ML Interest Tag: breathe

10 Mindfulness Exercises Kids Can Do in the Car

By Kristi Coppa

It’s not uncommon to hear parents, especially those with young kids, lamenting about the seemingly endless hours they spend in the car. Statistics support these feelings. The U.S. Department of Transportation reports that Americans spend an astounding 84 billion hours driving each year and make an average of 2.24 trips a day. According to AAA, 25-49-year-olds, the demographic that includes parents of young children, drive even more. In fact, 51% of parents spend an upward of five hours a week driving their kids around. This translates into American families spending up to 6% of their waking hours in the car. That’s a lot of time spent doing something that is often unenjoyable.

Are there ways that families can make these endless hours slightly more useful and dare we say, enjoyable? Perhaps.

What about adding mindfulness to the car ride? It’s a common assumption that mindfulness is a sacred activity reserved for quiet moments and peaceful studios. While in some instances this is true, it doesn’t always have to be, especially when kids are involved.

Mindfulness and breathing exercises can be adapted for car rides. Mindfulness is the practice of paying attention to the present moment, without judgment. What better environment to pay attention than in a moving car where there are literally hundreds of colors, sounds, smells, and objects competing for attention? Here are a few ideas for mindful moments in the car:

1. Find One Sound. At a stoplight, open the window and turn off the music. Ask your child to listen very carefully and find one sound to focus on. Can they hear one bird chirp or one person talking? See how long they can listen to that one sound.

2. Finger Roller Coaster. Have your child hold one hand out, with fingers wide open. With the other hand, pick one finger to be the roller coaster. Pretending that the outline of the hand is the roller coaster track, the roller coaster finger is traced up and down the fingers, going back and forth.

3. Blowing Balloon Hands. Kids hold their hands out in front of their bodies, and touch the fingertips of the opposite hand together, making a sphere. As they breathe in, all the fingertips come together in the middle, like an inflating balloon. Slowly blowing out, they open their hands up again and keep fingers pressed together like they are blowing up a balloon.

4. Listening to a Siren. If an emergency vehicle goes by, ask the child to listen to the sound of the siren. Ask them to listen as carefully as they can and say the moment that they can no longer hear the noise. This can become a game to see who can hear the sound the longest.

5. Find the Buzzing Bee. Kids place one hand on their chests and one hand on their bellies. They take a deep breath in, close their mouths and slowly breathe out of the nose, making a humming sound, like the buzz of a bee. As they hum, they try to see if they can feel the vibration in their hands on their chests and/or the hands on their stomachs. If they can’t feel both, encourage them to try again, taking a deeper breath and breathing out slower the next time.

6. Traffic Light Affirmations. Traffic Light Affirmations is a game that requires the ability to recognize and identify the three colors of a traffic light. To begin, the people in the car are each assigned one of the three colors of a traffic light.  If there are more than three people, two can share a color. The members of the car look carefully at each traffic light. When they spot a color, they state the color out loud and say something kind about the person to whom the color is assigned. This could be something they are thankful for or something they love about the person, etc. If the light changes color, the other person gets the affirmation. If more than one person is assigned a color, each person receives an affirmation when their color is spotted.

7. Breathing Out Smiles. This is a breathing exercise adapted from the work of Thich Nhat Hahn, a Vietnamese Buddhist Monk, and peace activist. The child closes their eyes, and the adult recites “While I take a slow breath in, I relax my body, While I take a slow breath out, I smile.” If the child is able, ask them to repeat the saying or say it together as everyone takes slow, deep breaths in and slow breaths out pausing in between breaths to smile. Many parents have reported that this practice can be very calming to them as well!

8. Smells. Kids close their eyes and try to identify what they can smell in that current moment. If it’s a dry day, this is more fun with the windows open. If kids are having a hard time identifying a unique smell, an idea can be suggested, and the game can change to finding the scent that was proposed, like a smelling scavenger hunt.

9. Guided Meditations. The car can be an excellent time to listen to and practice doing guided meditations. There are a variety of excellent guided meditations that are specially adapted for young kids.

10. Tingly Hands. Kids open their arms wide and clap their hands together as hard as they can. They clap three times in a row and then place their hands on their lap, palms up. Closing their eyes, they pay close attention to the sensation in their palms, seeing if they notice a tingling sensation. Feeling that sensation, they carefully pay attention to it and open their eyes only when the feeling is completely gone.

These ten activities can help bring mindfulness into your daily routine and kids think they are calming and fun. They love using their imaginations and doing an activity with you. If even one tool works, you have succeeded in incorporating mindfulness into your car ride. Congratulations!

 

Kristi Coppa is a mom of two, a former nurse, and the creator of Wondergrade, an app to help parents teach calm-down and emotional regulation skills at home. Through creating content kids love and empowering parents to teach it, Kristi intends to help create a kinder, more resilient, and compassionate next generation.

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Study Finds That Kids Who Watch Too Much TV Cause Parents More of *This*

by Karly Wood

Picture this: you just need a break. So you pick up the remote, flip on some cartoons and settle in the kiddos so you can take a breathe. But you may want think twice.

A recent study from the University of Arizona published in the International Journal of Advertising has found that instead of feeling a sense of relaxation while children are watching TV, parents feel the opposite––stress. So what’s the deal?

photo: Ksenia Chernaya via Pexels

It’s simple really. Kids who watch a lot of TV are subjected to a lot of advertising. Which in turn, leads to a whole lotta whining, crying and pleading when they accompany parents to the store, trying to get everything they saw a commercial for on TV.

Lead study author Matthew Lapierre, an assistant professor in the UArizona Department of Communication in the College of Social and Behavioral Sciences says, “The more advertising children see, the more they ask for things and the more conflict is generated.” Of course, there are plenty of ways to combat the problem.

For starters, parents can limit screen time. More importantly, they can have open communication with their kids about consumerism and involving the entire family in purchasing decisions. The study also found that collaborative communication with children resulted in less stress for parents and that avoiding controlling (“I said no and no arguing”) or advertising (“They just want us to buy what they’re selling) communication helped keep stress low as well.

photo: Victoria Borodinova via Pexels

The study was done using data from 433 parents of children ages 2 to 12. The researchers angled the study to focus on younger kids because they rely on their parents for purchases as opposed to more independent behaviors in older kids.

Parents answered questions about communication style, how much television their kids watch each day, their children’s behavior while shopping and their own stress level.

The entire study can be read here.

–– Karly Wood

 

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Anchoring Your Family Values

By Rebecca Murphy

I will never forget the day when my family went for a sail around the waters of Sandy Hook, NJ and we got caught in an unexpected storm.  Growing up, my parents were fortunate to have a small sailboat to take us out on little day adventures. 

On this particular day, while we were out, the wind really picked up, creating whitecaps on the water. The weather was too risky to attempt our trip home, so my parents decided to duck into a nearby cove and drop the anchor to ride out the storm. I was a super nervous sailor, so getting stuck in this surprise storm was not ideal for me. But I remember feeling safe and secure once the anchor was nestled deep into the muddy floor of the cove. Once I noticed my parents settled and calm, that was my cue to feel like I could breathe. Even though the wind was whipping around outside, I knew we would be safe because the anchor would hold strong.

An anchor is powerful, heavy, and unbreakable. Blowing wind and crashing waves may push a boat around, but the anchor is strong and unwavering, serving as a reliable source of strength for a sailor. It is what grounds the vessel, allowing it to bob in the water without drifting away. And even in certain weather, when a sailor needs to add more slack on the line to allow more leeway, the anchor’s hold maintains the sailor’s position. The anchor is quite dependable.

In life, we are constantly met and challenged with situations out of our control, especially in our role as parents! When challenges arise in your parenting, what keeps you anchored through the storm? What is connecting your family’s boat to what truly matters? Being anchored to your core values is what will help you feel confident through any patch of rough weather.

Values are the key beliefs that guide your decision making. They define how you chose to live and how you create happiness in your life. When you have clarity on what your values are, the decisions you make around discipline and family time just make sense and feel good. Having clear family values allows you to live authentically, feeling grounded and true to yourself as opposed to feeling lost and misguided. 

When your anchor of family values is set firmly on the ocean floor, it allows your family some movement without getting lost. You will feel secure as you brave the ever-changing winds of raising children. When managing the rough waters of outside influences, your anchor will hold you safe and in place. And even during those moments when you have to give more slack to the line, allowing your children some space to grow, the anchor is still there doing its job.  When your family values are clear, practiced and in place, your house rules and expectations will be more consistent, allowing your children to feel safe and secure with your parenting. Having a solid hold on your family values will even allow you to feel more comfortable with other external viewpoints without compromising yourself and who you truly are.  

Of course, there are times the anchor slips and loses its grip on the earth. The sailor’s awareness of the drifting boat allows her to recast the anchor to set it again. It is not uncommon for any of us to lose our hold sometimes, but it’s the clarity that allows us to reestablish our footing. While we’re navigating through the current storms of raising our children in 2020, allow yourself some time to check-in and be sure you are anchored in your family values. 

Here are a few questions to consider:

  1. What are the basic beliefs that help you decide what is important in life?  What are your family values?

  2. Do you and your partner value the same things?  

  3. Which values would you like to pass on to your children and what steps can you take to encourage them?

  4. How do you honor the values in your life?

  5. How can you realign yourself to be sure you are living true to your beliefs?

A boat without an anchor is forced to keep moving no matter what comes its way. The sailor does her best to navigate through the waters, trying to find a path that will keep her out of harm’s way. The same is true for a family unaligned with its core values. When your values are unclear or not practiced, it can be difficult to be consistent with decision making, disciplining, and just finding an overall direction. Stop drifting through your days. Drop the anchor and become solidified in your family values.

 

This post originally appeared on Real Life Parent Coaching Blog.

Hi! I'm Rebecca from Real Life Parent Coaching. I use my background as an educator to help parents discover & cultivate their strengths and reach their parenting potential. I live in New Jersey with my husband and two kids. I enjoy exploring, being creative & having fun with my crew!

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Kelly Rowland Is Expecting Her Second Child

by Jennifer Swartvagher

Congratulations! Kelly Rowland announced she is expecting a second child with husband Tim Weatherspoon. She revealed the happy news on the November cover of Women’s Health.

Kelly Rowland

“We had been talking about it loosely, and then COVID happened, and we were just like, ‘Let’s see what happens,’” she shared before admitting that she got pregnant right away.

“You still want to remind people that life is important,” she said, “And being able to have a child…I’m knocking at 40’s door in February. Taking care of myself means a lot to me.” 

The new baby will join big brother Titan Jewell.

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo: DFree via Shutterstock

 

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How to Help Your Child Manage Frustration

By Britannica For Parents

Photo: @Ariel Skelley – The Images Bank/Getty images

Occasional feelings of anger and frustration are normal, especially during stressful times. Learning to manage those big feelings is an essential part of SEL.

During the COVID-19 pandemic, many children are facing new challenges such as online learning. In addition to the ordinary school challenges such as making friends and learning multiplication tables, children face tech problems like weak internet and login troubles. All this can easily lead to moments of anger and frustration.

Research in SEL provides guidance in how to help children understand and manage their big emotions. Self-awareness is a foundation of SEL. According to Greater Good in Education, a project by the University of California at Berkeley, self-awareness is the ability to be aware of one’s inner life. This includes one’s emotions, thoughts, behaviors, values, preferences, goals, strengths, attitudes, and mindsets, as well as how these elements impact behavior and choices.

In short, when we can name and understand our own emotions we are better able to develop strategies for managing strong feeling in productive ways.

Let’s look at five key strategies for self-awareness that are frequently cited in SEL curricula: Name your feelings, practice calm breathing, take a break, try one thing, and reflect on what happened.

Name Your Feelings

When your child is angry or frustrated, try to help them put their feelings into words. Ask, “How are you feeling right now?” If they are not able to answer, offer some options, such as, “I wonder if you’re feeling frustrated?”

Words to offer younger children might include: mad sad tired hungry grumpy

Older children may understand and choose more complex words such as: angry hurt enraged annoyed furious confused embarrassed irritated offended

Sometimes children are too upset to speak. Pointing to a picture on a feeling chart or in a children’s book such as Glad Monster, Sad Monster is also a good way to communicate feelings.

Another helpful strategy parents can try is describing what you see. “I see that you are covering your face with your hands,” or “I see that you’re kicking your chair.” Affirm that everyone has big feelings, but set clear limits if your child is acting in a way that could be dangerous. “It’s OK to be angry. It’s not OK to hit.”

When your child has been able to express how they’re feeling and those feelings have been affirmed, your child will be better able to calm down and move forward.

Practice Calm Breathing

Mindfulness practices help both adults and children feel calm. Belly breathing is a simple technique that even very young children can learn. This simple practice involves taking deep breaths that engage the large muscle in our bellies called the diaphragm.

Teach your child to practice belly breathing at a time when they are relaxed. Once they have had a positive experience with belly breathing, they will remember what that felt like. When they are upset and practice belly breathing, their body will already know what it feels to become calm and breathe deeply.

To practice belly breathing:

  1. Have your child lie down on their back, relax their muscles, and place their hands (or balance a small toy) on their belly.
  2. With their mouth closed, have your child breathe in for about four seconds, feeling their chest and belly rise and fill with air (or the small toy will rise).
  3. Have your child hold in the air for about four seconds
  4. Have your child slowly blow out all the air through their mouth. Repeat until the body feels relaxed.

You may enjoy practicing belly breathing with your child. For the greatest benefit, practice this technique every day. It only takes a few minutes.

Take a Break

If your child is feeling frustrated during remote learning, encourage them to take a short break. This can be difficult to do during a live lesson when students are expected to be logged in and visible on camera. Yet sometimes we all just need to step away from the source of our frustrations.

Check-in with your child’s teacher and find out the expectations and options for student participation during different types of lessons. Help your child plan in advance for different ways they can take care of themselves when they’re feeling frustrated during class, such as standing up, stretching, and walking around the room.

Movement relieves stress. Encourage your child to take a walk, throw a ball, or knead a lump of clay when they are feeling strong emotions.

Try One Thing

Once your child has identified their feelings and taken a positive step toward calming down, they may be ready to try to solve the problem that caused the stress in the first place.

Perhaps your child is frustrated because they can’t find the link to a website they need for an assignment. Ask your child, “What’s one thing you could try?” If your child is too young or too frustrated to come up with their own idea, offer a few suggestions and ask them to choose one to try. For example, you might say, “Here are two ideas: You could look through your notes and see if you can find the link. Or you could email your teacher and ask for help. Which idea do you want to try?”

The important thing is to help your child make a choice and move forward.

Reflect on What Happened

When the problem has been resolved and your child is feeling calm again, help your child think about what happened. Ask open-ended questions such as, “If you could start the day over again, would you do anything different?” or “Now that you know how to fix that problem, how will that change the way you do things in the future?” These reflective conversations can help your child become a better problem-solver.

These are just five tips for helping your child when they feel big feelings like anger and frustration. The most important thing you can do as a parent is listen to them and affirm their feelings. Over time, as your child grows and matures, they will develop their own strategies for managing strong emotions.

Sources

Greater Good in Education, “SEL for Students: Self Awareness and Self-Management,” [n.d.]
PBS Kids for Parents, “Practice Mindfulness with Belly Breathing,” [n.d.]
Perris, Jaime, “Beginning Mindfulness Practices for Families,” 2020

Learn More

Center on the Social and Emotional Foundations for Early Learning
Collaborative for Academic and Social and Emotional Learning
Perris, Jaime, “Your Family’s Guide to SEL,” 2020

 

This post originally appeared on parents.britannica.com.
Britannica For Parents
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

We’re living in a time when it’s nearly impossible to distinguish fact from fiction. Parents need information they trust to help them make good decisions about raising their curious learners. Britannica for Parents provides safe and credible resources to empower all kids and parents and inspire curiosity for generations to come.

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My Kids Are Going Back to School & This Is How I’m Coping

By Nataly Blumberg

On the outside, I appear to be calm about my kids going back to school. They attend a public school that is well funded and has engaged parents. Last week there was a Zoom call with over 300 participants and the general consensus among the parents is that mandatory masks, new ventilation systems, hundreds of new sanitizing stations, and 45-pages worth of initiatives cover as much as can be expected to keep students, teachers and everyone that works in the school safe.

But I still find myself waking up in the middle of the night from anxiety. I keep thinking that tomorrow night will be different, but it’s not. Part of feeling better is knowing that there are so many others feeling the exact same way. I decided that I would do a bit of research and find actions that I could take to help with the stress. Sometimes it’s about finding what works best for us as an individual, and you can only decide when you’ve read, talked, and done your research.

Nanika Coor, Psy.D. is a Brooklyn, NY based clinical psychologist who specializes in working with parents, recommends being mindful in four key areas.  I took her advice to heart and thought about specific things that I could do to ease my back-to-school anxieties.

1. BREATHE. Her first piece of advice when you are feeling stressed is to, “Stop & breathe: Stop whatever you’re doing. Pause. Take a breath. Make your exhale last as long as you can.” At first, I found this somewhat comical and basic, but the truth is it really helps. Don’t laugh, but the smell of Soap & Glory Uplifting bath products while taking a deep breath in the shower makes me happy and sets a positive vibe for the morning. I feel like I’ve rewarded myself just for being positive and making an effort to be in a good mood.

2. BE AWARE. “Check-in: Focus your awareness on your internal experience: What emotions, body sensations, and thoughts are you experiencing right at this moment? Notice with curiosity rather than self-judgment. Let whatever’s there just be there,” says Coor. The part that resonated with me is about self-judgment. So many times, moms feel that they should have it all together at home and at work and it’s the pressure, more than the activities, that make things hard. I’ve also decided to ask for help and ordered Freshly meals. I spend less time worrying and cooking, more time with my kids and husband, and therefore I feel like I did a better job. That’s the recipe for a start to less self-judgment.

3. LOOK WITH A POSITIVE LENS. Coor also recommends that parents, “Zoom out with a positive lens: Assume positive intent. What if you assumed that both you and your child are trying to get your needs met in the best way that you know how at this moment, however unproductively. Call up some compassion for you both.”  My kids want more attention and I have laundry to fold. Plus, conference calls and soon homework. We both need time and that’s why I’ve incentivized them to help with more chores. By doing things together they can feel that I am happier and calmer, and we get to crack jokes while we work. One extremely important lesson and I cannot emphasize this enough, is you cannot criticize the way they help. Just don’t do it. If they are doing it with willingness, tell them how it makes you feel. Think about the emotion and not how clean or well-folded something is done. Remember, you’re looking with a positive lens and it’s one step at a time.

4. RESPOND FIRST, THEN REACT. Coor’s last piece of advice is to “Choose the least harmful response you can: Respond rather than react. What can you do right now that brings the least amount of harm to your child’s body, mind, heart, spirit, and self-esteem?” There are a few ways that I’ve tried to implement this in my life.  First, if I feel like I’m really going to lose it, I leave the room and say that I’m coming back when I calm down. This actually is much more effective than screaming at the top of my lungs while something is happening because my kids know it’s serious and they have time to realize what just happened.

The other way I’ve used this advice is by taking something away that demonstrated that I was doing something extra because I care, not because I had to.  As an example, for a while, my kids would not stop bickering. Day in and day out it was misery. I screamed, I pleaded, and I cried. Nothing helped. Then I decided to tell them that if they continue one more time, they would have to get to school on their own. My reasoning was that I had to take time out of my day to fight the traffic and the school bus lines so that my kids would have door-to-door service. It was something that I did for them because I cared. Not because I had to. The fighting continued, I stopped driving, they took the bus, and the fighting ended. They got the point.

To me, it doesn’t matter that things have changed in terms of COVID-19. Things changed because the response was more meaningful than harmful.  Parents do things every single day that show love and care, and at a certain point, kids are able to understand that this is a shared activity.

5. GET HELP. If things seem really difficult and you are struggling, get help. It’s the most important thing that you can do for yourself and your family.  Almost everyone is having a hard time and you are not alone. Parents Anonymous is a family strengthening organization and has added resources to help during the pandemic.

This is my place to start and it might change in the weeks ahead. But, I’m already starting to feel calmer.

I'm a mom of two children, wife, and love my fur baby, traveling and playing UNO.  My passion is discovering services and products by entrepreneurs, especially those that can cut down on some screen time and help our family create lasting memories together. 

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5 Ways to Protect Your Pregnancy during the Pandemic

By Dr. Alan Lindemann

During pregnancy, expectant mothers go above and beyond to ensure the health and safety of their unborn children. Everything comes under diligent scrutiny, from what they eat to what skincare products they use and everything in between. If you’re expecting, this probably sounds very familiar to you! What is unfamiliar to pregnant women everywhere, however—regardless of whether this is their first pregnancy—is the “X factor” of the coronavirus pandemic.

How can you protect yourself and your pregnancy during the COVID-19 outbreak? Here are some essential things to add to your pregnancy-care regimen and protect your pregnancy with these 5 tips.

 

1. Get a pulse oximeter: Hypoxemia (a below-normal level of oxygen in your blood) is one of the signs of serious illness with COVID-19. You can pick up a pulse oximeter for around $50 and take regular readings of your pulse and oxygen saturation. Get a baseline so that you know if something looks off. A baseline for healthy people is 90 or higher. When we see below 90, we start getting concerned.

2. Check for fever: Whether you have a fancy new thermometer that reads from the forehead or an old-school glass one where the mercury rises, take your temperature regularly to make sure you aren’t experiencing a fever.

3. Keep surfaces tidy for easy cleaning: Keeping tidy may not seem like a health tip for pregnancy, but in the days of COVID-19 it absolutely is. You want the surfaces in your home to be able to easily be wiped down and disinfected frequently—at least once a day.

4. If you choose to travel, choose safely: For example, you might choose to visit a loved one in a remote rural town with few to no COVID-19 cases, but don’t travel somewhere that you’ll be interacting with a lot of people. 

5. Keep your distance: How close is too close? Can you smell the other person’s detergent, deodorant, or shampoo? That’s too close! And for some extra protection when you are going to be around other people, wear a mask. It’s an additional safety measure that can only help you and your baby.

Along with the healthy eating and label reading you’re already doing, adding these tips as “must-dos” to your pregnancy care will help you protect the health and safety of your unborn child. Plus, it will also help you to breathe easier and relax into your pregnancy as much as you can. Knowing you’re creating the safest, happiest, and healthiest environment for yourself and your baby will provide some comfort and peace of mind during this uncertain time in history.

 

 

Dr. Alan Lindemann
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

An obstetrician and maternal mortality expert, “Rural Doc” Alan Lindemann, M.D. teaches women and families how to create the outcomes they want for their own health and pregnancy. In nearly 40 years of practice, he has delivered around 6,000 babies and achieved a maternal mortality rate of zero! Visit LindemannMD.com

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What My Toddler Said Broke My Heart

By Sheila Raper

Photo: Sheila Raper

I’m that protective mom. Super protective mom. Maybe it’s because I didn’t have my child until I was in my 40s. Maybe it’s because I’m a Leo. Maybe it just is what it is. During this pandemic, though, my protectiveness has been in overdrive.

Our Quarantine Life

We’re the family that for the first three months or so of quarantine didn’t do anything or go anywhere. We got curbside grocery pickup. That was it. Luckily, I already worked from home. My husband works in an office, so he got to work from home too. I kept my son home from daycare. On nice days, at the end of each day after work and on the weekends, we would go for a walk in the neighborhood. But that was seriously, literally, it.

The past month, after things started opening up, my husband has had to go in to work one or two times a week. And he got his hair cut. But my son and I have not been out. In April, my toddler had his third birthday, and we got him a balance bike. Because of that, instead of walks around the neighborhood, we’ve now started to bike/walk trails around Fort Worth. But they’re the lesser populated ones. And that’s literally it. Still no food takeout. Definitely no going to restaurants, stores, etc.

The Sentence that Broke My Heart.

During the week just a couple of days before my son’s birthday, we FaceTimed his best friend, an adorable little girl that he goes to daycare with. When that call ended, he said, “Mommy, I sad.” And my heart broke.

Toddlers sense things. You can’t convince me otherwise. A little earlier into the quarantine, when everyone was on high alert (not that we still aren’t, but I’ve tried to tone down the intensity) before bed one night, he said, “I go sleep with Daddy.” He’s not a great sleeper, so every night I stay with him until he goes to sleep. But this night he wanted us all to be together. It was weird. Both my husband and I felt it. There was weight to his words. I truly believe he could feel how tense we were and that something was very wrong.

We’ve been in quarantine now for more than 15 weeks. The last day he was in daycare was March 13th. The last day my husband reported into work every day was the following Monday.

So now that things are opening up, why haven’t I let him see anyone? Because he’s my child. Because I will protect him with every fiber of my being. Because he has an illness that can be easily compromised (Oh yeah did I forget to mention that part?).

Because I’m scared.

Let me digress for a moment. My child has asthma. He’s been to the ER twice in the past year. Have you ever seen your child gasping for breath? Scared because he can’t breathe? But he can’t cry because he can’t get enough breath to cry? Now imagine that in the middle of a pandemic that attacks your respiratory system.

Our Pre-Quarantine Life

Pre-quarantine, every morning, my toddler would wake up saying three words. Every single morning. His best friend’s name, his other friend’s name, and his teacher’s name. And then I’d get him ready and take him to daycare.

The first day I took him to daycare, I cried most of the day. I also cried a lot after. But, after getting used to it, I knew that it was good for him. It was good for him to be around other people. It was good for him to play and socialize with others his own age. And they could obviously teach him, where I wasn’t able to since I had to work.

He hasn’t mentioned being sad since that day of the phone call. He hasn’t mentioned his friends’ and teacher’s names for a couple of weeks into quarantine.

He’s a sensitive child, with a great deal of love. We don’t have any family around, or close friends, so aside from a sitter that came to our house to keep him early on while I was working, his dad and I are his world. And he loves us with all his might.

Our New Normal

In this new normal, every day he wakes up to both his parents being with him. He sees us all day, though we can’t always play with him because we’re working. But we’re with him, and we’re not as tense as we were. And we get to go outside and play every evening and every weekend (as long as it’s not too blazing hot). And he sees us every night before he goes to sleep. He’s with the people he loves the most. He knows he is loved.

So when will we start doing more things? When will we let him play with friends, or go see family, or go back to daycare?

The simple answer? I don’t know.

I know he needs peer interaction. I know he needs to see family. But right now, corona counts are still heavily on the rise. And at this point, my husband hasn’t been called back into the office every day. So right now, we’re staying together, we’re being safe, and we’re blessed because we’re able to do so. How long we’ll be able to hold it together? I don’t know. But right now he’s happy and healthy. And that is what is important.

Does he sense things? Yes. Is he affected by his parents’ moods? Yes. Is he sad about not seeing friends? Yes. But not as much. He hasn’t thought about them as much because he gets every ounce of love I have to give.

I'm a full-time feelance writer and marketer (www.sheilaraper.com), as well as mommy to a sensitive and fiercely independent three-year-old boy who doesn't have a stop button. I'm especially proud of being a first-time mom over 40 and created a blog to celebrate other moms like me (www.anelderlyprimigravida.com).

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Dear Time, I Have a Something to Tell You

By Rachel Phillips

You sneaky devil, you.

I am finally on to you.

You wore a disguise throughout my childhood. Dressed up as a friend…. joining me for tea parties in the woods, and summers in the sand, and nights under stars.

A bottomless cup from which I could drink at any time and would never go dry.

“Sit and enjoy yourself.” You whispered. “I’ll be right here, next to you. No need to worry.”

You stood by me through my teenage years….sprinkling a few things here and there to see if I would notice that our friendship had ‘conditions’…..

“Nothing that an ill-fitting bra and box of tampons can’t fix…..” I say with a wave of my hand. Still thinking it’s fun to race you and see just how fast you can go….. Not noticing when I stopped to catch my breath, you were still going.

My 20’s…. oh those were our glory days! We twirled and galloped and spread our wings together. We stayed up late and woke up early and worked hard and played harder…. you didn’t mind. You sweetened even the sourest of pills. When you took things from me, even the important things….

A young friend’s life.

Innocence.

My Grandmother.

You quickly said, “But look! Look at all of these beautiful gifts I have for you!” You wrapped up independence and good skin in a pretty package and tied it with a perky boob bow. Friends forever.

I fell in love with a man and of course, you were there for it all. Holding hands in the front seat while singing along to Neil Young…. driving along some backcountry road. Sleeping in and eating out…. dancing until they shove us out the door. When that man lifted my veil and promised forever….you didn’t interrupt.

It would be 30 years before you and I had our first fight. I wanted a baby and you wouldn’t give it to me. I wanted you to go faster and faster and you just sat there doing nothing. I was so mad at you. Every moment I wanted to be sped up until I saw those 2 pink lines.

It is Thanksgiving day and they hand me my babies for the first time. I snuggle them down into my hospital gown against my skin and breathe in their little heads. You were there too….. sitting in the corner waiting for me to notice.

I didn’t.

I forgot about you for a while.

And then I needed you again.

This time with a different plea.

“You don’t have to go so fast now,” I say.

You have turned my Mom’s hair grey and my skin has crinkles where it used to be smooth. My babies don’t have dimples in their knuckles any more and they can strap themselves into their car seats.

But you don’t slow down. You move faster

“Are you listening to me?” I shout, trying to keep up. “I said, slow down!!! I thought you were my friend!”

But you keep going, faster and faster, barely looking back.

You don’t sugar coat things anymore.

You are tired of me asking things from you. To speed up in waiting rooms, to dawdle on sunny days. To give me more of you in moments of joy and less of you when it hurts. To ignore you for years and then come to you pleading on my knees.

I’m up here in my studio tapping away on my laptop, offering you an apology—telling you I understand.

You are going to keep moving and I can’t keep up. We were never friends. You just wanted me to notice you.

And I do now. I notice you every day. I can’t forget you now, even if I wanted to.

A little voice calls from downstairs… someone needs a snack. A book read to them. It’s raining and they are still in their pj’s.

I slice up the apples and snuggle down into a chair, a little body curled up in my lap. He puts his hand in mine and we rock back and forth…..

I whisper out to you…..

“I know we can’t be friends, but….would it be too much to ask……please, pretty please …….

……..could you just stay with me?”

I smell his hair and close my eyes and keep on rocking back and forth.

I hear you whisper back….

“For now.”

A Whidbey Island mom that left a life that was "normal" and ran away with her husband and three little boys to live on an island in saltwater air and open spaces. A mom who is remembering who she was, loving who she is and dreaming of what she could be. 

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