20 Things You’ll Think During the Third Trimester

Depending on how your pregnancy has gone, the third trimester can feel like “three strikes and you’re out” or “third time’s the charm.” Whether you have your pregnant-gal glow on and are loving it or are counting down the days ’til baby gets evicted, we can guarantee you’ll repeat at least a few of these phrases before baby arrives.

1. I. Can’t. Get. Any. Bigger.

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photo: Britt-knee via Flickr

2. I got bigger. This belly has now reached inhuman-proportion-status.

3. There is an alien living inside me. (Because when an energetic baby moves in utero, it’s like you’re reenacting a scene from Alien. You’re John Hurt as Kane; baby is the small alien creature.)

photo: Fancy.eyes via Flickr

4. My belly is basically a road map. Thank you, stretch marksand tiny little miracle that is causing them!

5. Flip flops are wedding appropriate, and office appropriate, and anywhere-a-pregnant-lady’s-swollen-feet-need-to-go appropriate, right?

6. Baby is almost here!

photo: Laura Logan Photography 

7. Baby will never get here. Pregnancy is not 40 weeks. It is an eternity.

8. I must clean every crevice of my house…with a toothbrush…at 2 a.m.

photo: romana klee via Flickr

9. I am a living, breathing, classic Pepto-Bismol commercial from the 1990s. (Remember the jingle? “Nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea”? Even if you don’t, now you’re living it.)

10. After waking: Was I on an acid trip? The third trimester crazy-dream struggle is real.

11. I’ve fallen/laid down/surrendered to the floor, and now I can’t get up. I’m like an incapacitated roach, except with fewer legs.

photo: Aktiv I Oslo.no via Flickr

12. Give me all the food and no one will get hurt here.

13. Give me all the Tums.

14. Ouch! Is that a Braxton Hicks or the real thing? How will I know it’s the real thing anyway? What if I can’t tell, and I end up delivering baby on the side of the road?!

photo: love_K_photo via Flickr

15. No, I’m not having twins, but thankyouverymuch, random stranger, for asking.

16. Going to sleep at 8 p.m. is an acceptable adult bedtime.

photo: Daniel Lobo via Flickr

17. Should I change my address to my ob-gyn’s office? I spend more time there than at home anyway.

18. Is that my water breaking or did I just… (Related: Will I ever not feel like I have to pee every three seconds, ever again?)

19. I’m never doing this again. (Because labor and pushing happens in the third trimester, you will say those five words. Loudly. Maybe with some four-letter words thrown in.)

photo: Christy Lynne Photography 

20. I never knew I could love someone I haven’t even met so, so much.

— Suzanna Palmer

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