealtime issues. “It’s up to parents to monitor their own reaction while considering the personality of the child,” says Jana Greene Hand, MS, RD. Forceful feeding methods only build more resistance, she says.
So how do parents guide their children through this phase?
Certified nutritionist and self-proclaimed picky-eating expert Danielle Binns encourages parents to try—at the onset of introducing solids—her “4 E’s to Better Eating” approach to help children develop a healthy and adventurous relationship with food.
Binns does, however, recognize that there are instances when a deeper assessment and plan may be needed, stating that “[…] about 47 percent of children are deemed picky eaters, and within that category, roughly 10 percent are extreme cases. Developmental picky eaters usually grow out the phase over time, while children who really struggle tend to have underlying sensory, physical and anxiety issues.”
If you’re concerned that your child’s refusal to eat is more than a developmental phase, checking in with their pediatrician to make sure their natural growth curve and labs are all within the normal range could put your mind at ease.
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My concern over my children’s health started well before birth. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, I changed my already healthy diet to an extreme version of that. So, you can bet that when they began eating solid foods, and reports like those on heavy metals found in puff snacks surfaced, it set me on a path of hyper-vigilance. It was only when I decided to take a commonsense approach and look at the bigger picture that I found a much calmer and balanced approach to feeding my family.
I don’t know many parents who have the time to sift through lengthy reports and analyze the data to find the answers to their questions. For most of us, an almost certainly exaggerated headline and a quick scan of worrying bullet points are enough to send us to our pantries, purging foods deemed unsafe.
And these reports emerge quite often, like the latest congressional report titled Baby Foods Are Tainted with Dangerous Levels of Arsenic, Lead, Cadmium, and Mercury, which warns that those metals are associated with adverse “infant neurological development and long-term brain function.” If you think that sounds terrifying at first read, we agree!
The predominant foods of concern were jarred baby foods and puff snacks containing fruits, vegetables and grains. That’s right, those conveniently packaged foods we have all probably fed our children at some point are now on many parents’ lists of foods to avoid. Of course, parents have every right, and should, do their research on topics concerning the health of their children. Though, if you’re looking to spare yourself the long read and heightened anxiety, I’m sharing some food for thought and expert advice from a nutritionist.
First, fruits, vegetables and grains make up a large part of our diets—avoiding them entirely is not possible. The same goes for those heavy metals. The truth is, they exist in the very soil that our food is grown in and the water that those plants, and we, consume. Some foods naturally have higher levels, such as root vegetables, fruit juices and yes, grain products.
Still, as a result of the rice puff frenzy, you might have noticed some grain-free alternatives popping up on grocery store shelves. But many contain substitute ingredients—such as cassava flour and meat-derived products—that are new and not fully tested, meaning they come with their own set of potential risks. So, the trick here really is all about balance.
Crystal Karges, MS, RDN and mother of five, agrees that parents are inundated with so much information around food and that looking at the overall picture is key to remaining calm among the wave of panic—a piece of advice she regularly offers to her clients. She also emphasized that “most kids are not consuming these snack foods in quantities that would raise concerns about the harmful effects of the ingredients in question because these snacks make up a relatively small part of their overall intake.”
The amount of attention we put into helping our children establish a healthy relationship with food is of greater importance than counting each potentially harmful snack they consume. Modeling a peaceful relationship with food, instead of one full of fear and uncertainty, is a great way to help our children reach this goal.
Because babies and toddlers often need subdued introductions to flavors and textures to develop a more adventurous palate, these first foods—like their beloved puffs—can play an important role in helping them feel more comfortable at eating times, Karges says. “And when your child feels more comfortable, they’re more likely to build positive associations with food and eating.” That’s why parents should focus on variety, and not just the what, but also the how, she adds.
Ultimately, creating a nutritional plan based on a wide range of healthy whole foods while remembering that the occasional store-bought cupcake at a birthday party or cupful of puffs is less harmful than the stress caused—to parents and children—by trying to avoid them is a great strategy in finding balance.
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As busy parents of toddlers, finding ways to encourage independence, learning and movement that don’t involve screen time isn’t always an easy task! That’s why adding this list of our favorite kid-focused podcasts to your arsenal of parenting tools is something you can’t afford not to do. Then all you’ll have left to do is turn up the volume!
LSFTP is a collection of children’s stories with heartwarming characters that foster inclusivity of diverse feelings, experiences, cultures and families. Episodes average about 30-minutes—a perfect addition to your toddler’s afternoon quiet-time or bedtime routine. And kids are sure to fall in love with the creator Rhea Pechter’s debut picture book, Little Fox Can’t Wait to Dream, too!
If you’re looking to get your toddler’s wiggles out through play-based, sensory learning, Noodle Loaf is the podcast for you! Episodes are wild and fun—just the thing for those restless littles—and encourage kids to move and sing along with the help of real listeners while learning about and celebrating our endlessly interesting world!
Fun-filled adventures, classic fairytales and ancient history come to life in the Storynory podcast! And with an array of super-short stories (think 5-10) available, this podcast is great for keeping toddlers’ attention while you make a call or take a solo bathroom break.
A wonderful voyage through the world of music and intriguing instruments awaits your toddler in this podcast, which will introduce your littles to different musical styles, techniques and the people who create the magnificent music!
Each episode of Circle Round encourages children to think about themselves, the world around them and their place in it through adapted multicultural folktales. And they all end with an activity prompt that will inspire children to explore the ideas they learned with their parents. Circle Round is aimed at children ages 4-10, but with endearing themes and manageable lengths of about 10-20 minutes, older toddlers can easily join the adventure!
Story Time is produced by a group of talented, international storytellers—who also happen to be parents—who understand the importance of access to creative stimuli and free stories for all children. Together they deliver original tales that will take your toddler on new, exciting learning adventures!
Toddlers will love Kids Short Stories creator Mr. Jim and his silly short stories full of imaginative scenarios told with captivating voices and a rhythm that will keep them entertained from start to finish. Mr. Jim also accepts story idea submissions, turning your child’s ideas and interests into fun stories that they’ll be thrilled to hear flowing through the speakers of your car or home!
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Board games are a nostalgic activity that brings families together in a way that technology just can’t compete with. You may have fond childhood memories of playing Chutes and Ladders or Monopoly with your siblings and best friends, and now that you’re a parent, you can’t wait to play them with your child.
Because many of our favorites are a bit too advanced for our littlest players, we’ve come up with a list of introductory board games that will help your toddler build the skills needed for tackling trickier games that the whole family can play together.
(Note: While these board games are geared toward toddlers, we strongly recommend joining in the fun and keeping an eye on pieces your child might try to taste!)
This game is all about getting toddlers moving (balance, hop, march!) while learning about spatial concepts, developing coordination (catch the banana!), and building listening skills.
Your toddler’s little limbs will love this mini version of the original Twister game you grew up playing! Ready Set Discover Twister Shapes Game will help them learn the concept of taking turns, while the bright colors and fun stars, triangles, squares, and circles will help them learn and recognize colors and shapes.
The Lewo Colored Stacking Game is just like Jenga but with colorful blocks and cute baby animal faces. Toddlers will put their fine motor skills to the test using the little hammer to try to move the pieces without knocking over the tower—though we think watching the tower tumble to the ground may just be the best part!
Toddlers will have a blast stacking, fishing, lacing, and balancing in Aitey’s Fishing Game! And if all the skills your child will be learning and practicing aren’t reason enough to love this game, we know you’ll appreciate its eco-friendly materials. $19.99
VATOS Board Magnetic Kids Game will help even the littlest tots build their math and engineering skills while stacking magnetic pieces into colorful patterns. $19.99
Play Brainy’s Fun Color & Shape Game is a great way to get your toddler’s cognitive thinking skills in gear. Once they understand the concepts, they can play on their own (hooray!).
Friends and Neighbors: The Helping Game takes a simple matching game to a new level with social-emotional concepts that teach toddlers empathy and compassion while helping friends and neighbors they encounter along the way. And there’s no competition or winner in this game—just FUN!
Toddlers will enjoy interacting with their favorite PBS characters as they make their way through town in Daniel Tiger’s Welcome to Mainstreet—all while building essential social, counting, and coordination skills.
We couldn’t end our list without a trip down memory lane! Who didn’t grow up loving Richard Scarry's books? The Richard Scarry Busytown Eye Found It board game may have simple, easy-to-follow instructions, but toddlers will be challenged to use their matching and attention skills while they race across town finding hidden objects and solving mysteries.
—Candace Nagy
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Looking for fun and free ways to bring excitement to your child’s day? Have some joy delivered straight to your mailbox! Kids will love seeing their local postal carrier arrive with free samples by mail, and there’s good news for parents: our list is full of items that encourage kids to learn about themselves and the world around them. From books to free stickers by mail, scroll down to see how to request them today.
—Candace Nagy
Featured image: iStock
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Mealtime with toddlers can sometimes feel like a game of chess, especially when vegetables are on the table. At times you may find yourself dodging carrots catapulted by knights, while other times an all-out stalemate leaves both players exhausted and unsure of the next move. And while walking away from the game might seem like the easiest way out, we assure you there are plenty of creative ways to feed your toddler greens that don’t involve a complicated strategy.
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, toddlers should be consuming 3-5 servings of vegetables per day (roughly ÂĽ cup portions). But since the growth-rate slows and a need for independence starts around age 1, the AAP suggests approaching mealtime with flexibility and variety to give your child choices while they learn about different foods and avoid putting pressure on your child that could result in a negative relationship with food.
While flexibility is key, there are a few basic rules that parents should aim to enforce and model.
When it comes to young children, safety during mealtime is imperative to prevent choking hazards, so the staying seated during meals rule should be followed whenever possible. It’s also a great way to help children focus on their meal, learn table manners and participate in quality family time.
Children thrive on routines that give them a sense of security while helping them learn what is expected from them each day. So just like a bedtime routine helps a child understand when it’s time to wind down for the day and prepare for a restful night’s sleep, meal and snack routines establish healthy eating habits that help children recognize hunger cues and the nutritional needs of their bodies.
photo: iStock
Meals should be balanced and offer foods from all five food groups. And more importantly, toddlers should be encouraged to eat from all food groups at every meal. It might seem like you’re being flexible to let your child skip an entire food group at a meal, and sure, that may be okay here and there, but too often may risk your child not getting enough of an important set of nutrients.
Even equipped with these rules, it can be tough to put them into play when your child is refusing to eat their greens.
Having recently parented two toddlers, I know first-hand how confusing and frustrating the ups and downs of their dietary preferences can be. Some days toddlers may devour an entire head of broccoli, while on others, they look at it with total disgust. That leaves parents with two choices: Fight against it or join the game and get creative—and perhaps a little sneaky, too. I chose the latter and am sharing a few tried and tested recipes to help you incorporate greens into your toddler’s diet.
I hope that these tips and recipes will get you on your way to successful eating habits with your toddler!
—Candace Nagy
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With holidays such as Indigenous People’s Day and Native American Heritage Month, popular culture and our history books may remind you of only a few indigenous people. We have many heroes, historic and modern, who are working toward goals that help elevate Native American and First Nations people along with protecting things vital to all of humankind, like water and food. Read on to learn about a few more indigenous heroes that your kids should know by name.
Got a hero to suggest? Email us at kate.loweth@tinybeans.com
—Kate Loweth & Candace Nagy
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